Chapter 303
* * *
Not a day went by without training in the Mountains of Silence. Lumen refined and perfected his newly acquired skills, Garuel honed his blending of light mana and demonic energy, and Lydon practiced cooperative magic spells with Cadel.
Yozen would also spend three weeks a month in the mountains, honing his skills with the others. It was a time focused solely on growth and teamwork.
Ten months passed, and two months before the Emperors predicted exploration period. After a week of outings, Yozen sought out Cadel.
He had news of Van.
Cadel plunged his face into the stream. The brain-numbingly cold water quickly lowered his body temperature and washed away his sweat. After a few moments of reveling in the new sensation, Cadel lifted his head and took a deep breath.
He rubbed his damp face vigorously and ruffled his hair with a refreshing chuckle. He always removed his earrings in the mountains, so both his wet hair and his clear eyes were their natural colors.
His hazel eyes, peeking out from beneath damp lashes, scanned the space beside him. There, sitting on the ground, was Yozen, his head tilted as if watching Cadel.
Youre a day early this time, huh?
Yes.
As Cadel lay down next to Yozen, he looked up to see a clear, cloudless sky. The weather had been unusually good lately. No rain, no sun, no heat. Wherever he laid his tired body, a cool breeze blew in, soothing his aching muscles.
Yozen stretched out his hand as if to gauge Cadels position. Cadel took Yozens hand in his own and shook it lightly.
Im tired and need to lie down. Do you want to lie down too?
Im fine. Youre still working hard.
Long fingers tickled Cadels palm. Cadels hands, once soft and delicate, had grown rougher with each passing day in the mountains. His skin, peeling and healing, was tightly knotted with the effort.
Cadel smiled softly, accepting the touch, and then moved his hand away.
I have to work hard. Were running out of time.
Two months. Or maybe less. As if foreseeing the impending war, Kunra had rarely ventured outside recently. He had focused solely on strengthening the barrier and hadnt called on Cadel.
As such, he had been spending more time training and getting through the day. Unfortunately, his anxiety hadnt abated.
The war was coming. The final quest was approaching, and the pressure of these two separate issues wasnt going away anytime soon.
By the way, who was the target this time?
When Cadel changed the subject as if to change his mood, Yozens hand slipped out of his grasp. Every month, when Yozen returned from an outing, he would ask who his targets were.
Then hed hear what the target had done, how Yozen found out about it, and what the punishment was at the end. Yozen, who had been reluctant at first, now opened up like he was telling a travel story.
Yozen?
But todays Yozen was a little different. Instead of answering straight back, he turned his head straight ahead, the corners of his mouth drawn into a neat arc. After ten months of living together, Cadel could see through the behavior.
Hesitation. Yozen would stiffen like that whenever he was hesitating about something.
Yozen, did something bad happen
I didnt kill anyone this time.
You didnt kill anyone. Did you fail? Did you get caught?
Yozen shook his head slowly as Cadel urgently asked. He should be thankful that Yozen didnt kill anyone, but instead, Cadel was worried that something strange had happened.
And the next moment.
I went to see Van.
Cadel heard a name hed tried so hard to forget, but couldnt, a name he longed for. Cadels mouth hung open for a long moment, and all that came out was a stuttering half-question.
Who did you meet?
You said before, if it looks like Van needs help, let you know.
.
Vans shadow alter ego has been acting strange for a few months now. At first I ignored it, but it got worse and worse. So this time I went to check it out and. Yep. He looked like he needed help.
He went to Van, not the target. He kept his promise. Pushing away all such sentiments, Yozens last words echoed in Cadels head.
It looked like he needed help.
Was he hurt? Was he being set up by someone? Was he being bullied? Was he about to give up on his life like he had in the past? All sorts of worries and unfortunate delusions tugged at his mind. It was such a jumbled mess of thoughts that he didnt even know where to start.
And then Yozen, in front of Cadels silent face, gave him a complex and confusing answer.
I think hes suffering from a chronic problem with berserkers. Even if we cant solve his problem, I thought it would be a good idea to meet him in person. Perhaps Because it could be the last time.
* * *
Vans aura, Yozen sensed, was more like an energy of doom. It had already spiraled out of control, and there seemed to be no stopping it.
Like any berserker, he would be consumed by his power and meet a terrible end. So why not say a final goodbye to him while he still has a shred of reason left in him? Yozen suggested.
What the hell happened? Why the hell.
He hoped Van would live well away from him. He wanted Van to think of his journey with him every once in a while, to dream fondly of it sometime in the distant future, as an adventure that wasnt so bad after all.
Forget about himself, and if possible, forget about Cadel Lytos. He wanted Van to live his life. He pushed Vans presence out of his mind a few times a day and covered it with a prayer of happiness.
But why.
Its because of me. I ruined Vans life.
Van couldnt even be happy when he left. The unbearable loss eventually drove Van insane. If Cadel had known this was going to happen, he would have grabbed Van somehow and urged Van to hit Cadel until he was relieved. Cadel should have been persistent; he shouldnt have been so sure that Van wouldnt break down and then turned away nonchalantly. Cadel had other comrades, but Van was alone, and he shouldnt forget that.
What should I do, Van? What on earth is a choice for you?
Cadel didnt want to go visit him for a final goodbye. But no other reason could give him any legitimacy to meet Van. He was nothing but a thorough fraud to Van.
Rubbing his face roughly, he lifted his head, blinded by the darkness all around him. Cadel blinked slowly and looked around.
Where am I?
After parting ways with Yozen, he walked, almost half-dazed. Not knowing where he was going or where he wanted to go. He looked at the dark sky and realized that quite a bit of time had passed.
If Im late, everyone will worry.
As long as Kunra was present, Cadel would not be harmed in these mountains. They knew that, so they wouldnt deliberately go looking for him, but theyd be worrying themselves silly if he was away too long.
He must return quickly. As he thought this, he heard the sound of lively conversation from the other side.
I said I dont like it, Lumen! I dont care what happens! Dont bother me!
I know you dont like it, so dont scream in my ear.
Ahaha! How does Lumen know my feelings? Youre a plain human without wings.
Cadel listened for a moment and soon realized the identity of the figures approaching from the other side. It was Lumen and Lydon. He wondered what had brought them here, and as he moved forward, the two subordinates soon came into view.
You guys.
Darling!
As soon as Lydon spotted Cadel, he lunged for him and pulled him into a hug. Cadel swayed in the tight embrace and lifted his head to rest on Lydons shoulder. Lumen met his gaze and smiled weakly.
Were here to find you, Leader.
Are you here because youre worried I might have gotten lost? I was on my way back.
Although it was true that he was lost. Cadel, who had managed to free himself from Lydons embrace, stammered out an excuse, but no one responded. Cadel looked back at the two men, puzzled by the sudden silence.
Lydon sighed, looking strangely dissatisfied, and Lumens gaze dropped as if he were considering something. Cadel was about to speak, worried that something had happened in his absence.
I heard from Yozen that Vans condition is not good.
.
I asked because I thought it was necessary.
Cadels eyes twitched slightly. How did Lumen know Yozen knew Vans location, why did he ask and why did Yozen tell him? As Cadel paused, unsure of his intentions, he heard Lydons irritated voice.
Lumen forced me to learn something I didnt want to know. Isnt that awful?
Lumen seemed to have shared the information with his comrades. There was no sign of Garuel, so it was possible that he had selectively informed Lydon. But why? At Cadels questioning gaze, Lumen opened his mouth cautiously.
Are you going to visit him?
I dont know.
I see. Yes, thats what I thought.
He shook his head, as if anticipating Cadels hesitation, and stepped forward, his dark blue eyes shining with uncharacteristic clarity.
I guess you just let him go because you didnt know.
What do you mean by that?
I dont know what happened between the two of you. Maybe you had a big fight, maybe there was a misunderstanding, or maybe one of you unilaterally walked away. I can think of a lot of reasons.
.
That guy, if Leader had stopped him, hed have stayed.
Lumen spoke seriously, but Cadel couldnt help but spit out a laugh. If Cadel had stopped him, hed have stayed. Lumen didnt understand, he was too clueless. Cadel would have been scorned. Cadel would have been cursed at, and Van would have run away in a huff.
It wasnt something that could be done so easily.
He spoke in protest, but the return answer was still firm.
I guess so. The Van I saw before he left the Knight Order was completely out of his mind. I know that hes not the kind of guy who would be broken by something so mundane.
The corners of Cadels eyes twitched slightly. The Van hed seen had been his usual self right up until the moment hed left the Knight Order, making it impossible to read his mind. So it was all an act. What had Lumen seen?
His lips dried up at the unwanted conversation.
But with Leader by his side, Van was able to at least act calm. You need to know that.
What are you trying to say?
Go find Van, Leader.
His hands shook, and he balled his fists to hide the tremor, but this time his shoulders shook. Cadel bit his lip, unable to make eye contact with Lumen.
You dont know anything. You can only say things like that because you dont know. When I go to visit, Van will get more broken.
Even if hes broken, go see him.
You!
Its not for Vans, its for you, Leader.
A steady hand wrapped around his trembling shoulder. Lumen shook Cadels shoulder lightly, tilting Cadels head and forcing Cadel to meet his gaze. The blue eyes held a bit of sadness and concern.
I know you miss him.
.
The mere presence of Leader will help. He may be broken, but if you dont look, hell surely crumble. No matter what, were comrades, we like the same person So I can tell.
It was all wishful thinking. Lumen and Van were two different people. They werent the same person. That was why Van left, that was why he went mad.
His presence was not helpful. His going to see Van was nothing more than a selfish act of greed. It was better to hide in a corner, out of sight, and hope that Van could overcome the Berserkers power.
Even as Cadel thought this, he couldnt help but shiver.
Im really annoyed. Why are you shaking, Cadel? Is it because of Van? Seriously?
Lydon, who had been listening to their conversation the entire time, suddenly grabbed Cadels arm and spun him around. He stared into Cadels watery eyes, stared into Lumens hardened face, and stared back at Cadel.
Are you afraid Van will get hurt if you go to see him, or do you just not want to see him? Then tell me, and Ill kill him so Cadel doesnt have to suffer.
Why are you saying that?
If I kill him and get rid of him, you cant even go to see him. Thats the end of your troubles. No? You dont like that either?
I want Van to live, Lydon.
At the sound of Cadels pitiful voice, the menacing glint in Lydons eyes instantly subsided. The corners of Lydons mouth twitched as if he were resisting the urge to grit his teeth, and with a low sigh, he spoke in resignation.
Then go see Van. Even if Cadel doesnt like it, Ill send you off with a traveling spell.
But if I go!
You better stop being such a pamper, Cadel. At least in front of me.
In front of Cadel, who paused at his unusually cold tone, Lydon opened his mouth with a smile on his face.
You already know what you have to choose. If you ignore it and regret it, if youre going to keep remembering another human being in front of me. Im going to go find Van and kill him right now.
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