Chapter 141: Permission to Try
- DEX -
I didn’t plan on telling Raya anything about what I did to Lawson. Not that I planned on not telling her. There wasn’t a plan at all, I just... I just knew I needed to see her and be in her presence.
And this is why. Raya is somehow able to make the worst seem like it’s nothing to be concerned about at all—like it’s silly to think it’s bad. How does she do that? How can she take the secret evil that I’ve been carrying inside so heavy and painful for fifteen hours now and make it seem like it’s... normal?
I’m stunned. I’m stunned until she moves against me again, tilting her hips up and urging me to release this darkness into her so she can burn it away with her light.
Her heat clenches and pulses around me, drawing me out of my head and into the very intimate physical moment we are still sharing. I groan, turning into her neck and biting before giving her a slow, firm pump of my hips—aiming for the deepest part of her. Raya gasps, and it’s the most beautiful sound. I want all of her gasps and moans and cries. I want her to whimper so I can devour the breath it’s carried on and take it into myself.
My hands tighten in her hair and I draw back to stare down into her beautiful eyes as I piston into her again, twirling my hips this time, and I’m rewarded with another soft gasp. She’s so soft and delicious below me.
If I could mark Raya with my teeth—cover every beautiful pale inch of her skin until the entirety of it is blushing from my bite marks—I would. I want her to be sore with the memory of our love. I want it to follow her wherever she goes. She’s mine. Every single part of her.
"Give me all of it," she whispers, tilting up and kissing my chin. "As hard as you can. Let it go."
I frown even as my cock twitches inside of her, delighted by this prospect.
"I’m not going to hurt you, angel," I whisper back, looking back and forth between those heavenly blues that reveal the depth and beauty of her soul within.
"I’m not fragile like you think, wolf," she says with a smile, using that new nickname she’s given me. "I’m made for this, and I’m made for you."
I lean down and kiss her tenderly, savoring the pleasure of her tongue dancing with mine. She is so precious. That’s what I’m thinking when she bites my lip and I grunt with the surprise pain.
Raya is smirking when I pull away, a drop of blood smeared on her lips. She actually drew blood.
"Stop being so gentle."
"No," I chuckle, wiping the blood from my lip with my thumb.
"Do you want me to bite you again?" She arches an eyebrow. "I’ll keep doing it until you bite back."
"I’m not going to bite you," I say automatically, but the suggestion has sunk beneath my skin, rushing to my fingers that are gripping her hair and my toes that are curled into the sheet.
I don’t want to bite her. I want to devour her—gobble her up, consume her, take her wholly into myself until there is nothing at all separating us. This skin she is covered in, as beautiful as it is, is keeping her from me.
"Bite me, wolf," she says in the most seductively deep voice. Her eyes narrow in a challenge as I tug her head back, tilting her chin up. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it.
"Fuck, Raya. Don’t say that," I growl, leaning down and setting my teeth against her neck. I tenderly take part of her between my teeth and pull, letting it slide out unscathed.
She growls at the tease and grabs my head, urging me back to try again. I can’t help but smile, my lips curving against her skin.
Raya turns her head and tries to bite my lip, but I pull back in time.
"You might just be the wolf here," I chuckle.
"That makes sense. I told you that you were the angel," she says with a wicked smile.
"That’s definitely not true," I tell her, releasing my grip and gently caressing her hair.
"Then stop being so gentle and prove it."
"You want me to hurt you?" I ask with a small chuckle, wanting to kiss her. With the look she’s giving me, I know she’ll only bite me again.
"You won’t hurt me, but I give you permission to try."
"Oh my god, what are you saying?" I groan, one of my hands dropping to grip her jaw.
A flicker of excitement flashes in her eyes that surprises me. Does Raya really want me to be rougher with her? My teeth clench, and I thrust into her hard. She doesn’t change her expression. Her eyes stay fixed on me. So I do it again, and the same thing happens. She still shows no reaction.
The fact that my movements don’t elicit some kind of response from her does exactly what she’s intending, because I want that response. I want those gasps and moans. I want to make her eyebrows pucker and her jaw drop open and her body explode with tremors that she can’t control.
"You better tell me when to stop," I ground out, and the only reaction I get is another glint of excitement. That’s all I need.
The reservations that slowed me down and held me back once Raya told me she loves me lift, and I let go. I’ve revealed my guilt to her about Lawson. I told her that I tried to kill him, and she didn’t so much as flinch.
Now with every forceful, desperate dip and roll of my hips, that guilt somehow gets further and further away. I’m chasing it away with rage-filled growls and thrusts until the only thing left to feel is Raya’s heat and light clenching around me, milking the rest of my darkness until she’s arching and letting it spill out of her. It drips down her thighs, spilling over my cock and onto the bed.
"God, Dex, yes!" She cries between clenched teeth, and I growl so viciously in response that I don’t even recognize the sound as my own.
Raya’s body erupts in cascades of ecstatic jerky movements that only propel me closer to the edge, but I keep going, lifting onto my knees and pulling her hips harder into me as she claws at the sheets.
The brightest light I’ve ever experienced shatters the base of my spine, and I snarl, dropping down over her again and taking the soft flesh above her breast into my mouth to anchor myself to the earth. I’m going to explode into a million pieces and disappear into the stars if I don’t hold myself here against her.
But it happens anyway. I’m exploding. I’m drifting. I’m lost. There’s nothing holding me down, and everything is weightless and beyond time.
A realization slides through my being about wholeness and completeness and unity, but it’s not anything that can truly be put into words. All I know is that I’m exactly where I’m mean to be, and that comes with a peace beyond comprehension.
It’s a peace I haven’t experienced since childhood when everything was simple and beautiful. Now I’ve found that again. I’ve found that with Raya.
My teeth let go over her, and I pull back to admire the mark I’ve made. It broke the skin, but she doesn’t seem to notice at all.
"I bit you," I say, kissing it before rising back to kiss her lips.
"Finally," she says between breaths.
"Finally?" I chuckle.
She nods, a content smile on her lips and pebbles of sweat dotting and glistening across her hairline. She is so beautiful it hurts.
"Do you feel better?" She asks, playing with my hair as her eyelids close.
"God, yes. Are you okay?"
Her blue eyes snap open at the question, brows pinching a silent reprimand.
"Do I not look okay?"
"You look fucking beautiful," I smile, dropping next to her and pulling her to her side so she’s facing me. I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids, her chin, her jawline, her lips. Finally she starts giggling and pushes against my chest.
"That tickles."
"How did you do that?" I ask, leaning now on my bent arm and gazing at her.
"Do what?" She asks, brows pinching as she smiles.
"Take it all away?"
Instead of answering, she keeps the secret—whatever mystery of the universe her body and soul hold—and reaches up to trace the contours of my face.
"I’m here for you," she whispers. "I’m always here for you. You don’t have to worry, because you’re mine. And as much as you protect me, Dex, I vow to always protect you. No matter what it is. No matter how dark you think it might be. I’m never going to look at you differently, because I’ve already seen the truth. I’ve already seen the deepest parts of you."
I might have thought the heavy burden of last night was gone, but there was still a piece... still a fragment left that lifts and flaps its wings—soaring away now that it knows it’s beaten. Raya’s touch, her body, her soul and words... it’s my remedy. Somehow she’s dragged me out of what felt like the fires of hell and given me the key to the universe. All the fire now is in her eyes.
"I’m here for you, too."
It’s all I can think of to say in return, and it’s not enough. But I mean it. I mean it more than anything I’ve ever said before.
"I know, sweet wolf," she smiles. "I know."
