Chapter 40: Chapter 40: Drunken Li Xiu
Second Brother Zhou rubbed his face in frustration and asked doubtfully, "Sis, how did you know?"
Third Brother Zhou chimed in, equally bewildered. ’No one knew that I was secretly watching my wife. How could she possibly know?’
Zhou Lian snorted. "None of your business how I know!"
"Are you going to tell us or not? If you don’t, we’ll get Li Xiu drunk tonight!" Second Brother Zhou threatened her directly.
Zhou Lian immediately turned to tattle to Zhou Kun. "Dad, look, Second Brother wants to drink, and he wants to get drunk."
Zhou Kun just smiled and shook his head. "I’m not getting involved in you kids’ squabbles."
Third Brother Zhou laughed outright. "See, sis? Dad’s not getting involved! So, are you going to talk?"
Zhou Lian’s eyes darted around, and she blurted out, "Fine, I’ll talk. It’s not like I’m scared. Li Xiu told me. If you’ve got the guts, go beat him up!"
Li Xiu stared at his wife, stunned. ’I’ve never seen a wife throw her own husband under the bus like this.’ Seeing his two brothers-in-law glaring at him with ill intent, Li Xiu didn’t back down. He shot back, "So you did it, but you’re afraid of people talking about it?"
Second Brother Zhou ground his teeth in frustration at Li Xiu’s self-righteous expression. "I just want to know how you found out!"
"The county isn’t that big. Plenty of people know both you and me. You had your little adventure, so you can’t stop someone from telling me about it, can you?"
"What about me? How did you know about me?" Third Brother Zhou asked curiously.
"Your father-in-law’s family and my uncle’s family live in the same village!"
Watching Li Xiu spout nonsense with a perfectly straight face, Zhou Lian started to wonder. ’Did he know this beforehand, or did he just make it up to protect me? My future third sister-in-law is from the same village as my great-aunt, but my brothers only spilled the beans when they were drunk together. This rotten man is a little *too* smart!’
Third Brother Zhou looked at Li Xiu suspiciously. "Is that true? Your aunt is also from Hedong?"
"Here, Bao’er, why don’t you tell your third brother which village your great-aunt is from."
Seeing Zhou Lian nod, Third Brother Zhou was left speechless. ’What is all this? Since when did our sister get so sharp-tongued?’ Noticing their father’s poorly suppressed smile, both Second and Third Brother Zhou felt a shiver of fear.
"Second Uncle, why do you call Second Aunt ’Bao’er’? That’s not her name!" Zhou Huaitai asked Li Xiu earnestly. ’Dad and my other uncle are so embarrassing. The three of them together are no match for Second Uncle.’
Everyone froze for a moment, then the entire Zhou family burst out laughing. ’Instant karma! Serves them right for being so sharp-tongued.’ Li Xiu crouched down in front of Zhou Huaitai and asked, "Is your dad good to your mom?"
When the boy nodded, he continued, "Then that means your mom is your dad’s treasure."
"But my dad never calls my mom ’Bao’er’!"
Being just a child, Zhou Huaitai was easily led astray by Li Xiu. "That’s because your dad is shy. Look at him, a big man like that, being all shy. Isn’t that not very manly? You should teach your dad a lesson, so people don’t say he’s not a real man!" Zhou Huaitai frowned in thought, then solemnly agreed.
"First you fool the old, now you trick the young. Li Xiu, why don’t you just ascend to the heavens already!" Second Brother Zhou was so exasperated he laughed. ’Who was it that said he was honest and simple? They must be blind! This bastard is a black-hearted, sharp-tongued scoundrel, and he’s even corrupted my honest, well-behaved little sister.’
"Alright, the suckling pig looks about done. Let’s get things ready for dinner," Zhou Kun said with a smile, seeing their endless squabbling.
’My three foolish sons combined aren’t as clever as that boy Li Xiu. My second daughter definitely didn’t hear about her brothers’ antics from him, but Li Xiu reacted so quickly, protecting his wife and shutting those two up completely. My grandson is clever, but he’s still a bit too young.’
’This second son-in-law is really something. He’s so thick-skinned, calling my daughter ’Bao’er’ right in front of her family. He must say it all the time at home!’
Seeing his father-in-law’s ambiguous smile, Li Xiu immediately chickened out. He had to; that was his wife’s father, after all!
"Dad, I’ll go check on it!" Li Xiu said, helping Zhou Lian up and making a quick exit. This set the three Zhou brothers off laughing. The kid had finally chickened out.
"Is that all you’ve got?"
Deflated by their own father’s words, the three Zhou brothers wilted.
Zhou Lian was dumbfounded as she watched a drunk Li Xiu stumble around looking for his wife. ’Are my dad and brothers completely unreliable? How could they get their own son-in-law and brother-in-law this drunk!’
"Wifey, Bao’er, where did you go? I couldn’t find you anywhere!" The moment he saw Zhou Lian, Li Xiu pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, muttering plaintively. Seeing her family trying hard to stifle their laughter, Zhou Lian could have died from anger. She had lost all face today.
"Bao’er, I don’t want to drink," Li Xiu whined, burying his head in his wife’s shoulder.
"If you didn’t want to, then why did you drink?!"
"It was my father-in-law and brothers-in-law who made me. Bao’er, tell them I won’t drink. You don’t like it when I drink, so I won’t. Don’t be upset. If you’re upset, our Nuonuo will be upset too. Bao’er, don’t be mad at me. I won’t make you mad anymore, okay?"
Zhou Lian gritted her teeth. "Let me get up first!"
"No! You’re mine, my wife, you can’t leave!" Li Xiu panicked, hugging her tightly and refusing to let go.
Seeing her whole family gathered around to watch the spectacle, Zhou Lian flared up. ’What is wrong with these people?’ "Dad, are you going to do something or not?"
"Do what? How was I supposed to know he’s such a lightweight? He only had four cups and he’s already drunk." Zhou Kun hadn’t expected that when his son-in-law said he couldn’t drink, he really meant it. He had assumed Li Xiu was just making an excuse.
"Bao’er, I was wrong. Don’t be angry, okay? How about you hit me to let off some steam? Bao’er, Bao’er..."
Third Brother Zhou was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. ’Oh my, this Li Xiu is a real piece of work even when he’s drunk.’ "Hey, Li Xiu, Bao’er is angry. What are you going to do? You have to cheer her up, you know?"
Li Xiu hugged Zhou Lian tightly, looked up blankly at Third Brother Zhou, and asked foolishly, "How do I cheer her up?"
Seeing that he was responsive, Second Brother Zhou’s interest was piqued. He started teasing him too. "Give her all your money. Then Bao’er won’t be angry anymore."
"Oh, but I don’t have any money."
Third Brother Zhou followed up, "You don’t have any? Then where’s the money?"
"The money... it’s all with Bao’er."
"Then what are you going to do? Bao’er is still angry. You should give her a gift to cheer her up."
"A gift? What gift? Everything at home already belongs to Bao’er! I don’t have anything left."
"What have you given her?"
"I’ve given her everything. In our family, even I belong to my wife!"
With one "Bao’er" after another, Zhou Lian finally snapped. "Is this ever going to end?!" ’Not a single one of her three brothers was any good.’
Seeing Li Xiu in this state, Mrs. Zhou had some questions of her own. She shot Zhou Lian a look and said, "You be quiet. I have something to ask him." Remembering she had upset her mother that afternoon, Zhou Lian opened her mouth but didn’t say a word.
"Li Xiu, if your wife and your mother got into a fight, whose side would you take?"
"That won’t happen. My mother wouldn’t dare fight with my wife."
"Why wouldn’t she dare?"
"With my mother’s personality, my wife would definitely lose to her. I knew that from the start, so I already talked to my grandma, my first aunt, and my third aunt. My mother wouldn’t dare. Besides," Li Xiu giggled, "I told my mom that if she dares to bully my wife, I’ll beat up her son and daughter. She wouldn’t dare. She’s *my* wife, I could never bear to let her be wronged!" he said smugly.
Mrs. Zhou stared at him in disbelief, then whipped her head around to look at her three sons. The three Zhou brothers frantically waved their hands, mentally wishing they could beat the stuffing out of that scoundrel Li Xiu. They had been thoroughly played today!
"Are you a good son to your mother?"
"Of course. They raised me when I was young, so I’ll support them when they’re old. But they didn’t raise my wife! I could never bear to make my wife have to walk on eggshells around them!"
"Is your wife very important to you?"
"Of course she is! I worked so hard to marry my Bao’er. She’s my life. No one is allowed to bully her. She’s the treasure I pamper in the palm of my hand. Who would dare!"
Mrs. Zhou thought for a moment and asked another question. "How many children do you want?"
Li Xiu gave his mother-in-law a silly grin. "Two."
"Do you want a son?"
"Not really, but my wife wants one, so I guess we should have one."
"What about a daughter?"
"Don’t want one!"
Everyone was stunned. "Then what do you want?"
"I just want my Bao’er!"
"If you don’t want children, why have them?"
"I don’t, but my wife does, so we’ll have them!"
"If your wife likes them, why not have a few more?"
"No way. Childbirth is very hard on a woman’s body. And I’d have to share my wife with them. Two is enough!"
