Chapter 125: A Second Chance
I walked into the hallway while hearing Rika call my name. "Don’t follow me." I smiled after saying that. I’m well aware that I could just leave Night be and talk to him when he feels better, but still... I’m currently his wife, and as his wife, I should go and comfort him. I want to be there for him.
When I arrived in front of the room, I could feel the grim aura even from outside. ’Is that even possible?’ I took a deep breath before knocking, but there was no response. Is he sleeping? Or is he just plain ignoring me? It could be both. "I’m going in." Opening the door, what first greeted me was the dark and gloomy room. No lights were left open, and the only thing that brightens the room were the lights coming from the lamppost outside the window.
"I’m not in the mood to talk. Leave." He said with a cold tone, but I know he wasn’t trying to be mean.
"I know. I’ll just stay here with you."
"Leave!" Night raised his voice but I continued walking toward him. He was sitting on the bed with his head down and he wouldn’t even look my way. "I told you to leave, why won’t you listen to me?" His voice turned soft as I sat beside him.
"I don’t want to hurt you again."
"Why would you hurt me?" He didn’t respond. Why can’t he just be honest with me? "Do you need a hug?"
Night glanced at me and I saw how miserable he looks. His eyes were swollen but there were no signs of tears. "Am I allowed to receive a hug?" He avoided my gaze after saying that.
"What’s with that? Everyone deserves a hug sometimes." I said as I grabbed his hand. "Even those who have made mistakes." He looked me in the eye after I said that.
Even I feel confused about my actions sometimes. I want to help Night, but I also want to keep hating him and letting him suffer. ’It’s confusing. What do I really want to do?’
"Did Kenji tell you to come here and talk to me?"
I blinked lots of times because of that. ’How did he know? Is he an esper or something?’
I gulped. "How did you...?"
"Because you wouldn’t do this to someone you hate." He said. "Even if you were forced to do this, I am grateful for your presence."
I sighed. "Even if Kenji told me to comfort you if I truly hated you, I won’t do it."
I could feel his gaze on me. "Then... you don’t hate me anymore?"
"I... I’m not sure." I let out another deep sigh. "I know that I don’t like you the same way as I did before, but surprisingly, I don’t despise you that much either."
What should I do if even I get confused about how I feel for him? "I think, I’ll give you a chance to prove that you’re not that bad."
I heard him chuckling, causing me to blink thousands of times.
Why is he laughing?
"Doesn’t that mean you like me more than you hate me?"
I tilted my head. "I guess?" Did I unconsciously make him feel better? "Do you feel better now?"
He didn’t answer while just looking at my face. "May I put my head on your shoulder?" His voice was gentle and the silence made me hear my heart beat more. The way he asked for my permission first made me gulp as I nodded without thinking.
When I felt his head on my shoulder, I felt like my whole body stiffened and I didn’t want to move. ’What if I move and make him feel uncomfortable?’ All those ’what if’ questions inside my head made me unable to focus on the situation right now.
"I’m so glad I met you, even if I was stupid to know at first." He said. "I’m grateful that you are still willing to give me comfort like this."
I felt so bad for him that my hand moved on its own and patted Night’s head. "I could become your comfort and your friend." He instantly looked at me after I said that. His eyes were wide open and I saw how he balled his fists.
"Is there something wrong?" Did I say something that angered him?
Night looked down and he even bit his lower lip. "I don’t want to be your friend." He then stared into my eyes. "I don’t want to be just a friend."
Silence followed that as I was taken aback by what he said. ’What am I supposed to respond to that? I’m still confused, and I don’t want to say something that I might regret later.’
That’s why I stayed still, thinking carefully about how I will respond.
"I... I think being friends will make us more comfortable." I don’t know if I am ready for romantic relationships since I haven’t had a boyfriend since birth, and the last guy I liked hurt me so much.
’And that guy’s trying to win me back. That guy is sitting in front of me right now with a such good-looking face.’
"I am willing to wait." Night held my hand. "I want to earn your trust. For being here beside me, I thank you. If I may, please give me that hug you were talking about." He opened his arms and waited for me while I just stared at him.
’Am I leading him on like this? Should I just avoid him?’
No.
I hugged him, and he hugged me tighter. ’I can’t avoid him.’
"Why were you in a bad mood, if I may ask," I said while still in his arms. His warm and huge chest makes me sleepy and comfy.
"The oyabun wasn’t amused with my work these days." He said.
"Amused? Why?" Is it alright for me to keep bugging him with these questions? Wouldn’t it make him feel annoyed?
"It’s because I haven’t figured out who that masked man was." I looked at his face and he looked down at me. "The man that was after you. I still haven’t found him." He said. ’So it was connected to me. Doesn’t that makes it my fault that he’s in a bad mood then?’
"I’m sorry."
He suddenly rested his chin on top of my head. "Why would you be sorry? I’m the one who couldn’t help you. I should be the one to apologize." His voice was weirdly gentle. It makes me feel odd but I didn’t hate that feeling. I felt comfortable and I didn’t want him to stop using that soft tone.
"I should have done better. It wasn’t like me to fail."
"Why can’t you fail and make mistakes? You’re just human like everybody else." I’m just calling him a monster a few days ago though.
Night patted my back. "Even if I don’t want this, I need to do it. It’s for survival." He said as if it was something simple. ’For survival? Does he mean he needs his grandfather’s support? Is that why he’s working nonstop like this?’
"When you aimed a gun at me, what were you thinking?" I couldn’t help but be curious. I’ve been curious about that, and now I have the chance to finally know. How could I let this chance go by?
"You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, though."
"I didn’t aim the gun at you." He said making me push him gently as I looked into his eyes.
"What do you mean? I even lost consciousness because of fear when you did that."
Night suddenly tucked my hair behind my ear. "A man was trying to pull you from behind. That’s why I aimed the gun at him." I blinked lots of times. Was that really what happened back then? Then, was it all a misunderstanding on my side?
"Then, what did you feel when you pulled the trigger and killed that man?" I’m not even sure if Night killed that man.
I saw hesitation from him, but Night soon opened his mouth. "I felt disgusted."
"Because?"
"Every time I shoot, I always end up killing something. Either a person or something else."
Does Night hate what he does? "Are you being forced to kill people?"
Night grabbed my hand again and squeezed it gently. "I wasn’t forced. I decided to do those things. Grandfather just gave me the chance and made me choose if I wanted to become his heir." He said while looking at my hand. "I can’t stop even if I want to. To protect them."
Them? Who is he referring to? "Do you mean, your father and Shiho?"
"And you."
I was too stunned to speak.
Night placed my hand on his cheek as he closed his eyes. "I want to run away from this life so badly, but I can’t. How will I be able to protect you? How will I be able to protect Shiho this time?"
His words felt like he went through lots of hardships that I don’t know of. It almost broke my heart hearing his faint voice, it’s like... he’s still suffering until now.
"I used to be okay with this. That everything about this life is normal for me." He placed both of my hands on his cheeks.
"But when I met you, I suddenly wanted to become free from all these shackles on me. I want to be a normal high school student, normally falling in love with a high school girl my age. Going on a school date, being with her all the time while we study. Those are the things I long for after meeting you."
When I looked into his eyes, I could see the sadness in them that even I could never understand. It’s as if I was being pulled and I couldn’t look away.
"You make me long for the freedom that I have already abandoned and forgotten of." He moved his face closer to mine. "You saved me. However, I can never remove the dirt off my hands. I cannot go back in the past and make all my bad deeds vanish."
"I’m sorry."
