Chapter 55
After hearing how I should care for myself during the beginning stages of pregnancy, I exited the doctor’s office feeling dazed.
There’s a baby in here... I touched my belly unable to believe it as JiHan followed me out the door muttering under his breath.
“Wow... JiHan, what was the point of us arguing for the last month?” I asked him feeling both happy and surprised.
Suddenly, JiHan plopped onto the floor.
“JiHan?”
“You can’t... You shouldn’t yet... My AhJung is not ready yet... Already...” JiHan mumbled as if he’d completely lost it.
“JiHan, Lee JiHan!” I shook him by the shoulder trying to snap him out of it.
As his eyes locked onto mine, tears started to well up. “I... I happen to be that lucky guy...”
Is this man crying right now? He’s crying?
I froze at the shocking sight, and I felt my heart go out to him.
“Come on, this is not something to cry about.” I kneeled in front of JiHan and hugged him. “Well, actually it is something to cry about but usually people cry because they are overwhelmed by happiness. Not like this, because they are sad. This is something you cry about because you are so incredibly happy. “Are you not happy JiHan?”
At my question, JiHan pulled himself away from the hug and faced me. With tears in his eyes, he replied, “Right now... I envy seahorses.”
“Seahorses?”
“For seahorses, the male gets pregnant. But, I can’t do that,” he said.
I had known that fact about seahorses, but I never imagined there would be a man envious of that. As I sat there at a loss for words, JiHan continued in remorse.
“I can’t even do that for you, and I wasn’t even able to give you time to prepare yourself,” he said “My AhJung was supposed to have half a year to prepare...”
“JiHan! I’m strong enough now too,” I said confidently squeezing JiHan’s shoulders. “I’m going to protect this baby, and I’m going to have a good birth! Trust me. There’s nothing to worry about!”
I spoke without fear because I wasn’t afraid. For some unknown reason, I seemed to be emanating bravery from my every orifice.
JiHan looked at me as if fascinated by this unexpected attitude of mine. He rubbed his hands against his face. When he put down his hands, his expression changed to that of determination.
“I’m not going to worry.” His eyes sparkled with purpose. He placed his hands over mine. “I’m going to make sure you will be able to protect your baby and have a good birth. I promise you. I’m not going to worry.”
Looking at JiHan filled with a renewed confidence, I nodded. I told him with my eyes that I would not worry either.
JiHan looked down at my belly and placed his hand there. “Since luck made me a dad, I’m going to be a great dad.” He smiled, finally feeling the joy of the news. His smile was of one who had great expectations and excitement about becoming a dad. “Our baby will be as happy as I am.”
I entwined my fingers around JiHan’s hand brimming with happiness. Then, I entwined my lips onto his.
I will not be happier than this person. I will make this person just as happy as I am.
I relayed this thought not through words but through my kiss. Through my closed eyes, I could envision the bright future of these three people. I hoped that Lee JiHan was seeing this vision too. I didn’t doubt for a second that he couldn’t.
***
Early in the morning, the sound of throwing up rang through the bathroom.
“Goldie, what are we going to do about your dad?” I sat in a wheelchair in front of the bathroom door talking to my baby bump. “I, the mother, don’t even get morning sickness, so why are you, the dad, getting it... And, from the first month until now.”
Figures. He couldn’t handle a measly cockroach, so I’m sure I have a stronger stomach than him. But still, a man having morning sickness, and for nine months. That’s rare. He is one rare man.
“JiHan, open the door. I can at least pat your back for you,” I said as I knocked on the locked door.
The door still did not open. However, JiHan’s voice rang from behind the door. “Don’t worry about me and go eat. My morning sickness is like a cough. I’m just coughing with my mouth, my body isn’t... Ooh ek!”
He told me to ride around a wheelchair because my knees might hurt, but he pretended like he was fine when he was miserable. Worried out of my mind, I didn’t have the heart to leave the door.
The sound of retching went on for a while. When the vomiting subsided, JiHan finally came out of the bathroom. He frowned when he found me still waiting in front of the bathroom door. He hurriedly walked behind me and pushed the wheelchair into the kitchen.
“You can keep the mask on while you’re cooking,” I said. “You keep taking it off to taste the food, so you keep getting sick.”
“How can I cook without tasting the food?” he asked. “Especially for food that my AhJung and my son will be eating.”
“Then, don’t cook at all! Why do you insist on making breakfast when it triggers your morning sickness? Just let our housemaid do it.” I said in an upset tone as I was being wheeled away to the kitchen.
We arrived at the dining table. JiHan sat me in the chair and argued stubbornly. “I can’t make lunch or dinner for you because of work. If I’m not even allowed to make you breakfast, then I’m going to use maternity leave.”
“A man isn’t allowed to use maternity leave,” I said.
“I’ll show you what I’m allowed to do or not,” he retorted.
I closed my mouth knowing he fully had the capability to do anything he pleased.
I’m sure he will restructure the company’s benefit program so that he can use it. No, in the worst case scenario, he may just quit altogether...
I grabbed my spoon as my anxiety increased. “No, I don’t want you to show me. I’ll just be content with watching my husband suffer every morning. I only have to endure it for a week more so be it. Once I give birth, then your morning sickness should stop. It wouldn’t continue afterwards, would it?”
“I’m sure it will end by then.” JiHan sat in the chair next to mine but turned his body to completely face me.
For his sake, I ate the food he cooked with fervor. Soon, there was not a single grain of rice left in my bowl. JiHan then went to get the plum tea. My appetite had not decreased, but the plum tea helped with my weakened digestion.
He poured me a cup of the tea that he made himself from scratch. He removed his mask and gave me a peck on the cheek.
“Oh, it still smells like food! What if you start getting sick again!” I hurriedly placed the mask back on his face.
JiHan’s face had thinned significantly after suffering from the morning sickness for the past nine months. Still, he smiled and kissed me. His face was as radiant as ever. I smiled as I closed my eyes.
His long kiss was telling me how grateful he was of me enduring the nine months of pregnancy without being sick once. So, I didn’t push him away. I replied back with my own kiss that I loved him for loving me unconditionally for these nine months.
Oh... But, why does my stomach hurt so much?
***
It was still a week before the due date, but my water had already broken. I cried the entire way to the doctor’s office.
Ow! This is why JiHan was so against this. This is why he said to not have a baby!
It hurt so much that I couldn’t even move. How am I alive when I’m in this much pain. Why am I not passing out.
“Knock me out...” I moaned in a dying voice.
“No we can’t. If you faint now, it will put both of you at risk. Just wait five more minutes,” JiHan said desperately as he drove.
He gripped the handle, concentrated hard, and continued to drive fast but safely avoiding all obstacles. Like superman going to save the world, JiHan’s eyes were fiery.
Yes. He will definitely protect us. Me and our son, both.
I grasped the seat belt using all my power to not faint. If something bad happened to me, then something bad would happen to both my son and husband. I would protect the both of them.
***
They say the baby comes when the sky turns yellow. For me, the sky was dyed in gold.
Anyways, I passed the moment where the sky changed color and finally returned back to a normal-colored reality. That’s when I saw my son’s face for the first time. That moment made me feel as if the world was sparkling in gold once again.
As JiHan carefully handed my son over to me, I instinctively embraced him in my arms. The baby that had been squirming about and playing in my belly was now squirming in my arms.
Oh... This is why I gave birth. So that I could be this happy.
No one could fully explain the feeling. Without experiencing it, you would never know this sort of unfathomable happiness. Tears fell down my face as I held my child.
JiHan hugged me. “My AhJung, I thought you were going to die... I was so afraid you would die that I thought I was going to die...”
Holding me as I cried, JiHan sobbed with me. Still holding tightly onto my son, I buried my face into JiHan and asked him quietly, “I didn’t die, but why does it feel like this is heaven?”
JiHan nodded in agreement, hugging me tighter. For a long time, we stayed that way. It was as if we were one being, the three of us intertwined as a family.
Finally, I wiped my tears in JiHan’s embrace and looked over my baby’s face. He already looked like his dad. With his beautiful face, I knew I could look at him forever. In my heart, I made him a promise.
Thank you for coming out a week early so your dad won’t be sick anymore. Our Goldie. I will love you as much as your dad loves your mom. I will realize your potential. I will trust that you good things will happen for you. I will act in ways that will make sure you will live a long and happy life. Then, you will become a happy person who will know how to love yourself. You might be wondering how I could be so confident to believe I can do this. I don’t have to believe it. I just know. I know the power that this sort of love has to change a person. Your dad made me change by giving me that kind of love.