He fought it off, like how one would fight off a wild animal that has pounced on top of you. He tried to regain balance, but….
Deviancy had already infected his mind.
He imagined himself crawling on all fours towards her, drops of saliva falling to the cave's cold floor as he went. He was dreaming while wide awake, dreaming so vividly that it was screwing with his own sense of what's real and what's not.
The sensations felt very real. The sound of her steady breathing, the smell of her cologne, her visage comparable to a muse of a Renaissance painting….
She suddenly sat up, and looked at him with evident fear in her eyes. It was so palpable that Harker could almost feel how her heart was thumping in her chest, as if it was his own.
"H-Harker….. What are you….."
He quickly pinned her down before she could speak. Her head banged against the floor, and she groaned from the pain. She tried to escape, but he had placed his knees between her legs so she wouldn't be able to escape.
His drool had dripped all over those plump breasts of hers. Her shirt became soaking wet from it, and she wore a look of both horror and disgust.
"Let me go! Snap out of it! It's me, Joan! Your professor!"
But he doesn't see her as that anymore. He doesn't recall her name, her temperament, his memories with her. When he looked at her, all he saw was what he wanted to do. The urges made him like a bull that only sees red.
And that red enticed him so much that he could just die.
It felt like he was going to die if he didn't get what he desires, if he doesn't do what he has been meaning to do. His voice was ragged as he pleaded.
"I can't take it anymore... I can't, I can't, I can't….. I'm losing my mind…. Help me…."
His grip tightened, but this felt more like out of desperation, rather than just wanting to restrain her.
And in this dream, her eyes would soften. Those eyes would definitely understand. The overwhelming darkness that consumed her was no different from this one, two sides of the same coin.
While the numbness makes her want to become violent towards herself, this darkness inside Harker made him want to be violent towards others. Both were tormenting and extreme thoughts that 'normal' people would never understand.
"Then... Do it." She said.
Harker trailed his lips over her neck. "Y-You… Can I really do it…. Hah, hah…. Can I…."
She wrapped her hands around his shoulders, and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'm willing to give everything to you. Even my life. I know just see me as something to be that release, and I'm willing to be that release. I'll accept you."
Harker didn't even feel guilty with that idea, since he was also being seen as something else in this scene. To her, she sees Edmund, a remnant of the past that will never come back.
So it will be an equal exchange. Just two broken souls trying to fill the holes in their hearts.
One was from the pains of the past, while the other had it from these unbearable instincts that's eating him from the inside. There was no point worrying about who they were or what they shouldn't do at this moment.
They don't have a past, present, or future. No soul. Just two bodies yearning for gratification.
They pressed their lips together. He couldn't even bear for a few seconds before he bit into her lower lip and drew blood.
She moaned at this, and clung tighter to him. Her fingers slid onto his hair and gave a tingling sensation to his scalp. He used his knee to rub against that soft and wet organ between her legs.
He sucked on her blood, and continued ravishing her mouth. The tongue had soon been bitten as well. Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn't let go.
He moved fast, no hesitation. He pushed those legs far apart from each other, and inserted himself.
She arched her back, the sudden invasion no doubt sending her into a spiral of pain and agony that came in waves. But mixed with that was the hints of sweet pleasure. As he continued to bite into her flesh, her shouts became delicate moans.
This was madness, and they had sunk deep into it. Yet since they were just bodies harboring nothing but desire inside, they don't have any space for regret, guilt, or remorse.
Only the violent pleasures remained.
"More! Ack... Hurt me more….. Consume me….. Defile me... Oh…."
Her ramblings just riled him up. There was no way to describe it that would bring justice to the moment itself. It was something primal, something purely animalistic that trying to rationalize it would be stupid.
He thrusted recklessly, and she also swayed her hips recklessly. There were so many marks and he didn't even check if he was biting on the same places over and over again, and so her skin ended up looking like a sponge in some areas.
He especially licked puncturing holes into those soft breasts while grinding at the same time. He sucked at those hard nipples, and pulled at them with his teeth.
The hole was opened up so much that it was no longer enough to satisfy him. So he went for the other, much tighter one, and almost reached his climax upon going in. Her blood served as the lube, and yet it didn't really do much besides allow him any chance of entry.
In a very small flash of clarity, he thought this must be what 'heaven' felt like.
But other than that, he just kept on moving. He placed his hands around her neck as he continued to use her, and later on....
"Eat me….." She said weakly as she choked. "Make me a part of you….."
He opened his mouth. This was what he wanted, and he will get it no matter what—
He then heard a loud crash.
Harker blinked, and realized what was happening. He was dreaming. None of it had happened, and…..
Harker was simply on top of Joan, and she used one of the glass bottles they carried around for water to slam against his head. But he didn't wake up from the dream because of the impact as he no longer felt pain. Only the loud crash brought him back to his senses.
He also realized that his fingers were grayish white. When he turned to the broken glass, he saw the reflection of a greedy monster staring back at him.
Someone went closer, an arrow aimed at his face.
"You can't escape from who you are, friend."
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