Chapter 58
“...What?”
- It’s not your fault.
“Why are you suddenly saying this, ahjussi?”
- Like I said, it’s not your fault.
Kang Ji-Seok looked at what I wrote and stayed silent for a while. Perhaps my words of comfort, reassuring him that he wasn’t to blame for this situation, had touched his heart. However, I noticed that his jaw was trembling.
He quickly turned away and sniffled once. I quietly patted him on the shoulder.
“Oh geez, why am I…”
Kang Ji-Seok put on a bitter smile as he kept on sniffling. His eyes were bloodshot. All the tears he’d been holding back flowed out in a torrent. With sorrow in my heart, I wrote down some words.
- Are you worried about your sister?
Kang Ji-Suk didn’t say anything after he’d read what I had written. Instead, he frowned and kept his mouth closed.
I waited until Kang Ji-Suk calmed down, hoping that he would open up once he organized his thoughts. I sat next to him for a while and looked to the horizon. I knew better than to lecture him about the stuff that he already knew. Sitting with him was the best thing I could do right now.
After a while, Kang Ji-Suk let out a deep breath.
“Do you think my sister will be okay?”
- She’ll be all right.
“Please don’t kick her out. I’ll take on whatever my nuna is responsible for as well.”
Despite his calm expression, Kang Ji-Suk’s voice was trembling. However, his eyes looked more determined than ever.
Everyone in Shelter Hae-Young was responsible for their own thing and everyone moved in unison, like a set of gears. It seemed like Kang Ji-Suk had been worried for a while, since Kang Eun-Jeong seemed like a malfunctioning gear that wasn't working together with the other gears.
I wondered if the last officer meeting had affected Kang Ji-Suk. I wondered if it had given him the impression that his take on the situation was true. Kang Eun-Jeong hadn’t been able to participate in the last meeting with the other initial members of the shelter as she was sick.
He might have thought that everyone was slowly excluding Kang Eun-Jeong, which probably led him to think that, if he didn’t do anything, the two would get kicked from the shelter.
Kang Ji-Suk had been doing everything he could, even shouldering his nuna’s responsibilities, in order to stay in the shelter. He was on guard duty day and night, and looked for whatever work he could do. He looked for any place that seemed short-staffed and helped out with laundry, cleaning, farming, risking his life to get food from outside, and did guard duty with his stainless steel spear when there wasn't any other work for him to do.
It was a lot for a sixteen-year-old to handle. Not only physically, but mentally as well.
I was proud of Kang Ji-Suk, but felt sorry at the same time that I hadn’t taken care of him as much as I should have. I patted Kang Ji-Suk on the back and let out a sigh. I had absolutely no clue what I should be saying to him.
Kang Ji-Suk sighed along with me.
“To be honest, I’m confused these days. I get that all the people here are good people, but I feel like there’s this gap opening up between us now. Am I the only one who feels like this?”
- In this world, forming relationships with others is one of the most difficult things to do.
“For some reason, it seems like, along the way, something got twisted. I’m scared that we might never be able to mend our relationships.”
I felt his honesty. I looked up to the sky for a moment and organized my thoughts. The sky was as clear as it could be, unlike our complicated reality. I took out my notepad and wrote each word as neatly as I could.
- On one hand, you don’t want to break ties, but at the same time, you hold a glimmer of disappointment toward them, don’t you? And trying to untie whatever you had in the past seems difficult too, doesn’t it?
“...Yes, exactly.”
- Well, that’s the thing about relationships. Let me ask you a question.
Kang Ji-Suk tilted his head to look at what I had written, then looked at me with a serious face. I smiled gently and wrote down my question.
- The cardigan you’re wearing. How was it made?
“What?”
Kang Ji-Suk looked down at his knit cardigan and tilted his head again. I chuckled.
- The entire cardigan is knitted together with knots and ties.
“…Yes.”
- That’s how relationships are. You fight, you forgive, but you’ll be left with a sense of uneasiness even after making up with the other person. During that process, you get to learn more about the other person through understanding and consideration. That’s how you get to know each other.
“…”
Kang Ji-Suk concentrated on reading what I’d written, but still looked clueless. I peered into his face, then kept on writing.
- You wouldn’t have gotten involved with another person if they were someone you didn’t need to get close to. And even if you had, you would have left them behind in the end. But we’re no longer in that kind of relationship, are we?
“Yes, you’re right…”
- The thing is, emotional conflicts are inevitable whenever people are gathered. Even in the best relationships. Families have conflicts all the time, right? In fact, it’d be strange to not have any conflicts. If there aren’t any issues, that means nobody has talked about their true feelings, ever.
“…”
- How about you approach others first? Or are you afraid that people will avoid or ignore you?
“…”
- Everyone here knows that your sister is sick at the moment, but there’s really no cure to her sickness right now. No one knows how she will get better, including myself. So you should go up to others first. Go ask them what you could be doing right now.
“What if everyone tells me and my sister to both get out?”
- Do you think the people here are that sort of people? Or am I the only one who has the wrong impression of them?
I raised my eyebrow, and Kang Ji-Suk pouted silently. I softened my face and continued writing.
- Don’t be afraid to get hurt by others. It’ll become the motivation for you to become a better person.
“…”
- Well, at least, that’s what this ahjussi thinks.
I cleared my throat and scratched my neck. Kang Ji-Suk just stared at me without saying a word. I let out a quick breath and wrote down more words.
- You know, at one point, I came to realize something about people. Whoever gave me harsh advice was someone I could count on, while those who sugar-coated everything turned out to be against me. That’s how every relationship was for me.
“Are you telling me to get scolded by everyone?”
Kang Ji-Suk’s naive answer caused me to roar with laughter. I couldn’t believe he took my message in that way. This naivety was the reason why I missed being young. I patted Kang Ji-Suk’s head and gently smiled at him. His face reddened and he hung his head as if he was embarrassed.
- Go show them your true self. And don’t be shy while you’re at it.
“… Okay.”
- I bet everyone is waiting for you to open up first.
“Okay, ahjussi…”
Kang Ji-Suk grumbled and got to his feet. He then walked toward the crowd of people that were laughing away.
Looking at them made me ponder on the mechanism through which trust was built—the first step was being disappointed by others and not having our expectations met.
I knew that a boy like Kang Ji-Suk would later realize that’s what real relationships were. Full of knots and tangled-up things.
* * *
Everyone dispersed back to their workplaces after eating. So-Yeon and the children went to apartment 104 to help with cleaning, under Han Seon-Hui’s supervision. I waved at So-Yeon as she got further away. She raised her right hand high and yelled back, “Daddy! Let’s play again at night!”
I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard her voice. Lee Jeong-Uk, who was next to me, snorted. “If you’re thinking about playing through the night, go play in a different room.”
I nodded slightly without answering. Lee Jeong-Uk massaged his tight neck and crept closer to me.
“What did you tell Ji-Suk to make him open up?” he whispered.
I shrugged.
Kang Ji-Suk had told everyone about his feelings, along with his sister’s story. Everyone listened to him as if his worries were theirs. There was still no plan to figure everything out, but I knew for sure that they had grown closer together.
Lee Jeong-Uk clicked his tongue at me.
“I remember when you told me you didn’t want to be the leader. Why’d you try to put it on me when you’d be doing this good of a job?”
Lee Jeong-Uk smacked my back and walked toward the college students while chuckling. He was going to wrap up the farming tasks for the day.
I looked up at the sky and let out a sigh.
‘Didn't even know I was going to say stuff like that.’
I wondered if everything I had said to him came out subconsciously. Or if he’d decided to open up as well since I’d approached him sincerely. Whether it was on purpose or not, I was glad that they talked through their misunderstandings.
I stashed my hands in my pockets and headed toward apartment 101. I wanted to check on how Kim Hyeong-Jun was doing. It had been a long time since I last checked on him.
I entered the security office of apartment 101 and laid eyes on Kim Hyeong-Jun, who was still sleeping.
If he was really going to sleep for a week, there were still three more days to go until he woke up. I planned on taking care of the zombies in Haengdang 1-dong and Majang-dong in the meantime. I had to clearly define our borders and work on improving the shelter’s defenses.
‘Everybody, come out.’
All of my underlings in apartment 102 gathered outside as soon as I gave the order. I looked them over, and began to assign them to new squads and platoons.
I sent the ones that weren’t yet painted blue back into apartment 102, and assigned the ones painted in blue into new squads and platoons. I started with the first platoon and made my way up to the fourth platoon.
I had a total of eight hundred and seven underlings with me. Among them, almost four hundred of them weren’t painted blue. Leaving the unpainted scouts in Majang-dong out of the picture for now, I still had to get the ones with me painted blue no matter what. I needed to look for blue markers and spray paint when I went to clean up Haengdang 1-dong.
‘Alright, listen carefully to what I’m going to say from now on, and be ready to execute.’
I gave each squad a thick rope and explained how to use ropes. After I finished educating them, I took my underlings to the entrance.
Lee Jeong-Uk, who had seen everything, came up to me.
“Where are you trying to go again?”
- It’s about time to work on, you know, safety.
“What, the safety buffer zone you were talking about last time?”
When I nodded, Lee Jeong-Uk smacked his lips.
“Don’t bite off more than you can chew before Kim Hyeong-Jun wakes up.”
- I’m going to clean up Haengdang 1-dong and Majang-dong first. It won’t be that dangerous, since they’re both already my territory.
“You want me to come with you? You might get in trouble if you meet a survivor.”
- I’ll come back and let you know if that happens.
Lee Jeong-Uk smacked his lips and nodded. I looked at Lee Jeong-Uk and asked him to be clear about one thing.
- When I’m not here, you’re the leader of Shelter Hae-Young.
“Like I said, being a figurehead is my thing.”
- When I’m not here, you’re the leader.
“...”
- Don’t let the people go astray. This is a favor I’m asking you.
I put on a serious expression, and Lee Jeong-Uk stopped laughing. He nodded back, his expression serious as well. I couldn’t let another Kang Ji-Suk incident happen again. If everyone broke down like Kang Ji-Suk, there would be no turning back.
I nudged Lee Jeong-Uk in the arm and went outside with my underlings. I then heard Lee Jeong-Uk from behind.
“Take care!”
I waved slightly and addressed all my underlings from the first platoon to the fourth platoon.
‘Remember what I told you earlier?’
Grr!!
‘If you see any zombies, tie them up instead of killing them. Tie them by their waist and bring them back.’
I handed out thick coils of rope to each squad.
I was planning to send each squad of my underlings to patrol different parts of Haengdang 1-dong so that the operation could be performed more efficiently. My underlings would tie up and bring back any zombies that were still hidden.
‘I say this again, but if you see any survivors, do not attack. Inform me first.’
My underlings answered in a lively manner and went to their predesignated locations.
No matter how good an idea was, it was no use if it wasn’t put into practice. I was planning to use the remaining time I had effectively in order to realize my plan.
Since we were just about done taking care of Haengdang 1-dong, I assumed that we would be done cleaning up zombies by the end of the day. Once I was done cleaning up Haengdang 1-dong, I was planning to move on to Majang-dong the next day.
I wasn’t sure when Kim Hyeong-Jun was going to wake up, but I wanted to get this done before he did. I was going to make more plans so that once Kim Hyeong-Jun woke up, we could move on to the next plan.
As the saying goes,
- ‘If there is virtue in the man, there is order in the family. If there is order in the family, the country will be strong. If the country is strong, there will be peace in the world.’
I had to establish the foundation before Kim Hyeong-Jun woke up.
The source of this c𝐨ntent is freewe(b)nov𝒆l