April 6, 2020.
"I don’t want to be abandoned."
Alicia gazed at Cabelenus with anxious eyes. She had resolved to survive, but everything still felt too overwhelming. She had no idea how to live like an ordinary person. She had no clear goal in life. The only thing she could rely on was the man before her. No matter what, she wanted to stay by his side.
"If I had been measuring your worth, I wouldn't have kept you alive."
"......."
"I’ve never once considered your value. It’s just that...."
Cabelenus trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Instead, he buried his face against her shoulder. She was within his reach if he merely extended his hand, and yet, there was an emptiness inside him that he couldn’t understand. Even when he held her, when his hands touched her, he never truly felt as though he possessed her.
"...Why are you doing this to me?"
"It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just curiosity."
Yes, this was merely curiosity. It had to be. That was the only way to justify it. Even as he told himself this, Cabelenus tightened his arms around Alicia, pulling her closer into his embrace. She was small and thin, so light that he could hold her with room to spare, yet the moment she was in his arms, it felt as if the hollow space inside him was filled. But that feeling lasted only for a fleeting moment. The instant he remembered that she wasn’t his, all of it—the satisfaction, the contentment—became meaningless. The deeper the sense of fulfillment, the more profound the emptiness when it was lost.
"...Then, what happens when Your Highness loses interest?"
There was a tremor in Alicia’s voice, but Cabelenus failed to notice it.
"When that time comes, I’ll let you go as much as you want."
Would he ever truly lose interest? He had no certainty, yet Cabelenus responded mechanically. Cabelenus von Schwarhan Blanche. Never in his life had he forgotten the weight of his own name. And nothing—absolutely nothing—could ever take precedence over that name. It had to be that way.
"...Then, can you promise me one thing?"
"A promise?"
"If your interest fades, you’ll tell me first."
She wanted to ask him not to abandon her. But she couldn’t. Cabelenus was not a man who could be held onto. His eyes were always set straight ahead, unwavering in his purpose. A man like that would never show mercy just because she clung to him. If anything, pleading for sympathy might disgust him and make him cast her aside even sooner.
"...Do you want to leave me?"
"......."
"Why aren’t you answering?"
Even the briefest hesitation felt unpleasant to the sharp-eyed man.
"It’s—"
"No. Don’t speak. Don’t do anything."
His grip tightened. Everything was tangled, a hopelessly knotted thread, yet he had no intention of unraveling it. It was something that was never meant to be made clear. Because as long as he was Cabelenus von Schwarhan Blanche, it simply could not be.
"Until I lose interest, you are not allowed to go anywhere. So don’t even think about it. Stay where I can see you."
Of course, the contradiction was undeniable. Even though he knew all of this, he still couldn’t let go of the woman in his arms. Cabelenus pressed his lips together tightly, holding Alicia even closer.
***
Alicia stared blankly at the roses in the vase. The carefully pruned flowers, free of thorns, had been brought in by a servant that morning. Ever since that day, Cabelenus had sent her flowers without fail.
I really don’t understand what he’s thinking.
She cautiously reached out and tapped a petal with her fingertip. Droplets of morning dew tumbled to the floor.
Everyone whispered that Cabelenus was infatuated with her. That she must have used some cunning trick to ensnare him, that the ruthless man had become entangled in her skirts and couldn’t escape. But reality was nothing like the rumors.
Cabelenus had never laid a hand on her.
After just a few nights, he seemed to have lost interest. He had grown indifferent, and lately, he didn’t even try to touch her. Nothing else had changed, yet Alicia couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
He had told her he didn’t measure her worth. But that was a contradiction. Cabelenus evaluated the worth of everything. He calculated, weighed, and judged. The fact that Alicia alone was an exception to this rule was strange.
"The scent is wonderful. His Highness must truly love you, my lady."
"Love?"
"Otherwise, why would he give you such things?"
Alicia didn’t need to guess what the maid was implying as she opened a wooden chest, revealing a finely carved ivory comb. It was an extremely expensive item. Even Elena, who had been showered with their father’s affection, had only been able to obtain one after much pleading.
For someone to receive an entire chest filled with such treasures—this could only be seen as an immense display of favor.
But is that really love?
Elena had done the same thing for her dolls. Among all the princesses, she was the only one who had owned porcelain dolls, and she had spent every day combing their hair. She had delighted in dressing them in beautiful outfits and adorning them with accessories.
What Cabelenus was doing felt much closer to that than to love.
If he loved her—or at the very least, if he saw her as a woman—wouldn’t he want to hold her?
Especially when she was nothing more than a slave, someone who wasn’t even considered a human being.
Slaves were not granted kindness. If one wanted something, they simply took it. If they lost interest, they discarded it.
If this is how it’s going to be, it would have been better to be used and discarded mercilessly.
It wasn’t that she disliked the good treatment. But when one became accustomed to excessive favor, it was easy to be deceived. Sooner or later, she would cross a line she wasn’t meant to.
Alicia shut her eyes tightly.
More than anything, Cabelenus was never going to stay.
He was the master of Schwarhan. Right now, he was only in Neuschwein temporarily, handling post-war matters. But eventually, he would leave.
I should start preparing myself.
Once Cabelenus was gone, a new ruler would come, and Alicia would have to adapt to that. If she became too comfortable with her current situation, it would make surviving as a slave all the more difficult. She had to stay alert and prepare to conform to whatever came next.
Knock, knock—
"The tailor has arrived."
The knock broke Alicia from her thoughts, bringing focus back to her dim eyes. Today was the day the tailor was scheduled to visit.
"It seems time has passed faster than I thought. Should I let them in?"
"Yes, please do."
Alicia nodded obediently. Ordering new clothes had become a routine occurrence. Cabelenus never allowed her to wear the same outfit twice.
"Another new tailor today."
The maid whispered quietly, just loud enough for Alicia to hear. Alicia gave a small, awkward smile. It was nothing new.
Since Cabelenus had seized power, Neuschwein had begun restructuring itself to align with Blanche. The people, exhausted by their former king’s tyranny, saw Cabelenus as a hero and sought to imitate him. They no longer wanted Neuschwein’s simple, natural designs—they desired Blanche’s luxurious fashion.
But the elaborate garments required far more embellishments, fabric, and stitching, demanding a high level of craftsmanship. Many tailors struggled to keep up. To match Cabelenus’s standards, a constant stream of new tailors was necessary.
"It is an honor to meet you, Princess."
"Do not use such formalities. I am no princess."
Alicia shook her head firmly. Neuschwein had fallen. She could no longer claim that title. Even the servants referred to her only as my lady, understanding this truth.
"Then... what should I call you?"
"My lady" should suffice.
It was still more than a slave deserved, but there was no other appropriate term.
"Understood, my lady. Then, may I take your measurements now?"
The tailor smiled warmly as they approached.
Measuring was a tedious process, but it was necessary. Her body had begun to change—her meals had increased, and she was slowly gaining weight.
"Should I just stand still?"
"Yes. If you raise your arms, my assistant will take your measurements."
At the tailor’s signal, the assistant standing behind Alicia moved into action. Without much thought, Alicia lifted her arms and allowed the assistant to take her measurements. She had always found these fittings tedious.
"Why has nothing been done yet?"
"......."
At the familiar voice behind her, Alicia's body froze.
"Don’t move. And don’t show any signs of tension. Quietly send that maid away."
The whisper was low, but what followed sent a sharp, piercing sensation through the fabric of her dress—a blade.
A cold shiver ran down Alicia’s spine.
"...Kerry, I’m sorry, but could you bring me some water?"
She spoke without turning her head toward the maid.
"Water?"
"My throat is dry. Please, fetch some for me."
"Understood. I’ll bring it right away."
Completely unaware of the situation, the maid nodded and left without hesitation. Although there had been strict orders never to leave Alicia alone, the room was still occupied by the tailor and her assistant. Leaving for just a moment wouldn’t be an issue. The maid was desperate to gain Alicia’s favor.
"Finally, we can speak freely."
A mocking laugh rang out behind her, but Alicia remained still. The blade at her back prevented her from turning around. Instead, she clenched her teeth and glared at the tailor, who seemed entirely unsurprised. It was clear now—the tailor was working with Velita.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"That’s what I should be asking you. Why is that monster still alive?"
Velita’s voice turned cold, completely devoid of the laughter from earlier.
"You already knew I would try to assassinate him."
"And weren’t you planning to kill him from the start?"
The dagger pressed harder against Alicia’s waist. She swallowed dryly.
"My mother is in your hands. How could I?"
"Lies."
"You’re the one who lied first."
"What are you talking about?"
"The necklace. It wasn’t made from my mother’s blood, was it?"
At the time, she had been too shaken to think clearly. But once she had calmed down and reasoned through it, the answer became obvious—her mother was not alive.
"That’s absurd."
Velita tried to feign indifference, but there was an undeniable flicker of unease in her voice.
"My mother died before my eyes. She can never come back."
Alicia’s voice trembled.
How could she forget?
That day—her mother, covered in blood, pleading desperately. Even as she lay in tatters, sobbing like a wounded beast, all she had begged for was for her daughter’s life to be spared.
"She’s alive. That woman is special. Do you really think she would be so easily killed?"
"Because of me."
"......."
"Because when I was born, my mother lost her power."
If she had never been born, would things have been different? If she had never existed, her mother would have still had her strength. She wouldn’t have died like that.
Alicia clenched her teeth, swallowing down the sob rising in her throat.
"You people always discard what’s no longer useful. That’s why my mother was abandoned. That’s why I was abandoned, too."
"......You never intended to kill him from the start, did you?"
Velita’s voice was laced with accusation.
"Forget about the assassination. That man—"
"That man? Are you joking right now? He killed your parents! That thing isn’t human! He’s a monster! A demon!"
Velita’s voice exploded in fury.
"Parents? Who are my parents?"
Alicia’s voice was eerily calm.
"As far as I’m concerned, my only parent was the mother who gave birth to me. The King of Neuschwein? The Queen? They meant nothing to me."
"No matter how filthy your blood might be mixed, how could you say such—"
"What’s wrong with saying it?!"
Rip—!
Alicia twisted her body violently, causing the dagger to tear through the fabric of her dress. The blade scraped her exposed skin, leaving a wound, but the pain barely registered. That wasn’t what truly hurt.
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"You disgusting half-breed—!"
"Shut up. If you say that again, I’ll rip that mouth of yours apart."
Without hesitation, Alicia grabbed Velita’s dagger—by the blade—and yanked it from her grip, throwing it to the floor. Blood dripped from her hand, but she didn’t care. The cut on her waist, the gash on her palm—none of it hurt.
"Y-your power...!"
Velita stumbled back, her face drained of color.
Fear had overtaken her expression.
"Is that what matters right now?"
Alicia let out a hollow laugh.
Her power? That was long gone. If she had any power left, she would never have let her mother die like that.
"I don’t understand. How could you do nothing while Neuschwein fell? If you had regained your strength, you could have killed that demon."
"Why would I?"
"What do you mean, why?! There is no reason! You are the princess of Neuschwein!"
When it was convenient, she was a princess. When she lost her value, she was a filthy half-breed.
Alicia’s face twisted in disgust.
The sheer entitlement in Velita’s eyes made her sick.