While Harker was carrying the body, his eyes shifted back and forth as he thought about what to say to his companions.
He doesn't understand it either, so how can he explain it? Nothing makes sense anymore….
Did the Sasquatch do this? Why would he? Ahanu didn't do anything wrong, and they already made a promise to not get into each other's business since he had forgiven Harker.
So what happened to this boy? How can he just die a gruesome death like that?
He doesn't deserve it. None of them really deserved the things they were experiencing in this mountain, but it happened nonetheless.
Once Blank spotted them, he did not even ask any questions and rushed to get his brother's emaciated carcass.
He aggressively took it and hugged him close. There in the snow, he just fell to his knees while keeping his arms around the only living person in this world that he loves. His family, what he considered his home.
Blank may have his faults and tendencies, but his emotions that night were real and raw. He just wept and wept, unable to do anything else.
Harker was hesitant to approach him, but still put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm… I'm sorry. When I came back, he's just….. There's worms coming out of his body. They're gone now, but we can't be sure, so we have to be careful—"
Joan stopped him. "Harker…. Let him grieve. You tell me what happened and let him grieve."
Harker sat down, rubbing his head. It hurts a lot, and he felt that pounding again. As if someone was hitting his skull with a mallet, judging him for his misdeeds and mistakes.
"I... I tried to get there as fast as I could, but the worms were just spreading all over the cave. I managed to dodge them, but by the time I got there….. He's gone. It's too late." He slumped at the same spot where he and Blank were. "I should have never left the cave… I should have moved faster as soon as I heard the scream…. Maybe then….."
Joan shook her head. "There's nothing you could do about it. And if you're feeling guilty, then how should I feel? I was right beside him. We were sleeping right next to each other and I…. I wasn't able to do anything."
Harker tried to stay sober despite the debilitating effects of the headache. "Did any of the worms get to you?"
"No. They crawled out from Ahanu, and I moved back as soon as he screamed. It almost felt like they have always been there, germinating…. developing within him....."
He remembered how Ahanu's chest seemed to be the source of it all. Dark veins had spread from where his heart was, and stretched all the way to his horrified face stuck in the middle of scream. His corpse was stuck with its eyes rolled back and mouth opened wide.
Because of this, Harker remembered Blank's words earlier.
"A monster who had lived all his life as a human would think he has a human heart. But that monstrous, vile heart continues to beat with its black and brackish blood.... Waiting until the mind frees itself from denial and realizes what it truly was."
The darkness does not suddenly appear like an intruder that attacks at random. It comes from within, swimming at our veins, feeding on us until it finally consumes everything.
How long has it been, since Ahanu had been sick?
It felt just the same as when his sister had one of her flares. The lupus disease was always there, the medicine just helps hide the symptoms. But like those black worms, it stays within her blood vessels and feeds on her own nourishment.
Ahanu's body had always been suffering silently like this.
Similar things happened to his mother before she gave birth. The constant morning sickness, the headaches, the fatigue….. And when she died, all of that black and brackish blood had found its release.
A fruit rotting from the inside but looks fine on the outside was much scarier than something that was obviously rotten. Corruption has a more palpable effect than instant destruction.
"Why were you two outside?" Joan asked.
Harker looked down. "He…. He needed to go out."
"That long?" She frowned. "I woke up a bit when you two went out. I knew why he needed to go outside but... What took you both so long?"
This suspicious way of asking was killing him, shiving the knife that was guilt deeper down his chest.
"We were… We were just talking. He was telling me things about his past. We never would have expected that this would….. I mean, Ahanu looked like he was doing so well and….." He heaved a heavy breath.
Joan's eyes softened, and she used a less interrogative tone. "I just thought you two were on bad terms. I didn't expect that you would be talking about things like that. And it's so dark and dangerous outside….."
"I know." Harker hugged himself. "But... I'd rather be outside with him where my thoughts are clearer than stay in that suffocating cave from that moment. That suffocating routine of staying awake while staring at a wall and only having myself as my company."
He smiled bitterly. "The things we talked about were morbid, and they fucked up real bad….. But I don't know why it still felt better than staying still and doing nothing. Then keeping the mundane atmosphere while I silently lose my mind from this curse, and this.... Ugh!"
The headache spiked, and Joan looked at him with worry. "Hey….. Are you alright?"
Harker would not usually say the truth in this situation, and just deny his own pain. But he quickly said. "No."
Joan placed her hands around him. "... We'll get through this. All of us. Then everything will be okay. Just a little bit further…. Just a little bit. Together."
She massaged his temples. Despite almost attacking her that night, she still went to comfort him. Though she could not accept the beast inside, she still provides him that comfort, that affection, that…..
Love.
Whether an admirable mentor, a family, a friend, or something else…. Love was love, in the end, and one of the most moving factors to a person's life.
That tender love that Ahanu once provided for his brother. It was the only anchor that tethered Blank from the sea of his own morbid thoughts, and it was gone.
While receiving Joan's love, he watched the weeping man as if he was looking at dark clouds foreboding a coming storm.
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