Chapter 44
I looked at the raggedy bag on Na AhJung’s bed and scoffed in disbelief. “That’s why you packed?”
“Why?” Na AhJung looked at me as if she was confused as to what the problem was.
“Your things are all over the room, and you were going to leave with that one bag?” I asked
“I’m not just taking the one bag,” she replied “There’s other stuff in the bag too. Look.”
Na AhJung opened the bag as proof. Inside were a couple items of clothing, a phone, charger, and wallet.
“These are just the things you brought when you first came here,” I said. “What I’m saying is, why aren’t you taking any of your new things.”
“Oh. That’s because there’s nowhere to put it if I go to my stepmother’s house,” Na AhJung said.
She was right. That small living room didn’t even have enough space to sit the teddy bear even when it had been Na AhJung’s room. Now, that living room didn’t even have a corner that she could even stand in. At the moment, the place where she had slept had been replaced by a sofa and television set.
I shook my head remembering the sight of it. This girl doesn’t even know about all this, and she was planning to move out.
“I will only allow you to move out if you find a better place than here,” I insisted as I pulled Na AhJung in close. “Of course, I already know that a place like that doesn’t exist.”
I kissed her. My lips remained pressed against hers with no intention to ever move onto another’s lips. I was certain there would never be anywhere else that my lips would want to be.
No. There might be another place that’s better... I turned my head and kissed Na AhJung’s cheek. This is nice too...
Next, I kissed the edge of her ear. She jumped in a panic and grabbed my arm. As a consequence, my lips slid away from her ear.
“Ah, what, what are you doing?” Na AhJung asked. Her face was reddening.
“That area felt softer than your lips,” I replied.
“What?”
“Let me check.” I wrapped my arms around Na AhJung’s waist and lifted her onto the tea table.
This height was more comfortable since I didn’t have to bend over. My lips grazed over her ear once again. I held Na AhJung’s head in place so she couldn’t move away.
Her body shuddered, but her ear did not slip away from my lips this time. It was softer than her lips but not as moist. And, they didn’t move like her lips. But...
“Ah, why are you doing that in such a weird place? Ah, seriously!” Na AhJung twisted her body uncomfortably.
“Is your ear a weird place for you?” I asked removing my lips.
“If feels weird,” she said.
“I like it. It’s weird for you?” I asked, not expecting such a reaction.
Na AhJung lower her gaze. She tried to speak, but it was as if it was something difficult to explain.
“If you don’t like it, I won’t do it,” I said giving up.
She immediately shook her head. “No, no. Keep doing it. If you keep doing it, I’ll get used to it.”
Na AhJung closed her eyes and leaned toward me. Seeing her eyebrows narrow as she tried diligently to get used to the feeling made me lose my momentum.
“We’ll just look for a place you like,” I said. “There’s no point trying to make you get used to a place you don’t like.”
“What?” Na AhJung opened her eyes and looked at me.
“Starting from now, if you don’t like it, then tell me right away. Then I’ll stop.”
After promising her, my lips traveled to her neck. The moment my lips touched her, Na AhJung squirmed and grabbed my shoulder. Soon, she stopped moving. She removed one of her hands and didn’t say anything. Instead, I could feel her swallowing at the place my lips touched her neck.
Not knowing whether she liked it or not by her reaction, I backed off and looked at her. Na AhJung blocked her mouth with one hand and looked to be trying to resist something.
“What are you doing right now?” I asked.
My gaze locked on Na AhJung’s. Both of us were frozen. Na AhJung coughed into her hand.
“Ah choo! Uh, a sneeze was coming on. Ah, ah choo!” After sneezing, Na AhJung removed her hand from her mouth. She pointed back to her neck and said, “Here, you may continue.”
I stared at her neck. “I’ve already tried there.”
“Uh, then... Next...” From her neck, Na AhJung’s hand slid slowly over to her clavicle.
My gaze followed her fingers down, but I forced myself to stop and turn away. “That’s far enough.”
“What?!”
“It’s dangerous to go further.” I grabbed Na AhJung’s waist and lifted her down from the tea table.
In a bewildered voice she asked, “What’s dangerous?”
“More than that will go against the acts allowed before marriage,” I replied.
“Acts allowed before marriage... What?” she asked.
“Anything beyond PG-13 will be done after marriage,” I explained controlling my desires.
Na AhJung looked at me with wide eyes as if she couldn’t believe it. “Then... Is this the farthest we can go?” she asked while pointing to her neck.
“Until marriage, that is as far as we can go.” I nodded firmly.
“What, why?!” she asked.
“I’ve already decided that I will only sleep with my wife, and that decision will follow me to my grave,” I replied.
“What?!” Na AhJung exclaimed loudly refusing to believe it.
“You’re the first girl to have almost crumbled my resolution, so I think I have to be away from you awhile to protect myself.”
After saying that, I turned my head away from her. With both fists clenched, I strutted out of the room.
***
I came back to my room, sat at the tea table, and turned on the audio. With my eyes closed, I crossed my arms.
In beat to the classic music, I took deep breaths. With the help of the soothing classical music, I chased away the dangerous thoughts that had inhabited it. Preserving my purity like that of December’s first snow had never been an issue until now. Who would have thought it would become so difficult in the blink of an eye?
“I almost made a footprint in it,” I said to myself calming my heart.
Until the wedding. I just have to resist until then. Just until then... I don’t know when that would be, but until then, I will wait.
I knew I would marry Na AhJung. That day would come. I had to make sure I didn’t get swept up in the moment and mess up the first time.
It will be at the best vacation spot where we can see the stars in the night sky. And, it will be the most romantic time ever. On the most luxurious bed with champagne... After everything is prepared with the absolute best, I will make sure it will be a special night to remember. Not just swept up in the moment on a lustful whim. No way. There is no way I will let that happen.
I nodded my head in determination. Suddenly, a thought hit me. I stopped my nodding. The day I had prepared my proposal to Na AhJung, after finishing at the dress shop, I had wanted to calmly take her to the theater to start my proposal. Unlike the way I had envisioned it, I got swept up in the moment and proposed completely differently than expected. I had been so entranced by her in a wedding dress that my feelings just spilled out without my notice.
Na AhJung didn’t answer then. I frowned at the unsavory realization.
Now that I think about it, Na AhJung didn’t answer me. Even when I had proposed properly at the theater, she didn’t answer me. She had also promised to give me an answer the day after, but she only told me that she liked me. She never confirmed that she would marry me.
I didn’t realize it because I was so happy that she accepted me. It completely slipped my mind. Does she even want to marry me?
With my suspicions growing, the words Na AhJung said to my brother were also bothering me.
“Tell them a different reason for us breaking it off. Like you found out that there is something wrong with the girl’s past or that she’s an unwed mother... Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Tell them whatever is best for you. If you make an excuse like that...”
That made it seem like she had no intention of us getting married. Saying that she has a strange past or is an unwed mother would be an easy excuse to get the wedding canceled by any mother’s standards. But, my brother’s mother was also my mother.
What kind of parent would accept a flawed daughter-in-law who broke off the engagement four weeks before the wedding? How in the world was she planning to get accepted by my mother by placing such a huge obstacle in our way?
I shot up from my seat, furious at her.
I even kneeled in front of my brother to get his approval! I kneeled in front of someone for the first time in my life thinking it would make her life easier!
“Are you really doing all this for AhJung’s sake?” I remembered my brother’s expression as I knelt in front of him at the hotel parlor.
“I’m willing to kneel before you for Na AhJung’s sake. I love her that much. But, you still won’t accept us?”
Like I said, I was a man who kneeled for Na AhJung. But, she was really only thinking of dating me. Is that it?
I ran to Na AhJung’s room unable to shake off my suspicions. When I barged through the door, she was lying down on her bed with the blanket over her head.
What is she doing like that in the middle of the day?
As I walked toward the bed, Na AhJung’s feet kicked the air in front of her.
“Na AhJung,” I said the moment I got next to her bed.
Na AhJung stopped her movement under the blanket. She shot up and looked at me with her face red in surprise. “Uh, when did you get here?”
Without answering her, I got straight to the point. “Na AhJung, are you going to marry me?”
“What?!” Her eyes grew huge. It was as if she hadn’t even contemplated such a thing.
“Ae you really not thinking of marrying me?!” I stared at her fiercely demanding an answer.
***
Lee JiHan had come in yelling about marriage out of the blue, demanding that I answer back.
“Well, that’s something we have to see about farther down the line,” I said.
“Are you saying you don’t have any thoughts about it now?” Lee JiHan viciously threw his question.
“Well obviously, we can’t do it now,” I replied
“Why is it obvious that we can’t do it now?” he asked.
“How can we?” I couldn’t believe that he couldn’t see why. “I just canceled the wedding with JiKyung. How can I get married to someone else right now? How would you explain that?”
“My brother approved of our wedding,” Lee JiHan confidently said.
But, I didn’t believe him. “He couldn’t have. There’s no way. He might have accepted us dating, but marrying now...We can hide us dating from other people, but people will have to know if we are getting married. The girl that was supposed to get married to JiKyung is marrying his brother instead. JiKyung couldn’t have agreed to that.”
“We can just say that the girl my brother was going to marry has the same name as the girl I’m going to marry,” Le JiHan said. “That’s how I persuaded my brother to agree to it.”
“But...” I still wasn’t unsure.
He quickly retorted, “Besides, you haven’t met or been introduced to any of my brother’s friends, have you? And neither have you met any of my mother’s acquaintances.”
At Lee JiHan’s words, I suddenly realized it. JiKyung had not once introduced me to any of his friends. Being a contract wedding and all, he must have wanted to hide my identity as much as possible. That must have been why he asked me to quit acting when we got married.
And, his mother had said she would invite only her closest family members. Yet, I had not thought to introduce me to any of them. Those family members were only going to meet me at the wedding itself.
Now that I think about it, I was only known by a name to both JiKyung’s and his mother’s acquaintances.
“That’s true,” I said.
“Then, if we were to get married, the only people that would know you are the same Na AhJung that was going to marry my brother would be our parents and a couple of your friends. And, I can persuade them to keep this hushed,” Lee JiHan said determinedly as he sat at the edge of my bed staring into my eyes. “So stop using other people as your excuse and answer me properly. Right at this moment, do you, in your heart, want to marry me.”
He eyes seemed to be boring into my skull. I gulped nervously.
Marriage? I didn’t think about it. Considering the situation with JiKyung, I thought that it would be years before I could even think about it. So, I didn’t even dream about it. But, that was before.
“I’ve already decided that I will only sleep with my wife, and that decision will follow me to my grave.”
I remembered his statement that blackened my soul just a few moments ago.
“Anything beyond PG-13 will be done after marriage.”
Who would have thought Lee JiHan would have a chastity vow before marriage? Why didn’t he tell me something this important before we started dating?!
I was tempted to kick at my blanket again. If I had started dating knowing that, I wouldn’t have felt so betrayed.
Instead of kicking my blanket, I bit my lip. With my fists clenched I yelled. “No, I do not!”
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