The sunlight poking through the curtains awoke me. A cute blonde elf resting upon my chest. My feelings felt dull. I regained my ability to become irritated, feeling small amounts of joy. I imagined it would release upon entering the third stage.
'It feels strange to have these girls beside me. I took advantage of her weak guard and the events to make her mine...'
"Mmmmn... Lucian... Hehehe."
She rubbed her face against me and call my name. I didn't know which sister was in control because they were both adorable. My eyes watched the sunrising with chaotic feelings.
These past few weeks felt amazing. I travelled together with her just enjoying life, hunting bandits, killing goblins, and flirting with an elf beauty.
Since I came to this world somewhere deep inside, I avoided an important issue, because of fear and it being too much to accept.
'Was I Lucian Silva? Lucian Von Silver? Am I dreaming? Did the original me even exist? Are the people I love just computer game characters?
[Lucian..]
'Look at me! I'm crippled by despair, yet I cannot shed a single tear! The pressure of having to fight, forced to calculate every action, planning which women I fall for! It's too much!'
[Lucian please!]
My hands stroked Mira's hair, calming me down from the meltdown. Her presence saved me on countless levels. Her nerdy moments, Altair's tsundere attitude, all of it helped me! I head towards the academy, knowing I have to seduce a girl who hates all dark creatures. Or I shall die!
"I don't want to seduce people because of a game plot. They're charming enough without such pressure!"
Unlike Carmilla and the others, I wasn't required to love Altamira. For the first time in 29 years alive, having lost my sister, finally I could forgive myself and began falling in love with a girl.
[Lucian!]
A blinding white light filled my vision. My surroundings became my old room when I could see again. I was sitting on my bed as a tall devilish woman who resembled my sister stood before me. Her big brown eyes fluttered, watching me as her body shook.
"For so long, I've been watching you and waiting." She said with her serene voice.
"Why were you watching me? There are plenty of others?"
She shook her head toward me. Then stepped forward, seating herself on my gaming chair. Even though she was like my sister, I couldn't stop finding her every action alluring, as if born to charm others.
"It could only be you. No matter how inferior, useless or defective. Lucian, I would only ever choose you."
'What's going on? I have feelings again. My chest feels tight and my eyes feel blurry.'
The woman gave a gentle smile crossing her legs. She tapped on the air and showed me the familiar system and videos of my actions since moving worlds.
"You were really amazing. I never thought the spineless you could step up and achieve the impossible. Do you remember how you feared contact with others hiding behind your computer?"
She mentioned a sore spot. It was ever since the day that man ruined our lives… We were never close with our parents but for my sister's sake they stayed with us… After that day everything ended and life became hollow. fr(e)ewebnovel.com
'Wait… What was my sister's name? Why can't I remember something that is important!?'
"Calm down, Lucian. I shall explain things in time."
A large pressure filled my body, causing my anger and panic to dissipate completely. She once again tapped the screen and showed me the scene of that day. However, it differed from what I remembered. My sister held a knife and was killing my parents…
"What is this? Do you have fun creating fake videos to tarnish my sister's memory?"
The woman knew everything about me. She was unaffected by my outbreak and kept smiling gracefully. My body was within her warm embrace In a flash.
'Why?'
"Please tell me why?"
"Lucian, your mind isn't healthy. That day the images you saw combined with the long-term abuse you received from your mother and father. It was your sister who saved you that day. The guilt you felt for not saving her was because you couldn't accept the truth."
My body filled with sweat and shook. What is this woman speaking about? Abuse? Nothing like that happened. There wasn't much love. However, I'm sure they loved me deep down!
"You m-must be mistaken. I had a happy life growing up!" I said.
She looked at me with deep sorrow. Her long fingers pressed another button, the video changed. It showed a strangely familiar handsome boy on par with the game character I replaced. He was trying to make breakfast for his mother's birthday and used the slightly expensive ham, wanting her to smile.
The image caused my body to recoil; however, she grasped me tightly, forcing me to watch. A man who looked similar to my father entered and saw the boy using expensive meat. He yelled and lunged for the boy, slamming his head off the counter before pummelling him in the chest and face, screaming that leaches shouldn't touch human food. Two women entered after hearing the noise. One older girl hugged the boy like a treasure nursing his beaten body. She gave a fierce look towards their father and the beautiful woman who looked irritated.
The man gave a shout. "It's your fault, you dirty slut, letting your customer knock you up!"
The demonic lady stopped the footage and stroked my hair like the older sister in the video.
"Haha, this movie is pretty good. The actors look like my family."
(Lucian POV end)
"Lucian, it's already okay. You don't need to pretend to be tough. This world doesn't need saving. I didn't bring you here for that reason."
The woman continued to comfort the boy, who sobbed. He resembled the boy in the video no longer in adult form. He was never ugly, useless, or pathetic. His countless years of abuse led him to believe himself to be human trash.
No matter how many women approached him, wishing to be his lover. He'd always ruined the relationship because of his belief of being disgusting. That ruined his life even further. He once hoped to feel normal again, like others.
Lucian didn't respond to her as he clung to her in desperation. His sister was several years older than him, there was no younger sister. The two shared no blood relationship. Yet she protected her little brother even at the cost of wasting her brilliant mind and future.
His mind warped the day his sister killed their parents. His aunt and her husband then took care of Lucian. They had money and could support him till adulthood with ease. He lived in a separate apartment from them in order to recover. His thoughts then created an alternate reality, replacing his parents with his aunt and his sister with a thief.
"Had I known you were home, things would have been different..."
Her warm embrace felt nostalgic for Lucian. As tears and snot streamed down his face, he was no longer able to block the memories. He felt embarrassment at his pathetic self of those years how he forgot such an important thing as his sister's name, even her age. It was there deep down inside his heart when he named the system Siesta, the name of his older sister.
'Did I already know deep down?'
He lowered his head while sobbing as he let out his feelings without twisting them or brooding.
"I wanted to be saved!"
"I wanted my life to be different. "
"What did I do to deserve that?"
"I felt my reflection was disgusting."
"Was I really such a monster? Couldn't they forgive my existence?"
"Why did you have to kill yourself and leave me alone?"
"Older sister, I loved you so much!"
"Why did you do those things? I was your son. You had our dad for that!"
"Sometimes I wanted to end everything."
"My sister sometimes gave me cookies on my birthday. My most cherished memories."
"Life became grey when I lost my sister."
"When I was reborn. I felt nothing."
"What, saving the world? I wanted to be the main character."
"Maybe then I could feel normal!"
"But It failed. Aside from lust, I felt nothing but emptiness."
"Why can't I be the one in control?"
"Then they made me feel alive… Carmilla… Marina."
"I wanted to try harder, but only failed!"
"Since losing my sister…. Altamira made me feel human again."
"I didn't want her to be a fake."
He shouted both his feelings of pain and sorrow. His body sat upon the demonic woman. Her smile never faded as she felt gratitude toward the twin elves and Carmilla. Lucian had finally begun the journey to accept himself and his past thanks to them touching the shell of his heart.
'Thank you both for supporting my frail and broken brother. You might not have intended to, however, I will return that grace a thousandfold.'
Her fingers clicked, and something rippled along the world where the two people slept. She couldn't fix her brother in such a short time. Just hearing his authentic voice and pain was enough. Her fingers touched his forehead as a bright light shone, making him sleep once more.
"You won't remember anything clearly. It will be like a dream. However, the feelings you finally released will slowly fade and turn your twisted negative feelings into the opposite. I don't want you to save the world. You don't need to capture girls you don't want."
She took a moment looking at his fading body. Reduced emotions would still affect him; however, his twisted personality would slowly unravel and he would act for himself and his desires instead of trying to follow the game's plot.
Her fingers tapped the system panel once again.
[Administrator: Celestial Demon Seista Valerios] fre(e)webnovel
[System entering support mode]
[Quests will only trigger when the host feels the desire to conquer a target]
"I want you to smile again, little brother."
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