Harker closed his mouth and pursed his lips. It would feel like lying if he denied the fact that he and Hanker were the same. But he doesn't want to make things worse for Roland.
He doesn't want the tension between them to get even worse, and he certainly doesn't want to lose their friendship that spanned for more than a decade.
In the eyes of immortals and monsters, that amount of time was nothing. But it was everything to Harker. He was his first and longest friend, and they probably know each other like the back of their hand by now.
He couldn't always tell what Roland was thinking, but he can still notice things that others couldn't.
He could tell that Roland wasn't just angry, and that he wasn't angry with him. Nor at Hanker.
He was angry with himself, and he was scared.
"Roland….. I need to know what happened. Please tell me. Then….. Then we could drop it and move on."
His best friend looked unsure, then he…..
He shook his head.
"Let's just drop it. You don't need to know."
"But I have to!" Harker insisted. "How else could I tell you whether or not that was me? That whatever he did was something I would do—"
"Please."
That was all he said. That one simple word, and Harker could already know so many things behind that word.
Please don't push it further. Please don't make me remember what happened. Please keep being my friend, and act normal.
It's hiding the truth all over again for the sake of the greater good.
Or perhaps more accurately, for the sake of the lesser evil.
Harker hated it. And it was because of this hatred that he felt like a crack had grown even more in their relationship, not repaired. He thought their bond was much stronger than this. But it was actually as fragile as glass.
He needed to be careful all the time, like walking on a tightrope.
"Fine, then…. Let's just go back."
They returned to the Jones residence, brought the kids to school, and went to Scarsdale. Harker and Roland were quiet in the back of the limousine during the whole ride.
When they got there, Roland brought him to the pavilion to have some tea and talk about the Garcia case. Harker didn't drink, since he was long used to not eating or drinking anything anyway. Consuming monsters made him full and he had almost forgotten how much humans eat every day.
It's troublesome, and sometimes, it feels like they like to eat and drink among themselves just to be more comfortable with each other. To share some physical activity with someone to get them talking.
".... And I was thinking that you could use your skills on him."
Harker was listening, but he only consumed the words like mindlessly eating them. He looked up. "What skill?"
"The…. The Legion one. The one that gets into people's memories. That way you'd know more about this 'alien' creature, what it looks like or any more important clues." Roland said, "Though I'd rather you don't use it..."
Harker blinked. "You're letting me do that to Felix after…."
He stopped himself from continuing the sentence.
'After you became so traumatized with my clone doing the same to you? You're willing to witness those black worms again and remember whatever makes you scared?'
"It's the only way." Roland nervously sipped tea. "Though…. Though of course I would need to make some arrangements for it to happen. It would be private, just you and Felix."
He put his cup down and changed the topic. "What about you? What do you need from me?"
Harker didn't feel comfortable about letting Roland make the decisions without asking for his own opinion. But then again, it was a fair trade. He won't pry into Felix more than necessary and only look into important memories like this alien sighting he said many years ago and the night of Dahlia's murder.
He told Roland about his father's disappearances, and his need to reach out to Yakov Perelman.
"I'd go there myself, but I can't really find an address besides where he received his mail. That's not his real house because I checked and it's just some office. My dad probably only got to his location once he responded to the letter, which took months according to Chloe.'
Roland rubbed his chin. "Yakov Perelman…. That name sounded familiar. I think I may have met him before."
"What is he like?" Harker asked.
"Just…. Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. He's actually more bland than most scientists, since most scientists have this wide array of personality to them. They can be completely kooky and obsessed with their work, or very reserved yet intelligent. But Yakov is just the same as some average Joe."
He smiled. "I do remember him mentioning his wife a lot. It's a very 1950s businessman kind of personality, to be honest. Always talking about his beautiful housewife waiting for him."
Harker frowned. "Wife? But from the records I've seen in the library, he didn't have a spouse."
"Oh." Roland pursed his lips. "Then maybe it's just some lover or something…. Anyway, he sounded just so smitten over her. Couldn't talk another second without mentioning how pretty she was, how much he would dedicate his whole life to her, how he misses her... Huh."
Harker noticed him trail off. "What is it?"
"Well….. He always says she had the brightest appearance. Just bright. Nothing else, not bright like a smart woman or has a bright smile or bright eyes… Just bright. The way he said it almost sounded like he was being literal."
This discomforted Harker for some reason. "Anything else?"
"She had long black hair, if I remember. Because he kept comparing it to how dark the dark matter was, which is pretty much a metaphor you'd expect from an astrophysicist. But it's also wrong, because dark matter isn't really 'dark'. It's unseen. Invisible."
Roland's eyes also seemed to widen over this. Unseen…..
Wasn't that part of what Felix was muttering about? And how he described the possession, it was almost like this alien creature was invisible—
"What about her eyes?" Harker suddenly asked.
"Her eyes? What about her eyes?"
Roland was confused by the sudden question, since he was starting to connect dots that may or may not be connected.
"What color were his eyes?" Harker said, that unsettling feeling sinking deeper and deeper into his bones.
"Her eyes… He never really mentioned her eyes. Like I said, that's what I expect he would mean about her looking bright. But he did say that when she watches him, he felt like it would pierce through his soul. Like it 'illuminates' it. Yes, that's the term he used, like she could illuminate even the darkest parts of his soul—-"
Harker stood up as if in realization.
"Red glowing eyes….."
For the first time, he actually came to remember the strange dreams he had. It was all coming back to him at that moment, those eyes that followed him like a shadow.
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