Chapter 84: A Heart at War with Itself
{IRIS}
I stood there long after he was gone, my thoughts spiraling.
So what if Caroline went?
She was Lord Val’s human blood bank, so no harm would befall her as long as Lord Val was there.
And me?
Why would I go?
I told myself it didn’t matter. That it was none of my concern.
But worry gnawed at me all the same.
Not jealousy.
Worry.
I hated her. Or at least, I told myself I did. I resented her for catching Lord Val’s attention. For being his blood bank. For being chosen. For being useful to him.
But I did not want harm to come to her.
What was she thinking?
Why would she willingly step into a den of fangs and danger?
Was it because Lord Val had insisted she attend?
It wasn’t like him to make such demands—but then again... my thoughts drifted back to his mansion. To the women dresses in the closet, human girls who had wandered into his territory and never returned.
Lord Val might have been my patron. He had saved me. Shown me kindness when no one else would.
But he was still a vampire.
With my mind churning, I returned to the dormitory.
The door creaked softly as I entered—and there she was.
Caroline sat before her vanity mirror, her reflection haloed by candlelight. A strange mud-like cream was smeared across her face, her hair pinned back with careless elegance.
Our eyes met.
She froze.
"Iris..." she said quietly.
All the anger I had suppressed surged back, sharp and unforgiving.
Was she tending to herself for the party tomorrow night, polishing every detail, wanting to look her best for Lord Val?
I bit my lip and looked away.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
My voice came out small, restrained. "Is it true you’re attending the vampire party this Saturday night?"
Caroline looked surprised—truly surprised this time—before she gave a small nod.
"Yes."
The word landed like a blade between my ribs.
My fingers curled into my palms until my nails bit into skin. "Because Lord Val asked you to?" I demanded, the words leaving my mouth sharper than I intended.
"Well..." She hesitated, her gaze dropping to the stone floor. When she sighed, it was the weary kind of sound one made after a sleepless night. "Yes."
That sigh struck me harder than her answer.
Why did she sound exhausted? Why uncertain—almost reluctant?
Did she not understand what an honor it was to be noticed by Lord Val? To be invited beneath his roof, to walk beside him, to earn his favor? There were students who would sell pieces of themselves for far less. I knew, because I was one of them.
And yet she spoke as though it were a burden.
Why was she treating so lightly what I had wanted for months?
If she did not like him—if she did not want to be his blood-bank, his chosen companion—then why not give the role to someone who did?
Why not give it to me?
The jealousy rose swift and violent, burning through my chest until my thoughts blurred. I turned abruptly, stalking toward the corridor that led to the baths.
"Wait— Iris." Caroline reached out and caught my wrist.
"Can we talk?"
"There’s nothing to talk about." I wrenched my hand free, my voice low and venomous. "I’m busy. Unlike someone who is invited to noble gatherings and allowed to enjoy herself, I’m on the verge of expulsion. I don’t have the luxury of entertaining problems that—frankly—aren’t problems at all."
She stared at me as though I had struck her.
It was the first time I had ever raised my voice at her.
But anything that involved Lorcan—anything that involved Lord Val—had always been enough to unravel me. I had never been good at controlling my emotions when it came to those two.
Werewolves were not known for restraint. Even unshifted ones.
"What did you just say?" Caroline demanded, her own voice rising now. "You think I have it easy?"
"Do you not?" I snapped. "You have one of the most powerful noble vampires protecting you."
"Protecting me?" Her brow furrowed. "Don’t you see that he wants something from me?"
"Yes," I shot back cruelly. "Offering protection without drinking your blood and inviting you to parties must be terribly difficult for you."
"Iris."
I pulled away completely and looked at her with a coldness I did not know I possessed. "If you’ll excuse me, I have real problems to take care of."
Without waiting for her reply, I turned and pushed into the bath chamber, slamming the door behind me and locking it with trembling hands.
Only when I was alone did my strength leave me.
I slid down against the door until I was seated on the cold stone floor, my breath coming unevenly. The scent of damp marble and old herbs filled the chamber, heavy and cloying.
I pressed the heel of my palm against my eyes.
I did not want to hurt Caroline. She was not my enemy.
She had never been. And yet—
Why could I not control this wretched storm inside me?
I knew I had crossed a line. I knew it even as the words had spilled from my mouth. But was it truly so wrong to feel this way? To want something so desperately it consumed you?
I had nothing. No noble lineage. No patron. No manifested arcane.
Just time slipping through my fingers.
"Hey."
I gasped and clapped a hand over my mouth, barely stifling a scream as a familiar head emerged from the ceiling above me.
My heart nearly tore itself free.
Zephyros hung upside down, his silver hair brushing the air, his expression infuriatingly calm.
"It’s been days since I last saw you," he said mildly. "And when you visited the library yesterday, it wasn’t to see me—it was to steal a book. Frankly, I’m hurt that you still haven’t come to visit. So I decided to come to you instead."
I stared at him in disbelief, my pulse thundering in my ears.
