January 21, 2021
Bang! Bang!
The violent pounding on the door jolted Alicia awake. No one in the castle ever knocked on her door like that.
"...Who is it?"
She tried to keep the tension out of her voice, but a slight tremor betrayed her unease. Swallowing dryly, she instinctively straightened, her shoulders stiff with apprehension.
"Let’s talk."
Fortunately, the voice beyond the door was familiar. Alicia let out a quiet sigh of relief and cautiously opened the door.
"What’s the matter all of a sudden?"
The moment she cracked the door open, Cabelenus strode inside with heavy steps. Startled, Alicia turned, only to freeze at the expression she met. His face was rigid—not just tense, but as if he was barely holding back his anger. Though no words had been exchanged yet, just looking at him was enough for her to sense that something was wrong.
"There’s something I need to hear from you."
"Hear from me? What are you talking—"
"Your power."
Alicia’s heart plummeted.
For a long moment, she struggled to form a proper expression before barely managing to lift the corners of her lips. But Cabelenus’s face remained unchanged—unrelenting, unyielding.
"That power... it’s eating away at your life, isn’t it?"
His voice wavered, unable to fully conceal his anxiety. He hated even voicing such words, but he couldn’t stop himself.
"What are you talking about?"
Alicia forced a laugh. But no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t keep her hands from trembling.
Cabelenus seized her hand, gripping it tightly.
"You’re going to see a doctor."
"Cabelenus."
"The fact that you’re calling my name like that means I don’t even need to hear the answer."
With unwavering determination, he pulled her closer. Alicia looked up at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"It’s not an illness that can be cured by seeing a doctor."
"Then I’ll summon a priest."
"A priest won’t be able to help either."
"You haven’t even met with one yet! Get a proper diagnosis first. Then we’ll decide if it can or can’t be cured."
Cabelenus’s voice was a low growl. His clenched teeth betrayed his efforts to swallow down his rage.
"I’m just paying the price for using my power."
"So you’re just going to die?"
Cabelenus exhaled sharply, his frustration palpable.
"There’s nothing humans can do about it."
"I refuse to accept that. I will find a way to save you."
"It’s not a disease that can be healed."
"Have you even tried?"
Lowering his head, Cabelenus met her gaze head-on. They were so close she could feel his breath against her skin.
"There’s no need to—"
"Enough."
"..."
"You might think that saying ‘it’s impossible’ is the end of it, but I don’t. I refuse to give up."
His golden eyes gleamed with intensity, blood vessels visible against the striking irises. He had only just found her—there was no way he was going to let her go now. Losing Alicia once had been more than enough.
"There’s nothing you can do about it."
Alicia averted her gaze weakly, but Cabelenus was relentless. He refused to let her escape, meeting her eyes no matter how much she tried to avoid him.
"That’s something you can say after trying everything."
"..."
"From the beginning, you’ve only been thinking about giving up."
She shouldn’t be swayed. She had pushed down her desires, forced herself to accept reality, but it was slipping through her fingers now. Alicia couldn’t withstand his gaze any longer and finally looked up at him. Tears welled in her eyes.
"...Then what should I do? It’s already decided. If something is impossible, then it’s better to accept it and focus on what can be done. That’s the best choice."
"The best choice for me is for you to stay alive."
"I..."
Her trembling lashes parted, revealing eyes clouded with uncertainty. For Alicia, giving up was as natural as breathing. If something was out of reach, then it was better to let go and seek another path. That had always been the logical choice.
But looking into his eyes made her throat tighten. She wanted to say that she was fine, but the words wouldn’t come.
"Eight years ago, I thought you were dead, so I stopped searching. But you were alive."
"..."
"If I hadn’t given up back then, we would have met much sooner."
"..."
"And if that had happened, you wouldn’t have needed to use that power to protect Mikael."
Cabelenus let out a bitter laugh.
"That wasn’t your fault."
Alicia shook her head quickly.
"I know it’s useless to regret something that’s already happened. But even so, I regret it. I blame myself."
"..."
"And I made a vow. I won’t make the same mistake again."
"..."
"If I give up now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I’ll carry your death on my conscience until the day I die."
"I don’t want that."
Alicia’s body trembled like wet wings struggling to dry. Her delicate hands twisted together, entangled as if trapped in a spider’s web. His rough fingers slid between hers, the sensation unfamiliar, making her fingertips curl involuntarily.
"Even if you die, I’ll keep living."
"..."
"I’ll survive, carrying the guilt of losing you, suffering through every single day."
"..."
"My insides will rot, I’ll wither away, and I’ll live as nothing more than a corpse pretending to breathe."
"..."
"So if you don’t want that... then live."
Live, no matter what. Stay by my side.
His breath brushed against her lips like a searing brand. Alicia stared at the madness flickering in his golden eyes, her lips pressed tightly together. Their hands were already so tightly entwined that separating them seemed impossible. A single tear slipped down her cheek.
"I can’t be without you."
And with those words, Cabelenus slowly sank to his knees before her. Even then, his hands never let go of hers.
"When I face a problem, I do whatever it takes to solve it. And in the end, I always find an answer."
"..."
"So let’s find a way. That’s all there is to it. You are not going to die."
"...What if there is no way?"
"Then I’ll find one."
"False hope only drains people dry."
Alicia shook her head slightly. Strands of her auburn hair tickled the back of his hand. Cabelenus clenched his jaw.
"I’m not speaking of false hope. I’m talking about a goal."
"..."
"I swore to protect both you and Mikael. That’s all there is to it."
"...Do you really think I can survive?"
Her voice was so soft he had to strain to hear it. But to him, it was crystal clear.
"You will survive."
"I..."
"You will live. I’ll make sure of it. So please, don’t give up."
"..."
"The truth is, you don’t want to die either."
He had thought he had forgotten how to cry. But as the sting in his eyes grew unbearable, Cabelenus clenched his teeth to hold it back. Alicia exhaled a shaky breath, watching him fight back his tears.
"...You always do this. Every time, you make me want to live."
Alicia tightened her grip on his hands. Slowly, she pulled him toward her. The small distance between them vanished, their breaths mingling.
"And you always do this," Cabelenus murmured, his voice deep and rough. "You drive me insane every single time."
He lowered his head and kissed the corner of her eye. The lingering taste of her tears was bitter, but the gaze that met his was warm.
As long as he remembered this taste, there was no going back to a time when he hadn’t known it.
***
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"What's the matter? You look like you just swallowed a bug."
"It seems we have a problem."
Fenril paused midway through reading the letter and pressed his fingers against his forehead. A deep crease formed on his usually smooth brow.
"A problem? ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ Don’t tell me they found out we’ve been spreading the rumors?"
"No. It’s not that."
"Then what is it?"
Cher impatiently slammed his hand on the table. But Fenril barely reacted, his eyes still fixed on the letter.
"Fine! If you won’t tell me, I’ll just read it myself—what the hell is this...?"
Cher snatched the letter from Fenril’s hands and scanned its contents. His face contorted the moment he read what was written.
"We need to meet with the Grand Duke immediately."
"That would be best. If the contents of this letter are true, our contract is about to unravel."
"It’s more than just the contract—"
"..."
"No. I misspoke."
Fenril ran a frustrated hand through his hair, roughing it up in agitation.
"You idiot. If you’re going to hide something, at least do it properly."
Cher’s sharp remark made Fenril’s broad shoulders slump slightly. He had tried to avoid crossing paths with Alicia, barricading himself in his quarters and focusing solely on work. But no matter how hard he tried, her face refused to leave his mind.
"She’s someone you can never have."
"I know."
"Yet you’re acting like this?"
"...It’s just—if she really is who I think she is, it feels strange. I never imagined we’d meet again like this."
Fenril buried his face in his hands, his ears burning red with emotion he couldn’t suppress.
"And it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway."
Cher clicked his tongue openly. Fenril slowly lowered his hands and shot him a glare.
"Must you say it like that?"
"Men who can’t think straight need a beating to wake them up."
"You do remember I’m a direct descendant of the Lord, don’t you?"
"That’s exactly why I’m saying this. Out of the six of you, at least one of you should have a properly functioning brain."
Cher scoffed, shoving the letter back into Fenril’s hands. Roakin’s situation was too dire to entertain any romantic notions. Their country’s worsening conditions were exacerbated by none other than the Lord’s numerous, power-hungry sons.
"Enough nonsense. Go to the Grand Duke. If what’s written in that letter is true, the woman you’re so hung up on won’t be safe for much longer."
"The Grand Duke won’t abandon her."
"Your father sold you to me, didn’t he? He had plenty of sons, so tossing one away as a hostage was nothing to him."
"Do you always have to be this cynical?"
Fenril frowned in discontent.
"That’s the nature of power. It’s invisible, yet it tempts and controls people. Even blood relatives turn on each other because of it. A lover? That’s even easier to discard."
"But he swore to do everything for her."
"You only see a man’s true nature when he’s at his lowest."
Cher shook his head, his expression dripping with skepticism. He handed the letter back to Fenril, who accepted it with a sulky pout.
"You really have no sense of romance, do you?"
"Romance is a luxury people can afford only when they’re not struggling to survive."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."
Fenril crumpled the letter into his pocket and turned on his heel. Cher watched his retreating back for a moment before sighing heavily.
"Fenril."
"What now, old man?"
"If the Grand Duke does abandon her, don’t even think about picking her up."
"..."
"Promise me that, at least."
Cher watched Fenril carefully. He had never said it outright, but he knew the young man had done well all this time. He couldn’t allow years of careful planning to crumble over one woman.
"You worry too much, old man."
"You’re acting out of character. That’s why I’m worried."
"To be honest... I am a little shaken."
"Shaken?"
"If she’s no longer the Grand Duke’s woman, then there’s no problem, is there?"
Fenril turned back slowly, a faint smile curving his lips. His eyes had softened into a lazy crescent.
"You’re really going to say that with a straight face?"
"What? I have a mouth; I might as well use it."
"Not for talking nonsense."
"It’s not nonsense. People say the best way to forget love is with another love. If she leaves the Grand Duke, wouldn’t that mean I have a chance?"
Am I not good-looking enough? Fenril tilted his head playfully. Unable to contain his frustration any longer, Cher shot up from his chair.
"Love? Have you lost your damn mind?!"
"Relax. I don’t go after people who are already taken. I have at least that much integrity."
"That’s not the issue here, and you damn well know it!"
Fenril deftly dodged Cher’s incoming grab and darted toward the door.
"Sorry, can’t hear you over all that shouting!"
"Fenril!"
Cher’s face turned red from his collar to his forehead. No matter how much he wanted to ignore it, the carefree smile on Fenril’s face belonged to a man who had already made up his mind.
"Stop overcomplicating things, old man. This is a simple matter."
"Simple?"
"If the Grand Duke wants to protect her, then I’ll help protect her. But if he abandons her, then I’ll be the one to protect her."
"You little—"
"It doesn’t matter how angry you get. The moment I read that letter, this was the first thought that crossed my mind."
Fenril caught Cher’s raised hand and lowered it gently. No matter how much force Cher used, he couldn’t overpower Fenril’s strength.
"What is she to you?"
"The reason I’m still standing here today."
The dead could not be saved, but the living could. That was the conclusion Fenril had reached after countless nights of contemplation.
"She has no idea."
"That’s fine. I know."
Fenril flashed a mischievous grin and opened the door.
