May 21, 2020
"I heard the painter visited today. How was it? Did you like him? Gajev mentioned that he’s particularly skilled with portraits."
"Yes. He was very talented. But..."
"But?"
"I... made a mistake."
Alicia's shoulders slumped.
"A mistake? What kind of mistake?"
"He suggested that I try learning to paint myself, but I ended up turning him down."
"Why would that be a mistake?"
Cabelenus responded nonchalantly.
"I should have had your permission first. It wasn’t something I should decide on my own."
This is the danger of enjoying luxuries. A moment of carelessness, and desire creeps in, leading to mistakes. Alicia sighed faintly, her face wrinkling with frustration. Cabelenus clicked his tongue as he stood before the dejected Alicia.
"That’s nothing. You can approve things like that on your own. Don’t look so guilty."
"But..."
"You’ll be doing much bigger things soon. It’ll be troublesome if you’re scared over something this small."
"Bigger things?"
Alicia lifted her head, gazing up at Cabelenus in silence.
"Yes. Very big things."
Cabelenus’ hand rested on Alicia’s shoulder.
"I’ll do whatever you ask."
"I’m not sure I need you to do anything."
"I will do anything for you, Your Highness."
Alicia’s anxious hand grasped Cabelenus’s, and her sincerity was unmistakable. She was not just speaking empty words; she truly would do anything for him.
"I’m honored to hear that."
A smile spread across Cabelenus’s lips. Alicia followed suit, smiling as well, though her cheeks flushed with the warmth of the moment.
"It wasn’t a mistake putting Mrs. Morco in charge. If it becomes a problem, she’ll handle it. Don’t worry yourself about it too much; just think of it as done."
Cabelenus’s thumb gently brushed over Alicia’s eyes. Alicia lowered her gaze slightly, focusing on the soft touch. His hand, slowly caressing her skin, felt like a gesture meant to comfort her.
"And things will be noisy for a while. It’s better if you have something to focus on."
"Noisy? What do you mean?"
"You don’t need to worry about it. It’ll be resolved quickly."
Cabelenus pressed his lips briefly to Alicia’s forehead. Alicia didn’t resist as he drew her closer, resting her head against his chest. The thumping of his heartbeat, the warmth through the thin fabric, felt oddly comforting. At that moment, she wished time would stop, even though she knew it was an impossible thought.
***
"Seems like you have a talent for this."
James’s praise made Alicia blush as she glanced at the canvas. The portrait of her mother, painted step by step with James’s help, was now nearing completion. After allowing the paint to dry, only one more coat of paint was needed to finish it.
"I never could have done it without James's help."
She hadn’t wanted to cry, but seeing her smiling mother in the portrait, Alicia’s voice caught. In the painting, her mother, dressed in beautiful robes and adorned with jewels, was no longer the monster everyone had pointed fingers at; she was only an elegant lady. The realization brought a smile she couldn’t hold back.
"Right now, I’m just helping. But later, you’ll be able to paint on your own," James assured her.
"But I’m not confident I can do it alone..."
"Don’t think too hard about it. Whether it’s portraits, landscapes, or still lifes, just paint what you like. In the end, painting is about capturing a moment."
"Capturing a moment?"
Alicia tilted her head in confusion.
"When someone dies, the painting remains. And it preserves the moment forever. That’s why I love painting. I believe a painting is a heart that’s recorded eternally."
"..."
"The more you paint, the better you’ll get. So, don’t feel pressured. Just paint whatever comes to you. The most beautiful paintings are the ones filled with the heart. That’s what I think."
James took out a sketchbook from his supplies. Alicia, a bit surprised, took the sketchbook he offered.
"This is my spare sketchbook."
"Sketchbook?"
"I always carry a spare in case I feel inspired or want to sketch something. I’ll give you one too. Fill it with whatever you like. I’m sure it’ll be very helpful."
"Thank you."
Alicia smiled, and James returned the smile.
"It seems like the lesson is already coming to an end."
Mrs. Morco, sensing the subtle tension between them, quickly stepped in. She had known Alicia liked Cabelenus, but it was better not to leave things to chance. The young painter was so strikingly handsome that even the seasoned Mrs. Morco’s heart skipped a beat. It wouldn’t be strange at all if Alicia’s feelings were to waver, given her beauty.
"I don’t know why our lessons always end so early."
Alicia expressed her disappointment, her shoulders drooping. She enjoyed learning. Everything felt new and exciting, and it filled her with anticipation. Every time she experienced something from this new world, old sensations she had forgotten came back to life. It reminded her she was truly alive.
"If you’re that disappointed, would you like to learn a bit more?"
"Huh?"
"If you’re okay with it, I can stay a bit longer and help with sketching."
"Is that alright?"
Alicia’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and James’s smile grew warmer. He had been warned to be cautious, but now he was intrigued by her innocence. Despite his curiosity and a hint of fear about her true nature, he found himself fond of her. She was different from the other nobles he had met.
"There’s more to draw than you might think. The way you see things when you’re just looking at them is different from when you decide to sketch them. You might not know what to draw right away, so today, let me guide you."
"In that case, I won’t refuse."
Alicia nodded shyly, feeling more at ease making decisions on her own than she had expected.
***
"Is it too cold for you?"
James asked, his eyes full of concern as he looked at Alicia, who was trembling despite being wrapped in a thick coat.
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"No, it’s bearable."
Alicia shook her pale face, a slight frown forming. Despite the passage of time, she still couldn't grow accustomed to the biting cold. Yet, instead of hunching over from the chill, Alicia tried to straighten her back. The people she had met from Schwarhan never seemed bothered by the cold. Alicia hoped, even if just for a day, she could become used to Schwarhan’s coldness. To be different was to stand out, but it also meant not fitting in anywhere. She didn’t want to remain an outsider any longer.
"You seem to be sensitive to the cold."
"I come from a place where there’s no winter. In fact, this is my first time seeing snow."
Her breath turned white in the frozen air. Alicia stopped sketching and looked up at the sky. The memories of Neuschwein were still vivid, but now, she couldn’t even tell in which direction it lay.
"If there’s no winter, are you from the southern regions?"
"Yes, that’s right."
"You must miss your homeland."
"Miss it...?"
Alicia absentmindedly watched her breath dissipate into the air. The cold here was so harsh that the people who survived it were considered extraordinary. Compared to the warm climate of Neuschwein, Schwarhan’s bitter cold truly did evoke Mrs. Morco’s description of it as "a land forsaken by the gods." Still, Alicia liked the frozen land. The biting cold was painful, but it made her feel truly alive again.
"You forget about it, but you still think of home. Maybe one day, you’ll miss it too."
"Do you really think so?"
Alicia gave a meaningless reply as she avoided James’s gaze and resumed her work. She didn’t want to delve into the true meaning of home for her.
"That’s why I returned here."
"You’re from somewhere else?"
"I was born here, but I spent more time in the capital than in Schwarhan."
"The capital of Blanche, Alogost, right?"
Alicia, who spent most of her time reading, had gained a lot of knowledge, expanding her understanding daily. She thought of the images of the glamorous capital from the books she’d read, tilting her head slightly.
"Yes, I studied painting there. After traveling around, I returned to Schwarhan. I wanted to see more of the world."
"You must have traveled for a long time."
Curiosity crossed Alicia's face. James’s smile deepened.
"If it weren’t for grilled salmon, I might still be wandering the world."
"Grilled salmon?"
"It’s a dish where you salt freshly caught salmon and roast it whole. It’s simple, but surprisingly delicious. Personally, I love tearing into it whole, with the oil and soot running down my face and hands—it feels like you're eating it properly that way."
"...Interesting, right?"
James nodded lightly, as if he understood everything. He was well aware of how people perceived him.
"People only see what’s in front of them, and they think accordingly. But that's just a subjective perspective. You can’t truly know a person like that. It’s a bad habit, but in painting, subjectivity is essential."
"...I see."
"You don’t just need to paint what you see. If you do that, everyone’s paintings would be the same."
James gestured to Alicia’s sketch. Her skills were already impressive from the start. Just having her fundamentals in place made her work stand out. However, her sketches were static, unlike the portrait she painted of her mother.
"There’s no strict form in painting. Just relax and draw whatever you feel like. You should paint what you want to paint."
"What I want to paint...?"
Alicia instinctively tightened her grip on the pencil. In fact, there was someone else she wanted to paint, aside from her mother.
"Alicia."
Suddenly, a low voice interrupted. Alicia blinked slowly. At first, she thought she had misheard, but it wasn’t a mistake. Cabelenus stood behind her.
"Your Highness."
Alicia quickly turned around and greeted him. A natural smile spread across her face as soon as she realized his presence.
"What are you doing out here? Aren’t you cold?"
Cabelenus naturally pulled Alicia towards him. She had been outside for a while, and her body felt freezing. Cabelenus clicked his tongue as he warmed her frozen hands with his own.
"I was in class."
"I thought the class had already ended."
Cabelenus knew Alicia’s class schedule well. It wasn’t class time anymore, and he couldn’t stand the view through the window. After enduring it, he stopped his work and walked all the way out here. His thoughts briefly wandered to the pile of paperwork awaiting him in his office. Schwarhan hadn’t entertained guests in a long time, and in the years when survival was the only concern, even the culture of hosting had fallen behind compared to the capital. His absence from his duties only piled up the work, and with the upcoming delegation, there was little time to breathe.
"It’s an extended lesson. I was disappointed the lesson was ending, so James kindly offered to teach me a bit more."
Seeing Cabelenus in the midst of this situation was rare. Alicia was excited, almost like a child receiving a surprise gift, cheerfully chatting like a sparrow. But, in contrast to her excitement, Cabelenus’s brow furrowed slightly.
"James?"
"Oh, haven’t you met James?"
Again, James. Cabelenus’s frown deepened noticeably, but Alicia was still oblivious to the reason behind his reaction.
"That painter?"
"Yes. James Nixon. He’s my teacher, teaching me to paint."
As Alicia turned to look at James, Cabelenus followed her gaze. James was a new artist who had quickly gained attention, despite having few connections in Schwarhan and arriving only recently. Cabelenus hadn’t had much interest in art to begin with, and he had chosen James based on a simple recommendation. But seeing James face-to-face now, Cabelenus realized the man was much younger than he had imagined. And most importantly, he was quite handsome. Realizing this, Cabelenus narrowed his eyes slightly.