Chapter 55: Even if I Die
I heard Carla screaming my name as I could feel myself falling on my back. ’Am I going to die here?’ My heart stopped beating, and I could see Francesca looking down at me with an eyebrow raised. ’Did she just push me off the platform?! Isn’t this murder? Oh my god!’ All different kinds of thoughts came running inside my head. What will happen if I fall into that lake? Will the pressure crush me, or am I going to live?
Is this where I’ll die?
I tried screaming at the top of my lungs before I fell into the water, but that’s when I felt the harness the man put on my body pulling me up, and I bounced lots of times. ’What?’ I was dumbfounded as they pulled me back up. ’I thought I was really going to die back there. Was it an illusion?’
"Did you just fucking try to murder Noelle?" Maris burst out and grabbed Francesca’s shirt. I could see the muscle on Maris’s arm bulking, opening my eyes wide. "You fucking asshole. Your jealousy is so disgusting." She said as she pushed Francesca, causing her to fall on her butt.
"N-Noelle, oh my god," Carla said with tears. "I-I’m sorry." She started apologizing as she lost her energy on her knees, and I supported her. She kept crying to the point of losing her breath, making me pat her back and comfort her.
Even though I was the one in danger, I didn’t think of anything at all. How do I explain it? It’s like I’m overthinking how I’m going to die, but my mind also went blank, and I thought it would be fine even if I died. It was a weird experience. ’Or am I the weird one here? Am I getting used to deaths that I don’t even care for my death?’ I don’t know. All I know is I’m alive. That’s good, right?
I made Carla sit on one of the chairs as I comforted her. "Are you really alright?" Maris, on the other hand, asked me. She’s sweating buckets, and she’s breathing heavily. "I’m sorry I wasn’t able to stop that from happening. It must have been scary." She pulled me into a hug, causing me to feel caught off guard. Was I terrified? Was it really nothing? I’m confused.
What should I be feeling? And what am I feeling right now? ’I don’t know.’
"It was fun, though." I tried to hide my fear as I smiled at them. "I’ll try it again later, but we should help Carla go down first since she’s afraid of heights." Maris agreed with me, so the three of us went off that bungee jump platform. I felt Night’s eyes following me, but he didn’t say anything to me. ’Why would he? If I did die, maybe, he’ll celebrate since he’ll be free from me.’
As soon as we reached the ground, Ace pulled me towards her and did a complete body check. "What was that scream about? It made me panic." Andy said, holding onto his chest. "Did something bad happen to you?"
I shook my head. "I was doing the bungee jump."
"But Francesca pushed her before we could even confirm that she’s wearing her harness."
"She did what?!" Andy and Ace said in chorus.
Andy pulled his shirt’s sleeves. "That bitch. I’m going to make her taste her own medicine." He said as he was about to go toward the stairs back to the platform, but I stopped him.
"Let’s not. Maybe Francesca knows already that I’m ready to jump." I said, trying to calm them down. Even though I know what I said was stupid. "I’m going to cool myself first, okay? I sweat a lot." After saying that, I rushed towards our room to get my clothes, but as soon as I became alone. My knees felt weak, and I sat on the floor.
My breathing grew heavier, and I started sobbing. I-I thought I was fine, but that feeling of hopelessness. It was a feeling I didn’t want to go through again. It’s like... that moment when I thought my parents were gone, and I couldn’t do anything to prevent that from happening. That feeling, it was like that. I was weak, and I am still weak.
As my sobs grew louder, I heard my phone in my bag ringing. I didn’t want to answer it, but I know there’s only one who’ll call me now.
It’s as if he can hear what’s going on in my life. His timing’s really perfect. "El." I read his name aloud before answering the phone call. I took a deep breath before answering the call. "Hello?"
"Oh? Hi, Ellie. Are you alright?"
I suppressed my sobs as I gulped. "Y-Yeah. Why did you ask?"
"It’s because your voice sounds weird. Anyway, if you’re fine, then that’s great." His voice made me unable to stop my tears, and I started sobbing louder as I leaned on the bed. Why does my heart hurt all of a sudden? And every time I think of the reason, Night’s face flashes inside my head. "Ellie? Noelle? Are you alright? What happened?" I couldn’t answer, and all I did was cry.
This might make Aziel feel I’m only using him for comfort, but I can’t stop. My tears won’t stop.
"It’s fine. Let it all out." El said, making me cry even more. No matter how much I try to not make a sound, it’s too painful for me. "I’m here for you. I’ll listen to you." He said that as if he knew what was going on with me. How? Is he a god?
All I did was cry while El comforted me. He didn’t have to, but he still did. "Did you know crying will make you feel better? Although sometimes people are ugly when they cry, I think Ellie would still look adorable in my eyes." He said out of nowhere, causing me to let out a chuckle. "Don’t laugh! I’m telling the truth."
I don’t even know why I cried like that.
Did I fear dying? When I was falling, it felt empty. But as soon as I got back up, I felt pain in my heart. Seeing everyone worried about me caused me pain. It should have made me feel relieved, but why? I don’t understand.
Night’s empty eyes stared at me before I could leave the platform... Am I still affected by him? ’No.’
"Why did you call me anyway?"
El went silent for a while. "Well, I’m kind of shy to say this, but I missed you." I blinked thousands of times after hearing that as I could feel my face heating up. He told me that before, but why do I feel weird about it now? "H-Hey, don’t hang up on me!" He said.
"I-I’m still here. B-But I need to go since I’ll be taking a bath before the campfire starts."
"Really? You’re not saying that because I made things awkward, aren’t you?"
I laughed. "No. I really need to wash off now."
I heard El laughing on the other line. "Sure. I’ll hang up now. Talk to you later." He said and hung up. I let out a deep sigh as I stood up from the floor. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I saw how swollen my eyes had become. ’Ace won’t let this go if she sees me like this.’ It’s embarrassing that I cried like that over something that didn’t even kill me.
I shook my head as I went into the bathroom and took a quick bath. All that sweat and sticky feeling must have added to my mood, turning into something like that. Before I could finish my bath, I heard the door to our room opening. It must be Maris and Carla. I worried them too much, so I’ll apologize to them as soon as I’m done.
Once I got out of the bathroom, Carla cried seeing me again, which stunned me. ’Why is she crying?’ That is what I thought, but Carla started apologizing to me. "Why are you apologizing?" I asked her while I sat beside her on her bed.
"I-It’s because I was too weak to help Noelle." She said. "I felt hopeless and useless."
Maris ruffled her hair. "Don’t say that. I was near them, so it’s my fault."
"N-No. I should have stopped Francesca before she could push Noelle. I already know how she hates Noelle since we were in our first year, but I wasn’t able to do anything."
"Wait." I raised both of my hands to stop them from talking. "It’s no one’s fault. I’m fine, really."
Carla pouted. "B-But you were crying t-that’s why we couldn’t enter the room—" Maris tried to cover Carla’s mouth, but she had already said the words. ’Now I feel even more embarrassed.’ They heard me crying! It’s so embarrassing.
"I’m sorry you had to hear me crying," I said as I scratched my head. I’m going to lie to them again. "I-It’s because she mentioned my parents. That’s why I cried." The two of them looked at me with worried eyes. This is why I don’t want to mention my parents to other people. It’s because they feel so bad towards me even though my parents are still alive.
Maris sighed as she crossed her arms. "Maybe I should really do something to that bitch. She’s such an evil person." She said about Francesca. I do wonder where Francesca’s hatred came from. What did I do to her to piss her off like that?
"I don’t think she’ll do something mean again, so you don’t have to."
At least, that’s what I genuinely thought. I mean, why would Francesca do something evil, right?
"You think I’ll apologize to you when it’s your fault why I pushed you off before?"
