Hugo couldn’t easily continue speaking. He had been struck deeply at his core. Fearing that his inner turmoil might show in his golden eyes, he deliberately kept a cold expression and remained silent.
However, Leonardo felt the subtle current running through their joined hands, not his impassive face. Though clearly shaken by his words, the cold man pretended otherwise. Leonardo looked up at him as if reproaching him.
“You’ve been doing it since this morning, deliberately keeping your distance. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Why are you suddenly acting like this?”
He burst out at Hugo with the emotions he’d been suppressing all day.
“Is it because I spoke as if telling you not to interfere? Did that upset you? Is that why you’re angry with me?”
Leonardo shook the large hand he was holding, urging an answer. He seemed to be throwing a tantrum while also seeking forgiveness.
His voice, with its coexisting nuances, sounded extremely anxious and agitated. Like a child afraid of being left behind, desperation was entwined in the fingertips that clung on.
Being quite perceptive, he might have noticed the distance to some extent, but Hugo hadn’t expected him to think he was angry. He tried to correct the misunderstanding. Grasping the other’s hand firmly, he spoke in a sincere voice:
“I’m not angry. Why would I be angry with you?”
However, Leonardo didn’t seem to believe him.
“...You always say you’re not doing something while you’re doing it. You say you’re not avoiding me while avoiding me, you say you’re not angry while being angry.”
“I— ...Ha. No, I didn’t avoid you. And I wasn’t angry either.”
Hugo, about to ask when he’d ever done such things, suddenly stopped as a few scenes flashed through his mind. Then, shaking his head, he corrected himself. It was true that he hadn’t been angry. It wasn’t something worth getting angry about, nor was there any reason to. He added in a calm voice:
“I’ve been busy sorting out the situation, haven’t I? Of course, I understand why you felt that way. I should’ve taken better care of you, but I was too preoccupied.”
Mentioning appropriate facts, expressing understanding for the other’s feelings, even reflecting on his own actions—his response was always excellent. But to Leonardo, it sounded deeply contradictory.
“Liar.”
Leonardo bit his lip and spat it out. His eyes were sharp, but full of hurt.
Hugo felt as if his inner thoughts had been pierced by that single word. Though surprised, he didn’t show it outwardly, of course.
Leonardo, who’d been watching the silent Hugo, furrowed his brow deeply and turned his head away. At the same time, he raised his stiff left arm and roughly ran it through his bangs. He hated how things were turning out like this again.
He knew Agrizendro had more responsibilities than two bodies could handle. So he had waited quietly. Even when he didn’t return all night after saying he’d be back soon, even when he’d emptied a bottle and a half of liquor and was absent until dawn, discussing the return route.
But now, everything he said didn’t feel sincere. When Leonardo had indirectly tried to hold him back by mentioning Flynn, he had been extremely firm; but when it came to Leonardo’s turn, he always hid behind responsibility and circumstances.
Although Leonardo guessed there was another reason, he couldn’t bring himself to press Hugo further when he said he’d been busy. Looking back on their conversation, he was just a whining child to a busy person.
The unbridgeable gap stemming from the positional and emotional differences between himself and this person was clear. So today, yesterday, and back then too. It was always his role to be considerate and wait.
Nevertheless, he had smiled in front of everyone and bestowed upon him the glory of the title of hero, so he had hoped that at least tonight, he would stay by his side so he wouldn’t be lonely. But even that had to be fought for—demanding answers and asking why, ❀ Nоvеlігht ❀ (Don’t copy, read here) all while maintaining formalities.
His shoulders, which had slumped powerlessly, rose and fell rapidly. His breathing was labored, a sign that appeared when he was suppressing his emotions.
Watching this, Hugo placed his hand on Leonardo’s lower lip, as if telling him not to bite it, lest blood well there.
However, Leonardo strongly expressed his wish not to be touched with a shake of his head. Then he roughly pulled his hand, still entangled with Hugo’s, away.
As Hugo hesitated at the warmth that had slipped free, Leonardo spoke in a subdued voice.
“You said that interfering with and protecting me was your duty.”
Leonardo took Hugo back to that moment when he’d first felt the strange atmosphere, to the end point of their messy conversation.
Hugo’s eyes grew ambiguous as he listened. Leonardo moved his lips, then asked with difficulty:
“Then were the things you said before also said out of a sense of duty? That you were worried about me, that you were anxious I might get hurt. Were those all said because of duty too? Not sincere?”
Even as he questioned Hugo point by point, Leonardo didn’t know exactly what answer he wanted to hear. He just wanted something definite, feeling that someone who wouldn’t normally act this way seemed to be constantly avoiding him.
Now that Nero was gone, Agrizendro’s presence in this desolate subjugation force was incomparable to anything else for him. So he hoped his presence wasn’t insignificant to the other as well. Although he knew the magnitude wouldn’t be the same, in the time and hearts they’d shared, each other’s existence was clearly there.
Moreover, when tomorrow’s sun rises, the Central Branch will return to the imperial capital. The hourglass of his time with this person was flowing toward its end.
So, even knowing that baring deep emotions was wrong, Leonardo didn’t want to face this farewell like this. Since Hugo had said it was for his sake, he wanted to take away a beautiful memory to look back on at the end of this subjugation.
Leonardo looked down at the gap between Hugo and himself, then raised his sorrowful eyelids to stare at the other. Soon, letting out a low sigh, he threatened:
“If it was duty, you can go. I don’t want to be with someone who says such things out of a sense of duty.”
Hugo’s pupils moved subtly at the firm voice. But still, there was no sign of agitation.
Leonardo, gritting his teeth at the one who remained aloof to the end, spoke, crushing his pride:
“But if there was even a little sincerity—”
Pausing for a beat, he squeezed his eyes shut and muttered:
“Don’t go. Stay by my side tonight.”
Hugo looked at the pitiful beauty begging with his whole body for him to stay.
“...”
For about a minute of ensuing silence, only their breathing could be heard.
He couldn’t remember at all how things had come to this. Hugo’s gaze wouldn’t leave the drooping golden eyelashes for a long time.
Leonardo, at a young and passionate age, cherished every single word of his with all his heart. Finding comfort—and also being hurt—by them, he clung to and treasured even trivial things Hugo himself might have overlooked.
So Hugo couldn’t utter even a simple word carelessly to this pitiful hero. Though he was cautious by nature, his thoughts and concerns deepened especially in front of him.
The eyelashes precariously shadowing the golden eyes created a tempting tremor that made him want to reach out and caress the rims right away. It shattered his weak resolve to keep an appropriate distance. So even as he recalled all the social responsibilities weighing on his shoulders, Hugo felt an impulse to set them down a little.
He just wanted to be there for the nation’s hero, soaked in loneliness and craving warmth, not to leave him alone on the day he should be most celebrated. But the reason he couldn’t was simple. It was his own cowardice and immaturity.
When the time of promise approached, both he and Leonardo would have to return to their places. But Hugo had to face the contradictory part of himself that wanted to change the ending awaiting them at the end of this subjugation every time it progressed.
Even if he tried to ignore it, this young fellow always placed him before the judgment seat of innocence. Hugo found this uncomfortable. It felt like his solid reason was being completely shaken by another person.
He closed his eyes tightly and, inwardly, let out a deep sigh. Soon, the voice that flowed through his teeth was clearly not his own.
“Sometimes, you really make me into a pathetic person.”
Leonardo, who’d been looking down, slowly raised his head at those words.
Hugo stared at the one who made him unlike himself with a relaxed gaze.
In his mind, he built a plausible defensive wall: this time, he shouldn’t make the one who said he’d waited for him wait.
After today passes, who knows what obstacles will come before them. So just for today, just for this night like the calm before the storm, let’s give in to the pitiful beauty’s wishes. Hugo thus compromised with his reason for one night. One night, just one night.
Having resolved it alone, he reached out and grasped the back of Leonardo’s neck. He felt his own handkerchief brush his palm and ruffled the long golden hair at the back.
He toyed with the heated skin between his fingertips and pulled Leonardo toward him.
He could see a future where his insincere sincerity would eat away at him. Wavering toward someone who needed comfort, he might regret this moment as soon as tomorrow.
Nevertheless, Hugo decided to care only for the small sun now, even if he had to bear all the blasphemy himself.
As if asking forgiveness from the one tired of waiting, he gently kissed the pretty forehead.
“...!”
As that dizzying sensation pressed firmly against his skin, Leonardo’s eyes flew open like sparks.
The hot thrill that settled on his forehead made his nose bridge, scalp, nape, and shoulders twitch.
The deep breath caressed his brow and eyelids along their graceful curve. Finally, it mercilessly pressed down on his delicate eyelashes.
Even after the shadow over his eyes moved away, Leonardo couldn’t grasp what had happened. He only stared blankly at the other with a dumbfounded expression, and Hugo rubbed the reddened rims his lips had traced with his thumb.
He met the hazily opened golden eyes, then slowly pulled Leonardo into his arms, embracing his back.
The warm heat stiffened for a moment, but soon found its place, wrapping around the broad chest. A large hand enveloped the small head and made it rest on his shoulder.
Burying his breath in the golden hair, he vowed:
“I’ll stay by your side.”
