December 31, 2020
'...How much longer can I endure this?'
Alicia leaned against the wall, letting out a slow breath. Her condition had deteriorated noticeably. She felt fine at times, but then, without warning, her vision would blur.
'Why now, of all times, when I thought there was nothing wrong...?'
She rubbed her eyes roughly with both palms. She had always known that her power consumed her life. She had always known that one day, she would have to pay the price. That was why she had accepted that her life would end before Cabelenus's. But not now. Not when she had finally started to feel something close to happiness. For it to be shattered so mercilessly the moment she reached for it—it was cruel. Just as it had always been, the gods were unkind to her.
'...Resentment is meaningless. If I truly have little time left, then even that is a waste.'
Alicia's hands, which covered her face, trembled. The veins on her pale hands stood out from the strain. She was afraid of dying, but even more than that, she feared for those she would leave behind. No matter how hard she tried, Cabelenus was still unprepared to be a father. Mikael still needed parents who could protect him. She couldn't begin to imagine what kind of chaos her absence would cause.
'I need to hold on. For as long as I can. If I can't anymore, then... at the very end, at least, I’ll put that man in shackles...'
She couldn't tell whether the heat burning against her palms was from her own breath or from the fire consuming her from the inside. Alicia bit her lip hard.
It was then—
"...My lady?"
A voice, now quite familiar, called out to her. Reflexively, Alicia furrowed her brow and lifted her head. Fenril was looking down at her, concern evident in his expression.
"Are you unwell?"
His voice was careful, but Alicia hesitated only for a moment before shaking her head.
"No. I just had something on my mind."
"For someone who just had a thought, you look rather pale."
"It must be the lighting."
"I recall this happening before, too."
Fenril chuckled good-naturedly, shrugging his shoulders. Alicia instinctively took a step back.
"That was just fatigue. It's nothing serious."
She smiled lightly—a clear dismissal.
"..."
"Judging by the way you're heading, you must be on your way to see His Highness. You should hurry along. It would be troublesome if you were late."
"Yes... I suppose you're right."
Fenril hesitated, then gave her a short bow before turning away. She was Cabelenus’s woman. No matter what circumstances surrounded her, it was best to simply let her be. Now that Roakin had allied with Cabelenus, there was no point in provoking his temper. And yet, despite knowing this, his feet wouldn’t move.
In the end, he turned back.
"Since I’m going to see His Highness anyway, I’ll ask him to send a physician to you."
"There's no need to go through that trouble. I'm not sick."
"It's no trouble. It’s just a few words."
"If I were really ill, I would call for a physician myself."
Alicia forced a small, controlled smile, trying to keep her unease from showing.
"Are you trying to hide it?"
"I'm not hiding anything. I’m simply not sick."
"Then it wouldn’t be a problem to call for a doctor, would it? A check-up is more about prevention than treatment."
"I just don't want to cause unnecessary fuss."
Her eyelashes trembled slightly.
"It's not unnecessary—it's important. My lady's safety is my top priority."
"Is my safety really that important to you?"
"Yes. It is. His Highness made it a condition."
"...His Highness did?"
"Yes. He said that nothing is too much if it's for you. And I... I am someone who will do anything for my homeland."
"..."
"It is my duty to ensure your safety in every way possible."
Fenril placed a hand over his chest and gave a slight bow. Alicia hesitated before speaking again.
"Even if that goes against my own wishes?"
"I'm simply seeking goodwill. If earning His Highness’s favor through this helps Roakin, then it's worth it."
"Goodwill?"
"Roakin is a barren land. Countless people die there every day."
"Are you asking me to pity those I’ve never even seen?"
"The slightest kindness from you could be a blessing to Roakin."
Fenril smiled warmly, but Alicia’s expression twisted in displeasure.
"You must think I have enough to spare for that."
"If you are someone the Grand Duke of Schwarhan wishes to protect, then most would assume you do."
"That's a misconception."
"A misconception? Do you even know how much the dress you're wearing is worth?"
"I don’t."
Alicia shook her head firmly.
"How bold of you."
"There’s no reason to pretend I know something I don’t. Besides, that doesn't mean you have any right to scold me for it."
She gazed up at Fenril, her expression unwavering. His lips twitched. A response should have come easily, but her eyes were as calm as a still lake, making it unexpectedly difficult to speak.
"I believe that kindness should be given freely, when the giver truly wishes to offer it. It shouldn't be demanded simply because someone has more."
"..."
"I'm no saint. And my situation is hardly one where I can afford to concern myself with others."
"...Hardly, you say?"
"You claim that the Grand Duke of Schwarhan wishes to protect me, but in the end, that's only your interpretation. It’s no different from looking at only a part of something and assuming you know the whole."
Her gaze was piercing. Fenril swallowed hard.
She looked so fragile—like she could collapse at the slightest touch. And yet, for some reason, the thought of underestimating her felt foolish.
"...I concede."
Fenril lifted his hands in surrender, palms open.
"You haven’t lost. We simply think differently."
"...My lady, you have a way of making me feel ashamed."
"Me?"
"Yes. I honestly thought you would be easy to persuade. That a few words would be enough to win you over to my side."
Fenril ran a hand through his hair in a rough, unrefined manner. It wasn’t the manner of a noble, but it didn’t look bad on him.
The way he smiled—so openly, with dimples forming deep in his cheeks—made him look more like a child than a grown man.
"You're being far too honest."
"I'm always honest with people I like."
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"Hm?"
"My work requires a silver tongue. If I weren't like this, it would be difficult to earn my opponent’s trust. It's a habit, you see."
"Ah..."
Was it too much to think that the way she widened her eyes in surprise was... cute? Fenril found himself smiling as he watched Alicia blink at him in confusion. At first, he had simply thought she resembled the princess of Neuschwein, but after speaking with her, he found himself liking her even more.
"And, not to boast, but I have quite the sharp eye. I can spot someone with a blackened heart in an instant."
"..."
"Of course, I'd be lying if I said my judgment wasn’t influenced by the fact that you resemble someone I know."
"Now that you mention it..."
Alicia’s smooth forehead furrowed slightly.
"You resemble my betrothed."
"My... betrothed?"
"Well, it was hardly a proper engagement. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she remembers me. ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) And..."
Fenril trailed off and merely smiled. It was better not to finish that thought. Now that he had aligned himself with Cabelenus, bringing up Neuschwein was a delicate matter. Even if Alicia resembled the young princess, that was all there was to it. He had once doubted Cabelenus's true intentions, using that as an excuse to search for traces of the princess, but in truth, it had never been more than a fleeting hope. He had confirmed her death long ago. The very idea that the youngest princess of Neuschwein might have survived had been nothing more than his own desperate longing. But now, it was time to finally put that hope to rest.
There was too much he had to carry to hold on to an abandoned dream.
'Speaking of guilt when I’ve already joined hands with her murderer is hypocrisy.'
The dead could do nothing. When one died, that was the end. Giving meaning to their deaths was foolish. Unlike the dead, the living had to survive.
So, Fenril forced himself to smile.
"Ah, come to think of it, I still haven’t heard your name, my lady."
"My name?"
"I only introduced myself before our conversation was cut short."
"..."
"Shall we make a deal? If you tell me your name, I won’t mention it to His Highness."
Fenril’s eyes sparkled as he nodded.
"I thought you said you needed to earn His Highness’s favor?"
"I’d like to earn yours as well."
"There’s no benefit in earning my favor."
Alicia idly fidgeted with her fingertips.
"I could assume you have your reasons for keeping quiet, but... no. To be honest, it's just my own greed."
"Greed?"
"I want to treat you well."
"Because I remind you of your betrothed?"
"Yes."
The immediate response made Alicia stare at him.
She knew that gaze well—the look of someone seeing another person through her. It was familiar, and it didn’t take long for her to notice the fleeting guilt that flashed through his eyes.
So, she couldn’t bring herself to press further.
After a brief hesitation, she spoke cautiously.
"...Alicia."
"Alicia?"
"That's my name. Alicia."
Her voice wasn’t too loud or too quiet, but the impact was undeniable.
Fenril clenched his fist tightly, silently grateful that he hadn’t shouted aloud.
'That name...'
Was she really the princess of Neuschwein?
He barely swallowed the words before they could escape.
A few simple questions would be enough to confirm if she truly was the princess, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask.
The odds of her recognizing him were slim. And even if she did—what then?
At this point, strengthening his ties with Cabelenus was what truly mattered.
Digging up the past would only provoke the man's ire.
Some things were best left buried with time.
And yet, despite knowing that, he couldn’t look away.
The memory he had held onto for so long, worn down by years of grasping, had become something he could no longer even recognize.
He had already faltered just because she resembled the princess.
Now that the hope had become reality, his vision darkened.
It felt as though he had been thrown back into the past—
To the moment when he had seen a child being beaten but hadn’t stepped in to help.
Fenril's hands clenched tighter.
He had thought that once he grew up, things would change.
That everything would be fine.
But nothing had changed.
No matter how hard he had fought to live his own way, he was still as powerless as ever, unable to do anything but stand there, frozen.
"Alicia."
A low voice came from behind.
"Your Highness."
"I thought you were taking too long, so I came out to check. It seems you were enjoying a conversation."
"It’s an honor to have His Grace himself come instead of sending a servant."
Fenril quickly adjusted his expression at the sight of Cabelenus.
"I wanted to see her face one more time."
Cabelenus's gaze passed over Fenril as if he were insignificant, landing, as expected, on Alicia.
"Do I not even exist in your eyes?"
"If it were only you, I would have sent a servant."
Cabelenus answered flatly.
"You really don’t intend to hide it at all, do you?"
"I see no reason to."
He said that, yet he had come all the way here himself.
Fenril clicked his tongue internally as he watched Cabelenus wordlessly insert himself between them.
The man wasn’t even attempting to hide his feelings.
If anything, he seemed eager to express them.
If Fenril were to exaggerate a little, he’d say the infamous Wolf of Schwarhan looked more like a dog wagging its tail after finding its master.
'And if the Grand Duke is the dog, then the one holding the leash is...'
Fenril subtly raised an eyebrow as Alicia lightly pushed Cabelenus aside.
Given their difference in strength, she shouldn’t have been able to move him.
And yet, she did.
The arrogant man, who had always carried himself with supreme confidence, looked surprisingly subdued before her.
That was enough.
He didn’t need further explanation—their relationship was obvious.
And just like that, the tangled thoughts in his head unraveled.
There was no place for him between them.
Hoping she would recognize him was nothing more than his own selfishness.
'If I said I wasn’t tempted, that would be a lie.'
Even before he knew she was the princess, he had been drawn to her.
If given enough time, perhaps their relationship could have evolved into something more.
'But it’s better to end it here.'
Fenril shoved his hands deep into his pockets.
He had wanted to meet the princess of Neuschwein to put his old emotions to rest.
After all, one could only find peace once they found the right answer.
But looking at the two of them now, he realized—
It was best to pretend he knew nothing at all.
Because if he acknowledged his emotions,
He might find himself wanting to force his way into the gap between them.
