51-54: We brush cat food to you, you feed dog food to us.
Chapter 51
Ling Meng wore a frightened look and slowly, slowly moved towards the corner by the bed. In the end, he curled his whole body up in the corner, as if Shan Zhu would ravish him in the next second.
Shan Zhu had expected Ling Meng would react like this and patiently coaxed him, “Don’t hide, come out.”
Ling Meng nervously swallowed, “You…weren’t faking?”
“No.”
“It’s true, ah?”
“Really.”
“That…” his brain was running twice as slowly as usual, “the person you said you liked on Weibo is me, oh?”
“Yes.”
“But,” Ling Meng blinked in bewilderment, “I don’t know how to shine though.”
“You don’t not know how to shine. You’re blind. I’m so obvious but you always think it’s an act for the live broadcast.”
“….it isn’t?”
“I ask you, was it live when I brought you breakfast?”
“No.”
“Was it live when I ran with you?”
“No.”
“Was it live when I was in your bed in the hospital?”
“…also no.”
“Why do you think I’m putting on an act for the broadcast when it’s not live?”
“Because…you’re pursuing me?”
Shan Zhu gave him an admiring look of ‘you finally figured it out.’
“I’ve always thought of you as a good friend,” Ling Meng said, stammering, “I, I didn’t think about it that much.”
“I’ll give you time to think.”
Ling Meng bowed his head and thought it over, “If I refuse, will we still be friends?”
Shan Zhu sighed, “I’ve never considered developing a friendship with you.”
“Is it possible we will have no dealings with each other in the future?”
“Don’t worry; if you refuse, I won’t pester you,” Shan Zhu pretended to be calm.
“Well, it wouldn’t be possible to ride in the black together and there’d be no Mang Group takeout in the future?” He looked cautiously at Shan Zhu, sounding him out with his eyes.
Shan Zhu couldn’t bear it any longer. He reached his hand up and pinched Ling Meng’s face hard. “What else do you have in your head besides playing games and eating?”
“Ow! Ow ow ow ow!” Ling Meng shouted through his squished lips.
Shan Zhu pinched with both hands, then the strength of his hands loosened and he gradually pulled his face closer. His movements were slow enough for Ling Meng to perceive his intentions and there were 1001 chances for him to escape.
Ling Meng, however, remained motionless in the same place as if he had been cursed and closed his eyes tightly in the moment Shan Zhu’s lips made contact.
Shan Zhu held his face, letting himself go and sucking at the other’s soft lips. Unlike the tentative kiss just previously, this kiss was long and powerful, almost cutting off all of Ling Meng’s air.
Unable to breathe, Ling Meng made some “um um” sounds in resistance, but only received a more powerful invasion in return. The dazed Ling Meng’s teeth were pried apart and his tongue was forced to entangle with the other. His brain was blank, well actually he was distracted thinking about why Shan Zhu’s kiss had the flavor of neither a mangosteen nor a mango.
Shan Zhu finally let him go before Ling Meng suffered from hypoxia. Ling Meng blushed like fire, almost comparable to being completely surrounded by 99 cute girls.
“I-if there’s something to talk about, don’t kiss me to dissuade me, okay?”
“I figured out how to deal with you; the result of talking is not as good as kissing.”
Ling Meng expressed himself directly, “I can still speak rationally.”
“I can’t.”
Ling Meng: “…..”
“Besides, you have given me a token of love and you can’t take it back.”
“When did I give you a love token?”
Shan Zhu felt around in his pocket and then opened his palm. Inside was the lemon pin Ling Meng gave him at the cultural festival.
“Why are you carrying around this five cent pin, who knows how many cute girls I gave it to that day.”
“Those weren’t the same, they were giveaway prizes.”
“What about yours?”
“Not for sale.”
Ling Meng: …..
What’s the difference!
“The difference is that you wore it and that you gave it to me yourself,” Shan Zhu answered as if he could read his mind. “And I said it was a *love* token.”
“…what is this, tyranny!”
“You should be thankful that this is in the dorm room, even tyranny has been watered down.”
“What if it’s not watered down?”
“Have a try to see if the thing I just gave you works well.”
The thing that was just given? Ling Meng’s face turned red again.
“Brake!”
Shan Zhu reached out to haul in Ling Meng: “Come, I’ll take you out to dinner.”
“Ah? That ge da soup…”
“Send a message to your roommate and ask him to eat it.”
After a week of tasteless meals, Ling Meng was very happy to hear about going out to dinner, so all his troubles were left behind and he happily followed Shan Zhu out the door.
“But why do you suddenly want to go out for dinner?”
“To eat something good to celebrate.”
“Celebrate what?”
“Off the list.”
Chapter 52
@Mangosteen: Off the list. [Lemon Pin.jpg]
— @GoldenBitsOfMango: See ID for mood!!!
— @FanA: Wait, you were single before?!
— @FanB: Didn’t you get together 800 years ago? @Lemon
— @FanC: Lemon Dad hasn’t said anything yet, this is Mang God unilaterally declaring he’s off the list.
— @FanD: I don’t believe it, I want to hear @Lemon MengMeng’s personal statement.
— @FanE: Mang God attacked head-on, seeking an encouraging answer. @Lemon
……
Gourmet food also couldn’t stop Ling Meng’s enthusiasm for scrolling Weibo, especially after Shan Zhu made the statement on his own initiative. Ling Meng’s Weibo was even more lively.
@Lemon: You all usually only believe him, not me, and now you’re going to listen to me again? Daddy objects!
— @FanA: MengMeng is tsundere.
— @FanB: Don’t be tsundere, MengMeng.
— @FanC: Listen to him for little things, listen to you for big things.
— @FanD: Listen to him about public affairs, listen to you about private affairs.
……
“Don’t just swipe your phone, eat more.” Shan Zhu placed a bowl of porridge in front of Ling Meng, who was busy fighting on his phone.
“Mm-mm!” Ling Meng obediently put down his phone and engrossed himself in the food. The food of this shop chosen by Shan Zhu was really delicious, tending to be light which was very suitable for newly-recovered patients.
Shan Zhu really felt that Ling Meng was suited to a career as a food anchor. The way he wholeheartedly enjoyed delicious food made other people have a large appetite.
“You found such a delicious shop, you’re worthy of being called a local,” Ling Meng praised him.
“There are a lot of delicious shops in Hebei and when you’re better, we’ll eat at them every week.”
“Really?”
“I’ll take you to eat whatever you like. You like to play games, I can personally teach you; with your qualifications, you’ll reach the top 100 no problem.” Shan Zhu threw out the bait bit by bit to let Ling Meng know what a loss it would be to reject him.
When he heard he could get into the top 100, his eyes shone. He had spent so much energy to privately grind from star diamond to the national rankings and, with Shan Zhu’s help, he had risen to 250. He had then encountered a bottleneck and had failed to rank up. If he got into the top 100, he could call himself Daddy in front of 150 more people.
“Deal!”
Ling Meng was full of food and it wasn’t until Shan Zhu asked him where he wanted to go next that he remembered that he was being pulled along by Shan Zhu on a so-called “date.”
This was a difficult question for an otaku.
“Well, um, how about going to an internet cafe?”
Chapter 53
Since Ling Meng had his own computer, he rarely went to internet cafes, so he had no idea that internet cafes had now added intimate couple rooms.
When Shan Zhu asked the network management to open a couple room, Ling Meng subconsciously hid behind him, as if they were in a hotel lobby to open a room.
The couple room configuration was quite luxurious, the boot speed was twice as fast as Ling Meng’s computer and the network speed was so fast it made him want to cry.
“Having been poisoned by the campus network speed for so long, I’ve forgotten what real broadband looks like.”
Ling Meng now dared to think that if his network speed had been so good, ranking in the top 30 would have been no problem.
“You could consider moving out next semester to live with me,” Shan Zhu said thoughtlessly.
“You? Moving out? Why won’t you stay in the dorm?”
Shan Zhu replied helplessly: “Don’t you know that I’ll graduate as a senior soon?”
“…” Ling Meng was innocent, “You haven’t taken the post-grad exam and aren’t looking for a job. I don’t regard you as a senior student at all.”
“I’ve got a job, I signed a three-year contract with Fighting Cat, just last month.”
Surprised, Ling Meng said: “You’re going to be a professional anchor?”
Shan Zhu nodded: “Yes.”
“What’s the difference compared to now?”
“There’s a base salary and higher proportion of the gifts, but every month I’ll have to complete requirements on stream time, so I wouldn’t be able to stand them up like right now.”
Although it wasn’t free of requirements, it sounded like a lot of money. Ling Meng again thought of that legend about popular anchors earning millions monthly.
“Come and look at places with me tomorrow, I want to start preparing early.”
“Oh, well, are you going to rent on-campus or off-campus?”
“Housing prices are rising so much that I’m going to just buy one directly.”
Ling Meng:???
“Buy a small, decorated apartment with a first down-payment and the monthly payment, should be affordable.”
Ling Meng felt like he was listening to a fairy tale: buying a home after graduation from university. Looking at this twenty-something, looking at himself again; watching helplessly because he was almost twenty too…..
…..wait a minute, why did that seem so worldly and mature? Shouldn’t that be the notion of a person in their 30s or 40s?
It wasn’t that he was disappointing, but that Shan Zhu was clearly ahead of the curve!
Chapter 54
@Lemon: Temporary live stream @url
@Mangosteen: Temporary intention to go straight next door// @Lemon: Temporary live stream @url
The two people posted on Weibo less than three seconds apart and those that received the special notice took their seats early. Others, especially those concerned about post malfunctions, threatened to uninstall Weibo.
It was the first time Ling Meng and Shan Zhu sat side-by-side in front of computers in a two-person broadcast and the viewers knew at a glance from the arrangement that they were in an internet cafe couple room.
— Dedicated anchor, opening a room for a broadcast.
— Conditionally demand double-live broadcasts, no clause for opening a room for a double-live broadcast.
— Displaying conjugal love to show conjugal love, what other excuses are there for streaming?
— It’s the time for cat food to be changed into dog food again. Water friends, raise your hands!
— Lighting artist! This way… It’s enough to leave on just the bedside lamp.
“Today we’re giving you a live crosstalk broadcast.”
“Oh?”
“Just teasing, we’re still playing games today.”
— No! We’re going to listen to crosstalk!
— Who’s dying to watch you play games!
— Entertainment anchors must have the appearance of entertainment anchors!
Ling Meng dug a hole for himself again. “Then you tell me, what should the stream be? Except for crosstalk. I really can’t crosstalk.”
“This Daddy of yours has no stance.” Shan Zhu roasted him.
— or is it our godfather who has a stance.
— Daddy is spoiling us. Godfather, don’t talk.
— Live rock-paper-scissors, the winner kisses the other strongly.
— This is good, strong +1
— Rock-paper-scissors, rock-paper-scissors!
Ling Meng thought, too naive, if you all want Mang God to kiss strongly, there’s no need for rock-paper-scissors at all.
“Don’t blame me for not reminding you that the big housekeeper is on the scene today.”
Housekeeper Mangosteen: Today the housekeeper has a happy event to announce: everyone can speak freely.
— You’re two meters eight today!
— Congratulations to the Big Housekeeper. Congratulations!
— The Big Housekeeper should oppose! The anchor has become a pufferfish!
“You all really want my broadcast room to be banned, don’t you?” Ling Meng puffed up.
— It’s alright! If it’s banned, there’s Big Housekeeper’s broadcast room in reserve!
— We have broadcast rooms, not fear of closure!
“How about this,” Ling Meng came up with an idea, “I’ll randomly select a person on Weibo in a bit and the person can make a request. As long as it isn’t too much for me to handle, I’ll satisfy it, as thanks for your concern while I was ill.
— Alright, pick me! I promise not to mention any ♂ sub-requirements!
— All the luck in my life will be gambled on this moment!
“Can I be selected?” Shan Zhu asked from the sidelines.
“Are you powder?”
“Of course.”
“That doesn’t count.”
— MengMeng is cold.
— MengMeng is ruthless.
— Mang God’s heart is bitter.
— MengMeng’s thirsty powder to comfort.
“I’ll select the powder who comments 6th, are you ready? I sent it.”
@Lemon: Drawing
— @MengMengTigerTeeth: 6
— @MengMengAhoge: 6
— @MengMengCheeks: 666
— @MengMengEyelashes: 6
— @MengMengAppendix: 66666
— @MengMengDimples: 66
……
Ling Meng: ……
“What are these named you’ve all changed to? Who’s my tiger teeth, my ahoge…and MengMengAppendix, you don’t exist anymore, okay?!”
— (MengMengAppendix) wuwuwuw don’t do this, I’m a piece of meat that fell out of your body!
— (MengMengDimples) Ah ah ah, did I grab it?!
— (MengMengDimples) The dimples are really full of luck, ah!!!
— Envy, jealousy, hatred.
— People who love to drink don’t have bad luck.
— Friendly reminder, don’t mention ♂ sub-requirements, oh!
“Well, MengMengDimples, you can ask for something, but be careful not to go too far.”
— (MengMengDimples) I-I-I, I’m so excited, let me think!
— What else to think up, say rock-paper-scissors, ah!
— Skip rock-paper-scissors, go directly to a strong kiss!
“Kissing is impossible, rejected immediately.”
“Right.”
“You see, even Mang God says so!”
“We don’t stream that kind of thing.”
Ling Meng was so angry he punched him in the chest.
— Clear stream anchor uses a little fist to whack the porn anchor’s chest!
— Not seeing a strong kiss but seeing you thump the chest would also be satisfactory.
— (MengMengLittleFist) ID has been changed [smile]
“Classmate Dimple, have you thought about it?”
— (MengMengDimples) I thought about it! Today, The Good Provincial Wife sent a picture to her circle. I want to see Mang God and MengMeng make the same pose as the picture on the stream and also read the lines above!
—!!!! I’ve seen that picture!
— This requirement 6666
“What picture? What pose? Let me see.”
Ling Meng pulled up the picture on Weibo, seeing himself held in Shan Zhu’s arms while playing a game. The artist, for fear that others wouldn’t recognize him, had written a big LEMON on his clothes.
— (MengMengDimples) Isn’t it a great picture!
“What great?” Ling Meng looked contemptuous, “I like a realistic style of drawing. This looks fictional.”
— You will be realistic as soon as you COS.
“No, this requirement is too much. I request a different one.”
— Against the MengMeng one veto system!
— We ask Mang God to take a stand.
“I think it’s good.”
“You…”
“Better than rock-paper-scissors, right?”
Ling Meng was discouraged: “Well, are you coming over or am I coming over?”
Shan Zhu leaned back and patted his thighs.
— whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
— yo yo yo yo yo
— ao ao ao ao ao
Ling Meng moved over very reluctantly and reluctantly sat on Shan Zhu’s leg.
“Don’t worry, you won’t fall.” Shan Zhu stretched his hand around his waist.
“Hey, that hand is not there!”
“That’s what the picture shows,” Shan Zhu pointed it out, “You see, isn’t this very clear?”
“Not as far down as you’re holding!!!”
“No?”
–Where the hell did you put it? I! Can’t! See! It! At All!
— Why isn’t the internet cafe desk made of glass? Damn!
— You can only imagine in your head while looking at the picture.
Ling Meng had no choice but to bring out the big gun: “You touched the edge of my surgical wound!”
He said it so honestly that Shan Zhu gently put his arms around him and didn’t move anymore.
“Alright then?” Ling Meng forced out the words. “How long do you want us to sit?
— (MengMengDimples) And read the lines!
“Read the lines?”
Ling Meng looked at them: “Our Lemon Father…plays games very well…oh, the parentheses say ‘crack’, what the hell?”
He went on to read the next line: “MengMeng is so fierce…”
“This sentence is mine.” Shan Zhu cut in.
“…It’s yours that you didn’t want! I won’t say it until I’ve finished reading it!”
“Come back. MengMeng is so fierce.”
“Shut…up, why….are you here, get ou-, out…”
Ling Meng couldn’t go on: “What an evil line, this line is too depraved, right? Who on earth is thinking such a wicked line? Am I going to say such a wicked line?”
He said wicked line four times in a row. The stream showed Mang God burying his face into his back, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
“People in the room are saying it’s ‘get out’, oh. What are you thinking about?” Shan Zhu said with a smile.
“….I’m thinking the same as the room!!!”
— 23333333333
— 66666666666666
— 555555555555555555
Ling Meng angrily got back into his position.
“I shouldn’t have given this filthy audience the opportunity to make requests.
“And I speak sincerely to those who can draw, so you can draw something bad, you feel compelled to draw such meaningless things; doesn’t it feel like a waste of talent?!”
— MengMeng doesn’t like it? It’s a pity, I would’ve liked to recommend the picture from Mrs. Baked Scallops with Sugar, Pepper, and Salt.
Ling Meng hesitated: “What’s that? It sounds delicious.”
— Especially delicious! Look at it on Weibo.
A minute later, Ling Meng opened a picture showing Shan Zhu and himself kneeling from behind, he himself was pressed against the wall, with two legs forced between his own thighs.
The next page also gave an intimate explanation.
STEP1: Spread the legs naturally;
STEP2: Guarantee an inability to break free.
Ling Meng angrily closed the page: “Shutting down the broadcast!”
—
Footnotes:
1. moving the mouth (动嘴): this refers to both talking and also kissing, for example, couples who solve problems by making out move their mouths, couples who talk it out also move their mouths
2. watered down (打了折扣): hit with a discount
3. off the list (脱单): slang for no longer being single or to start dating, short for “to break away from singledom”
4. crosstalk (相声): traditional comedic performing art from China, duo monologue between performers, with lots of banter, puns, and even singing. Similar to Abbott & Costello from the US.
5. 出+去/来: Ling Meng stopped reading on the character 出, when you have 给我出去, it’s an order to ‘get (the hell) out’, when you have 给我出来, it’s an order to ‘let me come (out)’, as in ejaculate
6. Inability to break free sex position: meme that went around on Weibo. Link to see it [[]]
—
I added some fanart for this section to this page >><< and I split it into two pages. The first page is SFW, the second page is NSFW.
Also, the artists mentioned in this section are real fan artists the author knew on Weibo! If you have a Weibo and want to check out their accounts, here are the links:
(aka Good Provincial Suyasasa)
(aka Scallop-kun)