Chapter 90: _Do You Still Love Me?
Celeste’s POV
*****
I stood there for several seconds. Arms folded. Brows furrowed in confusion on what to say or do next as I stared at him. The man whose actions might’ve forever shattered me.
Luther was... patient.
He didn’t try to force a conversation after begging for one. He didn’t even try to reach out or move closer to me.
Just remained standing by the door, arms resting by his side in a firm posture that still bled with anxiety.
Eventually, "Since when did ’please’ become a part of your vocabulary?" I asked, raising a brow.
My way of trying to deviate from a conversation too serious.
His forehead creased with a frown. "W–What do you mean?"
Keeping my head slightly lowered, I continued. "Just now when you asked if we could talk. You said please. Twice," a short pause. "The Luther I dated rarely used that word. Remember?"
This time, I raised my head, eyes locking with his. He didn’t say anything. Maintaining eye contact was clearly a hassle already.
Still, I persisted. "You were the kind of man who preferred using gifts to get my forgiveness. Or thoughtful gestures and words." My lips curved as memories flashed through my mind.
Memories of us I thought I’d buried by now.
"Celeste," Luther finally took that first step forward. "No amount of words will be enough to express how sorry I am. Even though you deserve them and more."
I held back a bitter laugh building up in my throat. "Annoyingly enough I don’t... I don’t feel like you should even be sorry."
Fuck, I can’t believe I just said that.
But I meant it.
"You’re allowed to seek my apology." He took another step. Then another, voice softening. "I destroyed your trust. Put you through weeks of second-guessing yourself. Of making you second-guess my feelings for you."
"You were under a spell, Luther." I rubbed a hand down my face. "You had little or no free will over your actions."
Suddenly, he broke the distance between us in a single stride. I froze, breath hitching as I looked into those peering blue eyes flickering with confusion and guilt.
His warm breath hit my face, lips parted in a way that made me subconsciously drag my gaze there. The bond pulsed with a need I didn’t know I had. A need I struggled to hold back, snapping my neck to the side.
"Luther," I mumbled, barely coherent. "We... we can’t cross any lines. You know that right?"
"Of course, I do." He rasped, a growl reverberating through his chest. Then, slowly, he raised his right hand, keeping it a few inches shy of my cheek.
The worst part? I didn’t even try moving away. Even with the risk of his touch.
A deliberate huff broke past his mouth. "I know I can’t rush your trust. I know you need time, space... All of that." His hand shook, as if he was battling demons not to hold me. "But ever since last night, I’ve been haunted. By you, Celeste."
I didn’t know when I shifted a foot back.
Haunted? By me?
"No offence, Luther." I managed to force a smile. "But can you please get to a point? Anyone at all. Silas and I—"
His expression shifted at the mention of his brother. He grabbed my chin, not harsh but not completely gentle either. "Tell me to my face, Celeste."
Leaving my chin between his fingers felt like sin. "I... Luther, what the heck is this? Tell you what?"
"Tell me," he inched his face until it was barely a few centimetres away from touching mine, "that you don’t feel anything for me. At all. If you do that, I’ll... I’ll back off from what you and Silas have going on."
The sincerity in his eyes stung sharper than nails.
I ground my jaw, knuckles snapping beside me. "Y–You can’t do this to me, Luther." Those words came out in a croak. "Please—"
"I just want to know." He pleaded, desperation etching his features. "That’s all I want. Let me know if what I felt during the wolf trial was real."
"What feeling are you talking about?"
"Your pride." He muttered after a few seconds, as if afraid he’d overstepped. "For me. Undiluted. It flowed through the bond without restraint."
It was at that moment that I remembered what he was talking about.
During the wolf trials when I saw Luther’s leadership skills—I did feel some sort of pride. I just never imagined he would feel my emotions too.
Goddess, this mate bond barely left room for privacy.
"Luther..." I wrapped my fingers around his wrist, gently taking his palm off my face. "I don’t even know what to say right now. I don’t think I’ll ever know."
Even now, looking into his eyes reminded me of that night. The sweat. The crazed lust in his eyes as he rammed into another woman. On MY bed.
Under a spell or not, erasing all that from my head was going to take time. And I didn’t know how to tell him that without sounding like I—
"You," he didn’t budge despite me taking his hand off, "don’t need to explain yourself more. Just answer me—do you feel anything for me? Other than hate?"
"Of course, I do!" My voice rose. "We have a mate bond binding us, Luther. I can’t—"
"Beyond that." He cut in. "Feelings from our relationship. You used... You used to tell me you loved me."
Something broke in me hearing that.
This had to be some sort of emotional manipulation, right?
"Do YOU still love me?" I shot back. "Without any hesitation—"
"Yes, Celeste!" He grabbed my shoulder. "I do. Beyond what words can describe. Even after everything I put you through, I love you. I want you. I NEED you."
Pressure hit my chest. My knees suddenly felt wobbly, my mind numb as my vision tunnelled on the lips that proclamation came from.
I’ve never felt torn between kissing and slapping someone as I did now. Despite that, the former thought seemed to be winning in my head.
My eyelids fluttered, air leaving my lungs. Just a slight movement and we’d be locked in a kiss. A sensation, a craving—almost desperate.
"I..." Words felt short. "I... Luther, I—"
"Are you still asleep, love?" A knock on my door followed by a familiar baritone made my spine freeze.
The door opened before I could speak, Silas peeping his head in. "I just wanted to—Luther?"
’Could this get any worse?!’ I screamed internally. ’Fuck, I need to stop asking that question.’
