Chapter 139: [Bonus Chapter] Safe and Vulnerable
- DEX -
Raya thinks I’m an angel? Angels don’t kill people. And while I may not have actually succeeded at killing my brother, it certainly wasn’t for a lack of trying.
There are too many emotions about all that has happened in the last 24 hours to sort through them, but I know I’m pissed that Lawson survived. Pissed and relieved at the same time, and the combination is doing weird things to my head.
I should have checked Lawson’s pulse and ended him for good, but he looked dead enough at the time. And all of this shit with him has made it so that I can’t even mourn my father properly. Instead, that fresh loss feels distant and unreal, like it’s too far away to fully sink in.
I want to wrap my hands around the feelings surrounding my father’s death and bring them closer, let them consume me, let them threaten to choke the rest of the air from my lungs. Instead, they loom ominously in the distance, waiting to finally descend until some future date.
And on top of everything, I owe Uncle Saul some vague future favor. Because even though Lawson wasn’t dead after all, Saul still had to call his contact in New York.
Instead of being buried in an unmarked grave somewhere, Lawson was taken to a private doctor and is still there—will likely continue to be there until his injuries heal and he’s well enough to leave and appear as if nothing happened. Saul has made it so I won’t face any charges and Lawson is going to be offered some kind of deal to keep his mouth shut and stay the hell away—from me, from Raya, and from the business.
Hopefully Lawson moves overseas so there’s no chance in accidentally running into him. Even living in the same country is too close. If he were to so much as glance Raya’s way again, I won’t make the same mistake I did last night.
Wherever Lawson does end up, I’m going to have to hire someone to watch him to make sure no other women are hurt by his hands. That’s the least I can do knowing that a predator like him is still breathing. I would have cut his dick off if I knew he was going to survive.
"Dex," Raya’s soft voice cuts into my thoughts, and I realize her hands are on my face. "Talk to me."
A scowl forms at the idea of sharing this new darkness with her. I know she said she trusts me completely, but how would she feel knowing that I hoped to kill Lawson last night? That I feel like a failure because I didn’t succeed? Or worse—that I’m relieved that I didn’t succeed? That the family who helped me is also part of the mafia? That I now owe that mafia side of my family a favor?
"I’m not sure I can," I tell her honestly.
Her gaze drops to my lips, and I swallow automatically. I’m not sure why.
"Can I tell you something then?" She asks.
"Of course."
"You love your brother." The surprising statement is accompanied by her fingers running through the bristly hair on my face, which sends a soothing sensation all over. "And there’s nothing wrong with that. He might be a horrible person, but he’s still your brother."
"I hate my brother," I tell her. It’s true, I do. And I don’t feel bad about it. He’s a monster.
"You hate him because you love him, too."
"No," I shake my head in denial. "I don’t, Raya. Not now. Not after all this."
She sighs, dropping her head against me. Why would she be disappointed in that response?
Instead of saying anything more, her hands find the hem of my shirt and slip under to run lightly up my chest—merely skimming the skin and sending shivers up my spine in the process. This is why I came home early. I needed her. Her beautiful, innocent spirit. The rays of her light. Her touch.
My hands weave into her hair, lifting her head so I can kiss her. It’s not meant to be so hungry and desperate, but as soon as I feel that consuming heat of hers, that’s exactly what it becomes.
Raya whimpers into my mouth, and I growl into hers, devouring as much as I can of her as my hands rush to remove the fabric between us. I need her skin. I need her light. I need to feel it washing over me.
I pull away from her mouth long enough to lift her dress shirt off and in the next moment, she does the same with mine. The way she has to lift onto her knees to get it over my head is a reward in itself, because the sheer lacy bra she’s wearing offers itself to my mouth.
I’m so starved of her that I latch onto one mound without even bothering to remove her bra and roll my tongue, bracing her against me so that she can’t get away, sucking the soft flesh and lace into my mouth like I expect to milk her of the goodness she contains. I need some of it, because mine is gone. It all bled out of me last night when I left my brother on that bathroom floor.
If there’s any hope for me, any saving me from the brink of this darkness that opened up in my heart last night, it’s going to be found with Raya. And I didn’t realize just how much I want to be saved until my greedy mouth and hands were back on her.
My eyes lift to find her blue ones hooded and watching. I roll my tongue and then skim the pretty pink point of her breast with my teeth, tugging back on it until she whimpers and writhes under my hands. Her expression pinches and a soft whimper rushes out of her lips. When I move onto the second one, one of my hands abandons her side and falls to her thigh instead, running up the soft pantyhose-covered skin and lifting her skirt.
I would do anything to protect this girl. Anything. And now that she’s here in my arms, safe and vulnerable, I’m going to make sure she understands just how much I worship her.
