Chapter 57
Although the person who started this had already left, I couldn’t get the horrifying thought out of my head.
What will I do if my son is short like me... If my son is short...
I sat on the bed worrying, shaking my legs nervously. I was so worried that I bit the nail of my thumb, a habit I had broken since I got married.
JiHan had holding a towel and sat next to me, holding my hand. "Stop worrying."
"What?"
"We’ll have to wait and see how tall he gets as he gets older," he said. "What’s the point of worrying about it now? Even if he does end up a little short, there isn’t any harm in it."
"But, I want him to be tall," I said. "Being short was my complex. I don’t want my son to feel the way I did."
JiHan threw the towel over his shoulder and reached for my waist. When his hands grabbed the ends of my T-shirt, I already knew what he was going to do. It was a service I received daily. Reflexively, I raised my arms as he took the T-shirt off me.
"It’s better to just get rid of your complex," JiHan said.
As I laid my head down over his lap, I replied, "You can say that because you don’t know the sorrow of a person with short legs."
JiHan placed the towel from his shoulder onto my bare chest. As the warm towel touched my skin, I could feel my body relaxing. Soon, the massage would start. I smiled in expectation. His hands stroked my cheeks.
"I don’t know how that feels," JiHan said looking into my eyes. "But, I do know that the most lovable legs in the world to me are my AhJung’s legs."
Feeling my self-esteem rise, I tried to change my perspective.
"I’m this cute because I’m this short, right?" I asked with a shrug.
JiHan smiled, pleased with my new outlook.
Although I did get a boost from JiHan’s compliment, I wanted to hear. I pointed to my stomach. "But, this flab on my belly is unsightly, isn’t it? I wish I could hurry up and lose it. What will I do if I can’t get rid of it?"
My stomach had not retracted fully from being stretched out from the pregnancy. In Lee JiHan’s eyes, it would still look pretty. My eyes sparkled as I waited confidently.
Tell me it is! This stomach is pretty! Tell me that I don’t ever have to lose it!
JiHan answered, "There’s no way that will not go away."
"What did you say?" I asked.
"It will have to go away," he said.
I became numb at the unexpected statement.
"We’ll start exercising again soon," JiHan said "I will help you get back in shape. We can get rid of that soon. I’ll help you, so don’t worry."
As if getting rid of my flab was a new motive for him, JiHan placed his hands on my chest in determination. He started to massage my chest. He had learned the massage from an expert who claimed that it was good for mothers who were breastfeeding. Due to his lessons, his touch was soft and sensitive. He loosened the stiffened muscles with just the right amount of strength. However, my heart was stiffening rock solid.
I thought he would tell me this stomach was beautiful and say that I never had to get rid of it! Why do I have to lose it? Why? Does he not like looking at it now? I have to get rid of it?
I exploded in anger. "I thought you said I didn’t have to lose weight? Do you want me to lose weight? Why?
"Aren’t you the one who said you wanted to lose weight?" JiHan asked with confusion.
"Of course I want to lose it, but do you think I should lose it fast? You want me to?" I asked. "I thought you would think I wouldn’t have to..."
As high as my expectations were, my disappointment was just as devastating. Tears started falling.
What? This isn’t worth crying over? I’m not that disappointed am I?
Even though I knew in my head that this didn’t make sense, I couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of sadness washing over me.
"Ohh, why am I getting all teary eyed?" I frowned thinking how ridiculous this was.
JiHan calmly answered, "It’s because you’re hormones are out of balance after giving birth."
"Hormones?"
"Usually after giving birth, you’ll feel sad over little things and depressed," JiHan explained with understanding eyes. "That’s normal. Your changing hormones are making you feel that way. They don’t call it postpartum depression for no reason."
True. There were times after giving birth where I felt depressed. In those times, I felt like all the energy was sucked out of me. I wanted to just sit staring at the floor. Fortunately, when it did happen, JiHan was always next to me. So, the feeling didn’t last very long.
That was probably why I had forgotten that I should be careful of postpartum depression. I forgot I could easily be affected by those changing hormones.
"Even if it is due to the hormones, I feel like I was acting so weird just then," I said, wiping my tears.
"Even if you are weird, you are still cute, so it’s OK," he said.
"This is cute? This?" I asked in disbelief.
JiHan nodded and placed his hand over my stomach. "This is cute too."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Then is it OK if I never get rid of it?" I asked.
"I’m fine if you grow it, so do whatever you please." JiHan looked at me and smiled softly.
Yes! This is what I’m talking about! I wanted to hear this!
I grinned widely as the endorphins danced through my system. Not only did he say I didn’t have to lose the weight, he said I could gain it. His answer surpassed my expectations. When I expected one thing, he gave me 10. Immensely happy, I raised my arms and wrapped them around him.
Realizing what I was doing, he leaned in closer and kissed me on the forehead. His lips tickled me like soft flower petals. My mind melted into nothingness so that I almost forgot.
Oh, I was going to do this.
I regained my composure and lifted my head slightly to place a kiss on his forehead. I laid back down on his lap and looked up at his face.
Does he feel the way I do? Did my kiss feel just as extraordinary as his?
To answer my curiosity, JiHan showed me his answer. His face broke out in a huge smile. That was answer enough.
"Ah... I really want to be all over you," I mumbled, lost in my happiness.
JiHan scornfully replied, "No. You’re not in a state to do that yet."
"Oh, I know," I said. "We have to resist having relations for three months. You didn’t really think I would do it, did you? I’m just saying that I feel that way."
I pouted feeling the barriers of our reality.
"There is exactly 59 days, 14 hours, and 30 minutes left," he said.
"What?"
"59 days, 14 hours, and 30 minutes is how much longer we have to wait," JiHan repeated.
Wow... He has it down to the minutes?
My jaw dropped as he held my two hands.
"We’ll wait, like we’re waiting for our pottery to come out of the oven. Until that day," JiHan said with fiery eyes and determination.
Not only were his eyes on fire, but I could feel the heat emanating off his hands. Unlike his facade, he must have been burning up inside. He was probably burning up more than I was.
After the honeymoon, we had enjoyed numerous nights of campfires. Reminiscing over those times, I resisted my urges.
If he can resist! Then who says I can’t?
"Alright! Let’s resist together!" I clenched my fists tightly determined not to lose to him.
I decided to set my phone alarm to ring in 59 days, 14 hours, and 30 minutes.
***
On a sunny afternoon, 59 days, 14 hours, and 20 minutes later, I paced the living room gripping my phone. I was waiting for the alarm to go off in 10 minutes.
Next to me, JiHan was sitting on the sofa holding JungHan who seemed to be refusing to go to sleep. He patted JungHan softly on his chest and read him something in a quiet voice. If you weren’t paying close attention, it sounded like he was reading him a fairytale. In reality, it was the economy section in the newspaper.
"S Electronics has registered $10 billion in the first quarter and $15 billion in the second quarter, marking the highest revenue up to date. Securities investors are predicting S Electronics to surpass last month’s revenues and seek to..."
He read the newspaper daily. Now, it seemed more boring than usual. I, as the adult, couldn’t help but yawn, so how could JungHan still be awake with those brightly opened eyes?
I paced back and forth. It didn’t seem that JungHan would ever fall asleep.
"Why did you set the D-day to be so exact?" I asked "If you just set it for 59 days, then we could have already finished and be done with it."
"I’m regretting it now too." JiHan’s face showed deep frown lines at the realization of the seriousness of the situation. "Still it’s too early to give up. We have 10 minutes left."
"My gut feeling tells me that our kid won’t be falling asleep in 10 minutes," I said.
"Fortunately, your gut feeling isn’t very trustworthy," he replied.
Was that supposed to be fortunate or was he just mocking me? Not altogether happy about the situation, I continued to observe JiHan. Out of the blue, my phone started to vibrate.
"What! It’s already been 10 minutes?" I checked my phone in surprise, but my prediction was incorrect. My phone was not ringing because of the alarm.
***
To answer the phone, AhJung ran to the bedroom. It was a call from the theater, so it was probably work related. I hoped that it was good news. I also hoped that by the time that she returned, our son would be fast asleep.
It seemed my plea had been heard. In my arms, JungHan blinked slowly and yawned. I laughed seeing that his widest yawn was merely the size of my thumb. After he finished his yawn, JungHan did not open his eyes. He quietly fell asleep.
I waited a moment to make sure he fell into a deep sleep before carefully putting him down in the nursery. At that moment, my phone started to vibrate. Upon checking it, I found that the alarm was going off. It was a moment of release.
I turned off the alarm, put down my phone, and threw off my cardigan. AhJung’s alarm must have rang too, so she’ll come running soon. Waiting, I unbuttoned my sleeve buttons. Unlike my expectations, her footsteps could not be heard. Even after I had undid two of my collar buttons, she was nowhere to be seen.
"Is it something important?" I mumbled, disgruntled and frowning. "Is there really something more important than this?"
What is it? Not wanting to wake JungHan, I yelled this in my head.
I got up and headed to the bedroom. AhJung was running quickly to the door when she met me.
"JiHan!" She hugged me with a face filled with happiness. "I got a part in a drama!"
"Drama? Really?" I asked upon hearing the unexpected good news.
AhJung nodded excitedly in my arms. "The call came to the theater. I guess the writer came to see my play last year. They said we start shooting next month. They told me to take a look at the synopsis and give them a call if I like it. Wow, isn’t this amazing?"
She jumped up and down in excitement. I felt ecstatic for her and smiled widely.
I rubbed my hand on her back and said in a calm voice, "It’s not amazing, it’s something that was bound to happen. With my AhJung’s skill, getting a call was bound to happen."
I was happy to hear the good news, but I had already known it would only be a matter of time that this would happen.
"Amazing would be winning best actress or filming a Hollywood movie," I said.
"All right, all right! We’ll just say you’re right. Oh! We should hurry and take a look at the synopsis," AhJung said and turned away from me.
"Hey, wait."
I tried to grab her arm, but she was so fast I missed her. She sprinted to the bedroom where the laptop was sitting on the table.
"You’re not going to check the synopsis now, are you?" I asked frowning.
"Of course! Aren’t you curious?" AhJung answered while turning on the laptop
She didn’t even look at me. It was as if I wasn’t even there.
"AhJung, three minutes have already passed for our moment of release," I said.
"Oh, let me just read the synopsis first. First the synopsis." Not taking her eyes off the notebook, she brushed me off.
"Is that really more important right now?!" I asked.
"What?" Surprised by my angered tone, AhJung jumped and looked up at me.
"The emergency is over here! You have to take out this fire first!" I pounded at my chest with my fist. "That’s important? That? Is that a three-minute mail? If you don’t open it within three minutes, is the laptop going to explode?"
"No, it’s... I was just so curious about the synopsis," she replied.
"You’re curious about your first synopsis, but you aren’t curious about me?" I asked.
"What?"
My anger rose as time passed, and my voice grew louder with it. "You’ve seen all of me already so there’s nothing left to be curious about me, is that what you’re saying? So our campfire time got pushed back in priority?!"
I got pushed to the sidelines! I’m not No. 1 anymore! Is her love for me cooling down?!
My head was filled with so much anger and suspicion that I glared at AhJung.
Scared, she jumped up with wide eyes and replied, "No! Of course not!" She quickly closed the laptop then hugged my waist. "I was just afraid that if we did our campfire first, everything in my head right now would burn up and disappear from my memory! I was worried I’ forget that I received this synopsis and to check it."
She propped her chin on my chest and smiled cutely. "Now that I think about it, if I see the synopsis before the campfire, what I read will probably just burn away anyways. Let’s just trust JiHan to remember it for me! Let’s do it now!"
She buried her face into my chest. Her action was like an iron, unwrinkling my frowning face.
I broke out into a smile. "You sure know how to talk. I want to listen to you forever."
Not even remembering what I was mad about, I hugged AhJung tightly. Having no reason to hesitate any longer, I lifted her up and moved to the bed.