As the tears dried down and her sobbing turned into hiccups, Xu Mey made an effort to hold Jie’s hand.
It wasn’t warm as it always had been. From the first meeting, she had never felt his hands cold. There was always a warmth about him that became her safe haven.
"Ah-Jie, won’t you open your eyes to see your baby?" Her voice seemed foreign because of how hoarse it was from all the crying.
She picked her body off the floor and sat on his bed right by his side, holding on to his hand with both of her own small ones.
She raised his hand and brought it closer to her stomach and tried to smile, "Ah-Jie, can you feel anything? There is a small baby in me. Yours and mine. Ours..."
Again, only the beeps of the machine gave her an answer, the rest stayed silent.
With all the hopelessness in her soul, her mind started running off to all the wrong sides. Her negative thinking overwhelmed her senses as she let go of his hand and stood up abruptly.
"I won’t touch you. No, no. This all happened because of me. I am the bad shadow of luck in your life." She kept mumbling to herself as she shook her head like a dazed person.
"This baby too... I’ll be the worst mother for him." Leaning closer to Jie’s face, she whispered, "But Ah-Jie, you’d be the best father for him. With you around, I’m sure he won’t even need a mother like me."
She actually believed her own words completely. Things of the past invaded her mind tearing her will to stay with Ah-Jie.
’Dear sister, don’t you know you’re born with rotten luck?’ Xu Liqing’s words came back to haunt her.
’No! You’re wrong!’ She had snapped back her.
’Haha!’ Xu Liqing laughed menacingly and added, ’Why did your mother abandon you if you weren’t just a piece of rotten luck?’ Xu Mey had shaken her head in denial trying hard not to let her words get to her, but to no avail. ’Dear sister, if you hadn’t been born, dad wouldn’t have been in a predicament. You bring bad luck to people. You’re a witch no one should keep close to themselves.’
Although Xu Mey managed to shake off her words back then, now it wasn’t possible. Now, it was like each word struck a cord. ’It was all because of her.’ She thought.
"I’m so sorry, Ah-Jie!" Her tears again started trickling down. "If I hadn’t called you. It wouldn’t have happened. Or if I had listened to you and waited patiently inside the office... None of this would have happened... It’s all my fault."
She kept sobbing with her face buried in her hands. Why was she so stubborn? Why did she have to call him? Why couldn’t she just stay in the office? Suddenly, she was frustrated with her own self.
She wiped her tears furiously. "I know what to do. If I’m the eclipse of your life, it’s better I just stay away from you. If to save you I have to stay far away from you, I’ll pay this price. I will! I have to!"
Stroking his pale face, she added, "Ah-Jie, I love you. Not sure how much. But I’m sure I love you enough to leave you for your happiness and health. Nothing matters to me in this world more than you. Not even this baby."
She laid feather-like kisses all over his face and added, "The baby is all yours to raise. So, you better wake up for his sake. He needs his father."
As she turned to leave, she felt someone tugging at her sleeve. Pleasantly shocked, she turned around only to be disappointed. He looked exactly as he did just a moment ago except for the frown which had deepened now.
Pressing her lips together, Xu Mey briskly walked out of his room and closed the door. Her body went limp once she was outside and she slid down to the ground. Feeling a piercing pain shooting through her mind, her mind went blank and lost consciousness.
"Sis!" Xiamu was the only one in the corridor who saw Xu Mey falling down. He immediately ran towards her and held up her body in his arms. "Hey, sis! Open your eyes!" He lost his composure and even forgot that nobody here knew that he Xu Mey’s twin brother.
But the chaos that ensued left no room for others to even care what Xiamu said. Seeing the room she came out of, everyone had a horrified look on their faces.
"When did she leave her room?" No one knew who asked.
"We thought she was sleeping." And no one knew who answered.
What everyone knew was that she looked like a withered rose that had lost its luster. She looked broken and battered. Most of all, she looked so listless.
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