"I look like a tool, don't I?" Leon sighed, putting on the Silk Robe of High Culture he won as part of the Apocalypse Party panty event.
It was a simple red silk robe with black lapels. Its only unique feature was the word [Culture] sewn with gold thread under the right breast pocket in cursive.
"I'm fairly certain my neutral non-harem-oriented city reputation will get destroyed the moment I walk out of this tent." He chuckled bitterly, "Are you sure I should wear this tonight, Lindy? It's very unnecessary."
He turned from the mirror to his brunette partner, the only person in his tent, for her input.
"Huh?" Lindy asked, snapping out trance and quickly wiping subtle drool from the side of her mouth. She turned bright red when she saw what had happened and looked away.
"What...." Leon began in confusion, "If you're unable to make it until tomorrow, we can have sex tonight. Though it would feel more forced."
Her eyes snapped open, and she turned to him before forcing herself to turn away.
"N-No, it's just... that robe." Lindy said strangely, "It looks good on you. Like... really good. Like, fuck-me-right-now good. Gah, what the fucks up with that robe!? It's making things complicated!"
He looked down in confusion and saw her avoiding it like the plague. "Should I take it off to ease up your sexual attraction? I don't want to harm--"
"No! You need to wear that!" Lindy interjected aggressively, "I... don't worry about me tonight. I want to wait for the right time for our... first time... so I'll just please myself.
However, this [is] the right time for that robe. You need it for your image!"
Leon looked down in intense puzzlement. "This? For my image?"
"Oh. Fuck. Yes." She grinned, "Leon, that screams, [Yup, Harem City is actually a harem], followed by, [yeah, so when's the Tag event again]?"
He cocked his head to the side. "Wait. So you're saying it will crush my image, but women won't care?
What about reasonable women who have been lured into third-wave feminism reading the Huff? We're opening these walls to victims of mental abuse; I thought we already discussed this."
"Ummm...." Lindy blinked twice in disbelief, processing his serious yet mind-bending words, "It... doesn't matter? If women are straight, they'll make an enthusiastic exception.
Lesbians and the rest of the LGBTQQIP2SA2 alphabet soup will show up for the amenities and the endless supply of women. So you don't need to worry about them."
"I see." Leon sighed at the strangely rational argument, turning back to the body mirror in his tent, "So are you saying that this robe will be near-universally appealing? I don't know what it does."
The brunette looked at him strangely. "You haven't read the description?"
He turned to her with a wry smile. "I'm worried it'll do something questionably sketchy that others aren't bothered by, but I won't wear it regardless."
"I can see that.... Will you show me the description?" Lindy requested, reaching out her hand, still refusing to look at him.
"Sure." Leon replied, grabbing her hand.
"I... haha hahahaha!" When she saw the description, she burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"Yup, super sketchy." He said dryly, preparing to take it off.
"No! No!" Lindy cried, grabbing his hands between breaths, "You... hahaha... should... haha... read it...."
Leon looked to the sky with an unenthused expression. "If this is super creepy, I'll never blindly trust any gift any of you you give me again."
After warning the gods, he opened up the robe's description. When he did, his expression crumbled.
--
Item: Silk Robe of High Culture
Grade: Legendary
Description: A regular red and black silk robe with effects that you shouldn't misjudge or misinterpret.
--
"Off to a great start." He chuckled mockingly, "Any time someone writes that you shouldn't misjudge a development in a harem... anything... the MC has sex with his sister in the next scene.
Then everyone drops the novel, and the author hits the review section like--you babies shouldn't have stopped reading! In *literally the next chapter* you learn that he's adopted!
Therefore, she's just a family member he was raised with but isn't technically family, and he's just someone who thought they had sex with their biological sister but actually didn't!"
Lindy laughed and rubbed his shoulders. "Just read it. Reeeaaaad it!"
He sighed and continued.
--
Effects:
1. Works on individuals who align with the sexual orientation of the wearer hereby referred to as potential partners (i.e. affects straight/bisexual women for heterosexual males and affects gay/bisexual men for homosexual men.).
2. Makes potential partners 50% more willing to accept and express their feelings about the wearer's attractiveness.
3. Potential partners find positive personality traits attractive.
4. Raises charm by 5% for potential partners the wearer knows.
5. Raises or lowers charm by up to 10% for potential partners the wearer hasn't met, contingent upon the group's consensus.
6. Has no effect in groups where the wearer has met less than 50% of the potential partners. However, it works at a distance.
7. Only works in social settings.
Warning: The effects of the robe reverse if a person feels repulsed by the wearer after seeing them objectively, but their willingness to accept their feelings and express themselves remains.
Charm reduces for that person by 5%, and they will see negative personality traits as revolting.
Note: These provisions ensure that creepy men and women don't wear this robe to mislead, manipulate, or lure victims.
-
Reward Note: Hopefully, this will help you develop some minor confidence, you craven milksop.
--
"This description is sex-positive to the degree that it uses a legal definition of a [potential partner] in a near-political statement." Leon scoffed dryly, "I wonder if a woke Social Media god intern wrote this.
They even ended it with an insult so pretentious that a respectable emperor wouldn't use it."
Ding!
--
Social Media and Meme God Musk has gifted God Candidate Leon Traxler (@Traxxx) the following gift.
Item: Stay @ Work t-shirt
Grade: Common [Low-Quality]
Description: A troll reminder that a billionaire God Candidate won the last God Trial and ascended to become the Social Media and Meme God.
Gifter Note: It wasn't us; no woke people here at FLib HQ. Just sleeping people who haven't showered in three days. #NoWokeOrBroke
P.S. I'm designing my everything app for cancel-culture-fearing citizens like you. Please support free speech and dank memes by advertising on FLib, where we give woke people the bird!
--
"The problem is the people, not the platform, Musk." Leon asserted dryly, "If you don't fix the problem, your everything app will just make it easy to get canceled everywhere but your app.
That said, I hate all your predecessors, and I'm confident I'd like your memes if I could feel emotions. So keep it up."
"Who are you talking to?" Lindy asked in confusion, "Who's Musk?"
"The man who nearly saved humanity by sending us away before the apocalypse but got attacked by the government for following the law." He replied, "Never mind that.
Are you sure I should wear this, Lindy? I need a purely objective viewpoint."
"Absolutely." She replied definitively, "Do you need a second opinion?"
"That... would be great." Leon replied, grimacing in the mirror, "Get Cynthia. She's as objective to a fault."
"Okay, I'll be right back." Lindy replied, leaving the tent.
"I feel embarrassed even showing Cynthia myself in this." He sighed, looking at the red robe with a conflicted expression.
A few minutes later, a silver-haired elf entered the tent.
"This better be good." Cynthia warned, "The beast women got Aphrodite's Youth Restoration Cream on their ears and are having panic attacks like kittens.
In a shocking twist of fate, there's a more annoying race than the mortals. What do you want?"
Leon turned around to face her. "I need your opinion--will this thing destroy my reputation?"
The elf's amethyst eyes widened, and she stared at his slightly exposed chest in a trance, "W-Why would you ask [me]?"
"You were the most objective person I could think of." He explained, narrowing his eyes slightly at her mesmerized expression, "Is the robe making you think unnaturally?"
Cynthia blushed and turned away, confusing him. "It's not changing the way I think; it's just...."
"Just what?" Leon asked calmly, studying her unnatural mannerisms.
"It's digging up all the thoughts I murdered and buried and is aggressively trying to force me into confessing everything." The silver-haired elf gulped, "Can I leave, please?"
His eyes widened in panic when he heard [another] person trying to avoid looking at him.
"Wait, Cynthia." Leon said, making the panicked elf stop at the entrance, "Should I avoid wearing the robe? I don't want to make people uncomfortable around me."
Cynthia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Wear the robe. It's the best thing that you can do. It looks great on you, and if it does what I think it does, it'll be useful for your image."
After answering his question, she walked out of the tent as quickly as possible.
Leon blinked twice in exasperation. There were [two] people that had the same reaction and gave him the same advice despite clearly feeling uncomfortable!
A new person walked into the tent a moment later.
"Oh, great timing, Minx." He said, "This robe is having a cryptic effect on people. Can you give me a third opinion on whether I should wear it?"
The black-haired shadow cat turned bright red to the tip of her ears, and she turned around. "It looks... great. You should wear it."
"Wait!" He cried, watching her try to leave, "Everyone recommends I wear it but averts their gaze and runs away--just like you're doing.
This isn't an order, but can you please tell me why people keep having that reaction? I really need help, Minx."
She turned around meekly, cringing, unable to look him in the eye. "I... have a raging desire to tell you things I shouldn't. If others are like me, they're leaving to avoid saying things that'll get them murdered by the Dainties.
As for why I'm telling you to keep it on...."
Minx turned bright pink, and she covered her face in her hands in embarrassment, turning around again. "I want to look at you, just not talk to you. It feels so creepy to say that!"
She ran out of the tent in mortification, leaving him stunned.
"I... have no clue what's going on." Leon said, stunned, "However, I know one thing--there's no fucking way I'm wearing this damn robe.
Don't misjudge the effects? Don't misinterpret the effects? Wish granted! Both are easy when you don't wear the damn thing!"
He started taking it off. However, as it was sliding off his shoulders--
Ding!
--
God's announcement! Special Event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence.
-
This 𝓬ontent is taken from f(r)eeweb(n)ovel.𝒄𝒐𝙢