Chapter 240: Everyone needs good aftercare
Sergei, after all was said and done, had tucked Brent against him, cuddling him and holding him after their breathing had calmed down. He held Brent tightly, stroking his fingers through his hair while Brent leaned against his chest.
Brent was lost in thought, scrambling to try and grab onto something normal, something rational he could say. He felt like something had shifted, and he didn’t know what it was. He knew that it involved him, he knew that it was in relation to what they had done, and he had known that it would happen.
He just...didn’t fully know what had changed.
"Now, can we talk about what led to this outcome with calmer heads?" Sergei’s voice rumbled through Brent’s head from where he was lying on his chest. Brent froze, then pulled himself up slightly to meet his gaze. There was no anger in his eyes, not even a will to fight. He was just asking him a question.
Brent broke out in a cold sweat.
"Uh, didn’t we talk about it?" Brent asked and Sergei sighed lightly.
"We did, Zaichonok, but I don’t think we discussed it properly. We were both heated, and there are several things I would like to apologise for. However, we both need an explanation so that something like this doesn’t happen again." Sergei froze. "I am talking about the arguing and the anger, not the love making." Brent had to tuck his head away from him, his cheeks warming. Even after the way that man had taken him, he was calling it love making.
Brent was so screwed, physically and metaphorically.
"We have to?" Brent knew he was whining, but he couldn’t stop himself. He just wanted to stay like this, even as his head spun and his heart raced. The soft, warm chuckle for Sergei only made the moment harder.
"We do, Zaichonok." Sergei confirmed and Brent sighed.
"Alright. Then, can we start with that? What are you even calling me?" Brent asked, not looking at him. He didn’t get to hide for long though. Sergei shifted them, grabbing pillows with his powers to tuck behind him so that they were sitting upright, but still together. Brent grumbled and Sergei laughed, holding him close and pressing a kiss against his forehead.
"It’s a term of endearment in my native tongue. Do you dislike it?" He asked and Brent flushed. A term of endearment. Fuck.
"I had a suspcious feeling that was the case. It sounded pretty." Brent mumbled, unable to hide from Sergei’s warm, silvery gaze. "Stop looking at me like that." Brent’s words had no heat and Sergei, a man who didn’t smile often around others, grinned at him. God he looked sweet when he did that. Brent’s stomach and heart were in turmoil because of the man, and any cockiness that he had was gone. Damn him.
"It is a pretty name for a pretty man." Sergei told him and Brent blushed. Fuck. "And one of my greatest pleasures is that I can claim the right to look at you. Are you uncomfortable with that?" Sergei asked. Damn it.
"No." Brent muttered, flushed. "I just...no one really calls me pretty, Sergei." Brent told him. Brent knew he was handsome, and knew that he was clearly Sergei’s type, but he was scarred. He was missing an arm. He didn’t think that one couldn’t be pretty while also missing limbs, but he didn’t think it applied to him.
"A true shame." Sergei sounded very sincere. So much so that Brent blushed more. "Well, I will make sure to correct that. However, we need to get back to the main topic, Zaichonok. Why didn’t you tell me that you were filled with these desires? Why didn’t you communicate this with me?" Sergei asked before he hesitated. "I am aware that we are new to this, but considering that this was an issue at the beginning of our...relationship, I would have preferred if you told me about this earlier." Sergei was being honest and straightforward.
Brent appreciated it, but he was also a little...hesitant to speak of it. Not that he didn’t want to talk about it, but he was still feeling vulnerable, exposed after the moment that they had shared. Did he agree that they should have this conversation? Yeah, he did, but he had to fight his own fear to speak.
"I, um, believe I already said that I wanted to live up to your image of me in your mind, Sergei." Brent started carefully. "I also...didn’t want to burden you with my body. While I know that we are partners, and that we are in a relationship, we’re new. I don’t want to overwhelm you with my issues right out of the gate and scare you away." Brent just went for it. What did he have to lose at this point?
A lot, but he didn’t think Sergei would actually be annoyed or upset with him. He was just...scared. Just scared at the fact that he was giving parts of himself over to Sergei that the man would have control over.
He shouldn’t have worried, since Sergei seemed to take the pieces that Brent handed to Sergei with both of his hands and kiss them gently. Brent watched as Sergei made a deep, displeased sound in his throat.
"Zaichonok, you are never a burden. I could carry you for days on my back, in my arms, wrapped around my neck. I wouldn’t consider it a hardship. Ever. That, and every little thing you give me I want to treasure. Always." Sergei’s words made Brent’s chest tighten. Brent knew that the man meant it.
He’d kept his shitty little paper creations that Brent had given him. In prized homes. The only reason Brent hadn’t made more was, well, he was missing another hand to help with the folds.
"Yes, but, it’s my body. You don’t...you don’t have the same sex drive that I do, Sergei." Brent pointed out again and Sergei waved a hand.
"Okay, so that’s true, but I don’t consider it a burden. Many couples have this issue. While I appreciate that you decided to try and solve this issue on your own, I would have much rather you come to me about it first. We don’t have to have sex all the time, Brent, but there are other ways to help you alleviate yourself. I am always willing to help. I just happen to be one of the few S Classes that doesn’t have a voracious appetite. That doesn’t mean I am inexperienced or that I don’t know how to assist. Maybe there are some times where you do have to deal with it on your own. That will happen, but I would much rather be involved with you when you need release then not. If we were reversed, you would feel the same, right?" Sergei made a good point.
Even imagining Sergei taking care of himself on his own made his eye twitch. Brent hadn’t really considered it from his side.
"I...I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. Or, it wasn’t my intention to make you feel excluded or hurt." Brent told him and Sergei chuckled. He pressed another tender kiss against Brent’s cheek.
"I know. It’s why I also need to apologise for the unkind things I thought, I assumed, and even considered. I saw red. It wasn’t right, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. Jealousy has been riding me ever since we’ve gotten here and it wasn’t right of me to take it out on you." Sergei’s expression was very remorseful, his eyes dimming from the silvery tinge that they had when he was using his powers to the normal blue. Brent huffed.
"It’s okay. While I was a little hurt, I can’t exactly blame you for your assumptions. I...made my bed and I’ll gladly lie in it. Is there..." Brent hesitated for a second. "Is there anything I could do that could help assuage your jealousy or concerns?" Brent asked. Sergei’s expression softened.
"Oh Brent. They’re my problems. You’ve already told me that you like me and that you missed me. You’ve taken me inside of you, willingly, more than once and are now in my arms. I should pull my own head out of my ass on my own, but I appreciate you asking. I want you to be yourself, since that is who I fell for in the first place." Sergei was making it hard for Brent to even fight back. How could he?
"Stop it. I missed you so much while we were apart and I am trying to keep my image intact. If you make me cry, Sergei, I won’t forgive you." Brent warned, his throat tight. Sergei laughed, pulling him into a tight hug. He tucked Brent’s head against his shoulder. Brent’s eyes prickled more.
"Then don’t forgive me. Your image is safe with me, Brent. I will protect it. No one needs to know that you cry when you’re with me." Sergei grunted. "In fact, I am sure the less kind ones will imagine that I do make you cry in several ways." Brent nearly choked on the laughter that almost spilled out of him. He pushed weakly at his chest.
"Stop it. You can’t be sweet and funny. That’s too much." Brent protested and Sergei chuckled.
"I don’t think it’s too much, not for you, but if you’d like, I can try to stop being one of those things. I don’t think I’ll manage it well. My humour is what made Rhys even more angry at me when I would tease him. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing, which made him even more angry." Sergei told him and Brent believed him.
"No. I don’t want you to change, the same way you don’t want me to change. I just...I’m not used to feeling all of these feelings, Sergei." Brent felt that was a severe understatement, but if he said anything more he would cry. Sergei chuckled.
"I understand completely. I too, am not used to feeling all of these feelings. In fact, it was only a few months ago that I thought it was funny to watch Rhys suffer at Kellen’s hands. Little did I know that I was going to be not in his exact shoes, but somewhat similar." Sergei’s smile when Brent pulled his head from his shoulder was wide, full of a deep affection that made Brent’s toes curl. "Though, I wouldn’t change a damn thing if it meant we would get back here again. I don’t like realising that you were missing and thinking that you were gone forever, but I would do it again if it meant we were here again."
Brent needed to pivot. He needed to end this conversation and speak about something safer. He was reaching his limit before he felt like everything inside of him would shatter and he didn’t think that was good for either of them.
"W-What did you want to watch after we get cleaned up?" Brent asked, and Sergei, even with his knowing smile, played into Brent’s question.
"Hmm. I hope there is a mystery movie you haven’t seen yet. Do you like mystery?" Brent latched onto the conversation, letting Sergei pick him up, carry him to the bathroom and place him gently into the tub. He didn’t even complain when Sergei left him there for a moment because he knew, deep in his bones, that the man would come back.
They chatted, Sergei cleaning him up, not getting in the tub to cuddle which did upset Brent, but that was for a reason. He wanted to clean Brent up so that he could then help him dress and cuddle him on the couch.
Brent felt cared for, tended to, in a way that no one else before him had ever done. Not even Kellen, not even his grandfather. This didn’t even come close to the care that old lovers had given him either, since he had never given himself to them in any regard that mattered to Brent.
This was new. This was shiny. This was...nice. Scary, terrifying, shaking everything he ever knew, but nice. Brent recalled that he had decided that he could not let Sergei escape in the middle of it all, and that belief was still true.
The man was taking care of him so easily, with a deep kindness that Brent didn’t feel he could match, and Brent would never recover from this. His partial proposal in the middle of it all made Brent smile as he recalled it. He should have said yes, thinking back on it.
Now he just needed to make sure that another of those happened.
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