Chapter 228: Afraid to Lose
- LUCIANO -
Rory is so beautiful when she’s mad. Or when she’s pretending to be mad. I don’t think she’s actually angry with me about Dr. Reddy, but she sure has that sharp look in her eyes that’s aggressively waiting for my answer.
"You know him? You invited him here?" She asks, eyebrows lifting expectantly.
"I did, yes."
"Why?" She sounds exasperated, and I cringe wondering if she truly will think I’m taking things too far like Dex suspected.
But we needed Reddy almost immediately after he got here, didn’t we? Even if it wasn’t for a heart condition.
Who knows who else would have been around to stitch up her injury. I don’t exactly carry that stuff with me, although maybe I should. I’ve used a needle and thread in the past, but there’s no way I would put Rory through that.
"Raya mentioned that you had a heart condition, and..."
"Oh my god," she groans, covering herself with a blanket and burying her face in her hand. "Seriously? I told her I was fine."
"Reddy came in handy, though. Didn’t he? Wasn’t it a good idea to have him here in case of an emergency?"
There’s a pause while she stares at me, thinking this through.
"Why are you standing over there?" She laughs, avoiding the answer to my question that seems pretty obvious to me.
I look down at my naked form, lifting my arms from my sides to see if the answer is hidden somewhere. As soon as it was clear that Rory was putting two and two together about Reddy, my instinct was to flee—to roll off of the bed and put some distance between us.
"I don’t know. I guess I thought you might hit me," I chuckle. "You get angry."
"Luciano, come here," she says on a sigh, waving me back toward the bed while a smile threatens her lips.
I slip under the covers next to her obediently, reveling in the warmth and closeness that pulls on me like gravity. There has never been this kind of peace that feathers across my chest before. My soul recognizes Rory. That’s the only thing that explains this feeling. It feels at ease with her next to me.
Instead of speaking a single word, she leans in to kiss me, her warmth blooming now in my mouth like that beautiful, rare flower she is. And I reach up to pull her closer, running my fingers through her hair and caressing her cheek, cupping her face as I try to tell her without words the truth I know she is longing for.
"I should have introduced you, but there was no time," I say, continuing to caress her.
"There was no time?" She looks exasperated again, but this time there is at least amusement threaded into her expression along with a soft blush painting her cheeks. "How about: ’Rory, this is Burt. He’s a friend who can help stitch up your hand. Burt, this is Rory.’"
"I guess I could have said something like that, huh?"
When I smile, Rory smiles back. Her small bounce of laughter is how I know I’m not in trouble.
"Yeah, you could have," she giggles. And all I can do is stare.
Rory is so much lighter now. So much happier. Despite what happened last night and despite discovering that I’ve brought people here specifically to help watch over her, it seems like many of the shadows that were weighing her down have lifted.
"Wow, dolcezza," I smile, tracing her cheek and jawline and then the tinted part of her skin where her shyness blooms.
"What?" Her eyebrows briefly furrow, but she can’t stop smiling either.
"You’re so beautiful."
She groans and pulls away from my touch, flipping her hair over her face. "Stop it."
"No," I chuckle, taking her chin and turning it back so her stormy blues have to look at me. "I’m not going to stop it. Why would I stop it? I’m in awe over here. I told you. This is new. You’re... new. You’re unlike anything or anyone, and I..."
My words pause, snagging on what’s so hard to express. They’ll never do this feeling justice.
While she waits for me to finish, her eyebrows pinch together with that expression of disbelief that waffles somewhere between happiness and sadness. Like she’s once again afraid to allow herself to believe what I’m saying.
"Is there anything else I don’t know?" Her voice is so small and soft, tentatively reaching out across the distance left between us while she continues to question my sincerity with those eyes.
A wounded animal comes to mind—one that has no reason to hope the kindness it’s receiving is true. But hope it does.
"I want to love you the way you deserve, Rory," I tell her. "You haven’t ever gotten that, have you?"
My gaze tracks the way she gulps, her expression tightening and little glimmering pools of tears springing in her eyes. But she smiles, allowing a soft chuckle to escape.
"I don’t know."
"I know that you haven’t," I say, running my thumb back and forth over her cheek. "Because you deserve the kingdom and everything in it."
"I don’t need a kingdom!" Her eyes flare, the exasperation back.
"Too bad, because I have one," I tell her earnestly, leaning closer so that I’m only a breath away from her lips. "And it’s yours. I would offer it all to you right now, but this week is about your sister and Dex, and we probably shouldn’t take any of that away from them," I say, rubbing my nose against hers and chuckling softly.
"What?" She laughs, but then her face clears into something more serious. "What are you saying?"
"I’m in this for good, dolcezza. That’s what’s left that I haven’t told you. And I don’t want to scare you, because I know that sounds crazy. Trust me, I don’t go around handing over my power to anyone. I never have. Not until now."
I take a breath, willing her to feel the sincerity of these words while I try to find the right ones.
"But you have it. My heart—my soul—is with you. Somehow it’s happened, and it doesn’t matter how. Whether it was the first time I saw you looking all angry and annoyed when I brought Raya home," I chuckle, "or when I heard you screaming outside the cabin in the woods and thought you were gone and then held you in my arms the whole way back. I made you a promise. There’s no going back for me. My heart is yours, dolcezza."
She stares at me, lips parting. "Luci..." She shakes her head. "You don’t know me well enough yet. There are things that, trust me, you don’t want to know and won’t want any part of... and I don’t know you, either. I don’t... I mean, you’re part of a criminal organization! I have no idea how that works or if... it’s..."
Her words die, overwhelmed by all the unknowns and everything I’ve just admitted.
"It’s okay," I smile. "I’ll wait. I told you I would. But it’s not going to change for me. And if you can’t feel that way, then... I’ll step back and just protect you from any other harm that might come your way."
When she doesn’t say anything else, just looks at me with that mixture of hope and disbelief, I lean in to kiss her.
"I’m not claiming to be a good man," I tell her. "I’m not one. But I will save my best for you and only you."
A glimmer of recognition and awareness sparks in her eyes, and she chuckles, dropping her head in her hands and shaking her head.
"What?" I ask, mimicking her soft laughter with my own.
"I can’t believe this. It’s just... how is this happening?"
She rests her chin in her hand and stares off into the distance—seeing something else other than what’s in this room. Then she turns back, eyes deeper—connecting with me on a level that I feel like lightning coursing through my bones and splintering out until my skin is on fire with it.
"You said that in my dream, too," she says softly. "Almost exactly that. That you would save your best for me and only me."
"Because it was me," I tell her, leaning in and brushing another kiss against her lips. It’s electric—the connection between us. "I was with you in the dream even if I wasn’t aware of it. It was me."
Rory’s hand curls behind my neck, pulling me closer, kissing me deeply until it feels like the part of me reaching so desperately for her takes hold and spirals with her. I see her light up behind my eyes. I feel her come home to me. Rory feels it, too. I know she does.
Why else would I be repeating these things that I said to her in dreams? If it’s not that we are meant to be here together right now?
I lean her back against the pillow, heat rushing to every part of my body when I feel her soft and wanting under my touch.
"You said you were mine," I breathe against her, parting her legs as I position myself between them. "Last night, you said..."
"I’m yours," she finishes for me, breathless and clawing for me to move closer. "I am. I’m just... I’m scared. I’m afraid to lose you, Luci. If I love you..."
My forehead drops to hers, and I sink deep into her warmth, bringing our bodies together as one. She gasps, mouth dropping open until I capture it with my own and roll into her. Over and over again. Leaving and returning. I’ll always return. Because this is home, right here. In her arms.
"You won’t lose me," I pant against her. "You’ll never lose me, dolcezza. I’m yours, too."
