Chapter 51
A month later. I sat at the table in JiKyung’s office and confessed the shocking truth.
“But, that wasn’t a dream? If it was a dream, I should have woken up from it by now! If I haven’t woken up from it for a whole month, isn’t this real? Do you believe this? Can you believe it?” I asked.
“He probably just wants to enjoy his time with just you,” JiKyung said in a calming tone. “It will become difficult to spend time with each other if you have a baby.”
“But, he said he wants to enjoy the honeymoon phase until his death,” I said. “Not just right now, forever! He doesn’t want a baby forever!”
“Hmm... That is a bit strange,” JiKyung said. “I wonder why? When he went to get permission to get married to you, didn’t he say it was because you were the only girl that he would have a child with?”
“That’s what I’m saying! And now he’s changing his mind!” I exclaimed, feeling cheated.
“What’s his reason?” he asked. “He wouldn’t be doing this without a reason.”
“There is a reason. There is, but I wish he didn’t have a reason,” I said.
“What are you talking about? You wish he didn’t?” JiKyung looked confused.
“If he didn’t have a reason, I could at least be angry with him,” I said. “How can he give me that reason? I can’t even get mad at him!”
“Why? What is it? What’s the reason?” JiKyung asked with fervent curiosity.
“He said he thought about it while I was performing, and when the show ends, we should try to have a baby,” I said. “So, he said he researched a bunch of things about pregnancy.”
“And?”
“He said he found out how difficult it is for the woman during pregnancy,” I replied. “Knowing that, he can’t let me go through that!”
“What?” JiKyung was surprised.
“He studied every little change that happens inside a woman!” I excitedly said. “When the baby grows, it pushes the organs. The baby’s weight can make a woman’s spine bend. There’s pressure on the ribs, so it’s hard to breathe. Ah, he even learned about what happens after breastfeeding!”
JiKyung stared at me without another word.
“Oh, what am I supposed to do with this man? He’s worried about me having a difficult time, so I can’t even get mad at him!” I pleaded with my hands together, “JiKyung. Can you please throw some hints to him? Like, ‘When am I getting a niece or nephew?’ or ‘Our mother is waiting, and I’m waiting.'”
JiKyung stared at the floor thinking. He finally said, “You should just give up.”
“What? Why?” I asked.
“He thinks your word is gospel, and he’s still refusing to listen to you,” JiKyung said. “Do you really think he will listen to anyone?”
“So, you want me to just give up?” I asked. “Then, what about your mother? She’s just waiting for us to have a baby! How could I give up getting pregnant?”
My mother-in-law may have given up her hopes on a proper daughter-in-law, but she would not give up on her grandchild. She agreed to our marriage because of that grandchild. How was I supposed to tell her to give up her need to have a grandchild?
I shook my head thinking that could never happen.
“You don’t have to tell our mother the truth. Just say you are trying but you aren’t getting pregnant,” JiKyung said shrugging. “What could she do at that point?”
At JiKyung’s suggestion, I became more frustrated. “JiKyung... You need to realize that you can’t hide things from your mother. She even knew you were gay. You didn’t even realize that and tried to marry me. Don’t you remember?”
“Oh....”
“If I make that excuse, don’t you think she will check and find out if we are infertile or not?” I asked.
“I can’t say she wouldn’t,” he said.
“Even if she doesn’t, I really want to give her a grandchild,” I said.
At my sincere confession, JiKyung scratched his head not knowing what to do. “Well. I can’t think of a way out.”
“At least when you see him, can you talk to him?” I asked. “Tell him how great it is to have a baby. If he hears it from me and his brother, it might change his mind.”
There was always a chance. I was grasping at straws. JiKyung nodded expressing that he could at least do that much.
“You’re the best!” I gave him two thumbs up. “My brother-in-law is the best man in the world!”
“What about your husband?” he asked.
“Out of the gays...” I added meekly as I stuck my thumb and index finger together to make a heart.
Someone knocked at the door. The door opened, and the assistant walked in. “Lim DaeChul is here for you.”
I looked at JiKyung shocked. “Lim, Lim DaeChul?”
JiKyung glimpsed at my expression and said to his assistant, “Tell him to wait a moment. My sister-in-law will be leaving soon.”
“Yes, sir,” his assistant said.
I didn’t say a word until the assistant completely closed the door. When I could hear his footsteps far away, I shot up and yelled. “You! You’re still seeing that scam artist?!”
“AhJung, it’s not like that.” JiKyung laughed making it seem as if this wasn’t a big deal.
To me, this was a big deal. I ran to JiKyung and whispered so only he could hear, “If it’s not that, then what is it? Why is that jerk here? The whole time you were dating, he bummed off of you and even scammed you by pretending to be you! How dare he come here to meet with you?”
“AhJung. Calm down and listen to me.” JiKyung’s attempt at trying to persuade me made me furious.
I grabbed his collar and shook him. “Are you insane! Get your act together! You are such a good person! You’re the best person I know! How could you continue to see that useless piece of trash!”
“Ah, AhJung, the Lim DaeChul outside is not the Lim DaeChul you know,” he said.
“Hey! A person doesn’t change that easily,” I said. “Just because you wash a junk car, does it because a Benz?!”
“No, that’s not what I mean...”
“You can’t see Lim DaeChul! Never! I disapprove of this! I will never approve this!” I was on a full-on rant
“Assistant Kim! Assistant Kim!” JiKyung hurriedly yelled. The door opened and the assistant came in. “Bring Lim DaeChul here! Quickly!”
“Excuse me? Oh, yes, yes.” The assistant looked taken aback by our situation and quickly disappeared behind the door.
“What? Bring him here quickly?” I asked. “Hurry and bring him here! I shouldn’t be doing this to you, I should be grabbing that jerk by the collar! I’m going to pull out all his hair! All of it!”
As I stood there grinding my teeth in determination, we heard a knock. JiKyung released my hand from his collar and went to answer the door.
If it had been the old me, I would have never imagined myself doing anything. Now, I folded up my sleeves ready to grab Lim DaeChul’s hair by the roots. Strangely, a man I’ve never seen before entered the room.
“Who are you?” I asked in confusion.
The man looked confused too and replied, “I’m Lim DaeChul from JoonAh Daily...” His eyes seemed to be asking who I was.
For about five seconds, I wondered if the Lim DaeChul I knew had gone through extensive plastic surgery. But, those eyes definitely did not recognize me, so I diffused my suspicions.
I turned to JiKyung. “And he is?”
“Lim DaeChul. Not the Lim DaeChul you know,” he replied. “A completely different person with the same name. He’s a reporter who came to get an interview.”
It really is a different person! As I realized this, I sighed in relief. “What a relief!”
JiKyung smirked at my brightening expression. “Were you that worried that I would meet a bad person?”
“Of course! Your standards are not normal,” I said without thinking. “You always choose the trashiest...”
I suddenly realized that the reporter was standing right next to us. There’s a lot I can say about the kind of man Lee JiKyung choose, but I’ll resist!
“Anyways! My brother-in-law is the most awesome person I know,” I said. “You have to meet a really, really great person.”
I hoped for it to come true. I told him this so that it would get engraved in his head. I then made a heart over my left chest. Although, it was slightly smaller than the one I gave to my husband.
***
My plan for JiKyung to pressure JiHan was useless. He had told me he was meeting his brother after work, but he came back with his hands full of groceries. In the two bags were boxes and boxes of condoms.
Abandoning the grocery bag next to the bed, JiHan stood in front of the closet and loosened his tie.
“What is the meaning of this?” I asked pointing at the grocery bag.
JiHan answered curtly, “It’s my way of expressing that I will not be pressured.”
“Pressured?” I asked.
“My brother telling me he wants a niece or nephew felt like pressure to me, so I took him to the market with me and bought them,” JiHan said.
“You bought that in front of JiKyung?!” I asked.
JiHan calmly undid his buttons in front of a devastated me. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all grown up and married. Using that is a choice, not a taboo.”
“But, still, in front of your brother... Do you have to go that far in front of your brother?” I asked. “You could just tell him we’re trying!”
“We’re not going to try, so why should I lie about it?” JiHan replied as he undid his last button.
Feeling that he didn’t feel the slightest inclination for compromise, I started getting angry. “Try, husband!”
At my exclamation, Lee JiHan froze and looked at me.
“I want it, your brother wants it, your mother wants it! Just do it! Do it!” I yelled, putting my foot down.
JiHan opened his mouth with a disturbed expression. “It’s not my brother and mother’s body, so I can understand them acting like this. But, why are you so insistent? It’s your body. You will have to endure so much.”
“Even if I have to endure it, I want to,” I said.
Determined to force his hand, I leaned up close to JiHan. Wrapping myself around his waist, I looked up at him and pleaded, “JiHan, don’t you want to have a daughter that looks like me?”
“Having my AhJung is enough to keep me plenty happy,” JiHan replied dully. “I don’t see the necessity to have another person that looks like you.”
I was lost for words, but I continued to make my case. “But, I want to have a son that looks like you.”
JiHan’s expression darkened at my comment. “Why? You aren’t content with just one of me?”
“That’s not what I mean,” I said.
“If it’s not that, then why do you need another person that looks like me?” he asked.
“You’re my husband, not my child,” I replied, trying to make him understand. “A husband and child are different! Even though you are enough as a husband, it doesn’t mean I can live without a child!”
JiHan looked at me with a serious expression on his face.
“I want to become a mother,” I said.
Sensing my desperation, JiHan closed his eyes and sighed. Finally, he opened his eyes and said reassuringly, “I was being short sighted.”
Did he change his mind?
Upon glimpsing a glimmer of hope, my eyes sparkled. JiHan grabbed my waist and lifted me up. I reflexively wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist. He held me tight so I wouldn’t fall.
Looking up slightly, he said. “I wanted to give you all the love you didn’t receive from your parents. I found happiness in seeing your tiny self-esteem grow day by day. Whatever you did made you look beautiful. So, I thought this must be what it’s like to be a parent. I had a wife who was like my child, the apple of my eye. I personally never felt the need to have an actual child to care for.”
His words were quite romantic, and my heart melted. With grateful eyes, I looked at JiHan.
“I’m more a parent figure than a child figure as a husband,” he said. “In my AhJung’s perspective, you would want a child. I understand now.”
He really did change his mind!
I hugged JiHan happily at the realization. He walked to the bed and placed me down. Sitting side by side, he held my hands. I concentrated on his words full of hope. But...
“I’m going to act like a child now,” he said.
“What?”
“I’ll do my best to be a childlike husband so you no longer have to worry about getting a child of your own,” he said.
“What?” He changed his mind in a strange way.
His unmoving resistance to the idea of pregnancy numbed my mind. JiHan planted a kiss on my forehead as if taking an oath.
“I’ll finish undressing and wash up. You can tuck me in,” JiHan said as he got up from the bed.
In the time it took him to remove his clothes, shower, wear his pajamas, and return, I had remained frozen in shock. I was unable to come back to my senses even after he wriggled his way into my arms to close his eyes and fall asleep.
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