Chapter 202: Being Childish and Being Good
- RORY -
After our long search at the first place failed to produce a dress, Raya insisted we take a break and look for hiking boots instead. Now I’m trying on shoes with this roiling unease inside that I can’t seem to unload.
The argument with Raya left me feeling wrong. I don’t like arguing with her, and there was no real closure or culmination or understanding. Not that there needs to be, but it feels like there are still things to stay—still things I need to get out. But when she snapped and raised her voice, which was totally out of character for her, it effectively shut down any more conversation on that topic for now.
I want to tell her that I do love myself. What’s not to love? I mean, I’m a dark, twisted mess of emotions that’s effectively jobless right now and surviving on my dwindling savings and Dex’s goodwill. But, aside from that... I’m great.
I chuckle internally and shake my head, shoving a foot into the boot and tying it.
Raya’s words still sting: ’You are the one who needs caring for. That’s why we wanted you here.’
I thought I was here for the wedding. I thought I was here for her—to be part of the surprise and represent our family.
Tears sting my eyes before I realize they’re coming, and I have to groan and shove the emotion away. Raya is off talking to the shop owner somewhere, so thankfully she doesn’t notice.
I can’t be upset with her for characterizing me like that. I’ve acted like a child. I’ve been hiding from the world and relying on her and Dex. It’s time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and stand on my own two feet again. It’s time for me to move on.
With that thought, I push to my feet and walk a few paces to make sure the fit of these boots is right.
"Perfect," I whisper to myself with a small, crooked smile.
These are going to help me on my path. I’m going to hike deep into the jungle and get all of this shit out that’s inside of me. I’m going to scream and cry and yell until I’m empty and there’s nothing left of this fear and despair clawing and sinking at that place in the center of my chest. I’m going to release it and let it haunt the wilderness of this country instead.
"Rory, look!" Raya is laughing, and I find her standing next to the gentleman who owns the shop. A black and white monkey is sitting on her shoulder with its tail curled around her neck.
"Adorable," I say with a grimace.
"It is a Capuchin monkey," the shop owner says. "They are friendly. Not usually this friendly, but..."
"They don’t climb on everyone? I thought she was your pet," Raya giggles, and then the monkey takes hold of her nose and makes her giggle more.
"No," the man chuckles. "Having them as pets is illegal."
"One of those tried to poison Indiana Jones. I think you should be careful," I inform her. "Plus, don’t they carry like... hepatitis?"
When I get closer, the monkey jumps off of her and runs away on all four legs. Raya pouts but then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
"You didn’t kiss it or anything did you?" I smirk.
"No."
"Come here, it messed up your hair." I wave her toward me with a grin and then work on smoothing her golden locks back into place. "Why were you the one to get mom’s hair?"
She smiles at the comment. It’s not the first time I’ve said it.
"Do the monkeys really carry hepatitis?" She asks nervously.
"You’re fine, don’t worry," I chuckle this time and step away, my work done.
"It is rare for a person to get it," the man agrees.
"Oh, I’m sorry. Rory, this is Nicolas," she says, introducing us.
"Pura vida, Rory," he says with a kind smile.
"Hi," I say simply, offering him a polite smile back and then pointing to my feet. "I will take these."
"I already paid for them," Raya says, waving me off. Before I can object and insist on buying them myself, Nicolas interrupts instead.
"You are hiking?" He asks. "It is beautiful here. You will love it."
"It is so beautiful. It feels like another world," Raya agrees.
"If you don’t have a guide, I can give you my son’s number. He does tours."
Raya turns to me, eyebrows raised in excitement at the suggestion, and I’m shaking my head ’no’ before I realize it.
"I don’t want to go on a tour," I explain. "I’d like to just go alone."
"Alone?" She repeats, a scowl quickly forming.
"It is dangerous. Silvano does private tours as well. My son is very good looking. You will like him," Nicolas insists, scribbling down a number while I’m still shaking my head.
When I don’t take the number he offers, Raya rolls her eyes and takes it for me. She thanks him and hands it to me as we walk out.
"Even if you aren’t going to call, it doesn’t hurt to be polite. And you aren’t going hiking alone," she groans as we walk arm-in-arm. "Are you crazy? That’s a horrible idea."
"Well, I’m not going with Silvano. He could be a murderer."
She starts to chuckle like what I’ve said is an exaggeration—a joke—but then it dies on her lips. I see the exact moment when it dawns on her that it’s not so ridiculous for me to be worried about something like that. Maybe it would have seemed ridiculous before, but now...
"Well you’re not going alone," she repeats, giving me a stern look that would make Nana proud were she here to see it.
"If you’re planning on coming with me, then you might want to get some boots, too." Even if I intend to sneak off without Raya, I need to pay her back for this purchase anyway. "Come on, I’ll buy them for you." I try to tug her back into the shop, but she resists.
"No, we don’t have time," she says, lifting her phone to check the clock. "We’re supposed to meet the guys. Dex sent me the location to a restaurant, and they’re waiting."
"It’s just going to take a minute..."
"We’re already late."
Raya stares at her phone while she leads us through the crowd and I mumble about how difficult it’s going to be to lose the guys a second time. We look so much like tourists right now.
When we walk into the open-air restaurant, Dex and Luciano spot us immediately. Both of them stand as we make our way over to the table—Dex with a soft smile and Luci with dark, glittering eyes so full of emotion when they glide over me that I can feel my face instantly heat.
He’s looking me over—making sure I’m okay. I can feel the intent behind his gaze, because it pierces me and makes my heart do these little cartoon flips under my ribs.
While Dex and Raya kiss hello, I smile and sit down and Luci does the same.
"Did you find a pair of shorts?" I ask, studying the menu that’s already waiting.
"Not yet," he chuckles and picks up his own menu. "Did you need the knife?"
"Not yet."
When I glance up and catch him smiling in that disarming, genuine way, the warmth in my cheeks flames brighter. God, help me with this man. I know I said I wanted to keep him at a distance, but... how?
"This is a beautiful place," I say, glancing around. "Lots of beautiful women, Luciano. You could probably have a different girl every night."
It’s so childish. Why did I even say that? I immediately regret it, because the very idea of that makes me nauseous.
When Luciano admitted on the plane that he messed around with a lot of women, it didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was the way it cut me to hear it. That’s why I told him to fuck off when he suggested it. That’s why I wasn’t moved by his claim that somehow I’m magically different.
At my remark, Luci’s brows pitch upward as he studies the menu. He doesn’t look up or follow my gaze to see if there is any one specific woman I’m referring to.
"Probably," he mutters in agreement with a smirk threatening those masculine lips. He doesn’t seem impressed by the suggestion, though. It’s more likely that he’s amused by my immature jab. "The men are attractive too. Is that what you were planning on doing this week, Lorelei?"
Dex groans, presumably at the remark or where it might lead, and Raya clears her throat before commenting on the food selection. Luciano chuckles and shoots me a playful smirk that is equally as devastating as his full, genuine smile.
"I’m not like that," I mutter, looking back down at the menu in my hands, hoping it can save me from all of the feelings Luci’s different expressions apparently call forth.
"Good girl."
His voice is so smooth, it sounds like silk over gravel. It’s hypnotizing. I almost miss the fact that I should be offended by how patronizing the words themselves are.
"Good... girl?" I ask, shrugging out of the daze he’s captured me in. "And what makes you think..."
Before I can continue, he lowers his menu and leans my way confidentially like he’s about to share a secret, and the rest of my words die. His deep, warm eyes with their gentle intensity are back on me. They’re offering something. I don’t know what, but I see it. I feel it.
Suddenly, I’m at a total loss for what I was about to say. All I can think is... this man is beautiful. He’s breathtaking and genuine, and he is offering me something from the deepest parts of himself. Something true.
Why am I fighting it again?
"I say that, dolcezza, because if you were to do that, I would have a lot of men to kill this week. And I’m trying to be good, too."
