"Ew… What the fuck!? That's fucking disgusting you fucking bitch! You don't even know what you're saying because you don't even remember the events that well!"
"Oh, but I do."
And even as the smile on Chihiro's face was being blanketed by the violent swaying of her hair; even though her words were being obscured by the harsh winds, I could clearly see the arrogance tracing on her moving lips—as if she truly believed what she was fucking saying.
"The very last life I experienced was mine," Chihiro chuckled, "You see, the way it works when it was Chihiro's turn is that I only experience the life of those who have died—that is why I know that all of my versions died alone without anyone caring for them. My memory couldn't be any clearer, Hannah…
…I saw how you look at your brother. Everyone from the Baby Crew saw it. You remember when he was Paragon?"
"That… that's because I didn't know it was him!" I raised my voice along with the heat that was seeping out from my body. I do not care what she says or what she believes, Riley is my brother, he will always be, and that is all there is to it,
"You're fucking delusional and so out of touch with what is happening, Chihiro! Look at yourself, look at what you're doing, and just stop with all of this bullshitery!"
I hastened the speed of my flight to reach Chihiro, stretching my hand as much as I could to grab her. But she just shook her head and turned around, matching my speed as she once again chased the other versions of us. What she failed to hide from me, however, was the fading smile on her face before she could fully turn her back on me.
I do not fucking care about what she is saying about me, or about how I feel for my brother—I know what I feel because I have been feeling that ever since he came into my life. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I do remember that Riley made everything colorful… until it all just turned dark and I am lost in the memory between.
Riley… is precious to me. And I do love him, perhaps more than anyone in this world, in mine, and the millions out there.
Lust? Absolutely fucking not. Everyone is telling me that I feel more than familial love for my brother, that what I have for him isn't platonic—Nannah, Chihiro, and even Paige… What the fuck do they know?
How could they even understand what I have with Riley when even I don't know myself? Fuck, maybe they are right that what I have for him is more than platonic, but it definitely isn't whatever it is they are thinking.
My bond with Riley is… special. And special things can't be explained by mere fucking words.
"Chihiro, just fucking stop it! Enough!"
And perhaps even more so than the heat coming out of my body, my patience was starting to run out. There are really only so many words I could say before my temper does the talking.
And so, I look around my surroundings, confirming whether or not there was a city below us, or perhaps a plane flying nearby. But as soon as I saw nothing but the sky, the clouds, and the endless horizon of water beneath me…
…I roared.
"I said enough!"
And with my roar, the heat that has been trying to escape my body ever since I came to this universe was released—and it decimated just absolutely fucking everything. But of course, I made sure there wasn't actually anything to decimate.
I've also learned how to control my abilities even better. In the past, this energy radiating from my body would have just scattered, but now it was a ray. An invisible death ray that I could point to anywhere I want, decimating anything and everything I want.
And this time, the target of my rage is just flying right in front of me, with her back easily reachable and aimable. I could just turn this ray toward her, and she will be gone. I don't fucking care how much stronger she became, how much more skillful since she learned the skills of billions others like her—she's going to die if she is hit with this.
…And so I hesitated.
The air that was being distorted by my energy very slowly returned to normal before it could reach Chihiro. I…
…can't do it.
As much as there was madness in her eyes, the sadness that radiated from them was much… more obvious. I couldn't just ignore that.
Chihiro was my friend. And if she is still alive, then she is my friend. I've failed to save her once, and to try and kill her now feels… wrong. There was also the fact that she didn't let people die, she didn't even think twice and dived down to protect them.
Wrong. Just like my brother, there is something wrong with her and it is not entirely her fault. Of course, not. It's not her fault that she thinks like this—billions of years living as other people, billions of years being tortured… anyone would have snapped.
The way to save her now is not to kill her, but to make her feel that there was still someone that values her… that she hasn't been forgotten.
And so, I completely retracted all the energy seeping out of my body. In the first place, she just wanted to go home—she was only here to get her brother back… and if Chihiro comes along with them, then that would be even better.
Chihiro looks older than the rest of her variants, because she is. But I couldn't shake the fact that maybe, just maybe… she wasn't allowed to grow up at all. The only thing she was allowed to do was suffer because Machina wanted her to defeat Riley.
And once again, everything revolved around my brother.
Once again, everything becomes his fault… because it is.
Riley Ross has caused every fuck up and every death I have witnessed. And so, why…?
Why am I doing all of this?
"Chihiro, stop!" I once again raised my voice to remove the thoughts and doubts I was having. But I know that I should have doubts, but I just… he's my brother.
"You could have already stopped me, you know," Chihiro once again turned toward me, and the glimmer in her eyes showed me all I needed to know, "You're more than capable of it, Hannah. You're more than capable of stopping everything that has ever happened and yet you do nothing—you just yap and yap, complain, and then be mad about it later."
It's true, does she think I don't realize that? I know all the things bad about me, the things I need to improve—but what for? Change for what?
"Do you remember when you were all depressed when you thought you killed Riley?" Chihiro softly chuckled, purposely slowing herself down to obviously taunt me, but I won't fall for it, "We were all there for you. Of course, no one actually told me what really happened—I only realized after I died. But yes, we were all there for you but you sunk even deeper into the abyss you created… until Paragon, who turned out to be Riley, came."
"What the fuck are you even trying to say!?"
"You asked me why I am doing all of this—you and I are the same," Chihiro smiled at me; the moisture in her eyes fading away, "I am doing all of this for Riley Ross…
…He is our abyss. An abyss that we will never be able to escape."
He is. He has always been the abyss I fall into when I lose myself. But unlike Chihiro, I am not trying to escape that abyss… because the abyss is the escape. Escape from everything… from the expectations, from the obligations, from the world.
Riley was the one and is the only one who provides that for me.
Riley Ross is not the love of my life, he is…
…the reason why I still exist.
The only one that truly makes me feel that I have purpose, that I matter…
…That I am here.
"This no longer has anything to do with Riley, Chihiro! Stop trying to fucking blame your actions on someone else! You think I don't know what you're trying to do!?"
I know it—I know the expression that is painted on Chihiro's face, I've known since the start since I saw myself in her; the reflection of me without Riley.
"You're trying to get yourself fucking killed, Chihiro! Well, guess what!? I won't be the stupid fuck that does that to you! You want to die by the hands of people who care for you? That's fucked up!"
"Yes."
And just like that, Chihiro agreed with my words. There wasn't even any hesitation in her voice,
"I'm tired, and I feel like it would be poetic to be killed by one of my friends again. Do you know, Hannah? That the only universe I found that there was someone that actually cares for me is in our universe—It's sad, but then you realize why—
—Riley Ross."
"...What? That doesn't even make any sense!"
"It does, it is the only thing that makes sense. Riley is the only reason why I had friends. He is—"
"Chihiro!"
"Silvie!?"
And in the blink of an eye, I saw Chihiro spinning in the air as Silvie slammed her body straight on Chihiro's back—and before she could recover, Silvie wrapped her arms around her neck, completely shutting her up.
Or so I thought.
"Who's this…? Silvie?" Chihiro smiled as she slightly turned her head to try and take a look at Silvie, "It's so sweet that you wanted to hug me at our reunion."
"Yes, hi…" Silvie also smiled as she tightened her grip on Chihiro's neck; soon, however, the expression on her face turned sour as she looked at me,
"...But we don't have time for this, Hannah! Leave Chihiro to me, tell everyone to evacuate!"
"What…?" I turn to see if there were people beneath us, but the only thing I see is water, "Evacuate who!?"
"Everyone!" Silvie raised her voice; the trembling in her eyes was vaguely familiar, "Something… something went wrong! He…
…He's here!"
"Who's here!? What—"
Familiar, of course. I now know where I have seen Silvie's trembling eyes before—and as I watch my reflection on them fade and disappear into the darkness, I was once again reminded of the reason.
As the clouds beneath my feet darken and clump together, I was reminded of what my brother is to other people—a very…
"Darkday…
…Darkday is here!"
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