Side Story 7: Stories of Russia (7)
When I entered the lab, I saw Tommy in front of the centrifuge.
Feeling sorry, I rubbed my neck and called his name.
“Tommy?”
"Yes?"
“Can I speak with you for a minute?”
"Please, go ahead.”
He seemed calmer than ever. It seemed like he was ready to humbly accept whatever I was going to say. I cleared my throat gently.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I said.
His eyebrows twitched. I wondered if he hadn’t expected an apology from me. He smiled at me.
“There is no need for you to apologize,” he replied immediately.
“No. I did something I shouldn’t have done. I crossed the line. I judged you as a murderer, when I was the one who knew nothing. It was hypocritical of me.”
“Well, it’s true that I had a hand in killing those people, and it’s also true that I slaughtered them. I don't think there's anything to apologize for."
“Are you angry, perhaps…?” I asked cautiously.
Tommy shook his head. "No. What I’m feeling… It’s guilt. Not a single day has gone by where I don’t remember the screams that I heard that day. The image of people begging for their lives still appears in my dreams, crystal clear.”
“I know how you feel.”
“I don't deserve an apology. It’s true that I prioritized the vaccine over those people.”
Tommy sagged his head, his expression a jumble of emotion. I walked over to Tommy and put my hand on his shoulder.
“I know how hard it must’ve been.”
“...”
“Did you question yourself over and over again, and consider why you were researching these vaccines, and for who?”
“Yes…”
Vaccines were supposed to be developed as a means to save people. But in this case, many had already died in the process. This brought into question what exactly this vaccine was for. Reality truly seemed a mass of contradictions at times.
As the saying went, life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. I knew Tommy had been placed in a situation where he could neither cry or laugh. He also probably spent many days in agony, blaming himself for what he had done. Just like how I did when I killed people.
I’d been able to endure those days of agony thanks to So-Yeon, but I couldn’t imagine what gave Tommy the strength to live for the next day. I looked at his face without saying a word, and he took a deep breath.
“I’ll complete my research no matter what,” he said. “Could you please wait until then?”
"Yes."
"I’ll pay for my sins then.”
With that, Tommy went back to the centrifuge.
Everyone had their own kind of pain. And regardless of what kind of pain it was, I knew that the amount of suffering each person went through was different. The guilt Tommy had in his heart was a weight he would have to bear until the moment he died. Because of that, I wasn’t going to blame Tommy anymore. Whether it was intentional or not, the guilt weighing him down was equal to the amount of bloodshed on my own hands.
After all, I had used them to take away lives as well.
“Mr. Lee Hyun-Deok.” I heard him call my name as I stood there.
Tommy stared blankly at the centrifuge, then continued in a timid voice, “Thank you for apologizing first.”
I nodded slowly. “Of course. It’s nothing.”
His shoulders dropped, and he continued, “And about what happened at the shelter… My apologies for not telling you ahead of time.”
"I understand. I want to apologize for crossing the line.”
With that, the room went silent for a while. Who could blame the other, and who was to tell the other that they were in the wrong? The silence was a silence of sinners.
Then Tommy turned around with a bitter smile on his face. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Do you think we’ll… we’ll be alright?”
I tried my best to smile, and nodded. “We’ll be fine. As long as we don’t forget what we just spoke about.”
Tommy bit his lower lip and shook his head. I looked at him, not knowing what more to say. It seemed like he needed time to think. I stashed my hands in my pockets and left the lab.
The sun was at its highest, and a cool breeze brushed my cheeks. But the sunlight was warm, and the cool breeze carried the faint scent of flowers. The long winter was coming to an end. Unbeknownst to us, Mother Nature constantly cycled through the seasons, bestowing her life-energies on us.
Spring had arrived.
* * *
One day in April, when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, Kim Hyeong-Jun returned from his reconnaissance and started talking to me.
“Ahjussi, there are cherry blossom trees in Russia too.”
“Well, I’m not surprised. Vladivostok is close to Korea.”
“Should we go on a picnic?”
“Picnic? We have other things to do.”
“Do you think I’m asking because I want to go? Let’s let the kids get some fresh air and enjoy the sights of nature. Don’t you think that’ll be a good idea? No?”
He was a typical dad, using the kids as an excuse to do what he wanted to do. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the way he was acting.
“So, where are these cherry blossom trees?”
"Not too far south from here. They’re on the outskirts of Vladivostok."
“What about the zombies?”
“I’ve already taken care of them.”
“Let’s bring it up to Tommy, and if he says it’s okay, then we’ll go.”
Kim Hyeong-Jun smiled happily and nodded. I headed to the promenade within the compound and found Tommy, Alyosha, and Elena. They were sitting down, resting after their run. Research was important, but there was nothing more important than staying healthy.
When I mentioned Kim Hyeong-Jun’s idea to them, Tommy nodded.
"Sounds good. Let's go.”
"Are you sure? You’ll have to leave the lab behind and go outside as well.”
“Well, there aren’t any survivors and zombies around here anyway. And I have some business to take care of in Vladivostok.”
I tilted my head at the mention of business in Vladivostok, and Tommy smiled gently.
“Vladivostok has a lot of hospitals,” he said. “Along the main street, there’s a hospital called the Primorsky Region’s Clinical Hospital. I have to get a couple of things from there.”
“A clinical hospital?”
“Yes, it’s a hospital that specializes in clinical pharmacology. I need to retrieve some medicine. Do you mind keeping a lookout while I do so?”
"Of course. All right. I’ll tell others to get ready as well. We meet in front of the lab in an hour.”
We would be able to kill two birds with one stone with this trip to see the cherry blossoms. When I entered the shelter where the Russian survivors were, I saw the children huddled up in the auditorium.
“Hi, uncle.”
“You’re here, uncle!”
I’d taught the children Hangul, and now, they were waving at me and greeting me in Korean. They couldn’t use honorifics yet, but they were capable of saying simple greetings in Korean now. I smiled heartily, patted their heads, and asked them a question in simple Korean that matched their grasp of the language.
“Where is mom and dad?”
“Where food to, at, is made? There.”
These cutie-pies. The way they tried their best to communicate in Korean was pretty admirable. However, it didn’t take them long before they started wandering around the auditorium again, chatting amongst themselves in Russian. I couldn’t help but smile as I heard their laughter.
Whenever I saw them like that, though… my heart ached. I missed my sweetheart So-Yeon, I worried about her, and wondered if she was doing okay.
I left the children to play and headed to the restaurant. I brought up the idea of having a picnic under the cherry blossoms to the survivors, who were busy washing dishes after lunch, and they all agreed to it with hearty smiles.
An hour later, everyone had finished their preparations, and were gathered in front of the lab.
* * *
Kim Hyeong-Jun even packed a picnic blanket. I could tell he’d been ready to go even before he asked me about it. He led the way to Vladivostok. I could feel his excitement just by looking at him from behind.
I chucked and turned to Do Han-Sol, who was behind me.
“Are Dae-Young and Jin-Young really okay?” I asked him.
“Yes, both of them said they wanted to rest. Even though they said that, they probably knew that someone had to stay behind and defend the laboratory.”
“He does have a point, since we still have two zombies with red eyes left.”
Out of the seven zombies with red eyes we’d captured as prey, two were left. We kept them around because we wanted the zombie instincts in them to awaken.
Tommy, Alyosha, and Elena had succeeded in developing a new drug that could suppress the zombie instincts. But they wanted to confirm the efficacy of the drug, and so they suggested that we experiment on the captive zombies first.
I agreed in a heartbeat, as I was reminded of the saying, ‘Look before you leap.’ I knew that the zombies we had tied up had been starving for months, and that their zombie instincts would awaken in the next few days.
With Jeong Jin-Young and Kim Dae-Young on lookout duty, there was nothing to worry about. I knew that the two of them would have also enjoyed leaving the lab for some fresh air, but they’d volunteered to stay behind. I planned on repaying their sacrifice some time in the future.
“Ahjussi, it’s this way!”
Kim Hyeong-Jun, who was ahead, was standing under the cherry tree and waving his hands. The cherry blossom petals fluttering in the wind were as beautiful as large snowflakes falling on a spring day.
The view was spectacular.
Just watching them made me feel at ease, and awakened a sense of excitement that I’d long forgotten. Kim Hyeong-Jun laid out the picnic blanket on a sunny spot, and the survivors who were right behind him put down their bags and took out their sandwiches.
While I was watching them with a warm smile, Tommy, who was next to me, touched my arm.
“Let’s go to the hospital,” he said.
“It’s okay to take a break. I know you haven’t taken a break in a long time. Why not eat a sandwich? We can head off after that.”
"Hmm… If that’s the case, may I?”
Tommy smiled faintly and settled down on the blanket as well. The children were sprinting through the dirt path, laughing cheerfully. They were taking full advantage of this picnic to let loose the feelings that had built up within them, the feeling of being trapped in the lab. Even the Russian couples enjoyed this time of leisure, watching their children play with big smiles on their faces. Regardless of which country you were in, children were always a source of much laughter and happiness.
I never thought I’d hear the familiar sounds I’d heard in Korea in a foreign country, the friendly laughter and noise of children playing. I felt comforted and consoled as I listened to their laughter. Even though I had a zombie’s body, I could feel that I was still alive. And this sense of ease was not part of a dream—a realization that overwhelmed me with emotion.
There were no threats around, thanks to Kim Hyeong-Jun clearing up the area ahead of time. But just in case the unexpected happened, Kim Hyeong-Jun, Do Han-Sol and I had spread out our underlings in a one-kilometer radius around us to stand guard.
It might’ve been an unexpected picnic, one that might seem like a luxury in this damned world. Nevertheless, it was a very precious time for us.
* * *
As the sun began to set in the distance, I whispered to Tommy, “Let’s get going now.”
“Oh, yes.”
Tommy swallowed the sandwich he was chewing and stood. I looked at Kim Hyeong-Jun, who was too busy playing with the children to return my glance. I had no choice but to tell Do Han-Sol that I was heading off to run some errands before returning.
He nodded, then asked, “Will you be fine going by yourself? Do you want me to wrap things up here and go with you?”
“It’s okay. Enjoy it when you can. You never know when the next time will be that we can come out and enjoy ourselves like this.”
“Then we’ll head back before the sun sets completely. When you're done with your business, don't stop by this place, but head directly to the lab. I’ll see you at the lab.”
I nodded, and with that, I quietly took my leave.
Tommy checked the map that he was carrying, and said, “We have to go all the way to the southern coast to reach the clinical hospital. We should gather some supplies on the way, since there are several general hospitals along the way.”
“Do you think we’ll have time to check all of them? The sun is already setting. How about we just stop by the clinical hospital?”
“Hmm… That’s why I was so anxious to get going earlier on…”
He was putting it all on me now. After he’d had the most fun. And also after eating the most number of sandwiches. I looked at him sullenly, and Tommy smiled a sheepish smile.
"Alright. I’m the one to blame, so don't look at me like that.”
“I almost hit you, you know?”
“Please don’t hit me, even as a joke. If someone like you hits me, I’d be dead before you know it.”
“Who said I was going to?”
“What may be a sport to you is death to me, Mr. Lee Hyun-Deok.”
I burst out laughing and shook my head. Tommy also couldn’t help but laugh, as if he knew that his joke was ridiculous.
“Okay, enough with the jokes. Let’s get going before it’s too late.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
After the small spat I’d had with Tommy about the shelter riot, I was worried about how our relationship might turn out. After we cleared the air, though, and perhaps because we now understood each other more, we’d grown closer than before.
Before all of this, I assumed he was just someone who only thought about research all the time, but Tommy liked to crack jokes, and he seemed friendly with the children as well. His words and actions encouraged me to open up to him, little by little.
It took me a while to understand the trust that Kim Hyeong-Jun had told me about. I realized that I’d been keeping my distance from everyone, except for the members of the Survivor Rally Organization, and even then, I’d only opened up to the people who’d survived Seoul together with me.
I wasn’t friendly nor hostile to the others. I had a mutual, transactional relationship with them, as we were all working towards the same goal, but there was no trust in those relationships. With Tommy’s people, who had come from Russia, it was strictly business.
Looking back, I wondered if my relationship with them hadn’t developed into something more because I had set up a wall around my heart, keeping away anything that I considered unnecessary. Now, though, thanks to the incident concerning the shelter, we were able to sincerely approach each other with honesty and trust.
I made a good friend that day.`
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