Chapter 109: But When It Aches, Who Do I Blame?
[KATYA]
He still tasted the same.
Those lips still made him feel everything at the same time, and Katya knew he was a goner for him.
He shouldn’t have given in.
Shouldn’t have leaned in and let Yaroslav kiss him.
But it felt so good hearing Yaroslav claim him. Call him his husband.
And for a moment, Katya’s brain forgot about all the pain that the man had put him through. Maybe because with Yaroslav, there was nothing definite.
Katya still trusted that Yaro would always be there for him, even when the man had shattered his heart countless times. It was a weakness that he couldn’t even shake, because he still loved him.
Still called for him in his sleep.
Still prayed for when things would be better. Not because Katya didn’t hate the cheating, but because even with the cheating, Yaroslav had been home.
Yet the man had left.
Found someone else. Started their own little family, all while Katya was left on the side, uncertain about where he stood, because Yaroslav had declined a divorce, and worse, Yaroslav was still not letting him go.
"I love you. I always have," Yaroslav breathed when he pulled back from the kiss, and Katya’s eyes snapped open at the unsolicited confession.
But the Beta was gone.
If it wasn’t for the potent lavender scent blending with his citrus, not to mention the tingle on his lips, he would have been sure he had imagined it all.
The way Yaroslav had held his face gently and kissed him like he was the one sin the Beta wasn’t ashamed to commit still lingered in Katya’s head. Even when there was no one he could say a thing to.
So, he just sat there in his office.
Too disoriented to move.
Too lost to even think.
Too ruined to even breathe right.
Yet the one thing that had stayed in his head even after all that was the white lilies in that damn bouquet and the empty water bottle.
And Katya didn’t do a thing for the next few minutes. He needed to think.
But what was there to think of when moments later his phone chimed?
And on the screen was an unfamiliar caller.
Katya picked it up, not bothering to verify how anyone other than the darn Moskowskys had gotten his personal lie. It was crazy, though, but he needed to think of something else.
Something other than the pain that was left in his chest with Yaroslav’s leaving.
Something other than the reality that was slowly dawning on Katya that Yaroslav wanted him and didn’t want him at the same time.
That Yaroslav was pulling him apart from all ends, and Katya wasn’t even ready to embrace the fact that the ma was not good for him.
Oh, how love was fucked up.
"Romanov," Katya said into the phone, like a force of habit over the past month.
He had still refused to embrace his marriage with Sergei, yet couldn’t find it in himself to keep responding when people called him Chairman Gamov.
At least as Romanov, he was stabilized, ready to face whatever there was, right?
"Chairman Gamov, greetings. It’s Senator Aleksandr. But you can call me Alek," the senator greeted a little too intently for Katya’s liking.
And the omega had to breathe in and out.
Only that the damn simple exercise had him flashing back to the one barbarian who had been doing breathing exercises with him.
How Sergei had rubbed his arms and calmed him.
How Sergei had made sure he was not scared of anything before they kept talking.
’What the fuck am I even doing?’ Katya wondered as he listened.
He couldn’t be thinking of the one man who had decided to be a ghost after infesting his life in every way. But maybe that was the result of whatever was going on with Sergei Moskowsky, right?
Then again, what exactly had Katya been hoping for?
It had only been one day.
One missed dinner and breakfast, yet he was acting like he had wanted this shit in the first place. Or maybe his subconscious was playing mad games with him because he had let Yaroslav kiss and touch him.
"Oh, senator... hello," Katya breathed, a soft sigh escaping his lips.
He should have expected that the senator would call after sending the flowers, but Katya had been too preoccupied with the impossible, unrealistic realism he had been slowly leaning into.
Perhaps he needed this.
This distraction, right?
"Did I catch you at a bad time, chairman?" the senator asked kindly, like he was trying to be considerate.
And Katya couldn’t help but let out a low, unamused chuckle.
At least someone was trying in Katya’s life because so far, he had been ruined by two people he didn’t want to think of at the moment.
"Not really. I just came from a meeting is all," Katya lied smoothly, hoping to the gods that the senator would at least let him be even just for now.
"I... uh... I sent you a package today... I was passing by this flower shop and saw them. They reminded me of you, Chairman. So, I figured I’d send them over. I hope I didn’t ruin your day with them," Senator Aleksandr said softly and respectfully.
It was a stark contrast to the way Yaroslav had treated him barely seconds ago, and honestly, it was a deceiving warmth that Katya was actually tempted to give in to.
Almost, anyway.
"They are beautiful... thank you, senator," Katya said, intentionally ignoring the part where the senator had told him he could choose to call him Alek.
But Katya wasn’t trying to get too close to anyone at this point.
He had gotten close to Yaroslav, even married the man, and he still left. Still cheated. Still broke his heart.
Sergei had told him to call him Vladimir, only to ghost Katya for dinner and breakfast.
He was not going to do that shit with anyone again.
Not even the senator who had made it obvious to the whole city that he had grown fond of Katya.
Not even when the man had made it his mission to tell anyone who could listen just how much he respected and cared for the chairman of the Moskowsky group.
"I’m happy you loved them. They are beautiful, like you," the senator said in earnest, his feelings a particular set of emotions Katya wasn’t ready to deal with just yet.
But he also had to remind himself that, other than being his suitor, this man was the senator. A politician who could probably be useful to Moskowsky in the future.
’What the fuck?’ Katya wondered at his line of thought.
He was starting to sound crazy.
Worse...
He was starting to sound like a Moskowsky.
Or maybe that was what he was leaning into, and he wasn’t just ready for yet?
"Thank you, senator. I’m sorry, but I have to cut this call short. I have a meeting in a few minutes," Katya said, lying through his teeth again.
Then again, it wasn’t like the senator couldn’t believe him. Katya was the chairman of the Moskowsky group. Of course, impromptu meetings were bound to happen.
"Okay, let me not take much of your time. Have a good evening, chairman," the senator said.
Katya just breathed before hanging up on the man.
