Chapter 211:
“Sir Garuel.”
The back alley of an unlit inn. Buried in the shadows of the building, Garuel slowly raised his head. As he looked at Cadel, his face was a mishmash of emotions he couldn’t quite put into words.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
It was a helpless question. Cadel stood next to him, feeling helpless and exhausted even when he was angry. The only thing that could be seen in the clogged alleyway was the overcast night sky.
“If you mean irresponsibly wandering around outside with Lydon, then yes, I was very disappointed.”
“Sorry about that. I wasn’t thinking clearly. ……I guess I hadn’t fully realized. That I’d really be dead.”
Garuel looked up at the moonlit night sky and sneered. Cadel lowered his gaze and stared at Garuel’s profile.
“As for the part that hurt Sir Modeleine so badly, I’m still not sure, because I don’t understand why you said it. You told me you were leaving for fear of betraying their trust.”
No matter how Cadel thought about it, there was no sincerity in Garuel’s rant. It couldn’t be. If he considered the Twilight Knight Order a burden, he wouldn’t have thought to hide his demonic power and die for them. He would have seen them as an opportunity.
He wanted to hear what Garuel had to say, but Garuel didn’t answer back. He merely clenched his jaw and insisted on silence.
“It would have been less hurtful to reveal that you were half-demon. To Sir Modeleine, and to you too. Why did you have to hide it so desperately? It was a choice that did no one any favors.”
“Modeleine should blame me. Even more so if he knew I wasn’t dead. He should hate me more than his enemies.”
“Why on earth would you want to do that?”
Cadel, impatient, raised his voice, and Garuel’s gaze shifted slowly as he stared into the darkness of Cadel’s ashen eyes.
“Otherwise, that naive guy will eventually try to understand me. He will accept my dirty power and give it to you.”
“……Is this a problem?”
“That guy, and the new Twilight Knight Order he will lead, will never be able to escape my shadow. How do you tolerate that? I can’t bear it. I chose to die to protect their pride in the first place, and now you want me to throw that pride away to make it hurt less? ……I can’t do that.”
Garuel had never considered his Knight Order a burden. The Twilight Knight Order had always been his pride, and he wanted himself to be their pride as well. He strived to be a good leader, one that no one could fault. It was hard work, but it felt good. There was even a sense of pride in leading someone properly.
Although it was all just a past happiness that seemed like an illusion now, he hoped that his subordinates would continue to feel full of pride. He didn’t want them to have to go through the pain of accepting a commander with demon blood. He didn’t want them to have to contemplate the existence of a commander who had slain demons with demon blood in his body.
“If he resented me, Modeleine would strive to make the Twilight Knight Order a far better order than they once were, desperate to get out of my shadow. They will grow. I want them to grow. I want them to grow well, unaware of the stain that is me. I want my death to be their nourishment, Sir Cadel.”
“But that…….”
It was harsh on both of them. Modeleine, who would be forced to resent the man he admired without knowing the truth, and Garuel, who would be forced to gnaw at himself as a result of that resentment. It would be excruciatingly painful.
“If you had been me, you would have done the same. No, perhaps you would have made a better choice than I, for you are a better commander than I am. ……Still, I don’t regret my choice.”
“As long as you’re by my side, you’ll never be able to avoid an encounter with the Twilight Knight Order. You’ll meet them again, no matter when, and each time you’ll face the curse and resentment of Sir Modeleine.”
“I know that.”
“It’s going to be painful. You can’t run away..”
“You’re right.”
Garuel seemed to have no intention of backing down on his decision. That was why Cadel was worried. He hoped that Garuel would reveal the whole truth to Modeleine. Because he thought that was the only way for everyone to be less hurt. But that was also ignoring Garuel’s resolve.
If being hurt was his choice, should Cadel respect that?
“I don’t want you to die, but I also don’t want you to get hurt.”
“……That’s a sweet thing to say.”
“After today, there will be no turning back. This may be your last chance.”
Cadel was a kind person. Even when he risked his life fighting for people in a foreign country with whom he had no connection, and when he conveyed his sincerity more passionately than anyone else, saying that he wanted Garuel to live. He was sweet. He was still the same now. Garuel fully sensed Cadel’s sincerity that he did not want anyone to get hurt.
On the other hand, Garuel was leaving a trail of blood wherever he went. How Cadel was going to redeem him from such a glutted existence was still a question, but Cadel was still a man Garuel couldn’t turn away from. Garuel turned and looked directly at Cadel.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
“A favor……?”
“Hold me for a second. Very tight, so I don’t go back to Modeleine.”
When he lightly spread his arms, Cadel’s embarrassed face was revealed. But the hesitation was short-lived, and to Garuel’s surprise, Cadel willingly stepped into his arms. He felt Cadel’s arms wrap around his waist. Garuel wondered if it was for the best, but he kept his mouth shut, unable to resist the warmth of their tightly intertwined bodies.
“I’m just going to listen this time. ……Because it looks like you’re having a hell of a hard time.”
Even when Garuel wrapped his arms around Cadel’s shoulders and rested his cheek on top of Cadel’s head, he did not run away. What a good commander, to give so much for his subordinate, Garuel couldn’t help but be impressed. That was why Garuel quietly closed his eyes and spoke in a whisper.
“You know what, I pretty much raised Modeleine, and he was such a clueless *sshole at first…… He was fun to watch, though.”
“I can’t really imagine that.”
“You will be surprised when you see it. It was shocking that there were people in the world who were so untalented.”
“That’s too mean. Are you bragging about being a genius?”
“……That’s why I’m scared of being hated.”
He felt Cadel’s head move. When Garuel lifted his head, a sharp gaze immediately landed on him.
“I’m scared, because it’s going to hurt a lot. That pain is not going to heal even if I use my demonic energy either, so I’m a little scared. ……He must be very resentful, right? I would really hate it. The fact that he won’t respect me anymore.”
“…….”
“He will tell the subordinates to forget about me as soon as possible. That’s how he can grow. I will be completely forgotten. I will live to see it all.”
As he spoke, Garuel wore a faint smile, but he looked more wistful than anyone else. Cadel slowly reached out and pulled down the patch that covered his left eye.
“Instead, you have someone to remember you as you are. Me, my subordinates too. We’ll be at your side, and you won’t have to hide anything in front of us.”
The corner of Garuel’s mouth twitched in a small quiver. The sight of himself in Cadel’s eyes was so horrible, but Cadel’s face was so calm. Garuel couldn’t figure out what to say, what kind of expression to make, so in the end, he pressed Cadel’s head against his chest, preventing him from seeing his face.
“……You’re a good commander who even accepts complaints.”
“I’m used to this kind of whining.”
“Good. ……All is good.”
The way Cadel never bothered to look up again, the way his arms never let go of him. It was all good, so Garuel decided to bury his rising fears for now.
The most uptodate nove𝙡s are published on fr(e)𝒆webnov(e)l.com