Chapter 86: Vulnerable
"Changed how?"
Shiho looks like she’s having a hard time talking after that. It looks like they went through so much since they were children, I understand that. However, that won’t make the hurtful things Night did towards me disappear. "I-I’m sorry for saying all of these heavy things to you." She said as if she’s realizing that she shouldn’t be saying all of this to me. "But I know that brother won’t open up such things despite Noelle being the person he loves."
No, he doesn’t love me. We’re in a contractual relationship where there isn’t a real contract, but just through words. ’I know it doesn’t make sense.’ I sighed. "I understand." I guess I’ll just act the way Shiho wanted to keep her from worrying. ’Let’s stop making people worry.’ "Maybe I was being petty when I started avoiding Night." Not really, I’m not being petty at all but if that’s what Shiho wants to hear, then I’ll let her hear it.
"We both did things we didn’t want." Yeah, but I still won’t like him again. "Thanks for telling me all of that, Shiho. I know it’s hard, and you don’t have to force yourself to talk anymore about it. I’m sure Night will tell all of it to me when he’s ready."
Shiho looked like she was still bothered. I stood up from my seat and patted her shoulders. "You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll be taking care of it, thanks for telling me." I said as I also patted her head making her smile a little. She’s younger than me, but I think she’s more mature. "Let’s enjoy our food, for now, okay?" She nodded and that made me smile.
Deep inside, I don’t want to deal with it at all. But for Shiho, she’s thinking that I’m the person her older brother loves. Her mom’s gone, her father’s in a coma, and her older brother’s distant from her. Maybe I’m the only person she thinks can help her be at ease. ’I might be overthinking, but if that is the truth, how can I ignore her?’ I thought.
After eating, Himari said that Shiho needs to attend her lessons for today so I went ahead to my room and took a bath. "I’ll be resting in that room today. Is Night around?" I asked Rika while I let her scrub my arms and legs. ’Although isn’t this weird? If my teammates and friends heard of this maybe, they’ll get weirded out.’
"The young master? I heard he’ll be late today." Rika said which made me feel relieved. "Does the miss want to see the young master?" I almost shook my head vigorously after hearing that. It’s completely the opposite, I want to avoid Night as much as I could, but since I already told Shiho about how I’ll reconcile with her older brother, I can’t back down now. ’I hate this.’
After taking a bath, I went towards the hallway that will lead me to that room. "Oya? Did the newlyweds finally reconcile?" Ugh, tough luck. I bumped into Makoto before I could even reach the room. ’Now he’s going to make a such big deal out of this.’ I thought as I sighed. "Are you ignoring me, Noelle?" Makoto asked as I walked past him.
"I’m too tired to deal with you right now."
He didn’t say anything after I said that. Maybe he was too surprised by the drastic change in my attitude. "You’re becoming just like your husband now. It’s scaring me." Just when I thought he wouldn’t say anything, he said that. It scares me that what he said might be true, I’m truly becoming like Night. Cold and snob, unfriendly to other people. Like a monster... I don’t want to be like him.
I entered the room with my body pillow and the lights are off. When I opened the lights, I saw how clean the surrounding is. ’Sometimes I’m thinking that Night might be a neat freak.’ I thought as I yawned. It’s just nearing 10 pm but I’m already sleepy from the hard training today. My body’s tired and I could really enjoy a good night’s sleep. ’I’m hoping that no one will disturb me.’
When I lay on the bed, I realized something that bugs me. Night used to really hate someone else entering his room, he only allows Kenji most of the time. I guess he’s really a neat freak, but now I wonder how could he stay in a room with me? Doesn’t that make him a great pretender? Or did he pretend that he hates other people getting inside his room before?
’Okay, let’s stop and just go to sleep.’ So that’s what I did, the moment I closed my eyes, I fell asleep right away.
However...
My eyes quickly opened after hearing a loud sound from the outside. I gasped as I looked out the window, it was raining cats and dogs outside and I can hear loud sounds of thunder crackling. "What time is—" I stopped talking after seeing that Night was lying beside me and when the lightning flashed outside, I saw that Night’s sweating buckets with his forehead furrowed. ’Is he having a nightmare again?’ I thought but what can I do to help him anyway?
Why is he lying beside me again? Seeing him having a nightmare like this reminds me of what Shiho said. What did he go through to become a heartless person like this? Was it something unimaginable?
’No, that doesn’t make all his bad deeds go away. Let’s stop thinking about that.’ I thought as I try to get off the bed, but the moment I placed my feet on the floor, I felt someone’s hand on my shirt causing me to look back.
"Where are you going?" Night said with his eyes unfocused. ’Did he wake up just from me getting off the bed?’ I thought as I looked at his hand. "You’re going to leave me too, aren’t you?" He said and my eyes went wide open after seeing tears come out of his eyes. ’N-Now I’m all confused. What is going on? Is he dreaming?’
His grip on my arm tightened. "Please don’t leave," Night begged with a soft and gentle tone. He’s begging, it’s the first time I saw him this vulnerable. "I don’t want to be left alone again." Tears started rushing out of his eyes causing me to panic and the first thing I did was pull him into a hug to comfort him.
’W-Why am I comforting him? But how could I just leave him when he’s being vulnerable like this in front of me? That monster-like person is crying in front of me. It’s such a bizarre scene.’
"I’m just going to get water," I said while still hugging him. Even I don’t understand my situation anymore, I say I hate Night but here I am comforting him with a hug while he cries his eyes out. Maybe he’s really dreaming because I know he won’t show such a weak appearance in front of me. "Hey?" When I gently moved away from him, that’s when I realized that he was already asleep. ’See? He was just dreaming.’ I thought as I sighed out of relief.
I let him lay on the bed again as I went towards the refrigerator inside this room. Since this room is too far from the kitchen, Night made the servants place a refrigerator here filled with food and water just for when we get hungry or thirsty in the middle of the night. ’The fact that I’m saying the word ’night’ lots of times make me want to laugh.’ I thought as I drank the water.
Tomorrow for sure I’ll tell Night everything that I want to say. For now, I’ll let him sleep on the same bed as me since we’re still acting to be a lovey-dovey couple even though I feel uncomfortable.
I sat on the bed beside Night while I look at the window outside. It’s still raining and I don’t know what time is it, but I somehow don’t feel sleepy at all. I want to go outside and run through the rain while just screaming my lungs off. Sometimes I have that kind of urge whenever I see the rain outside while I’m here in the Yamaguchi household. It’s like I don’t have my freedom and I’m locked in a bird cage where I can’t leave unless someone’s going to accompany me.
"I feel lonely," I said as I hugged my legs. I want to go on a sleepover with Ace and Andy again, but I still haven’t properly apologized to Ace and she’s still misunderstanding things. If this could be called a misunderstanding since she’s correct when she called me a liar. "I miss her."
I lay back on the bed but I can’t seem to get negative thoughts out of my head. What if Ace chose to not listen to my explanation? What if she starts hating me because I’ve been lying to her all this time and I’m living with the yakuza? What if she chose to not be my friend anymore? ’I’m scared.’
I felt Night’s hand on mine causing me to look at him. He looks more relaxed now despite his eyes looking a little swollen. Who turned him into a monster like this? What could have happened to him to make him into someone cold and unfriendly?
I don’t want to find out.
