Chapter 128 - Self Sabotage
"Want some advice from a friend who has been through a similar situation?" Dean asked as his mind started to reminisce about his longing for April in his past life.
"From you… always. I'm lost and a bit useless at this. I sabotage every relationship that I am in. But Aarna is special." Zane said.
Dean sighed and said "Let me explain it this way… Everything that you want in life is going to come packaged in a box that looks like a bomb and it's going to seem scary and threatening. Partially because it threatens your idea of yourself and how you currently live. A lot of the time the things that we want most mean that a small or large part of your old self has to die before you receive it."
Dean took a deep breath before he continued to speak. "To leap or take a risk in life it will be scary and you will feel vulnerable. But that box isn't meant to blow up in your face and destroy everything it is meant to give you a new life, a fresh start. What you need to see is that her love is a gift. Do not regret and miss out on the love of your life due to fear."
Zane was quiet then he asked Dean"How do I tell her that I'm not ignoring her right now I am just disconnected from reality right now and that the days all blur together. I feel numb to the world around me, every day is the same. It's really hard for me to maintain a conversation."
Dean was quiet then he asked, "Are you in love with her?"
"Yes, I think so. When I was sick for two months and couldn't work we talked all day every day. We talked about everything, we had banter and shared so many interests. A text from her can brighten up any dark day I have. Is that the difference between like and love?" Zane was taken aback. He knew he liked Aarna. She was special, maybe even the one but what Dean asked made him question everything.
Dean was honest with his friend as he replied with how he felt "The difference between like, love and in love is the same difference between for now, for a while and forever. You either know you're in love or you are not."
"Thanks, bud I know what I need to do now." Replied Zane before he hung up the phone.
Dean heard the call end so he placed the phone back into his pocket.
It hurt like hell to walk away, to stay out of her life. But what else could he have done he thought that she was happy. In his last lifetime he had decided to walk away and April would never know how much that took out of him, it took all that was left inside him to not show up in her life and take her away from all the nasty people that had surrounded her.
Even though he had left her she was still there every day and night, haunting his dreams. That is what happens when you meet a soul like hers, even in her absence her presence still lingered. He had phoned Zane so he wouldn't live in regret and longing as he had.
As he was reminiscing he felt two small arms encircle his waist, a smile graced his handsome face. She always showed up when he needed it most. He turned around and held her tight in his arms, giving her all his warmth and affection through this one embrace.
"What's wrong?" April asked, she was worried when she spotted Dean in the garden alone and staring into space.
"Nothing, I was absentmindedly thinking." Dean leaned back and glanced down at April, he saw the worry in her eyes.
"Oh." April was leaning back in Dean's arms content with feeling his warmth as the wind picked up and twirled her silky black hair into the night sky.
Dean sighed, realising she was probably cold and he let go taking her hand and leading her back into the house. He didn't want her to overthink so he answered "I phoned Zane for a man to man talk. We don't want him sabotaging his own and Aarna's happiness. He is useless in relationships and he doesn't really know how to be there for someone. He never had anyone to lean on except me."
"Aarna will give him another chance if he is sincere and he is consistent this time. I think she feels his lack of effort means he doesn't want her. But I hope then if his feelings are true he will continue to show it so it won't hurt her further." Dean had escorted April into the kitchen and they walked to the living together.
Grandpa Joseph was in the hallway and he walked into the living room seeing the two arm in arm he smiled and announced loudly, "I will be going on my constitutional now… so you youngsters will be alone now for a while. I won't disturb you, when I get back I will head straight to bed." Grandpa Joseph then turned and walked out of the living room.
April's cheeks flamed with embarrassment, she heard Dean chuckle and she turned to him and hit him lightly on his arm, "Stop laughing." She scolded at Dean then April caught up with Dean's grandpa, "You don't need to go out anywhere. It's cold stay home." She held his arm in hers to stop him.
Grandpa Joseph smiled, of course, he wanted her company but he wanted adorable great grandchildren more so he took her hand off his arm gently and explained himself, "I need the exercise if I will beating well while you are living here… Can't have my cholesterol going up." That being said he put on his scarf and hat and walked out of the house.
April knowing it was partly true and partially a lie walked back into the living room only to see Dean removing his suit jacket and then his tie. She was lost for words. These two men were equally shameless. Seeing his intentions as he approached her she turned and bolted up the stairs.
Dean laughed at her, there was no escape. He followed behind her hearing her rushing footsteps as she ran to their bedroom.
He thought of the difference he saw in her in this lifetime, he realised that he loved her for who she was then and for who she was now.
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