Volume 5, Intermission: Iroha’s Gloomy Feelings
“Idiot idiot! Idiot Senpaaaaaaai!”
At night, with the lights still on, I screamed as I buried my face in my tomato-styled stuffed toy, called Tomati-kun. Am I a grade schooler or something?! Also, Tomati-kun normally has a noisy sort-of expression, so much that I think it’s actually kinda cute, but now he just looks like he’s being smug at me, like he’s actually aware how cute he is. Well, I do actually think that way, sorry Tomati-kun.
“I guess I really am selfish.”
It’s been a few days since that day at the beach passed. We got wrapped up in some weird ritual, talked a lot during our time alone at the beach, and I even was involved with the work of the [5th Floor Alliance], just this time more directly. To me, that sounds like some great progress.
It also feels like the distance between me and Senpai lessened, which makes my heart race every time I remember it, and this doesn’t help in this summer heat evening.
Until he arrives at his goal for the [5th Floor Alliance], he’ll devote his everything to that goal. He’ll throw away all sorts of desires like youth and love. I know that Senpai decided on that, which is why I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I know that this jealousy is unreasonable, that this is just my dirty selfishness.
The reason he prioritized the date with Mashiro-senpai is for the sake of the [5th Floor Alliance]. Senpai probably doesn’t have any romantic affection towards her, and I am being spoiled by this comfortable stopper that gives me relief. But, even so, I can’t stop it. Even if logic tells me the facts, my feelings won’t understand it.
…I guess this really must be a punishment. When Mashiro-senpai asked me about my honest feelings, I lied to her in the heat of the moment. Even though I saw her serious confession, I hid myself. And, I just comfortably hopped onto Senpai’s stance, doing nothing, and averting my face from the fact that I eventually have to fight myself. Because I like Senpai. I want to become more than just a Kouhai, more than just a friend’s little sister. In order to achieve that, I can’t avoid facing Mashiro-senpai.
She’s weak, yet cute, working her hardest so that she can be with him. She’s too good of a girl, even if I know that she’s my rival in love, I cannot come to hate her. You could say that she’s the worst possible enemy to have. The past me would have given up for sure. Unable to see my mother sad, I would act as she tells me to, averting my eyes from any sort of entertainment, even towards the things I was actually interested in.
But, meeting Senpai, he taught me how important it is to chase after the things you like. The feeling of not wanting to give up keeps growing stronger, stronger, and even stronger as they start to rise inside of my chest. Yet, I still am not able to state my true feelings to Mashiro-senpai.
“…I probably am…a coward after all.”
In the end, I’m afraid. If I tell her my honest feelings, Mashiro-senpai will surely hate me, and I don’t know if Senpai will accept my feelings or not. What I’m lacking is the courage to be hated, the courage to move on even when I’m hurt. Then I wouldn’t be feeling gloomy like this.
“Aghh…No more! Being depressed won’t help me! Face forward, Iroha-chan!” I scratched my head, and picked up a bundle of paper next to my pillow.
It was the script for the new character of [The Night The Black Goat Screamed], Kokuryuuinkugetsu, that the [5th Floor Alliance] created during our stay at the residence of Kiraboshi Kanaria, who is both an editor for Makigai-sensei and Mashiro, as well as a super idol herself. I’ve read it so many times the corners started to have wrinkles, and red words are written under every line. It’s the proof of my motivation.
Though there’s many other things on my mind, for now I’ll focus on everything that I can do. If Senpai is giving his everything for the [5th Floor Alliance], then I’ll give the both of them all that I can!
“I’ll show them, so you best be ready, Senpai and Otoi-san!” I declared proudly with nobody around to hear it.
Following that, I dove deep into the soul and character that is Kokuryuuinkugetsu.
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