Malachi sat outside in the garden alone on the bench, his head filled with many thoughts and memories, and his heart heavy with worry. He felt like retreating, shrinking, or disappearing. It was difficult to even breathe despite the cool and calm breeze outside. Even the sound of the waves in the distance did nothing to soothe him.
How could he? He was now truly faced with the consequences of his actions. King Richard, the man who came to him and his father with peace, was the father of the woman he loved. He could remember the disappointed look on his face when they had laughed at him and then… he had went on to invent his weapons and fight back.
All of it led to the loss of his family. None of which would have happened if he had been courageous. Even a little. Ravina wouldn't have gone through this. Her sister lost, her father almost dying and her mother… her mother was dead.
He took a deep breath, his heart trembling in his chest. He had just donated some of his blood even though he wasn't sure he should have done it. He should have let Nazneen do it. The man wouldn't be happy about it. What man would want the blood of the person who shed his family's blood?
Richard would hate it when he woke up and then Ravina would finally realize this would never work. There was so much blood between their families. So much pain and loss.
"Malachi!"
His heart trembled again hearing the familiar sound. He turned his head and found Darcy between the tall hedges. He could barely meet her gaze after watching them cry for so long. Clenching his jaw, he looked ahead again.
"Is Ravina alright?"
She walked closer. "She is sleeping, but why are you here?"
He should have been by her side, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.
"I don't know where to be." He admitted.
"You don't?" She raised a brow. "How about with your breedmate?"
He turned to her, "would you want me beside her?"
"It is not about what I want," she replied.
He looked at her for a long moment. "It would be if you knew." He told her.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Knew what?"
He looked down, "would you please spare me a moment."
She was quiet for a moment but then went and sat beside him, far out on the bench, at a good distance.
He looked at her, the pain already burning his eyes. She frowned, her eyes narrowing. "What is it?" She asked.
He wasn't even sure what he planned to say. He took a deep breath, "we have a long past, perhaps you don't remember much of it like your sister does." He looked away again and stared at the bushes ahead. "Your family is like this because of me." He shook his head. "I shouldn't be here."
Darcy was quiet for a long moment. "So you want to leave?"
"I should." He said.
"According to who?"
"According to... myself, I suppose," Malachi admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm the reason your family has suffered so much pain and loss. It feels wrong to be here, with Ravina, when I've caused her so much heartache. Your father is like this because of me and you…" He clenched his jaw. "You were separated from your sister…"
He could feel her shift and her piercing gaze. "You think leaving would make things right? You think that would somehow make up for what happened to our family?"
Malachi hesitated, unsure of how to answer her question. "I... I don't know. I just feel like I don't deserve to be here, to be with Ravina." How was he supposed to make up for so much pain?
He could hear her frustrated sigh. "I am glad Ravina isn't hearing this." She shook her head. "I did tell you, King Malachi, that peace is the least you can do. You were confident back then. What happened?" She asked. "You thought this road would be easy? You thought peace is just about bringing our people together and that they would somehow all shake hands?" She shook her head. "No. Those who lost everything will need more convincing than that, and you can either fight for it or run away as soon as you meet an obstacle."
Hearing Darcy's words, Malachi felt a sense of shame and guilt. He was ashamed of wanting to run away, but he had also never seen someone cry for so long except for his mother when his sister died, and just in two days, he had seen Ravina cry twice for so long. He felt helpless. He had been naive to think all this wouldn't make him want to fall on his knees. The road was indeed much more difficult, and no, he did not want to run away. He didn't think he could, even if he wanted to disappear at this moment.
"I am sorry," he breathed. "You are right. I got overwhelmed for a moment. I do not wish to leave your sister's side. I do not." He turned to her, the tears now threatening to leave his eyes. "It just hurts deep in here…" he said, pointing at his heart while his voice broke. "To be the one who has caused so much pain to the person I love."
Darcy's frown deepened, and a pained expression settled over her face. He could see the tears brimming in her eyes as well. She nodded slowly, as if understanding him. "Ravina believes in you. Why would she be with you otherwise? Don't prove her wrong." Her last sentence was almost a plea. "I don't think she would want you to drown in guilt."
He took a deep breath, and a tear had already escaped his eye. Darcy sighed at last, wiping her tears away she stood up swiftly. "Alright, enough of this. Go upstairs to her; she would want you by her side."
Malachi managed a small smile and nodded. He stood up, meeting her eyes an exchange happened between them that he wasn't sure what it was about. Perhaps a silent understanding? A love for the same person? Either way, it felt relaxing.
"Thank you for listening, Darcy," he said.
She gave him a nod.
"I hope we can... keep this conversation between us?"
She smirked, "Don't worry, your reputation is safe with me, Your Majesty."
He smiled, and with that, he made his way back to Ravina.
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