Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols

...Strict rules written neatly and densely on a small whiteboard.

Only after these Twelve Commandments—unclear whether this was an idol house or a training center—did the title pop up in that classic old-variety-show font:

SPARK DREAM HOUSE — FULL REVEAL

After a wall clock showing 5:00 a.m., the camera panned to the kitchen.

Someone was standing like a totem, cooking at the stove.

Beside him, an open bread bag and cute plates were lined up perfectly.

It was Kim Iwol.

Kim Iwol (21 / eldest)

Note: Woke up at the sound of camera installation and failed to capture a wake-up shot

“So very real.”

Spark were idols who couldn’t lie. But this was honesty on another level. Thanks to that, we got to see Iwol in a black tee, forearms out, toasting bread—what a good world.

With the ease of a famous Noryangjin toast-stall owner, Kim Iwol flipped slices of bread. On another burner he set down a fresh pan and started frying eggs.

Staff: Do you always toast bread at this hour, Iwol?

Iwol: Whoever wakes first toasts. Seongbin does it a lot too. Director, should I toast a side for you?

Estimating headcount as he glanced around the dorm, Kim Iwol tore into the bread bag without hesitation.

Three slices with jam, three without, each topped with an egg—just as he finished, alarms rang from both rooms.

First we cut to the big room by the entryway.

Face buried in his pillow, Lee Cheonghyeon slapped the timer button off.

Cheonghyeon: ...Jeho hyung.

Jeho: Mmm.

After confirming each other was awake, the two sluggishly threw off their blankets and sat up. Baek Haewon replayed this part for three minutes just to hear Cheonghyeon’s morning-raspy voice.

Climbing down from the top bunk, Lee Cheonghyeon checked Kim Iwol’s spot.

Cheonghyeon: When did he head out? He’s the prodigy of miracle mornings, a prodigy.

While Cheonghyeon marveled, Choi Jeho picked up his glasses. He always wore contacts when filming, but today he’d opted for his at-home glasses.

Meanwhile, the other room had a rougher time getting up. Kang Giyeon was rubbing his dry face hard.

Seongbin: Giyeon, are you super sleepy?

Giyeon: No.

Juu: I’m super sleepy...

Seongbin: Haha, you look it.

Even in the same dorm, unlike the blazing “knife-wake-up” room, this room smelled more like people.

But only for a moment.

Seongbin: Gasp—looks like Iwol hyung’s already up!

( Detects toast smell and bolts out )

As Seongbin tore out like a hornet grandpa, the kitchen began to get a little noisy.

Only after passing out toast to the staff did Spark gather at the table.

Bare-faced after just a quick wash...

( 100% pure morning bare faces )

...Even without fan goggles, they were insane.

How does not one person wake up puffy? You’re telling me not a single one had relied on glam makeup to enlarge his eyes?

Except for Park Juu’s hair, which was a bit of a mess (maybe from sleep habits), Spark looked so decent they could’ve been shot for “commute-to-work” press photos.

Seongbin: Hyung, you don’t have a shoot today, right?

Iwol: Yeah. You guys don’t have anything urgent either?

Seongbin: Right.

News of Kim Iwol’s drama shoot had been out in articles early. I’d spent days keyboard-warring with brats asking if Kim Pep was already planning to bail solo.

Cheonghyeon: I’ll do the dishes!

Juu: No.

Cheonghyeon: Why?

Juu: You... need to type. Can’t let those precious hands touch water.

Cheonghyeon: Hyung...!

Moved, Lee Cheonghyeon shifted to wiping the table.

Even during the royal-court era, Spark were the ones hustling. Must’ve been because they’d always divvied up house chores at the dorm.

My boys are so damn admirable. Stick six hundred grape stickers on them.

Some pairs were all warmth and brotherhood; others, not so much.

Jeho: I think the washer’s spin function is busted.

Iwol: Yeah? Then could you maybe carry the laundry to the bathroom and give it two hundred quick spins each? Like a fire-swing show.

Jeho: Do you think I’m a manual spin dryer?

While Kim Iwol headed to the veranda to find the washer A/S number, Choi Jeho stared at the laundry dripping onto the floor.

Then, with a sigh, he and Kang Giyeon moved all the laundry to the bathroom door.

“No way? Are we actually getting a literal laundry-fire-swing show?!”

Thinking Jeho couldn’t be that foolish, Baek Haewon secretly hoped. I mean, a person can hope in life.

Sadly, Choi Jeho did not perform a windmill with the laundry.

Instead... he showed killer veins.

More precisely, “forearms bulging like the veins might pop from wringing water.”

Baek Haewon calmly hit pause. Then grabbed his phone.

Jagadin @vbkasi2123

Guilty-Jeho, have you lost your mind? With guests here, you whip out those forearms and wring laundry like some brute—keep that up and you’ll be eating plain rice for life.

Chipmunk @QKsA_39kd

Didn’t Iwol say “Do you think people are manual spin dryers?” Then why are you manual spin-drying??? Since when is Iwol’s word just a suggestion??? Is Iwol’s word a joke to you????????

Rabbit???? @V_12nnvka2

I thought I misread lolololol

Gawon @fkvmd3w589

Lolol was like, “Is this wording even okay?” for a second lol

Pippi @kgoqwqw23

I want to screencap this now, crank the quality, and make it my icon, but there are too many kill points to stop... this is an ant hell. We’re getting like 100 episodes of dorm life, right? I trust you, UA.

Diver @UJ_sjgk10051

High-stim craziness, wow;;

How is this diabolical self-content being... just scattered everywhere? And all-ages, at that?

Kim Iwol’s back as he toasts bread is so blessed I want to ask for his college-entrance study tips—is that even coherent??

Bet he’ll say “100% textbook-based study” T_T

???????????? @V_12nnvka2

LMAO why are college-entrance tips entering the chat here

Oil Lamp @ajdhdq_QWR

Lol your delulu is the more insane one

The oh-so-civilized Baek Haewon’s review flooded the timeline. After a deep breath, he returned to exploring Spark’s dorm life.

Spark’s riotous dorm story kept going.

Seongbin: Giyeon, a package came. What’d you order?

Giyeon: Ankle weights. The wrap-around kind.

Iwol: Don’t tell me you’re wearing those. You’ll hurt your joints if you use those carelessly.

Giyeon: Don’t worry, hyung. They’re yours.

Iwol: Ah, are they?

Juu: If they’re hyung’s, you feel at ease...?

So devoted to the younger ones that he couldn’t sense his own dark future... Kim Iwol.

Iwol: Next, Choi Jeho.

Jeho: I commend you for notifying your schedule diligently again this time.

Cheonghyeon: Hyung, you know you said that last time too?

Iwol: That’s because there’s no fire in it. You’re sentenced to “praise all members.”

Jeho: Ha...

Everything came out—like Choi Jeho getting pummeled from all sides for not praising Seongbin more colorfully.

So you guys fold laundry and praise each other like this. It’s truly domestic, cozy, and cute. The living room does look a bit cramped, but still.

Giyeon: We’re working out at the dorm today too, right?

Jeho: Yeah. We invited guests—can’t be the only ones going to the gym.

At Jeong Seongbin’s words, Kang Giyeon brought several exercise mats to the living room. A door that had never been opened (maybe a closet-room) swung wide.

There were definitely hangers along the edges. But in the middle... it was simply SPARK GYM, Flagship.

Having only eaten toast, Spark worked out like they were dying. Seeing Park Juu—who looks the most docile—wear lifting gloves and do pull-ups made Baek Haewon want to drop dead.

Cheonghyeon: Giyeon, settle cleaning duty with a plank challenge—deal?

Giyeon: Deal.

“If you maknaes are going to do high-stim planks like it’s nothing, don’t! Or at least wear muscle-fit tees!”

At this point Baek Haewon clearly didn’t know his own heart. His mind flickered like it was possessed.

But Kim Iwol, at least, could read Baek Haewon’s heart like a ghost.

Iwol: If you’re doing planks, put on workout clothes and move to the living room. Make sure the lighting hits you well.

Obediently, the younger ones came out in close-fitting, light black workout gear. With not an ounce of extra fat—no way anyone would believe they were high-schoolers—they started a plank battle.

“Kim Iwol. Just what are you...”

You could almost hear the fans who love Spark’s physiques howling. Baek Haewon himself was shrieking in fifteen different ways.

Even so, the younger ones still had a boyish feel. Still... a little.

The eldest line went beyond that.

Iwol: ( no change in pace )

Jeho: ( no change in pace x2 )

One-arm push-ups from Kim Iwol, and handstand one-arm push-ups from Choi Jeho—their arm muscles were a wonder.

Because he had his back to the camera, Choi Jeho’s shirt had ridden halfway up, revealing ridged spinal erectors. Baek Haewon pressed his forehead. He felt less like a guest and more like a phantom thief.

“This is why they say when the hyungs go to the gym together, they don’t say a word.”

Even Baek Haewon wouldn’t have time to talk if he were working out like that.

And sure, it was “just the dorm,” but to build that muscle with that endurance? Imagine how much they must tear up the gym. If they even leave together and return together, that’s a blessing.

Spark kept working out for a full two hours. Thankfully, the video hit the fast-forward and close-up switch at tasteful points, feeding Baek Haewon’s shadowy desires.

Juu: Are we doing the meeting ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ this week...?

Seongbin: Yeah, we have to. We left off at —spoiler block— last time. They asked us to unify our opinion.

At the four letters “spoiler block,” sparks flew in Baek Haewon’s eyes.

Is something big coming? They just destroyed us with a fan song—another one coming? Should I just wait for the Chuseok allowance event?

Seongbin: Hyung, if you’re busy, you can just read the minutes later and leave comments...

Iwol: I’m not busy. I memorized all my lines.

Cheonghyeon: Cool, amazing, our hyung is a genius.

Iwol: ...Are you guys doing some surprise “everyone praise me” hidden camera on me?

Kim Iwol asked, not entirely pleased.

But get real. Kim Iwol, you are cool, amazing, and a genius. And ridiculously handsome. If you know what’s good for you, sit still and accept the compliments.

The screen blurred softly. “SPOILER BLOCK” appeared large in the center.

At that size, it had to be at least a comeback. Years of Baek Haewon’s built-up big data said so.

“The fan song was a digital single with zero stages—this time we’re milking it like bone broth.”

His heart raced at the thought of applying for a prerecording audience slot with his Season 1 Sparkler privilege. The skin under his eye twitched too. It was all fatigue, damn it...

Rubbing an eyelid that looked magnesium-deficient, Baek Haewon focused on the screen again.

Seongbin: Then shall we tour each member’s living zone now?

That’s it.

If you’ve got a bias, you need this exact segment!