“Take it.”
Rine’s breath caught as she looked down at the paper Ludger handed her.
“It’s better that you see it yourself.”
It was a Memory Storming page Ludger had always kept with him, knowing that someday, this moment might come.
Rine knew what she had to do.
With trembling hands, she grasped the paper and summoned her mana.
Then her vision changed.
* * *
Rine’s mother had decided to end her life.
On a night when everyone else slept, she went alone into the forest, pretending to flee—but intending to die.
To take one’s own life—
It was an act deserving of condemnation, yes. But could anyone else in her place have chosen differently?
Leaving the cabin quietly under the moonlight, she walked toward the forest.
Each step must have felt as though her flesh and muscles were tearing apart, yet she kept walking.
For Rine.
Because she couldn’t bear for her beloved daughter to see her in such torment.
And so, when she reached the depths of the forest, she meant to meet death alone, in silence.
But there was one thing she hadn’t accounted for—
Ludger had followed her in secret.
When she raised a shaking hand to drink the poison, Ludger stepped forward and stopped her.
—What do you think you’re doing!
Ludger glared at her, his face contorted with genuine anger.
He didn’t know exactly what the substance was, but anyone who sneaks out at night to drink something in secret—surely it couldn’t be anything good.
And the expression on her face when she was caught told him everything.
—You were going to die, weren’t you? Why?
—Because... I’m tired.
Having been discovered, she finally confessed the truth about her condition.
The more Ludger listened, the colder his face became.
—So you chose death? Then what about Rine? What happens to her?
—I only feel sorry for my daughter. But... there’s nothing else I can do.
Her pale lips trembled.
Even now, while speaking to Ludger, she was still fighting unbearable pain.
—I tried to find a cure from Grander, but even she failed. There’s no way left for me to survive. I didn’t want it to end like this either.
Her voice shook as she spoke, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Seeing her like that, Ludger couldn’t bring himself to tell her to live.
Could a life made of nothing but suffering really be called life?
Was it right to demand that someone live on when every moment was agony beyond words?
Maybe death truly was the only rest left.
That forbidden thought refused to leave his mind.
He clenched his fists tightly.
—Please. Help me end it.
The woman who had once faced him with a brave smile was now crumbling under the weight of pain.
Her tearful, pleading expression made Ludger’s face twist in anguish.
He opened his mouth to speak—but then she began coughing violently.
Dark, dead blood spilled from her lips.
Her expression went deathly pale as she looked at the black fluid.
With trembling hands, she reached into her clothes and drew out a sharp dagger.
It gleamed faintly in the moonlight as she raised it toward her throat—
—but Ludger caught her wrist before she could strike.
His body shuddered the moment their eyes met—because in those dying eyes, he glimpsed a flicker of raw emotion.
Countless thoughts and words ran through his mind.
But what came out of his mouth was not persuasion, nor apology, nor rebuke.
It was the name of a child.
—Rine.
—......
—What about Rine?
Light returned to her dulled eyes.
With a gasp, her grip slackened, and the dagger clattered to the ground.
—I... I...
—......
—At first, I thought about telling Rine the truth.
—......
—But how could I tell that child that her only mother was going to die coughing up blood? Do you know how that feels? To want to leave only good memories for your beloved child before you go?
Better to become the bad mother who abandoned her daughter—
than the dying mother who made her watch.
—I wanted to stay with her to the end, I really did. If I leave, she’ll be alone in this world. But... watching you and Gariel, my thoughts began to change little by little.
She had realized—Rine would still have someone to care for her even °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° if she herself were gone.
That was why she made this final choice.
—I’m sorry. I know this isn’t right. But I’m still leaving it to you.
—You are...
Ludger’s voice trembled.
—You’re truly a selfish person.
—Heh... I guess I am. A selfish, terrible mother.
She smiled faintly.
When Ludger released her wrist, she bent down and picked up the dagger with shaking hands.
But her body was so broken she couldn’t even hold it properly.
So, in the very end, she made the most selfish choice of all.
She handed the dagger to Ludger.
—You decide.
—......
—You can throw it away if you wish. Or else...
She didn’t finish the sentence, but Ludger understood.
He looked down at the dagger resting in his hand.
A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind.
This was tragedy—
a crooked choice born in a broken world.
Ludger tightened his grip around the hilt.
He stared at her with eyes filled with sorrow, anger, guilt, and pity all at once.
He said nothing.
But his gaze alone was enough to tell her what he would do.
—Thank you.
She smiled brightly through her tears—
as if at last, she was free.
And at the same time, she smiled sadly—
as though knowing she had left behind an unforgivable burden for those who would remain.
Thud—
A terrible sensation ran through Ludger’s hand.
He hadn’t wanted this. More than anyone, he had not wanted to make this choice.
But the dagger struck true, piercing her heart swiftly, without pain.
A merciful death.
A death of salvation.
The only peace he could offer to one who had suffered so long.
───
A whisper came out of the darkness.
His head spun, the world blurring like a watercolor soaked in water.
And in that collapsing world, her body fell slowly to the ground, her eyes closing as if in slow motion.
Blood ran down the blade, soaking his palm.
The warmth of it was unbearable.
Ludger let out a deep, silent sigh from the depths of his heart.
—M...om?
He flinched at the voice behind him and slowly turned his head.
There stood two figures who should not have been there.
Rine and Freuden.
Rine, her face still drowsy from sleep, stared blankly at Ludger and her mother.
Beside her, Freuden—who must have brought her out of the cabin—could only widen his eyes in silent horror at the scene before them.
—I...
The moment Ludger tried to speak—
Gariel appeared from thin air and lunged at him like a beast.
—A... Aaaaah!
Ludger fell backward, and Gariel straddled him, seizing him by the collar with both hands.
From his twisted face came no coherent words—only a strangled, broken wail.
—Why... why! Why did you do it!
Indeed—why?
Ludger asked himself the same question, but no answer came.
He only knew one thing for certain—he had made a choice.
—Because it had to be done.
He had chosen to ease her pain.
To bear her burden in her stead.
Even if it meant carving a wound of sorrow deep into his own soul, it didn’t matter.
Ludger struck Gariel hard in the side, breaking his balance, and reversed their positions, forcing him to the ground.
Then he rose, his expression unreadable, and slowly approached Rine, who stared blankly at him in shock.
—D-Don’t come any closer!
Freuden stepped in front of her, his eyes blazing like molten fire.
Ludger extended a hand toward him.
Blue mana enveloped Freuden’s head, and though he tried to resist, he soon collapsed unconscious.
Leaving Freuden where he fell, Ludger walked to Rine and knelt before her.
—B...Brother? I—I came to find my mom...
Rine’s eyes turned toward her mother’s still body, lying as though peacefully asleep.
—But... Mom, she—
—Rine.
Ludger reached out slowly and touched her forehead with his index finger.
—This is only a nightmare.
Magic activated.
Rine’s eyes fluttered closed, and deep within her mind, her memories were locked away.
—When you wake from this dream, you’ll forget everything. It will be nothing but a bad dream.
Rising from his crouch, Ludger looked around.
Gariel was sobbing over the lifeless body, while Rine and Freuden lay asleep on the ground.
—So... it’s come to this after all.
That was when Grander emerged from the shadows of the forest.
—Master.
—Foolish boy. You didn’t have to take it that far. Do you even understand what you’ve done?
—......
—You couldn’t simply leave a suffering person alone. Tell me, who do you think you’re really helping? You should start by worrying about yourself.
Grander scolded him sharply—something she rarely did.
Ludger only listened in silence.
—...Ha. What pointless words I’m wasting. You’ve done enough.
—I will find it.
—...What did you say?
—I’ll find it, so that no more innocent lives will have to suffer.
That day, Ludger made a vow.
To uncover the secret of un-attributed mana.
To ensure that no one else would die, or suffer as she had.
—I swear it.
* * *
“The rest, you already know,” Ludger said quietly. “After sealing your memories, I sent you to your teacher. Then I wandered the world with my own master.”
“...That’s...”
Rine’s head spun after witnessing the entire truth of that night.
Deep down, she had believed Ludger could never have done something like that—
—but the reality she had seen was unbearable.
Even now, she couldn’t accept it.
“I still don’t understand. Even if you had your reasons, you killed my mother... and sealed my memories.”
“Because I didn’t want you to know that truth. I was afraid of seeing you broken, in pain.”
“And you didn’t think about how it would feel when I eventually found out?”
“I did. But people... we panic when faced with what’s right in front of us. I knew it was selfish. Even if the truth was cruel, you had a right to know—but I never gave you that chance.”
Ludger had given Rine a false world—
a carefully constructed lie, all under the guise of protecting her.
No matter how noble his intentions, it had still been deception.
“Rine. Since that day, I’ve seen much of this world. I’ve met countless people—those crushed by the weight of reality, those with talent but no opportunity, those who collapsed before the cruelty of fate.”
He had witnessed so much—
and lived through just as much.
His life had been a journey marked by countless scars, and it was still far from over.
“I’ve watched people fall. Sometimes I could help them; other times, I couldn’t even reach them in time. When I look back, there are more regrets than I can count.”
Ludger had swayed endlessly between connection and collision with others.
In that turmoil, holding fast to his convictions had never been easy.
“There were times I wanted to give up, to stop. And Rine—you must feel the same. The truth you’ve learned is unbearable.”
Perhaps that was why he had hidden it all behind the excuse of kindness—
because knowledge itself could be a curse.
Ignorance had seemed kinder.
“But now I understand.”
He had finally realized it.
Most people may prefer comforting lies—but not everyone does.
“You chose to seek the truth, even knowing it would hurt. You faced your life head-on, and you made your choice.”
You chose to live, even through pain.
You chose to face the cruel truth, rather than run from it.
“So... I’m truly sorry.”
Ludger bowed his head, his voice filled with genuine remorse.
Something welled up in Rine’s chest—grief, and gratitude, both at once.
She could never return to the past, and she still hated him for destroying it—
but she also understood now just how heavy a life he had carried.
Because she had seen his memories.
She knew his sorrow, his pain, his despair.
And still, Ludger had endured.
He had kept walking forward.
“Maybe we can never go back,” he said quietly.
To when they were like brother and sister—
or teacher and student.
They could never return.
Too much had happened. They had come too far.
“But there is one thing I can promise you.”
“What... promise?”
“When the day comes that I achieve all my goals—when the chaos of this world is finally stilled—”
Ludger met her eyes, his gaze unwavering.
“I will give you the right to choose my life.”
That—
is the last atonement I can offer you.
