March 8, 2021
"The task?"
"It’s done."
"Good."
Cabelenus gestured toward the sofa across from him with his chin. Gajev, holding a stack of documents in his arms, carefully sat down.
"You don’t look pleased for someone who completed a mission. Is there a problem?"
"Sir Philip, the leader of the pursuit squad, mentioned that the hardest part wasn’t killing but making sure they didn’t die."
"Are you worried?"
"The man hasn’t lifted anything heavier than a quill in his life. Someone who can’t even take care of himself couldn’t possibly pull off something like that."
"Fenril likes that about him. The more incompetent a ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) person is, the easier they are to deceive."
Cabelenus leisurely crossed one long leg over the other.
"Can we trust Roakin’s young lord?"
"He didn’t kill three of his older brothers for nothing. He’s quite cunning."
"That makes it sound like he could kill the remaining two as well."
"One of them is already on his deathbed. And that happened while his head was turned away, across foreign lands."
Cabelenus exhaled and leaned back against the sofa. If the absence of its master didn’t cause any disruption, it meant Roakin was already under his control. That ever-smiling little lord of Roakin had planted his roots deeper than expected.
"Shall I investigate further? Unfortunately, competence and loyalty don’t always go hand in hand."
"No, it’s fine. Honestly, I doubt he’ll betray us. However..."
"Is there something about the plan that concerns you?"
"The plan itself isn’t bad. There were a few parts that needed adjustments, but the core framework was solid."
Cabelenus answered calmly. He hadn’t shown it, but he had been impressed when he first heard Fenril’s scheme. The young pup’s proposal was as bold as his youth suggested, but it was just as enticing.
"Even so, you seem troubled."
"Is it that obvious?"
I must be getting dull. Cabelenus scoffed briefly, rubbing his temple with his thumb.
"It’s not so much that it’s obvious—I’ve just grown accustomed to it. I’ve served Your Grace for a long time."
"...Come to think of it, we have been together for quite a while now."
"Serving Your Grace for all these years is my greatest pride."
A faint smile crossed Gajev’s lips.
"If that’s all you have to be proud of, then your life must be quite pitiful."
Cabelenus turned his head away indifferently.
"When Your Grace spared my life, I made up my mind. My life would be dedicated to you. So yes, my time serving you is my pride."
"When did I ever spare your life?"
"I was just a recruit back then. The only reason I was able to serve under you was that all my superiors had died in battle."
"......."
"In truth, I was there on that battlefield, too. I stood frozen, watching my superiors die, unable to move, just waiting for my own death. If Your Grace hadn’t saved me that day, I wouldn’t be here now."
Gajev unconsciously rubbed his left wrist. Back when he was a young soldier, fresh to the military, he had been brimming with passion. Everything had seemed so easy, and he had eagerly imagined himself as a hero. But that illusion hadn’t lasted long. It hadn’t taken much time for him to realize that his dreams were nothing but the arrogance of youth.
Reality was nothing like what he had learned. Perfectly drilled sword techniques were useless when faced with the wild, indiscriminate swings of the enemy. The battlefield was filled with agonizing screams, the sickening sensation of slicing through flesh, and the overwhelming stench of blood and entrails. By the time he regained his senses, the top-ranked academy graduate had been reduced to nothing more than a fleeing soldier.
"I don’t remember any of that."
"I know. I know that Your Grace didn’t save me intentionally, that you only swung your sword because an enemy was there."
"And yet you still call that something to be proud of?"
"To Your Grace, it was nothing. But to me, it meant everything."
That day, there had been no shame in running. He had abandoned his comrades just to stay alive, had floundered in pools of blood that he couldn’t even be sure belonged to his allies or enemies. But no matter how far he fled, the battlefield had remained the same. There was no escape. And once that realization set in, all that remained was suffocating despair.
"Your Grace cut down the enemy who was about to strike me and threw me his sword."
"......."
"And you said this—‘If you want to live, do whatever it takes to survive.’"
Gajev glanced down at his uniform. By now, it felt more familiar than any other piece of clothing. Yet even after all these years, he still couldn’t forget that monotone voice that had brushed past him in his rookie days.
"The moment I grabbed that sword, my life changed."
"It was just a sword."
"But to me, it meant everything."
A soft smile graced Gajev’s lips. Cabelenus slowly turned his head to study him. They had been together for years, had spent so much time side by side, yet this was the first time he had taken a good look at Gajev’s face.
"Your eyes are brown."
"They’ve been brown since the day I was born."
"I suppose they would be."
Cabelenus’s black hair fell slowly over his forehead. The golden eyes beneath the strands glowed darker than usual.
"If not for today, I probably wouldn’t have even remembered your face when you died."
"Honestly, I expected as much."
"And yet you still say things like that?"
"It doesn’t matter if Your Grace remembers or not. I’ve already received enough from you, and I’m content with that."
Gajev smiled, and Cabelenus’s eyes narrowed slightly.
When had he stopped paying attention to people’s faces? There had been a time when he used to have nightmares after killing someone, their faces burned into his memory. But at some point, he had stopped remembering them altogether.
The more accustomed he became to blood, the duller his guilt had grown. And the more indifferent he became. It didn’t matter whether they were enemies or allies. All lives were either targets to be eliminated or tools to achieve a goal. There was no reason to assign them meaning.
And yet, as he gazed at his lieutenant, an unfamiliar thought crossed his mind.
The day he could no longer see those devoted eyes watching him, he might find himself remembering that smile.
"...I must be growing weak."
"I don’t think it’s weakness. I think... you’re changing."
"Changing?"
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"Your Grace, haven’t you had a similar experience?"
"A similar experience... Yes, I suppose so."
For a brief moment, Cabelenus’s gaze softened. He could never forget the moment he had met that bloodied woman.
"Back then, I never would have imagined myself becoming like this."
"And do you dislike it?"
"No. I like it."
A deep smile spread across Gajev’s lips at Cabelenus’s answer. The man who had once feared nothing had changed in many ways, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The Wolf of Schwarhan—whom everyone had once called a monster—was beginning to resemble a person.
"As long as she’s all right."
"...Is Lady Alicia’s condition that bad?"
"She’s getting worse by the day. It’s terrible."
Cabelenus pressed his fingers against his forehead. Gajev clasped his hands together and bowed his head slightly. He had done everything in his power to find information, but there was simply too little to go on. The Neutriara tribe had already vanished, leaving nothing behind to be investigated. He had resorted to chasing after rumors and superstitions, but even that had yielded no results.
"Still nothing?"
"I’m sorry."
"Not even a single useful lead?"
"The only remaining hope is the monsters, but we’ve scoured all of Schwarhan and found no trace of them."
Gajev’s shoulders slumped. The monsters were massive—so large that they stood out even from a distance—and their grotesque forms were unmistakable. Yet, despite all efforts, not a single one had been found. It was almost eerie.
"But we can’t just sit around waiting forever, can we?"
"I’ll keep searching for other possibilities."
"There are always options."
Time was the problem. Cabelenus exhaled deeply, lowering his gaze. He had done his best to hide his concerns in front of Alicia and Mikael. The more anxious he became, the more he forced himself to stand tall and maintain his routine. But an unresolved problem was like a loose thread—it never stopped nagging at him.
It felt as if he were being cast into an abyss with no way forward.
"......"
"I wonder how long my patience will last."
His eyes landed on the sword at his waist. He knew that fighting wasn’t always the solution. And yet, every time he saw Alicia wasting away, he couldn’t help but think otherwise.
***
"Mom, were you sleeping? You promised to watch me build my snowman."
"I’m sorry, sweetheart. I must have dozed off."
Alicia gave an apologetic smile and ruffled Mikael’s hair. From all the time he had spent running around outside, his cheeks had turned bright red from the cold.
"Your face is freezing. I think you’ve been outside for too long. It’s time to go inside."
"Can we stay just a little longer?"
"Why?"
"I haven’t finished my snowman yet. I want to finish it before we go in."
"But it looks done to me."
"Not yet. It’s not complete until you help me."
Mikael held up a carrot. Only then did Alicia notice that his snowman was missing a nose.
"Are you sure you want me to do it? You love putting the nose on the snowman the most."
"Of course! I want to give the best things to you, Mom!"
"Really?"
"The uncle told me that if you don’t show the people you love how much you care, you’ll regret it every day. So I have to tell you I love you a lot."
"...Uncle told you that?"
"Yeah, he did!"
Mikael giggled as Alicia cupped his cheeks, his laughter bright and carefree. She simply watched him for a moment before pulling him into a tight embrace.
"Mom, what’s wrong?"
"I just love my son so much."
"I love you too, Mom! More than anything in the whole world!"
Mikael wrapped his small arms around her, squeezing her just as tightly. Alicia closed her eyes and gently stroked his back.
If Cabelenus’s feelings for her were false, then many things would change. And the consequences could easily reach Mikael.
"Mikael, can you do something for me?"
"Huh? What is it?"
Mikael blinked up at her with wide, curious eyes. Alicia swallowed down the lump in her throat and forced a smile.
"The three wishes you asked him for—can I use one of them?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"You’re giving it away that easily?"
"It’s okay because you’re my mom. You can have two if you want."
Mikael grinned and nuzzled his face against her neck. Alicia tightened her hold around him.
She was scared. She had no certainty about anything.
But the rapid beat of his tiny heart made everything else seem insignificant.
And just like that, she knew exactly what she had to do.
Alicia slowly lifted her head.
Maybe it was because of Mikael’s warmth, but the relentless cold she had thought she’d never get used to no longer felt quite so unbearable.
