Chapter 37: Scars
Keenan walked into the dining room feeling the emerald necklace around his neck. He couldn’t remember being without and he couldn’t help but think Penn was always with him.
He headed for his seat. He could see the back of her head and her haphazard bun with strands of hair standing upright.
She didn’t look in his direction even though she was aware of his presence. He had seen her shoulders freeze as soon as he stared at her.
She knew he was here.
He could smell barley, roast beef, boiled potatoes, boiled corn, and soup, but underneath all that smell was the faint familiar scent of something sweet.
Keenan ground his teeth as he pulled back his seat, dragging it loudly over the floor. It was annoying; he wasn’t sure if he could actually smell her from this distance or if seeing her simply triggered the memory of her scent.
He had known from the instant he stood in front of the dining doors that she was behind them. Finding her was the easiest thing. Even if she changed seats, he knew he would be able to spot her as soon as he walked in.
"Alpha Keenan," Alaina’s whiny voice reached his ears, but he didn’t acknowledge it.
She was seated next to Theo who looked eager as he took his seat but Keenan’s mind was elsewhere. It angered him how hard it was to focus on her presence.
He made fists and briefly closed his eyes to calm himself. There was no reason to be in a foul mood, and the source was a significant distance away from him. He should pay attention to more important things.
There weren’t a lot of the children left from his time in the orphanage—not after the mines and not after the war. Vilhelm didn’t spare anyone. Everyone in Verlassen all had scars from him that could never be undone. Some worse than others.
Keenan opened his eyes, ignoring the itch in his chest and the ache from the remnant effect of the wolfsbane, and turned his attention to the table. Years later, he too couldn’t escape the scars.
"Alpha," Theo and Winnie said simultaneously with a nod of their heads as they acknowledged his presence.
Keenan briefly glanced at Winnie to acknowledge her greeting. "Theo, did you pass on my message?" He asked, looking directly at Theo, past Alaina who was trying hard to get his attention.
Theo nodded eagerly, his expression sincere, and Keenan felt himself loosen. He didn’t think he could have made it this far without the two brothers. The mines would have overtaken him without them.
"Yes, I did, Alpha," Theo replied. "I also mentioned the guests to Asher. He says if you need him to come down to the main house, he will be willing to."
Keenan shook his head. "That won’t be necessary. I can handle it."
His jaw tightened as he recalled that he was obligated to receive the guest. However, the unwanted visitor was not someone he couldn’t deal with. He glanced down the table at where Maya was seated. This guest was here for her, no doubt about it.
"Very well, Alpha. Asher said he will assign them tonight and keep an eye out as you requested."
Keenan gave a curt nod and dug into his meal, breaking his gaze from the end of the table. She was the cause of all his problems. Even as he had her in his hands, the problems didn’t go away. He had to put a few more things in place to watch out for Vilhelm, just to be safe.
"Tch!"
"Is something wrong, Alpha?" Alaina sang and tried to lean into him. "It’s a shame you couldn’t join us at the beach."
He darted his eyes to her without looking in her direction, and she stilled her hand before it rested on him, awkwardly putting it on her lap.
Keenan returned to eating, and he saw something that made him pause. It was brief, but for a second, she had looked in his direction as Alaina leaned into him.
What does that mean?
He narrowed his eyes. He didn’t care about her wants or desires, but understanding one’s opponent was vital to securing victory. How else would he inflict damage if he didn’t know what hurt her?
Maya chewed carefully, but it didn’t stop the meal from feeling like a heavy stone as it slid down her throat. Now was not the time to lose her appetite. He would see it as another attack on him, so she forced the food down as best as she could and kept it down.
His stares didn’t help; her entire body was on edge, fearing some consequence. He was always angry—she knew that—but she had hoped it would get easier in his presence. It didn’t. It was too intense, and she had to fight to keep still.
Her hands felt sweaty as she gripped the fork. She dropped it and wiped her hands on her dress, but it didn’t make any difference. All she wanted to do was run away, but what would that fix? So she held on.
"Theo cut himself on the rocks," Alaina was saying as she laughed loudly, recounting the day at the beach.
Theo shrugged. "It’s just a scratch. It’s been so long I’d forgotten my way around them."
"I can’t believe I have to teach you all over again," she chuckled.
Maya did try her best not to notice, but it was hard. If Alaina leaned an inch more, her shoulder would brush against Keenan’s. Even though she was speaking to Theo, she was leaning toward Keenan.
It wasn’t on purpose, but after watching their interactions for a few days, it was hard not to have a reaction. Alaina was a pain—Maya would easily admit that—but Keenan seemed to allow it. He would be dismissive, but he didn’t stop it, and he certainly didn’t treat Alaina with the same cruelty he offered her.
She closed her eyes as she tried to put a lid on her thoughts. She had no right to think like this—not after everything—and they certainly didn’t have that kind of relationship.
She wiped the corners of her lips, glad that dinner was finally over. She must be exhausted; her thoughts were straying in directions that didn’t matter.
Keenan left first as always, but this time around, he didn’t look in her direction as he exited. He usually sent nothing but glares her way. The lack of them should be preferable, but it wasn’t. She would rather take the glares than nothing at all.
Maya stood up, and Alaina stopped speaking to look at her. She kept her head low, nodded briefly, then walked toward the exit.
"You’re not fooling anyone with your pathetic act! We all know exactly what you’re capable of! We all want a pound of your flesh for what you and your father did. You’ll never be forgiven." Alaina yelled at her back.
She froze as Alaina’s voice echoed in the space. No one said anything at the end of her words, and Maya didn’t have to turn around to know they all agreed.
She wrapped her arms around herself and took a step forward. She felt dizzy as the words echoed in her head.
"Some High Alpha daughter!" she heard Alaina say as she slipped out of the dining room.
As soon as she was out of their sight, Maya ran down the corridor. Torches on the wall lit her path until she got to the foot of the stairs leading to the second floor.
She buckled over, one hand gripping her stomach while the other held onto the handrail. It hurt too much to breathe. She bit her lower lip to keep from crying out as the tears fell. She couldn’t stay here where anyone could run into her—she knew that—but she couldn’t will herself to move.
She took the stairs one at a time, her grip on the handrail tight as she pushed herself up. With her hand on the wall, she slowly made her way through the dark of the second floor and to her room.
Maya pushed the door open and found her way through the dark, scrambling until she reached the pile of clothes on the ground. She planted her face in them and wept.
You’ll never be forgiven!
Alaina always knew the exact hurtful words to say, and years later, she still had the same effect. Maya didn’t want to feel helpless but she couldn’t help it.
Is it all futile? Can I never make any amends?
Maya curled tighter into the heap of clothes, clutching the fabric as if it could hold her together. The tears would not stop. No matter how much time passed, the guilt remained like a wound that refused to heal.
Maya did not fall asleep for a long time as she silently wept in the dark. Her soft cries could barely be heard in the tiny room.
