Chapter 327 - 88
Maxi was stunned. The string was a piece of a tassel she had given him almost four years ago. It had been an adornment for his sword belt, an impulsive purchase while wandering the market.
Feeling her throat close up, she mumbled in a quivering voice, "I didn't think… you would still have it."
Riftan clutched the pouch and kept his gaze on the ground. "I only carried it with me out of habit," he said defensively.
The excuse must have sounded unconvincing even to his ears, as his cheeks burned a deeper shade of red. He swore under his breath and quickened his steps.
Maxi instinctively latched onto his cloak. "B-But… you came looking for it as soon as you found it missing."
Riftan's face contorted ever so slightly, but he offered no reply and kept walking. Maxi bit her lip as she followed him, unable to understand why he was trying to conceal an obvious truth, nor why she felt compelled to force him to admit it. Perhaps the latter was due to his stubborn attempt to build a wall between them.
Seeing him compulsively hide his true feelings was exhausting. It was unbearable, this act of treating each other like strangers. Maxi wanted to break down his defenses; she wanted the old Riftan back.
Suddenly, the floodgates opened, and she yanked at his clothes. The emotions she had suppressed until now came pouring out all at once.
"You have been cherishing it, haven't you? Y-You kept it with you… even with it in tatters."
Riftan came to an abrupt halt and whirled around. "What is it you wish to hear from me? What do you want to confirm? Was laying myself bare for you not enough?"
Maxi shrank back at his bitter tone. His self-control gone, Riftan began to unleash his emotions.
"As soon as I heard you were out of Nornui, I abandoned everything to see you. My only concern was you, even though I feigned indifference. But you already know that. I've already told you the mere thought of you getting hurt terrifies me, that I'm close to losing my mind from worry. Are you still not satisfied with that?"
The anguish and shame swirling in his eyes made them appear a dark onyx. He looked down at the pouch in his hands, and his lips twisted into a self-deprecating smile.
"Yes, I still have it. But what of it? Why does it matter when you don't even recall giving me such a thing? Don't you agree?"
Maxi reflexively went to deny it before she realized he was right; she had not recognized the adornment right away. She pressed her lips together.
Riftan's fingers tightened around the pouch. "And yet I…"
Closing his mouth, he stared down at his fist. He raised his arm as if to fling the pouch away, then froze. As still as a statue, Riftan stood there for a long time, staring out at the snowy field. In the end, he could not bring himself to do it and slowly lowered his arm. When he turned around to face her, all Maxi could see was a vulnerable little boy.
She felt her eyes burn. This was what he was trying to hide behind his cold armor.
"Tell me something," he said abruptly. "Three years ago, when I told you I wouldn't wait for you—"
He stopped as if to contain his surging emotions. Tearing his gaze away, his eyes locked on the soldiers loading the wagons.
For a moment, Maxi was afraid that he would end their conversation there and walk away. Ever fearful of revealing his inner feelings, she knew he always chose to escape any situation that required him to show his true self. But this was their last meeting before they went their separate ways. That, at least, seemed to count for something.
His defenses crumbling, Riftan turned to face Maxi once more. His voice trembled as he spoke.
"Did you know… I didn't mean it?"
Maxi's lips parted in surprise. Now, she was the one who wanted to escape.
Before she could reply, Riftan continued bitterly, "When I told you I wasn't going to wait for you anymore, you turned your back and left. I kept wondering if you knew I didn't mean it, or if you still chose to leave believing I did."
A flurry of snow blew past them. Maxi gazed up at him with pained eyes, at a loss for words.
After a moment of heavy silence, Riftan murmured, "I can't decide which is more wretched."
The wind began to pick up. The memory of that day seemed to take them back to that moment. But this time, it was Riftan who turned away. She watched him return to the knights, her gaze locked on his figure.
When Rem nudged her back, she willed herself to look away. The mages in the rear support unit were nearby, watching the scene with curiosity, and Maxi forced herself to join them.
The march resumed not long after. Riftan's words kept playing in her head as she rode after the soldiers. She now knew that he understood why she had been forced to leave and that she had made the right decision. Still, the fact that she had been able to walk away had wounded him deeply, and their current circumstances were certainly not helping to mend the rift.
Her eyes turning misty, she watched him disappear and reappear as he wove between the knights. Avoiding him to prevent clashing further might have been a grave mistake. She should never have given up trying to persuade him. Either that, or she should have allowed herself to be persuaded.
Unfortunately, both of them had abandoned any attempt at communication, and now they might never be able to talk again. The thought filled her with dread.
She realized that she had never considered a future without Riftan. In her mind, it was an unspoken constant that he would always be there, that there would always be a next time. It was the reason she had been able to put off mending things between them. As soon as she acknowledged this, she found the answer to his question.
She could never have left him as she had without her unwavering conviction that things could always be put right again. All the affection Riftan had showered her with had given her that confidence, but she had failed to do the same for him. Never in her life had anyone treated her the way he did. Intoxicated with his love, she followed him around, not once thinking to reciprocate or give him any sense of certainty.
She felt her heart breaking at the thought of the shoddy trinket he still clung to.
"Halt! We will rest here a while!"
One of the commanding officers' bellow roused her from her thoughts. The army stopped in a steep mountain valley and ate a late lunch while the horses rested. In preparation for the looming battle, the soldiers were provided with more food than usual.
Maxi mechanically shoveled spoonfuls of her ration as she brooded over the fact that they would soon be at their destination. In two days, Riftan would leave her to infiltrate the monster city. Their bitter conversation earlier could very well be their last. Just the thought of it suffocated her.
Crouched behind a rock, Maxi looked away from the blazing fire and pulled her saddle closer. She rummaged through the jumble of herbs, medical tools, magic stones, emergency rations, and spare clothes in her leather pack. Finally, she found a relatively fresh handkerchief. Though the dark blue cloth was small, she could tear it into long strips and entwine them into a decorative piece.
She bunched the handkerchief in her fist, her face growing red. Would such a hastily-made gift bring him any joy? She did not want to give him something so crude. However, the thought of him leaving with a mangled string compelled her to act. This sort of adornment was typically given to adventurers for protection, and Maxi could not bear the idea of Riftan carrying a severed charm stained with blood.
Seized with superstitious fear, she started to tear the handkerchief into thin strips with a dagger. Anette, who had been idly sipping beer in front of the fire, looked over at her with a puzzled expression.
"What are you doing?"
Maxi blushed, quickly hiding the pieces inside her clothes. After a moment, she took them out again, knowing she had no time to waste.
"I-I am making an adornment for my husband… before he leaves," she confessed, her voice barely audible.
"Adornment?" Anette asked, arching a brow.
Maxi nodded. "The kind you tie to a belt."
Anette raised her head to look at the knights and muttered something in understanding when she saw the long braided cords hanging from their sword belts. "You're awfully devoted. I don't understand what you see in that cold man."
"H-He isn't cold," Maxi replied sullenly.
She focused on braiding the strips of fabric together. Cutting a cloth into long strips might have been simple, but intertwining them into an intricate shape was a different matter. After wordlessly watching Maxi labor away, Anette fished something out of her bag.
"It'll look dull unless you add another color. Here, try adding some of these in the middle."
Anette tore the white linen she had brought to use as dressing into strips and offered them to Maxi. No doubt, watching Maxi's endeavor had roused her craftsman sensibilities. Maxi gratefully accepted the two white strips and braided them with the dark blue.
After a few minutes, a palm-sized, unevenly-braided tassel lay in her hand. Maxi's shoulders sagged with dismay.
"It looks horrid."
Anette, who had watched her work with a blank face, said with a chuckle, "What do you mean? I think it's cute. Aren't navy and white the Remdragon Knight colors? I think it would suit his armor well."
Reassured, Maxi resumed her work. When she was halfway done, Hebaron's booming voice carried to them from up ahead.
"Rest is over! Put out the fires! Leave no traces!"
Maxi shoved the tassel into her bag and hastily put out the fire. She then gathered the burnt wood in a sack and placed it on a wagon. Since they had to conserve as much kindling as possible, they had to rummage through the ashes for any usable fuel every time.
Once the army was ready to depart, the soldiers got in formation and resumed their march. Though Maxi tried to work on the tassel whenever she could, interlacing strips of fabric atop a moving horse was no easy feat. Her fingers grew stiff from the cold, and her knots became a tangled mess. She gave up shortly after and shifted her attention to keeping up with the soldiers.
When evening finally came, the men started setting up camp behind a towering crag. Maxi hurriedly finished her supper and retired to the mages' tent to finish the tassel. The hastily made charm was embarrassing even to look at. Maxi stared at the finished adornment in dismay before irritably shoving it into her bag.
Riftan would no doubt accept it, and knowing that made her upset. Just the thought of him cherishing such a shabby trinket made her heart crumble. Furious with herself, she began to resent this whole situation.
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