Ludger did not properly understand the intention behind Selina’s question.
Why would she ask whether he had someone he was seeing? Common sense dictated that someone who had been trapped in a subspace for three years could not possibly have had such a relationship.
Ludger realized that Selina’s behavior should not be approached from a purely rational standpoint.
The question she had thrown out was likely something extremely impulsive, carried along by the mood of the moment.
And mixed into it—along with simple curiosity—was also a kind of affection directed toward him.
Perhaps the fact that his own students were getting married had impressed something upon her in this situation.
Whatever the case, Ludger had to answer Selina’s question.
If he thought about it rationally, the answer was obviously that there was no one.
However, he had a feeling that it would not end there.
‘Aidan asked me something similar too. Whether I had any intention of getting married.’
Dating someone and being bound together through marriage felt unimaginably distant to Ludger.
Marriage was commonly understood, in society at large, as the culmination of happiness.
But Ludger knew that marriage was not such an all-purpose solution.
Rather, there were many couples who separated after marrying, and at times marriage functioned not as the fruit of love, but merely as a means of binding one family to another.
If he were to look for a partner, there would probably be many women who would court him.
It was not simply because he was a Seorn instructor. The magical knowledge and power he possessed were exceptional in themselves.
Most noble ladies, pushed by their parents, would likely try to marry him based solely on his magical ability.
In fact, even when he had been in the position of planning director, letters with that kind of nuance had arrived almost daily.
Of course, things had been taken care of appropriately at Sedina’s level.
His thoughts were long, but the answer came out without even a second of hesitation.
“There is no one.”
At those words, Selina pressed a hand to her chest and let out a sigh of relief.
“That’s a relief.”
Selina’s expression was so openly reflective of her feelings that even those around them could have noticed.
Did she even realize what she had just said?
Ludger carefully asked Selina in return.
“May I ask what, exactly, you find relieving?”
“Because you’re truly wonderful and attractive, Professor Ludger. I thought it wouldn’t be strange at all if there were many women around you whom you were seeing.”
He had not expected such a candid answer to come back.
Moreover, it sounded as if Ludger were being perceived as someone who frivolously dated multiple women, which left him dumbfounded.
“Ah, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean—you’re such an extraordinary person, Professor Ludger. It feels inevitable that women would get involved with you.”
“Have I been like that?”
“Yes. You might not know it yourself, Professor Ludger, but I’ve definitely seen it.”
What Selina was so certain of was not limited to what she had seen at Seorn.
She remembered the people who had fought alongside Ludger.
She had seen them at the holy war.
“So when I thought about how you hadn’t been back very long, I figured that surely someone must have already conveyed their feelings to you.”
Conveying one’s feelings, in this context, clearly meant romantic feelings.
In other words, Selina had been worried that someone else might have already confessed to Ludger.
Ludger knew that this was not an entirely unfounded concern on Selina’s part.
Just counting the people who had openly shown him goodwill, it was difficult to enumerate ➤ NоvеⅠight ➤ (Read more on our source) them on one hand alone, as far as he could remember.
Back when he had only vaguely understood such things, he had been able to deliberately ignore everything else for the sake of a single goal: crossing over to Earth.
But now that he had achieved everything and regained his composure, he no longer had either the justification or the leeway to forcibly ignore such matters.
Rather, precisely because it was this kind of issue, he felt the need to organize things properly and decisively.
Still, Ludger had no idea how he should respond to romantic feelings directed at him by others.
“There probably wasn’t anything like that.”
“No. I know there was. It’s just that Professor Ludger didn’t realize it himself.”
Selina spoke in a strangely stubborn tone, as if she held strong conviction.
Seeing her unwavering eyes, Ludger could tell that she was being completely sincere.
“Why do you think so?”
“Professor Ludger, you’ve spent your entire life running toward a single purpose, haven’t you?”
“Yes. That’s correct.”
“And because of that, you probably failed to notice the goodwill others showed you along the way. Or even if you noticed it, you deliberately ignored it.”
Selina’s gaze was precise.
Ludger found it difficult to easily accept the goodwill of others.
Because he was someone who might suddenly disappear from this world at any time.
Forming a deep relationship with someone meant inflicting the pain of loss upon them.
“Surely that was because you’re kind, Professor Ludger. Not telling the truth on purpose, hiding your own feelings—those were ultimately actions taken for the sake of others.”
Selina knew.
She knew that all of these actions stemmed from Ludger’s consideration for others.
And because of that, she felt all the more regretful.
He could have been a little more selfish.
He could have been a little more greedy.
“But now it’s different. You’ve come back completely, haven’t you?”
At Selina’s question, Ludger nodded.
The phrase ‘come back completely’ meant that he no longer needed to leave the world as he once had.
It also meant that he had finally become a person who belonged to this world, someone who could plant his feet on this land and move forward toward the future.
“That’s why I asked. And also because I wanted to check whether there might be someone, somewhere in your heart, whom you’re thinking about.”
After saying everything, Selina’s face reddened so much that it was clearly visible even against the night sky.
Ludger looked at Selina for a moment, then lifted his head to gaze up at the sky.
“It may well be so.”
Because he agreed so readily, Selina shot him a sideways glance.
“I was vaguely aware that there was someone who held goodwill toward me. Even so, I ignored it, telling myself it couldn’t be helped because of my situation. Because I believed that one day, I might no longer belong to this world. At the time, I truly thought that.”
But now, it was different.
Having overcome things he had believed impossible, he had finally reached a place of rest.
“And when I was given another chance to live like this, as part of a single whole—and when I heard what you said, Professor Selina—what I realized was a sense of bewilderment.”
“Bewilderment?”
“I have lived my entire life with danger constantly at my side. Living such a stable life like this—it would not be an exaggeration to say this is the first time.”
Perhaps that was why.
Just as a child who has never tasted sweets might not immediately recognize something as ‘sweet’ even when tasting candy for the first time,
Ludger was the same.
He knew that others showed him goodwill, yet he had no idea how he was supposed to respond to it.
He had no experience in this area, nor had he ever even imagined things turning out this way.
“Everything feels new. To put it a bit negatively, it’s even disorienting. I never imagined that something like this would happen to me.”
“I see......”
“That’s why, following up on the question you asked earlier, even if I weren’t dating anyone, and even if I were to receive a request to date someone, it would be difficult for me to give a clearly positive answer. That wouldn’t be because there’s something wrong with them, or because they’re flawed.”
Ludger placed a hand over the spot where his heart was.
“I’m the problem.”
“.......”
“My heart is still wavering, unable to settle, and I may continue to repeat mistakes even going forward. Because of that, I can’t speak with certainty.”
To be honest, he was afraid.
Afraid of whether, even if he did properly date someone, he would be able to match himself to them.
Afraid that he might end up hurting the other person instead.
Or that the ideal image they desired of him belonged to the past, and that now, being different, he would disappoint them.
Ludger continued to live while holding onto such worries.
And that was much the same as an unsolvable problem he would have to keep working through, simply because he was human.
“Probably not.”
A warm sensation settled atop the back of the hand resting on his chest.
Selina had stepped closer at some point and gently placed her hand there.
“Worrying about disappointing the other person is something the other person is surely doing as well. And that’s something completely natural for people.”
“Is that truly so?”
Selina smiled softly as she replied.
“I think everyone’s like that. I’m the same. I want to be an ideal teacher for my students, but when I’m actually teaching, I get frustrated, and there are times when I fall short. Students who see me as kind and gentle might feel a bit disappointed by that. Relationships between people are like that.”
“.......”
“We try to judge the whole of a person based on just one part of them. Getting too caught up in that can certainly be dangerous. But I also think it’s a necessary process.”
“Even if it might disappoint the other person?”
“Or it might make them like you even more.”
At Selina’s innocent words, Ludger could not immediately respond.
It was not because he felt her words lacked value.
Rather, it was because her words were also close to one possible answer.
“That’s how we come to know each other. Sometimes disappointed, sometimes satisfied. If we offer half a compromise to the other person, and they offer half in return, then we can come to understand each other more deeply. And if we can’t—well, so what? Even parents don’t fully understand their children, and even lovers who care for each other don’t fully understand one another. Do we really need to worry in advance about something we haven’t even begun?”
Ludger felt a deep resonance from those words.
Yes. Human life was something whose future could not be known.
And yet, to worry preemptively and fear it already—
that was never the life he desired.
“Of course, I’m not asking you to give me an answer right now. Professor Ludger will need time to sort out his thoughts too. I just wanted to say this one thing. Don’t worry too much. Even if you show a disappointing side of yourself, my feelings toward you will never change.”
They were words that were practically a confession.
Ludger knew it, and Selina knew it.
But neither of them pressed the other to give an answer here.
The warmth touching the back of his hand slowly withdrew.
Selina clasped her hands behind her back and turned away from Ludger, gazing out over the prairie.
Yet her exposed ears were flushed bright red.
“I thought that Professor Selina was the same as she used to be.”
“R-really?”
“But I was wrong. You, too, have clearly changed.”
“How have I changed?”
At Selina’s subtle question, Ludger hummed and rubbed his chin with a finger.
It did not take him long to force an answer past his lips.
“I think you’ve become even more attractive.”
At those words, Selina turned back toward Ludger.
On her face bloomed an innocent smile, like that of a child delighted upon receiving a gift.
That smile unfolded together with the star-filled prairie.
It made one think that a single flower had bloomed in the middle of the grassland.
Just as Ludger was about to open his mouth again—
Puh-buh-buh-bang!
Brilliant fireworks announcing the eve festival painted the capital’s sky.
Ludger and Selina were naturally drawn to the spectacle.
As if refusing to lose to the beautiful night sky over the prairie, fireworks of every vivid color strongly asserted their own shapes and light.
The sight led Ludger back to the moment of a promise they had shared three years ago.
“What wonderful fireworks.”
Selina said with a smile. Seeing it, Ludger returned the smile.
“Yes. Indeed.”
A promise that had crossed a three-year gap.
At last, it could be kept once more.
It was something that happened on a night on the prairie where stars sparkled both in the sky and upon the earth.
