When I told him to hand over the phone, Choi Jeho hesitated, then passed it to me.
No sooner had I brought the speaker to my ear than a middle-aged woman’s fierce scolding hit my eardrum.
— See? What did I always say? I told you to get used to cooking at the dorm! I kept telling you to learn some side dishes from me and you never listened. I should’ve tied you to the kitchen and taught you then and there.
In a flash, I found myself bewitched, listening to how well Mr. Choi Jeho’s younger sister, Choi Miho, could pan-fry chicken nuggets all by herself, and how, in contrast, what on earth was Jeho doing with himself at twenty-one.
Thanks to his mother’s formidable projection, Jeho’s face flushed beet-red as he heard every word through the receiver.
Next to him, Lee Cheonghyeon was biting his lips in a “don’t laugh” challenge.
I had to defuse this before either Jeho’s or Cheonghyeon’s face exploded.
I spoke as brightly as possible, aiming to come off as a cheerful, sociable, well-mannered young man.
"Hello, ma’am! I’m Kim Iwol, I work with Jeho in the same group!"
I never thought the day would come when I’d drop his surname and call him just Jeho in my life. Human being Kim Iwol, pride fully discarded.
Thankfully, she responded with gusto before I had time to wallow in self-contempt.
— Oh my, oh my! I know our Iwol! Did that brat Jeho dump the kimchi pancake on you and run?
"Oh, no, ma’am. I’m sorry to contact you so suddenly when you must be busy."
— What’s a lady like me busy with? I’m not busy at all.
And then she passed down the legendary kimchi pancake recipe.
At the same time, she didn’t forget to chide her thoughtless son in between steps.
— Iwol, you must have a hard time wrangling Jeho. The older ones should be a bit dependable, but my kid just isn’t like that.
— Is Jeho talking a bit at the dorm these days? I keep telling him to be warm to the younger ones—does he ever listen to me?
Mostly things like that. She said it so often I started wondering if this was some magic incantation for making delicious kimchi pancake.
Still, how could I bad-mouth someone standing right in front of me.
I gladly said, "Jeho’s doing very well, ma’am!"
Jeho shot me a queasy look. As if I’m saying this because I enjoy it.
She emphasized we must eat the pancake right off the pan while it’s hot.
— It’d be best if I went and made it for you myself. Next time, I’ll do it in person.
"No, ma’am, we’re already so grateful for you teaching us like this!"
"Don’t come while you’re working. If you’re done, just rest."
Jeho added tersely. Look at that tone.
She ended the call by telling Jeho, "Try copying even half of how politely Iwol speaks!"
As for her recipe—no need to brag. It was a roaring success.
Jeong Seongbin’s family’s kimjang kimchi did a lot of heavy lifting, too. He even snapped a photo of the kimchi pancake to send to his mother.
"Everyone’s... pretty harmonious, huh."
I cleared the kimchi pancake they’d ladled onto my small plate, urging me to eat it before it got cold. A greasy afternoon.
What do idols do in their off-cycle?
I wouldn’t know. My future dream has never once been “idol.”
But what Spark does in off-cycle—I know that far more than necessary.
≫ At this point did the kids sink into the earth or what
There’s literally zero sightings
└ It’s been ten days since “going back to the parents’ house” news...... silence......
≫ [Sighting] I saw Choi Jeho at a barbecue place today
Looked like he came to eat with family
I was going to ask for an autograph but he was getting scolded from both sides while grilling, so I just pretended not to notice......
└ ffs you’re a real fan ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
These punks did nothing. Ab~solutely nothing.
There were sighting posts when they went around with family, but the accepted truth among fans was that they were either at the practice room or holed up at home.
Not wandering around making trouble? Great.
But I knew just how desperately fans thirsty for crumbs wait for any update on their members.
‘Deputy Kim. Those Spark kids—aren’t they doing anything lately?’
‘They were given a vacation after promotions ended recently, sir.’
I hadn’t even gotten a vacation, and there I was reporting Spark’s vacation. Nothing had ever felt more pathetic.
The painful conversation didn’t end there.
‘What the hell are “crumbs”? My kid keeps whining at the dinner table that there aren’t any crumbs—driving me crazy.’
‘Usually it’s new tidbits or teases from celebrities....’
‘Then, you—Deputy Kim—gather a few of those and send them to my email. Don’t need many. Just, like, three per member.’
I was ordered to find the whereabouts of boys even their own fans couldn’t find. Because his daughter seemed glum.
An idol’s fan feeling lonely because their favorite is radio silent?
That can happen. Because they care. That’s perfectly natural.
But a boss ordering a subordinate to compile idol news for a “daughter lonely because her favorite is radio silent”?
Shouldn’t that earn the maximum sentence, no appeal? And the target is Spark, who’ve crawled under a rock like hermit crabs?
Seething at how flimsy the Republic of Korea’s legal net was, I dove into the sea of information with nothing but a mouse. Until 3 a.m. that night.
Still, having learned that it’s [N O V E L I G H T] better for crumbs to overflow than dry up, I pushed at the company to keep releasing self-content even in off-cycle.
"Hah...."
I burst into a hollow laugh reading the content proposals the boys had submitted.
Name: Choi Jeho
Content: Dance medley, 4 songs
Name: Park Juu
Content: Cooking vlog
Name: Kang Giyeon
Content: Learning the choreography to “Hellas” (new song)
Because their proposals looked like this.
I graciously said they only had to write “name” and “content,” didn’t I. And you couldn’t even do that right?
Where’s the song list? And Juu, you can only make fern-stem salad so far.
I won’t claim to read fans’ hearts perfectly, but fans want to watch you dance—they don’t want to learn dance from you brats.
Lee Cheonghyeon’s proposal was just a tiny bit better than those three.
Name: Lee Cheonghyeon
Content: Build a mini Rube Goldberg machine! (Fans showed huge interest!!!)
Problem is, that’s not a twenty-minute piece of content.
Mini Rube Goldberg... If you have the skill to make that, design a kit and hand it to me. I’ll put it in the fanclub welcome goods.
Of course, there was one who wrote dutifully.
Our not-so-reliable but genuinely kind leader, Jeong Seongbin.
But he had a fundamental problem.
Content: Reading today’s news (one each from Society / World / IT, etc.)
"This is 100% going to put even Seongbin’s fans to sleep."
I know why he’s into this lane.
Because he built a path in something other than basic schooling in his teens, he’s seen a lot of idols get dragged for poor academics.
Maybe afraid he’d face that, he hasn’t neglected studying. He even looks up various current-affairs trivia.
But that doesn’t mean I’ll allow this topic.
If you cement a “smart” image too early, one slip of the tongue later can wipe it all out.
There’s knowledge you naturally pick up as you age—giving the “well-versed in many fields” impression later isn’t a bad idea.
So what did I think after reading all five proposals?
"I’m fucked," basically.
I’ll be honest. In the spirit of repentance for ramming my will down their throats so far, I was going to let it slide this time.
With my mentality roughed up by the system and shaky guilt, I wasn’t about to recklessly order them to do anything.
At most, on their self-content shoot day, I was planning to carry a bottle of water and play gopher.
But what? Five of you: dance, picking ferns, reading instructions?
"Guys."
"Yes?"
"Each of you, grab a notebook from your room and be back here in one minute."
I will not watch you waste MeTube data-center storage with that crap.
You’re not sleeping tonight.
"Hey, I came up with fourteen—still not enough?"
"Yup, not enough. Bring it up to twenty."
At my words, Jeho scowled and walked off. He muttered something to himself—almost certainly curses, so I didn’t care.
I had all five of them parked at the table, squeezing their brains, when the dorm phone rang.
Unfortunately, they were under a sentence not to leave their seats until they’d produced twenty ideas, so I answered.
"Hello, this is Kim Iwol."
The caller was the manager.
— Ah, Iwol? How do you always nail the timing like this.
It’s not that I nailed the timing—I’m just busting their asses well.
‘Planning said they were starting prep for the next album, so is it Planning? Or Video?’
I stayed quiet, guessing who wanted me today, waiting for the next line.
What came was unexpected.
— Iwol, you got a radio appearance offer!
Excuse me?
— They specifically asked for you by name. What do you think? You’ll do it, right?
Sorry—who exactly singled me out and took me...?!
