Aurora Over a Dead World

Chapter 23: A Test for Eirwen

Since class has ended, my students are already heading back to their dorms or homes — I have no idea where each one stays, and I don’t care — but what matters is that today’s lesson bore fruit.

I gave all of them a drill that will help them learn how to minimize damage from something before getting hit. The drill is simple: just toss a pitcher of water upward, or spray water with a hose.

And then "defend" against it. Water works well for this drill because it splashes. The moment someone can make the water fall on you without splashing, it means you successfully defended against it.

No impact means no splash, and no impact is already a good start toward reducing damage from physical blows. Once every student here is capable of doing that, we can take this training further.

’...She stayed again...’ I look at Eirwen, who remained in the classroom. Honestly, I’m pretty focused on actively teaching Eirwen first. I think I’ll call her in for solo lessons.

Since I prefer one-on-one instruction, during regular class hours I’ll teach everyone, while the rest of the time I’ll call students to come with me to explore the city, hunt monsters, and receive heavier, more intuitive training.

This works well because they all have different powers, so they need different training tailored to them. Teaching the same thing to everyone only works if it’s neutral stuff, like this lesson on how to defend themselves.

"Eirwen, it’s good that you stayed. I’ve decided you’ll be the first student to get individual training with me. I want to take you outside the academy, and yes, your free time will be spent on training and study," I tell her, grabbing a lollipop and putting it in my mouth.

"Professor, another lollipop? Isn’t that bad for your health?" she says, criticizing my lollipop. I glance at the trash can beside me and the dozens of lollipop wrappers.

"It’s better than cigarettes. Want one?" I toss a lollipop her way, and she catches it on reflex. She looks at the candy and sets it on the desk with no interest.

"Refusing gifts from a superior is arrogance. Besides, your criticism right now doesn’t matter. One day, maybe you’ll have a vice of your own to get through life." The world’s already shit. Vices are the few good little moments in this destructive, chaos-filled life.

"I don’t need individual training, especially since it’s not my obligation. You want to drag me somewhere outside school hours. That’s not within your authority, and—"

"Death doesn’t wait for you to have spent your free time and clocked in for work. You barely reacted inside the simulator, and even now you’re still shaken by the sensation of dying," I say, dragging my tail across the floor.

The metallic scraping sound makes Eirwen shudder at the unexpected noise, showing she’s afraid.

"Look, I know it probably sounds like shit having to spend your free time training with an unpleasant professor who comes across as really cruel. I’d hate it too, seriously. But that’s life, right?" I didn’t want to be here being a professor either.

"So get your routine in order, because I’ll be taking at least five to nine hours of it to teach you how to be a real Kaira." I bite the lollipop, hearing the sweet crack of it, while she makes an irritated face, eyes widening.

"Professor, you sound so arrogant. I may have died quickly, but I—"

"..." I stare at her, making her shut up. I take the gun we used for demonstration in class out of the drawer and remove almost all the bullets, leaving just one.

I drag a chair over to where Eirwen is sitting and sit down across from her, handing her the gun.

"All you have to do is aim and pull the trigger. Let’s play a game. We’ll shoot at each other whenever we disagree with what the other says... If thirty minutes pass and there are still shots left to fire, I won’t call you for training," I say, checking the time on the clock.

"W-What?! Th-This is insane!! You want a student to shoot at a teacher, and not only that — you want to shoot at a student?! That’s so absurd that—"

Click

I snatch the gun from her hand and fire. The clicking sound makes her tremble completely — her pupils shake too as she locks up.

"A teacher and a student. Both should be ready to kill each other if necessary. Did you know there are monsters that can possess bodies? There are also those that can parasitize or control the mind."

"If your mind were controlled, I would kill you, because it’s too big a risk to just try to contain. And me too — if one day I get controlled, parasitized, or possessed, I want someone to kill me. I’d rather die than be a monster’s puppet."

"Your argument is flawed. This test with the gun is proof that it’s really me here. I will NEVER be afraid to do this kind of thing, and that’s all the proof you need that I am Zenith."

"So... if you disagree with what I said, shoot." I hand the gun back to her. She bites her lips and doesn’t take the shot.

"So you understand. That’s good. Not everyone can be saved, you know? So let’s move on to a better argument here... let’s see... would you kill a civilian if it saved others?"

"I would, because ten lives are worth more than one—" I start to say, but she cuts me off.

"W-Would you sacrifice someone you love for that?!" she asks, outraged by what I said.

"No. I’d kill those ten people to save someone I love." When I say that, her face twists in disgust.

"We’re human, girl. Humans are selfish. Why would I sacrifice someone I care about for strangers? I know it’s cold — to many, even monstrous — but it’s a matter of weighing values."

"...If it were for someone I care about, I’d sacrifice even ten thousand people without a shred of remorse." For Nadir, I’d do anything, no matter what it was.

Click

She points the gun at me and, driven by pure disgust, she fires. Nothing comes out, obviously, but the gun’s cylinder holds six rounds. I left one out of six bullets. Two shots have already been fired, so there are only three safe shots left before reaching the last one, the one that will actually fire.

"Good, that’s progress. You defended what you believe in — or rather, you let anger take over and found some false courage," I taunt her.

"I would never sacrifice civilians like that! I’d save everyone!! I’d find my own way, because sacrificing people like that is inhumane," she says with confidence and conviction.

"That’s a good mindset, Eirwen... but unfortunately unrealistic. An idealized dream... but I like it when people like you have those dreams." She furrows her brows as if I’m mocking her.

But I told the truth. For powerful people, an optimistic mindset of saving others is good, because I’ve seen selfish powerful people who kill civilians for pleasure, and that kind of person is disgusting.

I would kill out of duty, necessity, or many other reasons, but never for fun. If there’s no logical reason to take someone’s life, I wouldn’t do it. Unfortunately, Eirwen doesn’t seem to understand that.

"Eirwen, do you think taking lives automatically makes someone evil?"

"Yes! It’s vile, it’s disgusting! It’s something monstrous, just like what the monsters do—"

Click

I snatch the gun from her again and fire. She grips the desk in front of us, freezing its surface.

"Killing people isn’t vile, disgusting, or monstrous. Saying that is spitting in the faces of the thousands of Kairas who’ve had to choose between saving or taking a life," I tell her seriously.

"People die all the time, and that’s a dangerous mindset. And comparing it to what monsters do is something that genuinely pisses me off... But Eirwen, you still don’t seem to understand..." I point at her and keep pulling the trigger until only the loaded chamber remains.

She swallows hard as I set the gun on the desk so that the next person to use it will fire a real shot.

"You only had the courage to use the gun because you knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone. But what about now? Now it has a bullet. Are you capable of defending your ideology? By the way, I won’t defend myself. If you shoot again, that shot will hit me." When I say that, she shrinks back a little.

"Eirwen, this may sound cruel coming from me, and I don’t know you well enough to say something that connects to your past... but whatever happened to you, saving people doesn’t change that."

"And saving people doesn’t make you a good person, or a better person, or a hero... Do you know why fear-based monsters are so strong?"

"Because civilians are afraid of us. Civilians, for the most part, don’t see Kairas as heroes. Yes, there are Kairas who are seen as heroes — Commander Nadir himself, who you’ve probably seen on television, is an example of someone seen as a hero."

"But that reality is a fantasy. More than 98% of the population fears us. To them, you will never be a heroine, even if you save them. Gratitude exists — I’m not saying they’re completely ungrateful."

"But fear still exists even alongside gratitude. The number of powerful monsters is just a reflection of that. Monsters are born from humanity’s fear. The more they fear us, the stronger the monsters become."

"Abominations like the Nightmare didn’t exist a hundred years ago. There were strong monsters, but there weren’t so many capable of manipulating vectors."

"In this generation, though, it’s crawling with monsters that manipulate vectors. That’s because humans became far too aware of it. The media in the past spread tons of information about the Kairas’ powers and missions."

"That made the population understand too much about their ’heroes,’ and with that, their fear grew. That’s why today’s media only mentions a handful of Kairas to the public and barely mentions their powers."

"To reduce the population’s fear. If you, Eirwen, hope to be a heroine to civilians, forget that dream."

Bang

She shoots at my head, but my tail deflects the bullet, which hits the clock and blows it apart. That makes me laugh.

"I hit a nerve, from the looks of it... but I like it. You had the courage to defend your ideology. That’s good," I say with a big grin on my face as Eirwen pants, as if pulling that trigger had been something intense for her.

"Many are hypocrites and don’t have the courage to back up their words. But you do, and I respect that... We’re done here... but you didn’t last thirty minutes. A shame... Tomorrow you’ll start your training with me... Keep this as a memento," I say, leaving the gun with her and heading to the door.

"Don’t forget this feeling, Eirwen. It will save you in the future. And don’t expect adoration, love, and gratitude from civilians. You might save them and then hear them call you a monster the very next moment. If you expect praise, they’ll tear your heart into a million pieces." It’s a painful reality.

Because we’re not heroes. We’re weapons. And a weapon can protect and still frighten the population.