After Mindy got her reward, the rest of the rewards got passed out.
The competitors received rewards from the gods, and Reina was crowned the event's MVP. She crushed the most lovable competitor role, started the best event, and participated in the effort to relieve the problem she caused.
Next came the Knock Out event, politically renamed the Pillow Push event, which became an exceedingly dull war of attrition.
Manka became her full size. While her power got comically suppressed, no one could push her out of the ring. #physics
Likewise, no one could hit Foxy, who became a ghost after every attack and counterattacked. Eventually, everyone resigned but the two.
The muscular Lamia was insistent they duke it out. However, they agreed on a draw when they realized that the snake woman couldn't catch the beast woman, and the latter couldn't budge the muscular woman. Running out of magic didn't change their situation.
Their draw triggered violent applause that rocked the colosseum, as everyone's eyes glazed over thirty minutes prior, and Aquarius gifted Aquarius Brand eyedrops to keep everyone alive.
Naturally, Leon gave an enthralling nationalistic speech about the greatest of Harem City, hit everyone with a volley of plugs, and issued a warning to the men, which he was finishing.
"Responding to the number one question on the Forbidden Library—no, Harem City is not accepting eunuchs." Leon declared dryly, "However, please consider becoming one regardless to do the world a favor."
A machine gun volley of gifting notifications followed his closing.
Now that he was a world-famous star, male saltiness reached a tipping point. As a result, male god candidates worldwide who had a store feature also sent him gifts.
"Hmmm?" Leon hummed, looking at the notification in his eye, "How amusing. Haremites, I have an announcement for you all."
Everyone had stood up to return to the campsite but stopped in confusion, awaiting his words.
"A new group called the [Anti-Simps for Justice] organized and sent a mass joint gift of dildos to me." Leon laughed in amazement, "It comes with a note I'll read now.
The cultured men of Anti-Simps for Justice have pooled our resources to get you a gift that you can use to fuck yourself."
Stunned silence.
A chuckle after they saw Leon's expectant grin.
An overwhelming explosion of laughter.
"You're giving cultured men a bad name." He continued aloud, "Your toxic male murdering efforts and 'city' of…."
Leon's eyes became murderous, reading the rest silently. However, his eyes turned antagonistic, crazed a moment later, and developed an ominous grin. "No, this is good.
This showcases the issue that righteous anti-simps everywhere suffer from."
The haremites turned to him in confusion, wondering what had come over him.
"Your toxic male murdering efforts and 'city' of clout-chasing whores who would sell their bodies for material desires have desecrated the purity of harem culture." Leon read, shocking everyone, "And for what?
Nothing.
You've treated life like a sex-positive social justice orgy under the guise of a false phobia that only hides your identity as a simp!
Now, you've bowed your head to these impure unfaithfuls and are depriving the few pure ones of the sexual pleasure they deserve.
We're collectively glad you're destined to get cucked to death by your [haremites].
Enjoy the gift, you closeted simp."
Dead silence.
Leon panned everyone's gazes to check everyone's mindset before speaking.
"Who wants to pen them a letter in response?" He grinned.
The area exploded in wild cheers.
"Dearest Anti-Simps for justice." Leon began casually, pacing like Napoleon dictating a letter, "Anti-simps have a collective wish.
We seek a world where we can call a woman incompetant at work—if she's incompetant."
Confusion spread across the audience.
"That's all." He clarified, perplexing the women further, "It's a simple goal.
However! People like you called competent women incompetant whores when they got promotions instead of you, feminists found your social media posts, used it as proof of the patriarchy, and we all suffered."
He trailed off somberly for dramatic effect, panning everyone's gazes slowly.
"But rejoice!" Leon announced excitedly, "In Harem City, we call out people for their incompetency.
That's why every feminist in these walls accepted the title [Haremite] in exchange for food, water, shelter, electricity, showers, parties, and enjoyment in the apocalypse.
After all, they don't worry about having sex with a [simp] who's [depriving] women of the D.
If any man alive wouldn't [sell their body] to me under such terms, they're a fucking idiot."
Lindy put her thumb and index into her mouth and released a wolf whistle, triggering explosive cheers that shattered the airways around Harem City.
"Anti-simps seek equality." Leon continued matter-of-factly, "We dream of a world where a woman physically assaulting a man can get jawed in self-defense without the male victim going to jail.
It's abhorrent that such common sense wasn't permissible in the developed world."
The audience calmed down, and the haremites nodded in assent.
"However, the people like you who post standing ovation gifs when women get punched in novels prevent that." He added dryly.
"The vast major of the developed world agrees self-defense isn't worth celebrating, and comments like that are disturbing.
Therefore, once again, feminists point to you, scream that men enjoy violence against women, and more stringent sexist laws preventing male self-defense get enacted.
Men lose their jobs in droves over small things, misunderstandings ruin lives, and people like me develop phobias to protect themselves. Thanks for that!"
The haremites held their breath, fearful of his phobia. However, he was still smiling.
"But rejoice! You misogynistic incels." Leon announced grandly, "This isn't the developed world!
Harem City invites all men to throw fists at our women! That way, we can showcase our devotion to equality by ripping your limbs off and clubbing you to death with them.
That's our pledge. And don't worry; I'll ensure we celebrate it with standing ovation gifs on the Forbidden Library!"
All the haremites released battle cries, breaking the sound barrier above the colosseum.
Gifting notifications exploded in the corner of his eye. However, they froze on one that got highlighted.
"Lastly, I think it's about time a person of culture addressed a normal topic." Leon announced with fierce eyes, "86% of men and an [whorish] 88% of women have sex by age 21.
No one wants to think of their partner having sex with anyone else.
That's especially true for novels and shows. Reading and shows are for escapism and enjoyment, so there's nothing misogynistic with [wanting] female characters to be virgins.
However, there's a name for men who call female characters who aren't pure flowers [whores]—"
He looked to the sky with a vicious smile. "—virgins."
Lindy cheered shamelessly, flouting her sex addiction like a badge of honor—truly not helping his case—but it didn't matter. The laughter pouring from the stands was contagious.
"I'm not talking about virgins at age eighteen or even twenty-five." Leon smiled, "No, I'm talking about terminal virgins.
Isekai candidates. People who end up on Truck Kun's porn history. The 0.03% who make it to 40 without having sex. That type of virgin."
He and his haremites burst into laughter when they saw Redemption God Rudus had sent him a t-shirt with a message that read: "I didn't call women whores!"
The shirt said [True Isekai Candidates Love Lolis!]
"I'm not going to touch that." Leon chuckled in amusement, "Let's move on. If you're calling the vast majority of women whores, they won't sleep with you—obviously.
And if you can't get your mythical virgin now, it'll get increasingly more difficult over time.
By age 25, your standards will force you to search for a unicorn who's somehow a virgin and can also tolerate you. I assure you—such a woman doesn't exist!"
More laughter rang out. What he was saying wasn't even funny; it was just so common sense that it was hard to understand why it was necessary to mention it. Yet everyone knew it was necessary—that was the problem.
"If you're offended and stop watching my channel because of this message—good!" Leon roared at the top of his lungs, "Leave!
That way, people can enjoy Harem City without hearing my women are whores! Or better yet, stop by so my women can rip that malculture out of your fucking throat!"
War cries crashed through the airwaves, haremites watching their leader deride anyone who attacked his women. He didn't take kindly to it whatsoever. They had never felt positive about anti-simpism before, but now they understood it was common sense—and loved it.
"And now, for a message from our sponsor." Leon grinned.
—
Death and Rebirth God Truck-Kun has awarded Anti-Simps for Justice members the following gift:
Item: Truck Kun T-Shirt
Gifter: Truck Kun
Grade: Epic
Description: White shirt with a truck that reads [Truck Kun Wouldn't Accept Me].
Effect: 100% invisibility, ensuring no notices you.
Warning! It also makes it impossible for people to remember or take the user seriously, and the user cannot touch or interact with women. Users must change their mindset before the [voluntary] invisibility and anti-memory debuffs wear off.
Gift Note: "I only accept virgins who have good hearts or perform a redeeming act, not people who work hard to maintain their virginity."
—
The forbidden library went wild, and the stadium burst into laughter. It only got better the next moment.
—
God Candidate Group [Anti-Simps and Anti-Incels for Equality] has sent Leon Traxler a joint gift.
Item: Protagonist T-Shirt
Gifter: Anti-Simps and Anti-Incels for Equality
Grade: Common
Description: White shirt that reads [Fuck You, Protagonist!]
Effect: Inspires Laughter (Bitter and Malicious From Males)
Gift Note: "Incels are not anti-simps, and we, as anti-simps, want to declare that we agree with your points publicly. That said, we still hate you—for admittedly petty reasons.
We'll point out the real issue here. We're three-packs-of-ramen salty that you have a city full of women, many willing to sleep with you, even though your chimerical personality is shockingly subpar and inconsistent, and you're dodging women like the plague.
We all want half-loli cat women begging to have sex with us, yet only you get that—but deny it. We hate that about you.
We also hate you destroying our romanticism by continually pointing out that women only follow you because they think you're practically gay.
Lastly, everyone loves you nearly exclusively and is willing to go without men for life? Are you kidding!? That's so unrealistic it's offensive! So we don't want to hear your anti-fantasy arguments, no matter how valid they are IRL.
Put simply, we're angry we're not you. So we have a unified message for you, Leon Traxler.
Fuck you, protagonist!
Now keep anti-simpism out of your goddamn mouth, ya fucking half-simp.
Signed with hate, Anti-Simps and Anti-Incels for Equality.
PS. Your women are perfect, and we don't hate on them. Please don't kill us, as this is a backhanded compliment the world can agree on. We will not attend the next event, as anti-simps respect strength indifferently and value our lives."
—
Laughter hadn't stopped since Leon began reading the note aloud. It was all too absurd.
"Well, this has been one hell of a detour." He laughed, "What do you say that we get in some god pajamas and enjoy sleeping in a bed for the first time in… what seems like forever?"
The haremites exploded in excitement.
"Also, contestants, feel free to use the showers to rinse off." Leon commented, "I don't know what type of lazy, low-grade event planner decided to put the bathing event before a known mystery event, but they need fired for their half-baked planning."
He smiled in self-deprecation, and the stadium went wild.
After everyone was in motion, he turned to Caitlyn and reached out, indicating he wanted to hold hands in a public display.
The blonde turned bright red to the tip of her ears and accepted his hand with overwhelming emotions that would suffocate a newborn kitten.
Then he turned to Lindy. "If you're in the mood tomorrow, you'll get your moment. So let Caitlyn have hers tonight, okay?"
Lindy's face turned bright red when she heard that they'd make love soon, and she dry-swallowed, nodding hesitantly. She used all her willpower to suppress her desires.
"After that moment, we'll talk about your affliction." He said with a complex expression, "I want our first experience to be as things are. After that, I'll make sure you're happier than you've ever been. To me, your happiness brings me the slight bit of positive emotions I feel."
The brunette felt like she was struck by a bag of bricks, smiling with overwhelming emotions. "Okay, I can't wait!"
Lastly, he turned to Reina and Tricksie. "Don't worry, you two. I haven't forgotten about you.
Please be patient, as I want Harem City to be worthy before I accept you into our lives fully. I'm working hard to give you two the life you deserve."
Both nodded with teary eyes, feeling their bodies heat up.
"Okay, let's go." Leon chuckled breathlessly, "I have to a massive hole in the canopies to explain."
—
[A/N: If I return to Harem God, I'm doing it on my terms and bringing back the vicious, venting satire that made it great. I've lost 99% of my readers by offending just about everyone once. Well, it might be your turn. This isn't funny enough, but I first needed to vent the anger I've developed since writing this novel. Otherwise, I couldn't write another sentence. Anyway, I'm back, maybe. I have a lot to vent over and more experience writing sex scenes with PlayCult, so there's material here for days.]
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