Chapter 251
During a brief argument with Lumen, he discovered a habitual thinking that had been rooted deep inside him. Spirit of sacrifice. It was only then that he was able to notice the ‘spirit of sacrifice’ that was always the first to come to the fore in times of crisis.
And he realized that it was Cadel Lytos’ will that had the greatest influence on his inner self. As for whether Lumen was sent in protest against that will, that was not the case. The moment he realized that unconditional sacrifice was not his will, he just remembered what he really needed to do.
He wanted to go through the quest together with everyone. Not putting everyone in the background through his own sacrifice, but being equal to everyone. He wanted to keep pace.
He was the person who understood the strengths of his members better than anyone else. Still, if he couldn’t utilize their strengths properly, wouldn’t it be the worst thing for him, both as a commander and as a transmigrator?
‘Of course, Lumen fell into a coma because of that choice.’
If he had bent to Cadel Lytos’ will, Lumen would not have had to suffer such a fate. And his regret for that choice was growing by the day. Until Van told him how he really felt.
“You don’t want me to make any more sacrifices?”
“Yes. I love everything about Commander, but it’s hard to love the idea of you going into a fire pit alone.”
“Even if it’s…… Cadel Lytos’s will to sacrifice, do you still want me to give up that will?”
Seeing Cadel continuing to talk as if it was difficult for him, Van also had a serious expression on his face. He didn’t hesitate to answer, pulling Cadel’s still-clasped hand toward him.
“Yes. I wish so.”
“Is that good? Is that better than me sacrificing?”
“Of course it is.”
“Then if…….”
His heart pounded louder and louder. The speed of his thoughts could not overcome the impulse to cry out. Van had said he liked his choice, his will, not Cadel Lytos’. That alone sparked a shallow hope. Maybe Van liked him more than Cadel Lytos. Maybe Van would still love him when he realized who he was.
If only he could get confirmation of that.
“If my choices turn me into a completely different person, even if I become a different person…… Is that okay?”
His voice sounded unconvincing and thin. Unable to look at Van’s face, he kept his eyes on his clasped hands and waited for an answer. When he spat it out, it sounded like the ramblings of a madman. A million thoughts raced through his mind, but no answers came back. He wondered if Van had understood him, or if he should have been clearer.
After a long silence, Cadel’s anxiety finally got the better of him, and he looked up to see Van’s face strangely rigid. He wondered if the question had offended him, but it didn’t last long. Van’s gaze was not on Cadel, but beyond him.
“Van……?”
“……Ah. I’m sorry, Commander. What did you say?”
So far, Van had never been distracted when he talked to him. Cadel, who was only smiling awkwardly out of frustration that Van had not heard his earnest question, turned his head to the back where Van’s gaze had landed a moment ago.
“Where were you looking so mesmerized? Has anyone you like passed by?”
“Pardon?”
He heard a very puzzled answer, but he pretended not to notice and looked around. But there was no one around, not even an ant. What in the world got Van’s attention? He felt like he was losing energy as the question he had put his mind to asking lost its power.
Disappointed, he looked back at Van, his face strangely haggard, and as Cadel paused at the change in expression he hadn’t seen much of, Van’s unsmiling face came closer.
“……What’s wrong?”
“I was wondering if you said that because you really don’t know who I like.”
“Huh……?”
“The person I like is right in front of me, and I’m not a casual guy who wanders around here and there.”
“Uh…… Okay, yeah. I got it.”
I was just trying to tease you a little. Cadel stammered, flustered by the sincerity of his plea. Van stared into Cadel’s eyes as he half-avoided him, then pulled away with a shallow sigh.
“I wasn’t looking at anything. I just…… had a weird feeling.”
“A weird feeling?”
“That’s not……, never mind.”
Van shook his head, saying it was no big deal. But Cadel wanted to get to the bottom of what had shattered his courage, so he pressed on. Eventually, unable to resist, Van spoke again.
“Since coming to this village, I’ve often felt like I’m being poked and prodded, like there’s something impure clinging to me, like I’m getting unwanted attention……. I usually get this feeling when I’m being followed by someone, but I don’t see anyone else around, and it’s not like they’re being intrusive.”
“Are you saying you just feel that way?”
“Yeah. I guess I’ve been on edge lately. Don’t worry about it, Commander.”
Despite Van’s attempt at a lighthearted laugh, Cadel was not easily dissuaded from changing the subject. Van was one of the most intuitive and sensitive men in the Knight Order. His instincts, almost animalistic, were well developed.
If he said he had a ‘weird feeling,’ it was unlikely that it was just a feeling for no reason. And Cadel could guess to some extent the source of Van’s discomfort.
‘……I forgot about that.’
He completely forgot about it because of Lumen’s injury. Yozen Vardikta’s existence.
“I’ll come find you soon. If you can fend off my attack then, you will get your answer.”
If he wanted to hear a response to his offer to join, he had to prepare for Yozen’s attack. When he heard that condition, he had assumed that it would most likely come at the end of his quest in the Inte Snowfields. However, Yozen did not appear until five days after the Knight Order entered the village.
If Yozen had planned an attack during these five days, Cadel would have made himself ridiculously easy prey. Because he didn’t have that much free time.
‘That feeling Van felt must have been an instinctive red flag for Yozen.’
Thanks to Van, Cadel could infer that Yozen was staying nearby. Should he keep his subordinates at a distance until Yozen’s arrival?
‘He’s not likely to attack me when I’m with other people. I’d rather be alone because it’s easier to prepare for an attack.’
But because of the timing, he didn’t want to leave Lumen’s side as much as possible. While thinking about such things, he suddenly remembered one fact.
‘Come to think of it, I don’t have Kunra’s power right now, do I……?’
Kunra’s scale armor that most effectively protected him from Yozen’s attacks. He could not use it now. For now, Kunra had left for the Inte Snowfields, claiming to have something to check out with the power he had given Cadel. His minimum insurance had disappeared.
‘……I think I’ll stick with my subordinates for now.’
It seemed best to put off the meeting as long as possible until Kunra returned. Cadel tugged on Van’s hand, conscious of Yozen watching them from somewhere.
“Maybe you’re just tired. Let’s keep the training in moderation and call it a night.”
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