Chapter 29: Morning Shower
- DEX -
I shouldn’t have looked up liver injuries when I got home last night. The bad ones are terrifying. It took a significant amount of self control not to try finding out what grade of injury Auraya has—not that they would tell me if I called the hospital anyway. I should have gone in to see her before I left so that I could ask questions instead of being left to wonder.
Did her sister and father know what questions to ask? Are we certain that she’s in the very best care? If she doesn’t have insurance, will that lead to judgments made that jeopardize her recovery?
All of these questions on top of the very realistic dream I had last night in the hospital waiting room—the first dream that I’ve had and remembered in at least four years—and then discovering that Raya does, in fact, have a cat, made for a sleepless night. I couldn’t bring myself to ask her sister what color her cat is. I may have been able to pass off the question about a pet as just concern that they would need looking after while she is in the hospital, but there’s no reason for me to need to know the color.
And the fact that Raya has a cat doesn’t mean that it was her starring in that dream of mine. Everyone has cats. And lots of women have blonde hair. That’s what I keep telling myself. And even if it was her in the dream, it’s only because I was with her all day and she asked me if I had dreamed of her—a question that felt surprisingly natural at the time.
But that doesn’t change the fact that the dream I had felt so real. It felt like I had been in that apartment before. The cat recognized me. The woman fit so perfectly in my arms...
I groan and rake a hand down my face, stalking to the bathroom to take a cold shower and hopefully snap out of this before I have to go into the office. Nothing got done yesterday, and no doubt Lawson will use that to his benefit if it continues. I have to demonstrate for the board that I can capably take the reins of Dad’s business when he is finally forced to step down because of his health.
When I’m under the soothing cascade of the water, I try to push all the thoughts out of my mind. I need to focus. This thing with dad being sick has completely spun my world off of its axis, and I need to find that deep central part of myself that knows how to stay grounded and strong and unwavering. Dad is depending on it.
This thing with Auraya... it’s not even a thing. She’s just a woman at the office, and she got into an unfortunate accident that I happened to witness. She needed someone there with her yesterday. And maybe I happened to dream about her. These are ordinary, everyday events that happen.
But then her sister Rory’s furious words come back to mind when she snatched the notebook out of my hands: "God, you’re really him aren’t you? That still doesn’t give you the right to read any of this. She wouldn’t even let me read it... Just because she’s having these dreams doesn’t mean they’re necessarily about you..."
So Raya is having dreams of me, too, and she obviously told her sister about it right after we met. Are they the same type of dream that I had? Based on the fact that she wouldn’t let her sister read about them and that Rory told me not to take advantage of her... I think I know the answer to that question. But that would have to mean Raya was having dreams like this before we met... dreams that she believes are about me. How is that possible?
My thoughts trail back to seeing her asleep in bed and how natural it was to just slip in behind her and pull her against me. The way my hands seemed to know her. The way she whimpered into my mouth...
"What the fuck is happening?" I growl, leaning against the tiled wall with clenched fists, letting my head bow to the water and to the weight of this mystery that has invaded me now with its fingers of desire that are lacing themselves over my groin and climbing toward my heart.
I can’t lose it right now. I can’t lose my mind over this woman. Did Lawson hire her to put a spell on me or something?
After I dry off and start dressing, determined to put the whole thing out of my mind for the day so I can focus and get some actual work done, my phone chimes with a reply from Raya to a text I sent earlier. And the brick walls I was imagining cementing with layer upon layer of defenses to keep thoughts of her out instantly crumble into dust.
She’s okay. The relief is instant, and it whooshes out of me with a heavy sigh. Thank god. And now she’s going to be alone in the hospital thinking about what happened yesterday. That well of despair from what she witnessed is going to come back and threaten to swallow her.
Maybe there’s a project I can come up with to have her work on. I’ll have to look through some potential clients when I get to the office to see if there’s anything that might be small enough to start her off with. The avocado gif was just too cute not to send. Hopefully it will make her smile.
After we’re done texting, I look up the florist in the area that can deliver to the hospital. Raya may just be an intern, but it is entirely appropriate for her workplace to send her flowers and wishes for her to get well soon after she endured something so traumatic and life-threatening. I would like to see anyone try arguing with me about that. Lawson can give me shit about it if he wants.
