Chapter 52
The entire time we were home, JiHan remained stuck to me like gum. He had always woken up early each morning, but now he would stay in bed hugging me pretending to be asleep until I woke him up. He whined asking for five more minutes until I practically had to drag him to the bathroom. Fortunately, he at least had the decency to wash up by himself.
“Ah...I don’t want to go to work.” He would whine and lay back down on the bed. He had been acting like this the moment he promised to act like a child.
“Don’t go, then,” I said calmly looking down at him.
At this, JiHan asked brightly, “Really? Can I?”
“It’s Saturday anyways.”
At my flat response, JiHan reacted in surprise. “Really? Why didn’t I know? See, this is why I can’t live without my AhJung. If my AhJung didn’t take care of every little thing, I wouldn’t be able to function.”
“You sure are going the whole mile with this acting like a kid thing,” I mumbled, not amused.
JiHan stuck out his two hands toward me. “Hold my hand and lift me up. It’s the weekend, so I’m going to go play with you.”
I wasn’t sure if he didn’t hear me or was pretending to not hear me. JiHan acted like he didn’t know anything and continued to repeatedly open and close his hands, like the turn signal of a car.
“JiHan, this isn’t going to change anything,” I said curtly with my arms crossed. “However much you act this way, I still want a baby.”
“Can you just hold this?” he asked. “Without your help, I can’t get up.”
“I mean, if you are going to continue doing this, at least be consistent,” I said. “You insist on doing the cooking yourself, but pretend you can’t do anything, pretend to need pampering, pretend to whine.”
At my criticism, a shadow fell over JiHan. He coldly replied, “My AhJung. I’m someone that needs your care, not a masochist who needs your cooking skills.”
“Ah, you’re so immature!” Exploding, I ran over and grabbed him.
“What? Are you making fun of me?” he asked.
“No! I’m telling you exactly what you are,” retorted back in annoyance and pulled him up by the collar.
JiHan got up straightening his back and wrapped his arms around my waist. Hugging me, he flipped me around.
“Ah!” I yelled in surprise. I found myself on my back. JiHan was on top of me.
“What is this? What are you doing?” I asked with anger in my eyes.
JiHan answered while holding my face. “I finally got a weekend off of work. Let’s play nice.”
After those words, his lips locked onto mine.
What does he think he’s doing pouring all his energy into kissing me at this hour?
My body twisted as his mouth melted into mine. It was sweet and hot. With my eyes closed, I grasped at the bed sheets. I suddenly felt JiHan’s hands slide underneath my clothes.
My eyes flung open as I came back to my senses. I turned my head and removed my lips from his. “Don’t!”
At my words, JiHan hesitated. When I looked back up at him, he was looking back at me with surprised eyes.
I didn’t avoid his gaze and stubbornly said, “If you are going to use contraceptives, then I’m not doing it.”
“What?”
“When you decide to have a baby, we can do it then,” I said. “I’m not going to do it using birth control.”
I turned my head away from him, not willing to compromise this time. Try it if you want. But, it’s going to have to be without contraceptives.
At my determined stance, JiHan stayed frozen for a long time.
Is he trying to recall me with a seance? Tired of waiting, I glanced over at him and saw JiHan looking deep in thought. To be or not to be, that was the question. Is the concept of pregnancy an existential question? What is there to think about?
Infuriated, I wanted to force a decision, but JiHan finally opened his mouth. “Then, I’m not going to do it.”
“What? Birth control?” I asked.
“I’m not going to do it without birth control.” JiHan articulated those words and got up away from me. He didn’t even spare me a glance. He turned his back and left the bed.
Really! He has to go this far? Watching JiHan disappear farther and farther away, my emotions erupted.
“Ah, really! Really, are you going to be like this?!” I screamed angrily and followed after him.
As I blocked his path, JiHan stopped walking with a displeased look on his face.
“I want to do it!” I yelled. “The stupid pregnancy! Just let me do it!”
“I already told you, I won’t allow it,” he said. “Pregnancy is incredibly harmful to the body. Did you forget everything I lectured you on?”
“I didn’t forget!” I was beyond frustrated.
“No. If you want to get pregnant without the slightest inclination, then you definitely forgot the contents of my lecture. Go and read the notes you made,” JiHan commanded, pointing to the library.
“It doesn’t matter how many times I see it,” I said. “I don’t care how difficult it is, I want a child.”
“I said I’ll be a husband and child for you instead,” he said.
“I don’t care if you act like a child or not, I’m going to have a baby!” I proclaimed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” JiHan’s eyes narrowed severely.
I didn’t back down and screamed. “You act like pregnancy is such a horrible thing! Look around you! There are plenty of couples who have kids and live just fine! Some people even have two or three kids! What, do you think those people just forget what it was like to give birth? Even if it was difficult, they go through with it again because it’s doable!”
JiHan frowned at my viewpoint, but answered, nonetheless. “The baby grows during pregnancy using the mother’s DHA and cholesterol. Due to the loss in nutrients, the mother’s brain capacity gets weakened. After birth, her estrogen levels change. Consequently, after giving birth, your memory is compromised.”
Where is this? A maternal clinic?
The JiHan in front of me looked like a gynecologist. I blinked at the sudden attack of medical facts thrown at me as.
“What I’m saying is, those women do forget how difficult it was giving birth,” he concluded. “It’s not that giving birth is doable. It’s because they have lost the memory of the difficulties of giving birth.”
Who would have known such bullsh*t could sound so scientific? Knowledge is power.
I was almost taken in when I regained my wit.
“No, my friend remembers everything about the birth, but she still recommends having kids,” I said.
“That’s because she doesn’t want to be the only one who had to suffer through it, so she wants you to feel its pain too,” JiHan coldly interrupted.
“My friend wouldn’t do that,” I said. “What kind of friend would do that anyways?”
JiHan grabbed my shoulders and said in a loud voice, “Even if your friend’s statement is true, you are different from her.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Each person is different,” he said. “Pregnancy might not have been too difficult for your friend, but it’s difficult for you.”
“How would you know that?” I asked in shock. “We haven’t even tried it.”
“My AhJung’s body is small. Your bones are weak, and your pelvis is narrow. If you get pregnant, I guarantee you will have a difficult time of it,” JiHan said with certainty as if he could foresee the future.
How many times did he attend that blasted maternal clinic? And, when did he observe all my physical attributes so thoroughly to be so confident with himself. I was actually amazed, but pretended I didn’t care.
“OK, fine. It does sound legit. From a medical standpoint.” I nodded agreeing with him. I stopped nodding and brought up a different point. “But, you are only thinking in medical terms. What about the legal terms?”
JiHan cocked his head at the unexpected question.
“The terms of us getting permission for our marriage was that I would be the only woman you would bear a child with,” I said. “That was the only reason your mother approved of our marriage. Reiterating, we made a verbal contract with your mother that we will give her a grandchild. A verbal contract. You remember what that is, don’t you?”
JiHan laughed, thinking it was a cute sentiment. “There was no physically written contract. We only agreed verbally.”
“Yes. But a verbal contract is still binding, didn’t you know?” I asked with most serious face I could give. “If you don’t follow through with the deal, this marriage is a scam. If we don’t have a child, you are scamming your mother. How could you do that as a person? To your mother? You can’t do that!”
JiHan smiled and didn’t looked fazed. It was as if my offense wasn’t an attack but a mere tickle.
“Wait a minute. I’ll repeat this back to you.” He walked behind me and grabbed my shoulder, just like he did when we had gone to get permission from his mother. “Look carefully. This girl is the one girl I will get married to, and the only girl that will allow me to continue the family line.”
The voice behind me repeated the words exactly as he did before.
“Yes, that’s what you said. And to your mother. You remember it that clearly, so how could you be against my pregnancy?” I asked as I turned around.
He breezily answered, “My AhJung. I said you’re the girl that will allow me to continue the family line. I never said you will definitely continue the family line.”
“What?”
“Allow me to only assumes the possibility of it happening. I never guaranteed it,” he said. “I can say there is a possibility it will rain tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean it guarantees that it will rain.”
Damnit, his bullsh*t makes sense! I can’t even fight against the logic! I lost to his logical nonsense again! I cursed the heavens.
“Ah, I’m not backing down!” I threw JiHan’s hand off of my shoulder and stomped over to the closet.
I can’t beat him with words, so I’ll show him with my actions! Determined, I pulled out my trunk from the corner of the closet.
Seeing this, JiHan’s voice rose up behind me. “What are you doing?”
I didn’t spare JiHan a glance. Without answering, I placed the trunk on top of the bed. Opening the zipper, I poured out my grievances.
“I mean if you didn’t want kids, you should have told me before we got married,” I said. “This is an important issue! You didn’t even discuss it with me before getting married! Now, you just refuse it! What the heck am I supposed to do?”
I flipped open the trunk’s cover, ran over to the closet, and grabbed whatever clothes I could get my hands on. “You’re always like this!”
I was heading back over to the trunk with the handful of clothes when JiHan blocked my way. “What do you mean, always like this?”
“Even when we were dating! If I’m going to date you, then I have to respect your purity! You didn’t discuss it with me! You just started dating me! I’m this kind of person, so accept it! You always just do whatever you want!” I fired out all my pent up anger, passed JiHan, and walked toward my trunk. “You’re still like that, still! Planning your family is an important step as a couple! But, I have no choice in the matter! Everything is all up to you!”
I shoved all the clothes I brought into the trunk, zipped it closed, and lugged it off my bed.
JiHan grabbed my arm. “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t like the fact that I didn’t tell you beforehand?”
“No! You don’t discuss these things with me! You shouldn’t be determining the future for me! I have a right to make the choices for my future!” I yelled with my fists clenched.
JiHan blinked blankly as if he never even thought of such a possibility.
I didn’t care. I was not going to back down.
“You wait JiHan. This time, I’m not just going to let it go!” Lifting the trunk by the handle, I added, “I will never give up on having a baby! Until you respect my choices also, I won’t be stepping foot inside this house!”
After brazenly announcing my departure, I stomped toward the door. The trunk’s wheels rumbled behind me. JiHan must have still been in shock because I didn’t hear his footsteps following me, but I didn’t care.
To a house that wasn’t this one, and to the room that wasn’t this one, I headed to my old room.
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