Book 6: Chapter 14: Give and Take
After Sen had directed Li Yi Nuo to one of the bedrooms, hed retreated into the one hed made for himself. One that had a heavy stone bar that he could drop across the door. It wasnt meant to stop Li Yi Nuo if she tried to finish her mission in the middle of the night. It was just there to slow her down and buy the second or two hed need to defend himself. He stretched out on the small bed hed summoned from his storage ring. Sen found that he was glad he didnt need much sleep because the hours slowly ticked away as he thought about why he hadnt just said he wouldnt teach her anything. That was the right decision. That was the decision that would keep him entirely clear of a sect-level conflict that, for once, didnt involve him in the slightest. However, there was a little piece of him that did want to help her.
It took him a long time to unpack what was driving that small but insistent desire. He briefly considered that maybe base lust was at the root of it. While he wasnt easily swayed by physical beauty anymore, hed be lying to himself if he said he didnt find her attractive. He poked and prodded at that notion for a while but ultimately discarded it. In some other circumstance, he had no doubt that hed happily take her bed, assuming she was interested. That was a casual feeling, though. A general willingness to do something if the situation was different. It lacked the motive power to make him even consider inserting himself into other peoples problems. It took hours of deep thought to untangle the complex set of emotions underlying that traitorous urge. When he did finally figure it out, he shook his head in annoyance at himself.
You really need to work through some of this shit, he muttered.
With the mystery solved, he rolled over and finally managed to fall asleep. It was barely dawn when he woke up after a refreshing three hours of sleep. Hed been more tired than he thought. Most nights he only slept for two hours. Putting the bed back in the storage ring, he unbarred the door and went back out into the common area. He was surprised to find Li Yi Nuo already there, sitting in the chair that hed left by the fire. Her expression was distant, troubled, and he suspected that she hadnt noticed his presence. Hed been in similar frames of mind often enough to recognize it for what it was. She was thinking about killing someone. A modest surge of qi simultaneously caused a stone table to rise from the floor and drew Li Yi Nuos attention.
She schooled her face into neutrality and smoothly rose from the chair. I guess shes healed enough to travel again, thought Sen. My work here is truly done. He summoned a tea set and took a few minutes to prepare the drink, although he used more common leaves instead of the excellent tea leaves he reserved for people he actually liked. He made chairs appear and gestured that she should sit. He dismissed any notion of playing power games and waiting for her to pour the tea for them both, as tradition would normally command. He was the stronger which somehow conferred a senior position through some breakdown in reason hed never fully grasped. He simply poured a cup of tea for each of them and lifted his own cup to take a sip. It would have seared a mortals mouth, but he found the heat pleasant. Li Yi Nuo touched the side of the cup and left it where it sat to cool for a bit longer. He supposed she didnt care about the tea, just his answer. He gave her a thoughtful look.
The answer is no.
Disappointment, anger, and a bone-deep frustration flashed across her features. He half-expected a furious outburst from her. Instead, she remained quiet and still for so long that her tea cooled enough that she picked up the cup and took a sip. She finally met his eyes.
May I ask why?
Sen had known she would ask this question and debated about how much to say. He didnt owe her any kind of explanation. He could just say something enigmatic about karma or the direction of the winds and shed have to accept it. That would certainly be easier for him. He took another sip of tea and weighed his options.
Id be lying if I said there wasnt a little part of me that wants to do you as you ask.
Then why wont you?
Because Id be doing it for the wrong reasons. If I was going to teach you something, it should be for your benefit. It wouldnt be. The part of me that wants to teach you doesnt really want to help you. Thats an unhealthy, dangerous place for me to teach from and for you to learn from.
Li Yi Nuos brow furrowed. Im not sure I understand your meaning.
Ive been hounded by one sect or another for years now. I have a lot of resentment toward them. My motive for teaching you is that I see it as a great way to kick off a sect war that I dont have to fight in. I could just wait for the news to reach me that your sects are tearing each other apart and then gloat over my success. And I would gloat. Even worse, the plan would work better if I did a half-assed job of teaching you. Teach you enough to let you get to the person you want to get to, but not enough to win. If you get captured or killed, it implicates your whole sect. Thered be calls for wholesale slaughter. That thought would be in the back of my mind the entire time. I could turn you into a weapon that harms both sects.
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Li Yi Nuo had gone deathly white as Sen spoke, clearly having never considered the possibility that he might give her poisoned instruction.
Why would you do such a thing?
Because I hate everything that sects represent. I hate their unearned arrogance. I hate their presumption. I hate the way they bellow about honor while never possessing it. If I could snap my fingers and burn every sect to the ground right now, Id do it and never lose a moment of sleep, said Sen in a voice that was just barely beneath a yell. Now, is that the kind of person youd want to trust to teach you?
No, said Li Yi Nuo.
Good. At least your desire for revenge hasnt crippled your reason.
If you knew all of this, why didnt you just say so last night?
I didnt know last night. I had to think it through to understand why I was even considering it. Besides, there are other reasons its not practical.
Such as?
For starters, I cant trust you. Your motives where Im concerned are compromised, at best. Your allegiances are something I could never look past. Learning takes trust that goes in both directions, and neither of us is in a position to give it. Id always be waiting for you to ambush me. Beyond all of that, though, I simply dont have the time.
Youre a wandering cultivator. You have nothing but time.
Yeah, youd think that, but its just not so. I have obligations. I was coming from fulfilling one and on my way to another when you showed up. I need to get back to that obligation.
Li Yi Nuo gave Sen a pensive look. You arent what I thought youd be.
Oh? said Sen.
All those stories about Judgments Gale paint you as someone who leaps into action regardless of the consequences. They dont paint a picture of a thoughtful man. I just assumed that youd make a snap decision one way or the other.
Well, the stories had to get something right, I guess. I have been that person before and probably will be again, but its caused me a lot of trouble and pain. Im trying to do better. I had the chance to think things through this time. So, I took that opportunity. Doing so probably spared both of us some pain and regrets.
Li Yi Nuo gave him a shallow little seated bow. Then I am grateful, senior.
She didnt look grateful to Sen. She looked like hed ripped away her hope, thrown it on the floor, and crushed it under his foot.
Im not barren of sympathy for your situation. So, I am going to do something for you, said Sen.
He summoned the writing kit that Auntie Caihong had given him and wrote out three things. One was a letter to her and Uncle Kho with a very abbreviated description of what hed been up to recently. That letter he sealed in an envelope with wax. The second thing he wrote was something akin to a letter of introduction. The third thing he wrote was a set of instructions about where to take those letters. He considered that small pile of papers before he turned his gaze up to meet Li Yi Nuos eyes. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, but this all felt like something handled by wiser heads.
Ill take that vow to the heavens you spoke of yesterday. Except, youll vow not to reveal the existence of these documents or their contents, except as how Ill instruct you to do so.
What are they?
Vow first. Then, Ill explain.
You want me to vow silence without even letting me see what you wrote.
Yes. If you decide that youre not interested, you can always destroy them instead of delivering them.
Sen waited her out as she tried to make her decision with basically no information. He truly didnt know which way she would go with it. In the end, she gave him a sour look and then made her vow. Sen nodded and held out one of the letters.
This is a letter of introduction to the man who taught me the spear. I dont know if hell take you on, but if anyone can teach you to beat a dual cultivator, he can, said Sen. Its on you to convince him but the letter might help.
She read it over and gave him a quizzical look. Who is Uncle Kho?
It took a physical effort for Sen not to smirk at his next words. My teacher is Kho Jaw-Long. I believe some people call him The Living Spear.
Li Yi Nuos eyes went comically wide and her mouth dropped open. She looked back down at the letter and her hands started trembling. Sen plucked the paper from her hands and sealed it in an envelope. He handed her the sealed envelope and the loose piece of paper.
Youll find instructions about where to take the letter of introduction. You might have to wait for a while once youre there. Or, you know, you could just toss them in the fire.
She pulled the envelope and loose piece of paper against her chest like she meant to defend them with her life. Those stories were true? You really are a student of Kho Jaw-Long?
Yes.
But why do this?
You have talent. Hell appreciate that. More importantly, though, hes at a great remove from this entire situation. Hes in a position to listen to what you have to say impartially and make a decision about whether or not teaching you will be to your benefit. Things that I cant do. I trust his judgment.
Thank you.
Dont thank me, yet. I know you took that vow and it should be binding, but I want to be very clear. Uncle Kho values his privacy above almost everything else in the world. If you betray the whereabouts of his home to anyone, if you bring trouble or inconvenience to his door, Sens voice went deadly soft, you will learn what it means to be hunted, Li Yi Nuo of the Vermilion Blade Sect.
The woman stopped breathing for a moment before she swallowed hard. I understand, but
But? asked Sen, his eyes hard.
Ill have to tell my master where Im going, at least in general, to say nothing of why Im going.
Oh, said Sen, relaxing. I suppose thats unavoidable. Just him?
Just him, she agreed.
Fine, said Sen, handing the other envelope to her. Please give that to Uncle Kho as well.
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