Meanwhile, Harker found himself quite literally stuck in his own head.
He doesn't know how long it had been since he woke up in this completely white room that represented his consciousness. He knows that it was that, because it had the same feeling as Legion's tea party in the snowy spot by the creek.
Harker sat alone in this white room for a while, pondering. No, he was digesting. It was difficult enough to now gain the memories of every single person that Legion ate, much less digest it while he was 'ascending'.
That ascension felt like hell, no joke.
He wondered how many more Ability Ascension he'd have to experience in this lifetime, and sincerely hoped that it won't be many. He'd rather not have them again at all.
As he digested, he had realized a few certain things.
"The Blank we may have encountered may be a part of Legion, but he had his own consciousness and will, that's why he acted quite authentic. He was staying through to his real self... Except for the part after I turned into a wendigo. Legion had influenced him a little to act that way."
He remembered the moment that he and Blank were talking outside the cave, after he took a piss. There was an instance that felt different from the rest, different from the usual 'madness'.
When he hugged Blank after almost punching him, his eyes cleared up somehow and he apologized.
"Forgive me. It wasn't me, I…. I did not want to hurt you—"
He truly believed him at that moment. That must be the 'real' him speaking, his soul— or what remained of it— speaking through this body made of corrupted SS cells.
That was also why Ahanu 'died'. It was a sort of warning from the rest of Legion itself, so that he wouldn't go astray from his plan.
So in a way, Legion and the Blank he knew were not the same. Legion was the collective entity, but once divided, it could give chance to the resulting identity to hold its own free will separate from the 'hive mind'.
Yes, they were comparable to a hive. Legion was like the queen ant or bee, and he had expanded Blank, Ahanu, the wendigos, the village, and the Sasquatch as like an army under his command. But not always will the ants obey the path given to them, like that moment of clarity Harker saw.
He recalled how Blank's eyes softened upon learning that he was also biracial like him. That was a genuine reaction, and if he was truly just an extension of Legion, he would have already known he was half-black from Father Gerard and Josephine Jone's memories. But he didn't, and Harker somehow felt comforted that those parts of him weren't fake.
If things were different, Blank could have really been his friend.
Hopefully, he and his brother were at peace now. He felt that he had somehow freed the collective 'souls' of the people Legion had consumed by consuming it. Or maybe that was just him being optimistic, and these people were really just already dead and there was no 'soul' in the first place, just a 'mind'.
Either way, he wished them well in the afterlife. The good people who had to suffer this misfortune.
Acceptance had come easier for Harker. Accepting that he would have to carry these memories with him now, that he wasn't like what he was as before. Acceptance was the key for him to slowly regain his consciousness, as the white room slowly regained color.
These colors were actually the visions of the 'outside' him. It was blurry at first, but now he can make sense of certain shapes.
He seemed to be confined inside some tempered glass, or at least something very strong yet still transparent. He can make out the shapes of people watching him outside. From the colors alone, he guessed that one of the most prominent watchers was Joan.
He wanted to get back to her sooner, and so he became more motivated to recover and digest faster. Since his vision of the 'outside' was improving, that was a good indication for him.
Eventually, he was able to get Yan to get inside his subconsciousness too.
"Did you summon me to show you the stats that changed from the Ability Ascension and those you acquired from Legion, Sir?"
Harker nodded. "I did. And to ask you about that qi overflow thing."
"Oh, that…" Yan suddenly looked a bit shaky, like he was about to cry. "Master, I was honestly worried about you. Qi overflow could lead to qi deviation, which was a common cause of death among cultivators. This could be from malpractice of techniques, and of course, when the body is not yet in a primal state during ascension."
The eyeball wiped a tear that formed on his eyes, but it was holding up pretty well. "That was why I warned you so many times…. I think you were only able to survive because Ms. Joan Seward took the excess energy."
"So I was alive all thanks to Joan….. I guess that makes me indebted to her now." Harker smiled softly. "Somehow, that doesn't feel so bad."
If it was him from before, he wouldn't have been able to so easily accept it.
But something has changed within him. Maybe what Legion said was right, the end of the battle makes someone a new man.
There were still more battles to come. He had to find Victoria after breaking through this temporary monstrous change he experienced. And he was already expecting it to not be easy.
The monologue was still a bit vague in his mind, though. There were still many things he didn't understand about what Legion was trying to tell him. Mostly because the bastard was being purposefully vague, just like all of those mustache-wearing villains in TV would.
He remembered that he also had a sort of vision while he was exchanging blows snake-to-snake with him. But it was also blurry now, just like the dreams he always had.
The impression of the bright being still remained, though. Streaks of gold, blue skies, an unparalleled beauty and power…..
But also the desperation, hatred, and pain in his voice.
Why not me? That was what he was basically saying, from what Harker could gather. All the details were gone, but that small footprint in the sand, that mark stained his mind.
Why not me and me alone? Why must you choose anyone else?
He suddenly realized that he was staring at someone who does have golden locks and sky blue eyes. He knew who she was, and he was dumbstruck. He heard her voice:
"Why not me? Why does it have to be someone else who tamed his inner demons and saved him?"
Follow current nov𝒆ls on freew(𝒆)bnov𝒆l.(c)om